faster pussycat... type! type!

Norman... you old poop!!

All hail katherine hepburn.. who passed away today. she kicked ass.

either my mac is running extremely slow, or i am running in hyper-speed. it's painful to work right now. and everything i do seems to crash some program. i should just go home. update: i am running in hyperspeed, i just lost an hour between 3:40 and 4:45. completely lost it.

i have nothing too exciting to tell you that isn't all personal shit about my family. should i tell you anyway? first, and this one isn't all that privatey, my grandma fell and broke her hip. she was actually at the dr's office when it happened, which is good. she's 88. recently my stepmom and my uncle have been discussing the fact that my grandparents are getting to the point in which they are going to need full on assisted living. i think my granddad is 89... he's in real bad shape, barely mobile. and c-r-a-n-k-y. grandma was still mobile, but she had to pull an oxygen tank along with her... emphysema. they live in a somewhat assisted living apartment. there is a dining room in which the eat, but they live in an apartment. faye and uncle jerry were holding off, because it would break grandma's heart to have to give up the rest of her stuff. but they may not have a choice now. poor grandma. poor granddad. they've got to be sick of this crap.

even tho i am the one who is losing time, someone else in my family has checked themselves into treatment... again. which is funny because a year or two ago he was insisting that we were the ones who had a problem with his drinking, not him. he's been in treatment before. this time, he's going a different route. no 12 stepping, it uses "counter conditioning therapy." it's the shick shadel hospital

and, yes... lisa... syphillus IS funny!

Posted by jodi at 04:48 PM | Comments (0)

That's it! I'm tired of always being the one eating insects and getting the funny syphillis! From now on, I'm not going to be anyone's butt-monkey!

i am so happy for all the gay texans everywhere.. i know they've been looking forward to having anal sex for a long time! i bet they were jealous of all the other gays, who were allowed to have butt fun.

some guy was playing cello outside of the university bookstore, on the sidewalk. now see, if i had only practiced my cello, and gotten good at it, i could be doing that for more money. i don't think that the French Folk song is going to garner me much cash.

* i think that's the 2nd xander quote this week. yay, xander!

Posted by jodi at 02:02 PM | Comments (2)

Some of the best things come in small packages. But large things can't! Unless they're inflatable, or require some assembly, or unless they're hearts. Yes, giant, juicy, loving hearts! As big as the moon, but much, much warmer!

i love the tick.

so i'm in an emotional pickle. we are hiring a new person for my team. finally! but a lot of people i know are applying. and there are two of them that i really want to have it. but i can't have it both ways. i won't even tell you if i want one of them more than the other, because that doesn't matter. i want it all. there are a lot FEELINGS involved. i know who would be more disappointed not to get it, and i know who has been dreaming of working here for years. i know who is unemployed, and who is working. i've worked with both of them, so i know the personalities and how i get along with them. regardless, i am not involved in the hiring process. for this very reason. which is probably a good thing, as i cannot be objective. and i have no idea who will get it, and nobody will tell me anything. i will say this, if one of those two people do NOT get it, well then i will be pissed off!

when we get a new person, they will probably fill the last cube in this pod, currently a resource cube. and our pod will be full. and LOUD, i imagine. it's already LOUD. [lloyd is over there talking right now, as i type. blah blah blah blah. :) ]

Posted by jodi at 07:57 AM | Comments (0)

Well Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote.

i meant to show you this earlier... it's sorta fun. and soothing.

i don't have much to say. i went to the fremont fair on sunday, in the hopes that something exciting would happen, so i could tell you about it. but no. i was approached by petition whores a lot. but since i am not a registered voter of the city of seattle, they didn't need me. i was approached so many times, i started trying to come up with different ways to tell them i was of no use. i eventually worked my way to saying "i am not from your city" in a russian accent, as i walked away.

i didn't see any nekkid people, because i went on sunday. and even the fremont fair people know you can't run around nekkid on sunday. because of god. not that the fremont fair people would care about God, in the conservative judeu-christian manner, after all, it's a solstice celebration. but the fair has really gotten yuppy. i was disappointed to find that the majority of things i liked, in the way of jewelry, was too expensive for me! everything was soooo expensive! and yes, people still complain about the nekkid people in the parade. i think those people do not belong at the fremont fair. i hate those people. they belong at the puyallup fair.

