The sun is a mass of incandescent gas, a gigantic nuclear furnace.
Sometimes, after I read Neil Gaiman's journal, I find myself in love with him for a good 30-45 minutes. I've always got a bit of a crush on him, that's a constant. But there are times, certain posts, when I just want to run around and make everyone read it, so that they can look me in the eye and try to convince me they do not love him too. Now, I am sure there are several people who would not be overwhelmed with tender feelings after reading the journal. I am not sure I want to know them, but I imagine I do. But the people that get it... they are one of the Good Ones. It's not a deal breaker to friendship, by any means. But it's a fairly good litmus test of humor. Because it all boils down to humor. And today was the best kind... vocabulary humor.
The software company I work for creates a test for users of the software, to test their expertise. If they pass the test, they get to officially call themselves a Smarty Pants of said software, and can even put a little Smarty Pants of product logo on their resume or business card, should they so desire. When this test is created, I am one of the people who works on it. In the past, I have written questions. Lately, I usually tech review the questions, and then help weigh the scores. Assign a point value to the answers, some correct answers are worth more than others, you know. I think that's what I do, at least. So I've never taken the Smarty Pants test, for my own product. Why would I? Oh, because they like it when you do, and they give you free product. And if you've got nothing better you can come up with, it makes a great Quarterly Goal. So... I'm taking the Smarty Pants test tomorrow morning, at a testing center. It's multiple choice. And from working on the test myself, I know it's very tricky and sneaky. It's been a year since I've worked on it, so I don't remember any questions or anything. I just remember the types of questions, and some of the stuff covered. Tricky and sneaky stuff. I've been studying for days, because it would be very embarrassing to fail the test. But quite possible, since I don't actually use the software every day. I don't always remember which setting is located under what menu. However, I am following all my old studying patterns. Which is to say, I am doing anything BUT studying. Doesn't bode well... I don't want to turn out to be a Dumb Ass. But I have an overwhelming urge to make long distance phones calls to all my out of state friends.
Comments
Comments closed on older entries, whenever I get around to it, to avoid spam.You should simply call those friends, dawdle while doing your "normal" job, masturbate, everything else BUT study. Then, in the parking lot of the testing center, open your reference material and study 5 random pages while slurping down the beverage of your choice. The beverage is key. Take the test without going to the bathroom first. It's scientificaly proven (when I say "scientifically proven", I mean I've done it 6 or 7 times) that you always do better at any task or test when your bladder is punching you in it's demands for relief. Somehow, your brain knows that the test is a priority over a mere leak, but knowing that it's not an unimportant bodily function, the brain will race, dredging up the information you need from the darkest recesses of your mind in order to effectively and efficiently complete the test.
Even if you fail, you'l still feel good afterwards from the euphoria experienced after a massive piss.
Posted by: Thomas | 1 septembre 2004 6h31
"The beverage is key."
Oh Thomas... those that know me well, or at least in real life, know that I live my life according to that statement. I'm rarely seen without a bev. and for breakfast, the beverage of choice is a 44 ounce Dr. Pepper.
Posted by: jodi | 1 septembre 2004 8h22
I've surpassed those 44 oz. "Super" Big Gulp like containers. I am the proud owner of 8 (yes eight) different "X-treme Gulp" mugs. They're triple insulated and hold 52 ounces. Ice, placed in the mug at 6am with a beverage from the fridge or fountain, lasts until 6pm.
I shit you not.
Plus, you can use it as a weapon when the ninja armies come.
Posted by: Thomas | 1 septembre 2004 9h10