faster pussycat... type! type!

song in your head...

am i the only one who has a default song? a default song is the song that you... duh... default to, if you don't have a song stuck in your head. that way, you still have something to sing. i have no choice about my default song. in a way, it's the ultimate song-stuck-in-my-head experience. occaisionally, other songs override it, temporarily, but when they pass, it's right back to that song. and i'm powerless to change it. i know it changed a few years ago, but i can't even remember what it used to be.

my default song? The Lumberjack song from Monty Python. best part - i screw up the lyrics. for years, it's my default song, and i still work all night and sleep all day. plus, i forget some lyrics entirely.

i cannot be the only one who has a default song, stuck in their head. am i?

Posted by jodi at 02:31 PM | Comments (2)

Wow. It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

i have a confession to make. or maybe i don't need to confess anything... i can just be open about it. there is no guilt or shame. therefore, it's not a confession. here it is... i, despite the fact i don't like professional wrestling and against my better judgement, have decided i am a fan of The Rock. and in being so, i was unavoidably drawn to the new movie The Rundown. after announcing this to evildeb, i found that she, too, was inexplicably drawn to it. so we went to see it last night. and let me tell you... it was FUNNY!! we laughed out loud in several places. we enjoyed it very much. there was mucho muy fighting going on. really good fighting . a lot of tree or treebranch-fu. trees were used in many violent and painful ways, in this movie. every fight, fall and tumble hurt to watch. a lot. and stifler and the rock had good chemistry. the rock did a great job, at all of it, the action and the humor. and there were many funny parts.

evildeb and i gave it a B. a solid, very entertained B. but, evilD said, and this is true, grading on the curve of what we EXPECTED it got an A+. a big fat punching A plus to the solar plexus. thought it would be crap. turned out to be delightful. we enjoyed it much more than underworld. which turned out to be only mediocre. maybe slightly less.

go away, monkey!!

Posted by jodi at 10:44 AM | Comments (0)

Goodbye! We give up! You win. We've left you a huge fuck off horse...as per usual.

i'm having a bad day here, people. and i think i know why. i learned, from the animal planet, that sharks have a sixth sense, electroreception. it's the ability to sense electrical signals. all living things emit electrical signals, and sharks can sense where these are coming from. so, for example, you are swimming in the ocean, your muscles are putting off electrical signals as they move, shark senses these, and eats your sorry ass. anyway, i think i have this. electroreception. and i am picking up on the electrical signals of everyone around me. and it's jamming my circuitry. making me kind of manic and squirrelly.

lisa comments: I am very behind and I'm trying to catch up on blogs. I am very disappointed not to see any Eddie pictures here.

what kind of pictures did you want, exactly, lisa? you mean pictures that i might have taken myself, of eddie, or just pictures of him in general? because i never saw him off stage to take any pictures. in reality, i'm not a very good stalker. i'm more of a "'oh the show's over?' leave people to their own business after that" kind of girl. but if you want some pictures of him, i can certainly find some for you. in fact, it would be MY PLEASURE. i'll do that as soon as i get home. later.

Posted by jodi at 03:26 PM | Comments (2)

Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?

i've been messing with my website a bit today. consequently, i broke some stuff on my style sheet, and it took me forever to figure out what i did wrong. truth-be-told, i still don't know what i did to fix it. golive fixed it for me. i think. anyway, it's apple's fault. and i mean that in a good way. word on the street is that panther is ready to go GM anyday. the rumors put the release at oct. 24th. but who listens to rumors? i do. so i'm getting ready for panther. my computer, at home, is a bit of a mess. it needs some serious organization. and a major backup done. so i was digging through some of the older junk, and i found a bunch of stuff i decided i might as well put up. some of it's just because it cracks me up. consequently, i got no organizing done.

what was my point? oh yeah, because of panther, i was messing about with the website. and that's when i broke my style sheet. which i had to fix. so i didn't get as much done as i wanted. i did put one thing up. this is a page from a design i was messing with a long long time ago, for uberbrain.com. back when the vision for uberbrain was much more elaborate. the reason i am putting it up, is because i like the roll over portraits i did. they make me laugh. so does the scary email.

oh, speaking of software releases.