Posted by jodi at 02:03 PM | Comments (0)

That's not a protest! That is a cry for help! They're begging us!! PLEASE have a party!!! Feed us drinks!!! GET US LAID!!!! AAHHHHHH!!!!!

i found this article taped above the water bubbler this morning. while i was refilling my water bottle. they now they say it's unsafe to reuse them. i'm using a cancer ridden water bottle. say it could have FECAL COLIFORMS!! anything with the word fecal is bad, you know. but then i got to thinking. this is a plot. i know it is. because how cheap is it to buy a gallon of drinking water from the grocery store... like 50 cents or something. then you can just reuse your water bottles, filling them up from the gallon jug. but you see, that would SAVE YOU MONEY. and they, the man, hate it when you save your money. much better to scare you into spending 20 times that on new bottles of water. bastards. all the bottled water people got together and put the squeeze on canada, until they released this report.

my little brother is in sacramento, protesting at the WTO. he's such a little punk! i'd say he was an anarchist, but i'm not sure if he considers himself one. he's vegan. does that count? he's on a road trip, and he's supposed to make it up here to see me. in a car full of punks. they are crashing with other punks along the way. i guess punks are real accommodating.

btw, how cool is it that sacramento's newspaper is called the Sacramento Bee? they call it the sacbee i'd love to change the seattle times and/or post intelligencer to The Bee. probably the times, since we already call the post intelligencer the P.I. then we'd have the seabee. Yeah!!

Posted by jodi at 11:01 AM | Comments (1)

Marriage is indeed a maneuvering business

canada is all about the love.

while southern baptists are delusional and sad. and blessed by the president of the united states.

i feel shame.

Posted by jodi at 01:56 PM | Comments (1)

There's ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair... We're fresh out of superpeople, and somebody's gotta go back in there...Now who's with me?

molly sent me this link to a creepy ebay auction. you have to read the entire description/story. stuff like this is what the internet was made for, kids!

"... I would destroy this thing in a second, except I really don’t have any understanding of what I may or may not be dealing with. I am afraid (and I do mean afraid) that if I destroy the cabinet, whatever it is that seems to have come with the cabinet may just stay here with me. I have been told that there are people who shop on EBAY that understand these kinds of things and specifically look for these kinds of items. If you are one of these people, please, please buy this cabinet and do whatever you do with a thing like this. Help me..."

it's been sold. molly and i are dying to find out what happens. surely the buyer will keep the world wide web apprised of the situation. so many people have emailed the seller, according to the auction site... so there must be interest in the object. which was called a dibbuk box.

supernatural crap rules!

Posted by jodi at 10:48 AM | Comments (9)

We are so much more complicated than our names

here is something fun. if you are tired of your own name, babynames.com will help you generate a new one, based on your current name and a personality trait. you can play with it all day long.

trust me,

Love,

yi tawny hamilton

Posted by jodi at 02:40 PM | Comments (1)

Leap before you look. Remember denouement. Other French words: inconvenient, nonessential... oh... I could go on and on... But time's a-wasting and evil's out there making hand-crafted mischief for the swap meet of villainy.

so i saw the matrix finally. it was pretty good. i like the fighting. a bunch of smiths... that's good. i have a couple of complaints/thoughts. first, fishbourne was bugging me big time. oh hi, drama queen much? yes, i think so, morpheus. no wonder mrs. jada pinkette smith preferred the crabby guy. and please, put a shirt on. also, the whole dancing sex scene? matrix porn!! i think i was supposed to find that sexy. was i? i didn't. i found it... trite. and i guess i really wasn't all that interested in sex between trinity and neo. in fact, i think i found it disturbing.

however, i loved the french guy, merovingian. he ruled!! he made the movie. i hope he's in the 3rd one. he should be. he should be in lots and lots of movies. all the time. he was delightful. you practically want to be friends with him. although he IS evil. but still, all those french curses he could teach you!!

hey, did i tell you? yesterday i went to the post office, and there was a panhandler outside. when i came out, he asked me for change, but i explained i used my change to buy stamps. as i walked away he said, "i like your voice!" umm... what? I don't think anyone has ever complimented me on my voice before. with good reason. weird.

Posted by jodi at 10:17 AM | Comments (0)

Every day is a lottery, and first prize is that you don't have to scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands. You think about that.

i took my s.dad out for dinner and movie last night, for father's day. we were talking about winning the lottery, because i am so done with working for a living. he said if he wan the mega million lottery [jackpot currently ='s $140 million] he'd give my mom some money to retire with. half a mill, i believe he said. that was, of course, after he mentioned taking care of his girlfriend and her kids. but it's not a bad sentiment, is it? i would have to say that the number of times the conversation was switched to the g.f., or one of her kids, without any real context is 16% than it used to be.

please take note of my maturity, as i am not referring to the g.f. as her previous nickname. i think i've grown.

i'm going to see the matrix tonight. i don't really know if i care about it. but i am baby sitting evildeb. her baby is visiting grandma, and lloyd is going to his interpretive sword dancing class. she's all alone. if i were her, i'd kick eviljacob out of the house and run around yelling MINE MINE MINE ALL MINE!! i'd turn the tv off, and the music ON, and kick back and enjoy it. but that's me. and i do that every night. she offered me the choice of shopping, but i have to avoid that particular temptation right now. too broke. but mood is too shoppy.

anyway, the matrix. yes, i've heard a lot of opinions about this movie, this sequel. but, luckily, all these opinions have had nothing to do with me, so i have not had to pay attention. i go in there with no preconceptions. except that kam liked it. i remember that. and lisa didn't. and coworker devon told me to keep in mind that this is the first half of a longer movie, the second half coming later this year, and if i do that, it will be ok. so i have a few preconceptions. but they are baby preconceptions.

