I’ve been a little out of sorts lately. I’m gradually tapering off some medication I’ve been on for a long time. Each step down has been a reduction by half and each reduction is more annoying and troublesome than the one before it. In the past, I’ve talked about dealing with depression. It hasn’t come up in a while because, actually, I’ve been doing well for the last few years. Which is why I am now working my way off the antidepressant. It’s kicking my ass, I’ll tell you what, because I stopped entirely last week. It takes a few days before withdrawal kicks in. And now, I think my current state can best be summed up in this video I saw on cuteoverload.com.

I’ve never been a morning person, but right now it’s ridunculous how hard it is to wake up. I hear the alarm, sometimes, but I cannot fully wake up. It’s not unlike being sedated. I think I fell back asleep in the midst of talking to Wil a couple of times, in the morning.

I’m a little worried because my mom is picking me up at 6:30 tomorrow morning, we are leaving for New York. Wil says he’ll call me at six to say goodbye and wish my Happy Birthday [look how I managed to drop in the fact that tomorrow is my birthday, I am so subtle].

Irritability is also an issue. It’s totally irrational rage. I haven’t hit anyone. And I’m pretty good at recognizing that it’s not normal, and dealing with it somewhat calmly. It comes out most frequently when I am driving. On the way home tonight I was heard to say:

Why don’t you just get out of my way you fucking fuck. You do not belong in the left hand lane… FUCK FUCK FUCK I HATE YOU!!

Oh, smooth fucko, you’ve just wasted at least 30 seconds of EVERYONE’S LIFE ARE YOU HAPPY? FUCKO?

You know, biker boy, I’m bigger than you, I’m faster than you, I’m made of metal and if I hit you, it will hurt your ecologically conscious ass. What do you think of that? Then just get the hell out of my way, assface!

Ma’am, congratulations on being a butt, I hope you are enjoying that phone conversation you GIGANTIC BUTT!

Somehow, based on past experiences, I think New York will be able to handle my rage.

I’d wish me happy birthday if I were you, you don’t want to make me angry, do you?