Hey ladies, wanna see my spirit stick?
i bought a christmas present today. yay me! it's for my mom pattie. it's not a very big one. but that makes.... ummm... two. i have purchased two presents so far. i suck. you know, i was all ready to have christmas spirit this year, i really was. it's been a while. i first lost the christmas spirit in 94, the first christmas after my dad died. he died on jan. 16th, so it had been almost a year. but i went to pennsylvania to be with my stepmom and little brother. and i was so upset, because i was so poor. and there was no dad to buy her anything special. there was no anyone to buy her anything really nice. but like it or not, my most concrete christmas traditions come from my mom's side of the family. and soon, it became a general missing of my father around his birthday, around january 16th, around any holiday. but i got my christmas spirit back.
i lost it again in '99. and this time, i lost it for a long long time. in april of 99 my parents split. my mom pattie and my stepdad ron. my mom, dad, aunt vickie, uncle jim and myself were very very close. we are close to everyone in the family, but the five of use were a separate little core of closeness. my older brother wasn't around enough to understand that closeness. it was really the five of use. we called ourselves the happy shiny "fill in the occasion" family. that came about when i was a junior in high school. jim and vickie were not yet married, but they were living together. mom, ron, vickie and i were driving from oklahoma to colorado, to be with the entire family in grand junction. the car was stuffed to the gills, the vickie and were packed into the back seats, surrounded by pillows and all her christmas craft projects and my books. and i said, "well look at us... aren't we the happy shiny little christmas family?" i probably said it with a bit of teenage sarcasm in it, but the name stuck. and we became the happy shiny family. the happy shiny easter family. the happy shiny graduation party family. the happy shiny moving someone into a new home family. that was us.
but in 99, the happy shiny family broke up. some of us had very little choice in the matter. and it broke our hearts. ok, mine. i'm sure it broke my mom's heart too. christmas of 99, my mom and i went to arizona, to be with mour mour and to just be away from the reminders. they were only separated, at that point, and not yet divorced. that became final at christmas of 2000. the decision to divorce came that fall, up until that moment, i still held onto hope. so it hit me really heard in 2000. every christmas, it hits me. i'm really sad. and i miss the way it used to be. and now i feel i am reliving my childhood, trying to work out times, during the holidays, to see family. family who cannot be around each other. last year, i faked christmas spirit. because that was our first christmas without mour mour. and i knew how sad it would be for my mom and vickie. so i faked it. when in reality, i was immersed in the worst depression of my life.
so, the whole point of this is... this year, i felt i could truly get my christmas spirit back. i looooved christmas. i was ready. i thought this was the year. but i don't feel it. i feel nothing. which is different from previous years, in which i was overwhelmed by the season, and the sadness that came with it, for me. this year... no sadness. no overwhelmed. just... nothing. evildeb says she feels the same way. she keeps adding more decorations to her home, trying to get the spirit. so... maybe there is something wrong with the christmas spirit this year? this is the no fat version? or the vegan version?
or is it just me?
Comments
Comments closed on older entries, whenever I get around to it, to avoid spam.to be honest, i really haven't had any xmas spirit either. but i haven't really had any xmas spirit for quite a few years now. all those years in retail kinda ruined it for me. and being poor and in debt. i got some of it back last year, when i was in my apartment with jen. we went all out... our apartment was so festive. we even had our own stockings that we filled with goodies for each other. it rocked. but this year i haven't felt it much. i've had little bits of it, here and there... but other than that, nothing. i just figured it was me and all the crap i've dealt with recently (i've been thinking of and missing Chris a lot lately).
anyway... long story long... i haven't really had much xmas spirit this year either. it just doesn't seem like there's only 10 days till xmas. i'm usually excited by this time...
Posted by: Judy | 15 décembre 2003 19h37
maybe you're on the upswing and this is just the in-between? or maybe the christmas spirit has, in fact, been kidnapped by vegans and had all its fatty goodness removed. i'll check with the vegetarian underground.
Posted by: arifa | 16 décembre 2003 6h52
well ... it's obvious to me that it's not just me. and evildeb. there is a distinct lack of christmas spirit. or at least what we do have is severely watered down. also, additionally, this is the fault of the vegans. the vegans are stealing christmas.
Posted by: jodi | 16 décembre 2003 9h41
although.... your theory is also good, fee. i've bottomed out of christmas spirit last year, and now i am on the up curve. i can't expect just to bounce right back suddenly can i? probably not.
still... i blaim the vegans.
Posted by: jodi | 16 décembre 2003 9h42
good thing i'm a vegetarian... i JUST barely escape the christmas wratch you would have had were you not so full of christmas apathy.
Posted by: arifa | 16 décembre 2003 10h36
wratch = wrath, obviously. i shouldn't even be posting this. i mean, if you couldn't figure that out, i'm not sure you deserve to know what was going on in my brilliant mind.
can you tell i don't want to work? i've been up since 5am. somebody shoot me (full of gingerbread or something else tasty, please).
Posted by: arifa | 16 décembre 2003 10h37
how about some nice and tasty ground beef?
Posted by: jodi | 16 décembre 2003 10h42
Jodi, are you offering Adi a hot beef injection....? Sorry, sorry, had a Beavis & Butthead moment there.
No Jodi, and EvilDeb, and Judy, etc, you're not alone - there is no Christmas spirit here, either. It's been about as long as you, Jodi, started in '99, and still hanging around, although it is different this year, more apathetic, than anything. With Victor's job search, our money trouble, and all of Alex's issues, Christmas is just not very high on the priority list, for things to think about. I can only hope that the next year sees some serious changes, for the better, and that next Christmas will be wonderful again, for all of us!
Oh, yeah, and I thought you'd be happy to hear that I bought The Sims "busting loose" for GBA, for Stephen, this year. He's always asking to play mine, on the computer, but I can't let him play it, not with all of my Sims porn and the likes. Now he'll have his own, and it's portable. =)
Posted by: Romy | 16 décembre 2003 20h15
there isnt any christmas spirit here either....i wonder where it went?
Posted by: sandy | 17 décembre 2003 6h18
I don't really have much Christmas spirit either. I think it's because people make me crazy.
We could start our own holiday. It could be called the Festival of Pies. For six nights, a different pie is made and eaten and on the seventh night, six pies are made and eaten.
Then there is the singing of the Ode to Pies.
Fruit and filling themed gifts are exchanged. Lights featuring plastic cherries, apples, blueberries, and mincemeats are strung throughout the house.
I like this idea.
Posted by: Lisa | 17 décembre 2003 11h30
i like that idea too!! pie is always reason to celebrate!
Posted by: jodi | 18 décembre 2003 11h40
Yes, coconut pies, banana cream pies, peachy pies!!! Yeah!!!!!
Posted by: Sandy | 18 décembre 2003 16h23
i'm all for it as long as key lime pie figures somewhere in the equation. mmmmmmmm!
Posted by: loon | 18 décembre 2003 19h54
oh definitely key lime pie!!
Posted by: jodi | 19 décembre 2003 9h59