Posted by jodi at 03:20 PM | Comments (0)

If it's anyone's fault it's yours. You parked him in front of the TV and made him watch...The Muppets. They got frogs kissing pigs, what the hell did you think was gonna happen??

according to my peach iced tea snapple bottle cap, frogs never drink. they are printing useful facts on the bottle caps. however shocking that sounded, i realized it's not all that shocking. they are amphibians. they get all their moisture through their skin or something.

today is going far too slowly. i brought my computer in and steve installed my processor upgrade. we tested it with the sims and it sure did the trick!! now i want to go home and play sims. sims sims sims sims sims!! but i am still here. plugging away at crap.

i don't have a lot of interesting things to say. the other day, someone here at worked parked so close to my car, i could not get my car. that was the most exciting thing that happened. because i had to tell security and then they had to see if they could find the parking sticker on the car and track the bastard down. now every time i see that car in the parking lot, i scowl at it. very fiercely. but i don't know who drives it. yet.

OH! OH! i forgot!! i have eddie izzard tickets. i have eddie izzard tickets for TWO SHOWS!! on in Seattle, with evildeb, and the other in LA! that's right. i'm going down to LA to see him again. because i need to see him with fee. and kam. and howie. and aaiysha. even though i've never met her. it's a little four day mini break.

i'll let you all go now, internet friends. the after market performance of our stock is making me blue. i hate money. i plan on winning the mega million lottery tomorrow. it's up to something like $115 million. i'd look good with that much money, don't you think?

Posted by jodi at 04:33 PM | Comments (0)

Those poor schmucks... they drive Chevrolets, shop at Wal-Mart, never miss an episode of Friends. These are Americans. The idea of slaughtering Americans... well, it just turns my stomach.

[editor note: for the first time, part of this blog was written offsite, by hand in my journal. giving it a bakery fresh, on the scene, freshness that was previously missing from other blog updates.]

on sunday, i decided to hunt down my missing friend aislann. the last known number i had for her was no longer good. the last time i had heard from her, she'd left me a voice mail telling me that she and her husband had split. the only email address i have really belongs to him. so.... i don't know if they split for good. probably not. but still. so i decided to go drive by her last known place of residence. aka: her house. but i missed the exit. because i was day dreaming. which meant that soon i was shooting north on i-5. heading for everett.

at that point, why NOT just keep going until you reached marysville. and therefore the new tulalip casino that just opened last week. it costs a bunch of money. millions and millions. and you know what that means? SHINY!! you bet. that's why i am sitting here, in the parking lot of a walmart, just down the road from the tulalip casino. it was my hope to soak in the ambiance and then sit in the cafe and write about it. but the cafe is not open yet.

it's a gorgeous place, i'll tell you what. it looks all vegassy inside. the only thing that's missing is the sound of coins. all the slot machines are video slots. however, some of them do add the sound of coins when you are entering your credits from your ticket, or "cashing out." and they even had my very most favorite slot machine, jackpot party!! albeit the video version. i don't really like the video version. and i'm not just saying that because i was SCREWED multiple times, out of having my jackpot party. slots are evil. every time i play them, which until today, has been in vegas, i've because i little less enchanted with them. not quite so drawn by the pretty lights and sounds. i didn't play too long, but i left down, rather than up. feh. next time i go back, i'm going to play blackjack.

and that is how i ended up here, in the walmart parking lot. am i going in? HELL YEAH i'm going in!! gambling and walmart go hand in hand. don't you think?

much much later....

walmart is one of the most unpleasant retail environments out there today. now i know why i don't shop there. it's only my 2nd time in one. maybe i thought that the experience i had in arizona, at walmart, was unique. and i would go ahead and go in to buy kitty litter and various other little things. it was HELL. that place is horrible. the lighting is horrible, the noise is horrible, the appalling lack of personal space is horrible. the very lack of feng shui. you can almost see energy being sucked out of the top of your head, and swallowed up by giant fan. i bet that's how they pay their electric bill. they harness the energy... the hopes, dreams, desires of their patrons into some futuristic energy sponge. and that's how they fuel their empire. and because you don't even know it's happening, it's free. and that's how come the prices are so low.

give me target any day.