Posted by jodi at 10:38 PM | Comments (4)

You know what this'll cost you? Thirty days... hath September, April, June, and Montana, all the rest have cold weather, except in the summer, which isn't often.

it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood today. when i was driving over the bridge, i had a crystal clear view of the olympics. and on my way home, i'm sure i'll have an amazing view of mt. ranier. whenever i drive across lake washington, on a morning like today, i realize why i live here. why i came back 15 years ago, and why i never want to live anywhere else. i belong here.

well, that's sweet. enough of that crap. here, where i work, we create these tests, for users of our software. that way, they can take these tests and say "look at me, i'm an EXPERT at this software. yay me!" often, members of my team assist in the creation of this test. it's a big deal. so today, we were tech reviewing some of the questions that have been written. the questions were displayed up on the wall, and dr. stevil, evildeb and i were present to review. whenever you get dr. stevil, evildeb and i in a room together, chaos ensues. it's why people usually enjoy working with us, and sometimes find it frustrating as well. it's evildeb's fault. she's very argumentative. in a 2 hour and 45 minute time span, she either argued with us, or bossed us around, 18 times. i kept count. and she has two counts of delusional thinking. we'll be at this again on monday, the reviewing. it will be interesting to see her final count.

here is a self portrait of me thinking, trying to remember the correct way to use a feature i never use, in a prerelease version of the software.

i have pigtails in my hair today, they look exactly like that.

earlier today, i conducted a test, to see how long it would take me to write 1667 words. if you divided the 50,000 words by 30 days, that would be the daily word count. i'm getting ready for NaNoWriMo, as you can tell. well, i didn't have enough time to finish 1667 words, before i got interrupted. however, i did manage to write about 40% of the total words needed in 24 minutes. totally doable. i was writing a story about my moür moür's motel, and her hidden haunted catacombs. i'll post it on jodiferous when it's done. maybe i'll even find some pictures. most people agree, when they hear the stories about the motel, that my moür moür kicked ass. and so did her motel.

it might be time for me to go home now. i think so!

Posted by jodi at 11:50 AM | Comments (0)

thank god for loon...

for giving me more distractions.

i asked the magic 8 ball and these are the answers.

will i marry eddie izzard? [i'm still in post show afterglow, as you can see.]
Without A Doubt. [nice!]

will i ever meet a real live Ranger? [character in janet evanovich book, not a park ranger, or something.]
It is Certain. [sweet!]

ok, then, when we meet, will we have hot sweaty monkey sex?
It is Certain. [YEEEESSSS!!]

will i become a best selling author?
Without A Doubt.

so there you go... i have some pretty good things to look forward to, don't i?

Posted by jodi at 02:23 PM | Comments (0)

Do you have any control over how creepy you allow yourself to get?

evildeb sits right next to me now. in the next cube. she talks to herself all the time. i'd forgotten. "ok, that one still crashes." "it doesn't SAY you need to hit the preview button first...." it's funny. also, it's handy. you can ignore her when she talks to you and just say that you thought she was talking to herself.

you'll be glad to know that i finished all my tech docs yesterday. all the ones that were due. i was sooo happy. i didn't even have to stay late to do it. mostly it's because two of them turned out to be incredibly easy. well, easier than i expected. but i didn't know that ahead of time. it could have sucked. but it didn't.

so i have two main sources for my dr. pepper, in the morning. option A, my preferred source. it's 20 cents cheaper. they sell lotto tickets, and the cups are paper. and option B, where the cups are plastic and there are no lottery tickets. additionally, the clerk at option B had become a little creepy, as of late. not a lot, but enough to make me avoid option B, because i didn't feel like doing all that talking first thing in the morning. why do i even go to option B? well, first, it's good to have a back up, in case option A runs out of dr.pepper syrup, or ice or something. and second, the hostess chocolate baby donnette delivery schedule. chocolate babies are best when fresh. the baby donut delivery date for option A is friday. i don't know what option B is, but i usually go there on around weds or thursday, to see if i can hit it. ok, the whole point of this story is not to demonstrate what a complete dork i am, but rather to say that this morning i found out that option B clerk is transferring to another store, further south. which is kinda nice for me.

