faster pussycat... type! type!

wait. here's something else i need to say today. today i just remembered that it is my ex-best friend tina's birthday. i can't remember how old she is. i don't know why it came to me today. but it did.

tina was my best friend and sometimes roommate from summer '88 to about summer '98. ten years. she was a toxic friend to me. and i was in my 20's. bad time for me. [i have a theory... your 20's is a second puberty, and it's much worse than the first, because this time you are grappling with the meaning of your entire life.] when we were friends, my entire existence seemed to be about keeping her in a good mood. somehow, that became the definition of friendship to me; keep tina happy and entertained. succeed at it, i would be a "good friend." anyway, somewhere along the line, tina decided to dump me. don't know why. she just quit answering my calls or e-mails, ignored my birthday. just disappeared. and even though it's obvious that i needed to get away from that, it hurt me terribly. broke my heart, in a way. it took me a long long time to get over that.

but, as you guessed, it was the best thing she ever did for me, our entire friendship. i had turned 30, i was starting to figure things out, i was working on the depression. meeting people like lonnie and corie, sara and rae, jordan, curtis, etc. was the best thing that could have happened. it changed my life. i had friends who had similar interests. [i had often played down my interests in favor of tina's.] and now, four years later, i have a great group of friends both near and far, and i never ever ever pretend to be something i am not. and i never will. [interesting note: i have friends that work with her, or at the same place at least. apparently she always complains that she has no friends. i wonder why?]

so happy birthday tina. i appreciate that you were a crappy friend, because you gave me the greatest gift ever. i hope you have a long and fruitful life, full of happiness. just nowhere near me, please.