Posted by jodi at 04:39 PM | Comments (2)

Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?

some thing or someone was testing my patience last night. my INFINITE FUCKING PATIENCE, i might add. my apartment was too hot and airless [and too messy, actually] to be comfortable last night. so i thought i would go see a breezy and funny movie. i went to see "down with love." when i first walked in, i was the only one there. i took one of three seats that have handrails, instead of seats, in front of them. because the seats in front of them are actually spaces for wheelchairs. i did that so i could put my feet up on the bars and be comfy. soon, another couple came in. and older couple, with a heavy accent of some kind. and they sat DIRECTLY BEHIND ME!! that's just wrong. there was an entire empty theatre and they sat behind me. ok. whatever. technically, that was not part of my personal space. i suppose. but it is. it really is, you know. if the entire theatre is empty, sitting directly behind me is an invasion of my personal space. other people came in, but it certainly did not get full. it was a thursday night movie crowd. most people were probably out enjoying the weather. which is crazy.

so, anyway AFTER the movie started, the woman tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that she might, periodically, have to put her foot up on the arm rest next to me, as she just had surgery. i thought that meant she'd prop her foot up on the arm rest, like most people do, and said, "ok." but what she meant was "i will be moving my ankle between the two seats, yours on the left, and the empty one on your right, and i will be resting my entire leg on the arm rest, with my foot encased in old lady pantyhose anklets. and yes, my foot will touch your arm, you will be unable to avoid it. this is why i chose to sit directly behind you, instead of in a row with no one in front of me. because i thought it would be more considerate."

everyone knows i hate feet!! especially the feet of people i don't know. i wanted to get up and move. but i had my perfect spot, man. so i decided to accept this as a test from god. a test of my ninja powers to ignore my environment. plus, when she took her foot down for a while, i leaned on that arm rest for a while. i claimed it. it was mine to begin with. she had a whole theatre of rows with no one in front of them!! bitch!!

and yes, that is a god damn simpson quote. because it summed it up nicely and i couldn't think of a quote i wanted. i tried. i gave up. i'm using those same ninja powers to ignore the fact i've lowered myself to the point of using simpson quotes.

hey, but you know what? the movie was delightful! go see it.

Posted by jodi at 03:18 PM | Comments (1)

O, what pudding we geniuses shall have! Chocolate, butterscotch, vanilla, tapioca... it shall be a pudding feast! It's good to be a genius.

every once in while, someone says something obscure that provides me with a great blog title. this comes from adam, on the brain. explaining it won’t make it funnier. let’s just say i was muy muy crabito, or perhaps crabita, this morning. baaaaad. and some people were cruisin’ for a beating, just by existing. in my defense, they are annoying on a good day. anyway, for some reason, this reply of adam’s just cracked me up. i sat there laughing out loud for several minutes. and i regained some humanity. so... pudding for everyone!!! it is good to be a genius.

my dublin style dr pepper has not yet arrived. i did have several other tasty sodas this weekend. i san pellegrino limonata. lemon is a good thing. jone’s soda MF Grape soda, and jone’s soda cherry soda. [in answer to your question , fee, i got your bottle cap pin from jone’s soda itself. they are bottled here, in seattle, and they were at the fremont fair one year. ] i have no idea what the MF in the Grape soda stands for. maybe it’s Mother Fucking Grape. anyway, the grape tasted like kool aid. it was ok. if you wanted a totally surgary tasting drink with bubbles. no grapes were harmed in the creation of this soda. the cherry was much better. i like it. i also had a moxie cherry cola and it was very good. in case you can’t tell, i made a stop at a local beverage mart.

the sad part about my dublin style dr pepper is that i am strongly considering going on a low carb diet. that would pretty much rule out dr pepper until i reached phase three. i can’t start the diet until i’ve at least had a couple of bottles. right? besides, i’m still reading the fitness plan book, so i am not ready to begin. and no, it’s not atkins. i’ll tell you more about it when i am done with the book. i’m learning a lot of unfortunate things about being carbohydrate sensitive. that’s what they call it. basically, it means i eat all the wrong things, and the bad carbs could be the source of all my ills. a lot of it makes sense, however. dammit. it’s not forever... i’ll have dr pepper again. and after the first two weeks, i might even have it occasionally. depends on how many carbs are in one of those little bottles. there were 46 in the jones cherry soda. hint: that’s a FUCKING TRUCKLOAD of bad sugar carbs. that, my friends, is a road to diabete’s type II, if you aren’t careful.

*shudder*

was i just talking about the evils of sugar? oh man.. pretty soon i’m going to be lauding the benefits of regular exercise. this is not good. thank god i am at least avoiding work, presently. all hell is not entirely in the hand basket.

Posted by jodi at 03:37 PM | Comments (2)