faster pussycat... type! type!

Oh my... That's hard. Yoda's all cute and little and green, plus he has the force going for him, but Jean Luc is kindof hot in an old-guy hot sortof way. You know, like Sean Connery. And, he got to be a robot for a while, and robots are pretty cool. so, I guess Jean Luc. Although, i bet if it came down to a light-saber battle yoda would kick jean luc's ass. Still, i think jean luc is cooler.

Does that make me a trekkie? i don't want to be a trekkie!

this is the quintessential question of philosophy, but considering that i'm an ontological anarchist - i'm gonna have to go with yoda. because jean-luc relied too heavily on "the rod."

Well Jean Luc is cooler of course! I mean what the hell IS Yoda anyway?

Jean Luc.

I agree with Kirsten -- Yoda would kick his ass. The little green guy is just too nimble.

But, still. Jean Luc, is cooler.

ok, so i'm feeling some pressure here to change my vote. SOMEONE pointed out that while Jean Luc is sexier, yoda could do all sorts of naughty things using the force. Since my coolness test was based on which one i would rather sleep with... I'm starting to see the benefits of choosing yoda. Hmm... It's such a canundrum!

I think you came up with that on your own, K. I merely pointed out the coolness gauge used by Mr. Moon, and I quote without permission, " i was usign the coolness gauge of miles davis and wondering if jean luc would be accepted by miles davis and his friends in a smoke circle - utlimately, i decided that jean luc woudl not be accepted into the smoke circle, but yoda would"

Jean Luc for sure ;)

what are you trying to do to me??? this is an almost physically painful decision. hrm... i think i have to go with yoda. consider these yoda quotes: "do or do not. there is no try" or how about when luke says he's not scared and yoda says, "you will be." also, how about when luke says , "i don't believe it," and yoda says, "that is why you fail." also, "wars not make one great." i love picard and all, but "make it so" looks kind of lame in comparison.

wtf? why are there all these votes for picard?!!!??!?!?!?!

YODA. yoda is cooler. no f'in contest!!

you will now vote for yoda or if you already voted for picard, you will see the error of your ways and change your vote to YODA.

James at my work says Yoda is way cooler because he's a 'cool little gnome-dude.' James would say that. he also rides a seven foot unicycle and juggles torches. I think he wishes he was a gnome sometimes.

Let's run through the list, shall we?

YODA:
1 Three feet tall.
2 The color of guacamole.
3 Carries a green 'lightsaber' (hmm, compensating for something, little buddy? See #1).
4 Can't string a proper sentance together to save his life.
5 Was young and lithe sometime around the era of Moses.
6 One word: depilatory.
7 Supposedly the most powerful jedi ever but can't sense the big bad emporer when he's right in front of his face in 'disguise'.
8 Shabby Chic: Burlap sack fashion.

Picard:
1 Always sharply dressed.
2 Has personally kicked the ass of a wide variety of aliens and thugs.
3 Private 'counseling' sessions with Diana Troi. Need I say more?
4 Private 'checkups' with Dr. Crusher. Need I say more?
5. The holodeck. C'mon, that thing is the uber crack of the 24th century...or whatever the heck century it is on that show. What do ou think I'm a trekkie nerd or something?!
6. He's got a space traveling, city size, super fortress weapon platform at his beck and call ('we own all your base'.
7. Can quote Shakespear.
8. He's French! Take that President Bush and all you 'Freedom Fries' MF'ers!

Clearly Picard is the sexy beast yoda only dreams he could be!

Hmm...well, the fact that a unicycling torch juggler would vote for Yoda actually knocks Yoda's coolness factor down a notch.

Also, Picard says "make it so" and people do. That's kind of cool.

Yoda becomes a hermit and that isn't generally considered "cool". And he doesn't look particularly clean. Picard is very clean.

Sometimes Picard dresses up and pretends to be a private eye. Which actually isn't cool...being a private eye is cool but pretending to be one isn't

Yoda has skin color, Jedi powers and the ability to do flips while saber fighting on his side.

However, Picard is "the man". IE a white, middle-aged authority figure...not cool.

Yeah...that pretty much cinches it. "The Man" is NOT cool. The man is anti-cool. He is the thing agains which coolness rebels.

Yoda is a part of a rebel force fighting against the man...therefore he is cooler than Picard.

Evil Deb

Bryce... Bryce ... the question is not who is sexier. Picard wins that hands down.

Perhaps the problem is, we don't know what cool is.

