faster pussycat... type! type!

i work in fremont, a neighborhood of seattle. it is considered "an artist's community." and to a certain degree, it still is. but it's been commercialized. and expensive condos have been built. little shops have been replaced with trendy sushi place's, cold stone creamery, and pete's coffee and tea. making it a total of three coffee places in less than a block. four, if you are willing to walk a couple more blocks to cafe ladro. used to be five, but the still life has removed the self service counter and become more of a bistro or something. so i'm not going to count that. thing is, i don't drink coffee very often, so it's all wasted on me.

what is the politically correct term for someone who asks for spare change? specifically one who appears to be homeless. personally, i like bum. but there is a specific reason for that. once, my purse was stolen out of my car. it had nothing of value in it, and was tossed in some bushes at a burger king, half a mile away. i know this because one night, around midnight, the phone rang and some strange man asked for me. it was a homeless man who had found my bag, and figured out who i was, based on various things within it. [this was a long time ago, over ten years at least. so i don't remember all the details] he was explaining to me who he was and how he found it, he had some kind of midwest accent i think, and he was calling from an extremely loud location, on a pay phone.
"you see, i'm a bomb... you know?"
"you're a what?"
"a BOMB!"
"you're a bomb, i'm sorry i don't.."
"I'M A BOMB I'M A BOMB, B-U-M BOMB!"
so periodically, when i hear someone use the word bum, i start yelling I'M A BOMB I'M A BOMB, B-U-M BOMB! which makes me laugh, and makes everyone else look at me funny. as per usual. anyway, i hooked up with him the next day, he gave it back, everything was there, and i gave him all the money i had at the time, which was pretty much nothing.

also, when i was in college, and working at the day care center, there was an after school kid i really liked. she was a pistol! a tomboy with tons of blond curly hair she could not be bothered to tame. one day, i asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she said "a bum." and asked her why and she said that it sounded like fun, you didn't have to go to school, and you didn't have to dress up. i mentioned to her you really didn't even need to bathe, which she agreed was another plus. i remarked that her parents must be very proud, and she said they were. that's another reason i like BUM.

anyway, i was asked for spare change today, while walking through the neighborhood, six times. five of those times by the same man, and two of THOSE times, he ask within the next five minutes. i'm the kind of person who cannot NOT acknowledge a request. if the answers yes, i give it to them. if the answer is no, i look them in the eye and shake my head or say no or whatever. i don't just ignore them. that makes me feel bad. it's rude. they are human beings, no better or worse than you. although sometimes their requests interrupt a conversation i am having and then i have to stop whatever i am saying to answer them, which is inconvenient. however, it's usually no. and when they keep asking all day, and i've had to say no several times to the same person, i start to feel crappy. like it's six separate times that i've failed to do something to help my fellow man. because i know my life is pretty cool, despite my financial woes. i know i've got it better than some. but still, six times in which i failed to open my heart to someone in need. or someone who needed booze. after i start to feel crappy, i start to get a little annoyed. and so i came up with a system.

first of all, they need to get together. maybe unionize. the bums/homeless/panhandlers whatever, so they can all agree upon this. i think that when they ask you for spare change, whether the answer is yes or no, they mark your leg with a chalk mark. just like they parking attendants do to your tires in a parking lot. see, they could have long sticks, with chalk on the end, and everything. and there should be a maximum amount of times someone should be asked for spare change, in one day. so, if they see you coming, and you have five tick marks on your leg they can say to themselves "whoops, she's been asked five times today. shouldn't ask for her change, as she might have to say no, and start feeling crappy about herself, leading to eventual annoyance. best to just let walk on by."

it's genius! but i think maybe only four times in a day. that should be enough.