now that that's out, i realize how mundane and boring that is. but not much else has happened to write about. this morning i saw a guy walking his dog across the street, to gasworks park. it was a little dog. and it was SO EXCITED that it crossed the street almost primarily on it's hind legs, doing a happy puppy dance. i swear it's front paws didn't touch the ground. it was cute.

that's it. all i got. maybe i should just go out and find a new personality quiz. :)

Posted by jodi at 12:38 PM | Comments (0)

I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!

two tech docs down, two more to go. one easy, and one infused with the tedium of HELL!!

what constitutes an "outfit?" over the weekend, fee's sister was at her house, changing for the eddie izzard show. *pause... think of eddie. deep sigh.* anyway, aaishya [while i am not entirely sure i am spelling the name correctly, it is true that it starts with a bunch of vowels in a row] was putting on some jeans. some ANNE TAYLOR jeans. because she's posh. they had some scallopy things along the bottom of the leg. and creases. because she irons her jeans. again, she's posh. so she tells us how the anne taylor sales girl talked her into buying the matching denim jacket. which, fee and remarked, made what she was wearing "an outfit."

evildeb said that what i was wearing today came damn close to "an outfit." but i disagree. i just match. see, i am wearing a long sleeved red tshirt, levi's, and navy blue suede converse star sneakers. but the kicker is, i have my family tartan in my hair. i have a scrunchie made out of my tartan. which is red, with blue and white. so it matches. it's not an OUTFIT because i did not buy any of these pieces together. they are four separate elements that happen to match.

not an outfit. not an outfit at all.

edit: i also have a navy blue hoodie. but i ALWAYS have that. that navy blue hoodie is E.O. as in i wear it Every Other day, practically.

Posted by jodi at 01:01 PM | Comments (0)

I'm tired of dating silly, immature little boys. I'd like to meet a sophisticated older guy with a special affinity for rabbits.

having a hard time writing today. because i am way way way way tired. don't know why. i slept and everything last night. maybe i'm not meant to sleep.

so, i have learned from loon that i am:

You're a unicorn of a different color. You're your
own person...err, unicorn, andyou aren't afraid
to be different. Go you! Unfortunately, you are
also utterly insane.


What Kind of Unicorn are YOU? (no, really..its cool- with graphics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

which really should be no surprise to anyone. especially the utterly insane part. loon is also a unicorn of a different color. which may be why, out of dozens and dozens of people in the fan fiction yahoo group, we found each other.

i learned from judy that i am:

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're the kind of chick that can hang out with your boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't care about presents or about going to fancy placed. Hell, you just like to hang out. You're just happy being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

so is judy. and romy. so it's definitely an überthing. now if they are unicorns of a different color, and loon is a perfect girlfriend, it might be that loon is uber and doesn't know it. she might have accidentally picked up on überbrain waves. due to blog commenting proximity.

hey... if i am the perfect girlfriend, how come i don't have a boyfriend? i must be too intimidating with my perfection.

i am so avoiding writing technical documents right now. can you tell? too bad they are due today.

sometimes, i like to spin around and around and around in my chair, until everything remains swirly for a while afterwards. am i alone in this?

Posted by jodi at 11:08 AM | Comments (4)

I meditate diligently every morning. The subject is love and peace. I quit after three seconds.

i have four technical documents due to editing by the end of the day tomorrow. i did the easiest one first. and now, i am working on the worst one. the most tedious one. and it's a mother fucker. i can say that, because it's my blog. i'm allowed to use potty language on my own blog.

i had fun at fee's this weekend. you could probably read some details at potato farm. eddie was awesome, and he did some stuff he did not do in the seattle show. and the same stuff was done differently anyway. plus he was wearing a skirt and fishnet stockings. which was different. the skirt had a looooong slit all the way up. and was sparkly. which is nice. we were in the very very very back row. row O. but we had bee-nocks.