I'm with Adi, this is a painful decision to make. Picard is sexy, Yoda can kick some serious dark side ass. Hrmmmmm.....is yoda a male, or a female? I mean, really, do we know that? Maybe they could mate!

Who's Picard? Maybe I should not play tonight....

Jack, I hope that was a joke.

I think Bryce summed it up nicely.

Evil Deb, the Prime Directive completely negates the notion of Picard being "The Man". He is the Captain of the Starship Enterprise but his authority there is certainly not oppressive.

Furthermore, Yoda's position on the Jedi council and as a "Master" seems pretty "The Man"-ish to me.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You almost made me spit chai on my keyboard, Christine!

Both excellent points, by the way.

first off - there has been no star trek captain that has ever followed the prime directive. they all break that plus countless other rules in their quest for imperialism. which picard is a perfect example of - the sun never setting on the british empire. picard is "the man," because of his military might. don't fall into the "paramount" hype - he's an old, white geezer, like strom thurmond. if there was a ladies man on the next generation - it was data and you know it.

i think there needs to be a definition of what "cool" is: because when did being a old, white man with power become cool? um....never.

cool : 1. to make something less warm. (v)
2. marked by calm self-control. (adj)
3. composure, poise (n)

since coolness in the slang perjorative is what's in question, the roots can be detailed in the differentiation within the musical world. in the 1930's whence the slang term originates, to be "cool" was the antithesis of the status quo in music, white music was rhythmically regimented and structurally linear, whereas jazz, swing, and the blues were free-form and avant garde.

so you gotta ask yourself: who could pull off the blues or jazz? yoda or picard? picard it is not. yoda it must be.

side question: who would you want to protect you while you were strutting down the street? some old bald-ass geezer or kung fu master that could move shit with his mind? plus, let's give it up to kristen - yoda could orgasmigate your socks off while making you some scrambled eggs, where picard would need 3 viagras while making you nothing, but annoyed - waiting for the pill to kick in.

Actually, coolness wise...the problem may be that neither Picard nor Yoda are very "Cool:. Coolness usually entails a bit of bad boy and Yoda and Picard are both good boys.

Cool is generally leather clad, knife weilding, questionable deed-doing, anti-hero bad boy. (Or girl, see "Callisto" in Xena Warrior Princess the early episodes -- before she died, or Willow when she witched out and turned that guy inside out...now THAT was cool)

Wolverine and Blade are cool. Spike is cool. James Dean is cool. Picard and Yoda are nice, wise, loving and not cool.

Cyclops is not cool. On Veronica Mars, Duncan = Not Cool and Logan = Cool. on Angel, Orignal Wesley = not cool but Later angrier not nice Wesley = cool.

The fact that Yoda and Picard aren't cool doesn't preclude them from having some of the quality of coolness on a relative scale. My current theory is that they are so close to the same level of coolness on the scale, that it is very difficult to determine with any absolutivity which one is cooler.

PS:
Per Yoda's position as a muckety-muck in a wiped out, anti-government, minority non-profit religious organization...I don't know that that qualifies him as "the man". And, not being a man, may more conclusively deny him access to "The Man" status. Furthermore he is not only a member of a minority religion but is, himself a minority species. He is also way past middle age and not at all white. Thus, Yoda is not "The Man."

Picard on the other hand is a white, middle-aged man, in a position of power over hundreds of underlings. He works for the dominant governing body (in his region) and holds a high and coveted position in the organization. Oh...and he is a man. Perhaps even "The Man".

I think Picard and Yoda would both be disinclined to keep a sistah down however. Because they are both very good and not very cool.

Evil Deb

Landlady is way cool.

deb - i have to agree with you. landlady is one of the coolest!!!

Yoda can crush people with his tiny green hands, but chooses not to. (Cool) He also could cut up people into McNuggets, but chooses not to. (Very cool.) Yoda hangs out with Samuel L. Fucking Jackson (as Mace Windu) and gets cool points by mitosis due to proximity. Yoda is more cool than Fonzie (Remember when the poser got a library card? He acted like it came with a blowjob. LAME-O!) Picard is a self-assured space pimp, no doubt, but his ride is government vehicle. Had he owned it and blinged it up a little, maybe he could be as cool as, but never cooler than, Yoda.

I just have to say .. that if Picard and Yoda were to get into a fight, all Picard would have to do is use the Picard maneuver to quickly warp into orbit around his planet and send a dozen torpedoes on his location. No "the force" stuff can stop that! He's that awesome. ALL HEIL PICARD!

Gotta vote Picard. Snazzy dresser. And? "So, make it" doesn't have the same ring to it.