You're a woman, you've got female intuition, *and* you're a detective... and you didn't know this was going to happen?
Lisa and I were talking about spoilers today. i like 'em. or i can't resist them, is more like it. she avoids them like they stink. so does fee. she inadvertantly saw a spoiler today. and i told her to tell me. it was a baby spoiler. it was a tv guide blurb spoiler, but she still didn't like knowing about it. I explained to her that i have a hard time not investigating the facts. i can't resist. i need to sus things out and figure out what's going on. and yes, i used to snoop for my xmas presents.
what i explained to her, was that i indentified strongly with my childhood literary heros, trixie belden, nancy drew and harriet the spy. they were my kind of people. and i wanted to be a detective my entire life. now i realize that that impulse can probably be addressed by writing. it's the same thing. i need to sus things out, find out what's going on. it's just that what's going on is in my head.
aaaaanyway. lisa's response was a HOOT!! and i figured, why bother trying to write something funny today, why not just let lisa do it. i asked, she said yes, and so here is her response to my childhood dreams of being a gal detective.
And let's look at what happened to them....
Trixie Belden finished high school and went to a nice public college and got a dual degree in law enforcement and history. She entered the police academy upon graduation from college and got high marks in all fields. She graduated at the top of her class and was assigned to the narcotics division within two months of leaving the academy after an instructor of hers pulled in some favors. Trixie worked undercover narcotics for ten months and eventually gained the trust of many junkies and dealers. She also gained an nasty smack habit. During a set-up that took several months, Trixie walked in the dark jungle of drug addiction while trying to do her job. She finally was going to meet the distributor for the tri-state area when the many months of abusing her body caught up with her. She was asked to test newest shipment as a point of courtesy and since it was totally uncut, the effects hit her immediately. She fell to the floor barely conscious. She saw wavy currents floating around her body. It felt as though they were lifting her up and pulling her down at the same time. When the cops surrounding the building lost contact with her, they rushed the place and the last thing Trixie ever saw was her sergeant's face floating in front of hers. The last thing she ever thought was "did I feed the fish"?
Nancy Drew got free-lance detective work here and there and eventually ended up in Las Vegas. She was investigating a possible unfaithful husband case one night and three days later the police broke down her apartment door. She wasn't there and nothing appeared to have been touched, like her office, and there were no messages on her answering machine. Mostly because there WAS no answering machine. The machines at both the office and apartment were missing. Nancy Drew was never heard from again and the case is still considered open by the Las Vegas PD.
Harriet Welsch, also known as Harriet the Spy when she was a child, changed her major from literature and creative writing to chemistry in her Junior year at Yale because she was having a torrid affair with the head of the creative writing department and they thought it better to be discrete. Harriet was deeply in love with Richard, her former faculty advisor and as in her younger days began to follow him around just to watch him and bask in his beauty from afar. She kept a secret journal of her observations which came in very handy for investigators. After Harriet witnessed Richard cavorting with no less than three other undergraduates, she confronted him and shot him four times. Twice in the head, once in the heart and once in the groin region. After the trial, during which she said nothing as she had totally withdrawn from the world, Harriet was remanded to the custody of the state hospital for the criminally insane. Even though Harriet is allowed a small notebook and pencil, she is usually too sedated to have the fine motor skills needed to write. Her parents died the same year as her conviction in a tragic car accident and Gully comes to visit her twice a month. Gully is writing the story of Harriet's life and it's already been optioned by Miramax.
The moral of these stories? Knowing stuff isn't always a good thing.