also, i had my tarot cards read by fee's friend marcus. i would have to say that about 6 out of the 10 cards were reversed. which he read in the traditional "reversed card" manner. of course, all the negative cards were upright. what's funny is, all my cards were about money, and sacrifice, and life style changes, and loss of material possessions. but it was also about wealth coming from an unexpected source. hmmmm.... lottery?

response to fee: of course i am picky!! look at who signs my paycheck? duh! i'm not saying i could do better, but we are used to a pretty high standard when it comes to photoshop skills around here. again... duh!

since we mentioned tarot, let's pick a voyager card of the day, shall we?

click for larger image.

The cup as a container symbolizes the management of your feelings, resulting in emotional equilibrium. Emotional stability, like the river, means going with the natural flow of your feelings. Yet, like the duck vase, ride on top of these emotional waters, particularly during the blues and the unexpected twists and bogs in the river of life. This requires a meditative state of mind and heart, to be feeling and apart from your feelings as you acknowledge them without judgment.

Equilibrium derives from emotional self sufficiency, an inner reservoir of emotional vitality that enables you to be sunny (yellow flowers) in the coldest of times. The ever full cups of the mountain watershed and flowering cactus plant, even in the driest and prickliest of conditions, symbolize this spring of life within you.

this is a two card. i like two cards. they are preistess cards. mental. reflective. feminine. balanced. cool.

Posted by jodi at 12:09 PM | Comments (0)

Thieving is thieving and no amount of oom-pa-pa or boom-titty-titty will change that.

it's monday. and it's a monday after a four day weekend. a little mini holiday from which i returned last night. which means it's... STEAL FUNNY THINGS FROM OTHER PEOPLE DAY!! that's right, this is a day where i do little work, and a whole lot of copy and paste.

loon is a great source of things that are funny. that must be why they call her loon.
What is your Vampire name?

Driretlan is your Vampire name.
You are a witty Vampire with a certain style that
others are drawn to.
To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire ,go here.

forwarded from our canadian office:

"Watch your dog!!!

Warning to all dog owners: Watch your dog!

Dogs are being picked off one at a time by a sniper in the region.
Many dogs have been killed off by this heartless sniper
Police in the province advise all dog owners to "Watch your Dog".
See attachment for likeness of sniper description."

click for larger image.

canaidans are funny. kittens with guns are funny. poor photoshop skills are no laughing matter. hopefully, the artists will spend more time on fark.com and learn to hone his craft.

is that how you spell hone?

Posted by jodi at 02:38 PM | Comments (5)

Uh, well, if anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I... forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but, uh...

well, according to my tax lawyer, as of yesterday, i was within full compliance with the law, and able to exercise my "tax payers rights." uh... ok. he said, call 'em up! tell them that 4.61 is a hardship! he also said that it's an art, more than a science, dealing with the IRS. and if it wasn't going well, i should yell FIRE! hang up, and call back and get a different agent out of the thousands of agents they have.

well i guess i have a bit of talent when it comes to dealing with the IRS. because i got them to agree to payments of $200 a month for all three years i owe. now, that is still more than i really want to pay, with all my bills. the lawyer said, "agree to anything, just get it lifted. and then you and i will come up with a reasonable plan and present it to them. nothing is set in stone." but when making rough estimates, he was thinking the payments would be around $250 plus. so when mr. darcy, my irs representative, said, "how much you want to pay?" i said that i'd like to keep it under two hundred. he said ok. i faxed over some stuff and they are faxing a release to my extremely patient and understanding payroll goddess before the deadline.

short story long, i should get a full paycheck on the 30th. whew. now if i could just get the credit card people off my back. i'd be as happy as a little girl!

my internet went down, at home. i'm actually at work. because evildeb is going to take me to the airport. i don't know what's worng with my dsl, and i didn't have time to figure it out. it had better just fix itself while i'm gone, that's all i'm saying.

next time we speak, i'll either be in pasadena ca. or i will be home. so. yeah. either one.

Posted by jodi at 01:52 PM | Comments (1)

that's it... i'm cancelling my trip to LA tomorrow

Los Angeles Bans Lap Dancing in Strip Clubs

who would waste money on a law like this?

Posted by jodi at 09:37 AM | Comments (1)

attention: i am unable to comment on loon's blog. repeat, i am unable to comment on loon's blog.

this is unacceptable because she is asking QUESTIONS!! and i must answer them!! i guess tuesday is choseday. so i'll answer them over here. oh man... what if she doesn't come over here and see the answers? what then? she'll have NO IDEA what i would have chosen. my opinion will go UNNOTICED!! i'm scared.

on the bright side, this gives some of my internet friends and chance to answer questions. how fun!

WOULD YOU RATHER:

1. Drool noticeably every time you see food OR have to throw up whatever you ate exactly 15 minutes later?

oh drool. for sure. i hate throwing up. i avoid it at all costs. drooling could be fun. cuz you could get yourself a little drool cup.

2. Meet an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend 5 years later and be very overweight OR be balding?

overweight. i can't imagine not having my hair. unfortanately, i can easily imagine being overweight. but lose my hair?

3. Show up at a black tie even wearing only a toga, and have to stay the whole night OR have a stripper accidentally pop out of a cake at your family reunion?

oh this is easy. in fact, i am surprised we haven't had a stripper pop out of a cake at a family reunion. my family is completely inappropriate.

4. Sneeze once every minute for 2 days straight OR cough up phlegm constantly for 12 hours?

definately sneeze. i hate phlegm. but... actually. 2 days, every minute might be a bit tiring. maybe i would rather cough up phlegm. i'm torn on this one.

ok, i just checked back on loon's site, and i can comment now. but i've written all this out already.. i guess i pre-panicked before it was really necessary?

does this guy scare you as much as he scares me?

Posted by jodi at 02:24 PM | Comments (4)

Ten bucks if you yell "I love kitties" at the top of your lungs.

thank you everyone who agrees with me that $4.61 is a ridiculous amount. it doesn't even make sense. how am i supposed to live on that, and continue to work and therefore make money to pay them back? i don't know. there's no logic. stupid IRS.

it certainly does not leave me enough money to see "underworld" and i've been waiting DESPERATELY since summer began to see that movie. i've got that red tape song, from the preview, in my car and i listen to it all the time. molly has long since put the date in her palm... phooey. i told molly and evildeb i would know by the 24th if i could see it. because by the 24th i will know if i removed the levy in time to get a paycheck on the 30th. so we have a tentative date for the 25th.

i wasn't going to be able to see it with them on friday anyway... i'll be IN PASADENA!! eating fee's food and playing with her bunnies.

so fee hopes to grow up to be a pushy old lady, it turns out. me, i don't want to shove people, i just want to yell at them. if i were that white haired lady, i'd put my face up right against his ear and yell "MOVE!!"

Posted by jodi at 01:16 PM | Comments (0)

Remember, at 4:00 you have to shove a pineapple up Hitler's ass.

today, i was driving to the post office in wallingford. i was at 45th and stone. and across from me, on the sidewalk waiting to cross, were three people. there was an older women, with white hair, holding a "to-go" styrofoam box from some restaurant. her companion was a younger woman. i didn't pay too much attention to her. she doesn't figure much into the story. standing in front of them, reading a weekly newspaper, was a bohemian type of guy, with a green hat. when the light changed, the white haired woman, while talking to her friend, reached a hand forward and SHOVED the bohemian guy into the cross walk. she wasn't even looking at him that much. she didn't shove him hard, she was, after all, sort of an old lady. with one hand full of left overs. but you should have seen the utter shock on the face of the guy! he was stunned. then he stepped aside and gave them they international gesture for "no... after YOU." letting them go first. in an annoyed, but still shocked, kinda way.

you can't really blame him for being annoyed. shoving is rude.

Posted by jodi at 08:54 PM | Comments (1)

Remember, ladies and gentlemen, nobody goes home empty-handed tonight.

here is my voyager card of the day:

click for larger image.

SETBACK

Just as the earth suffers devastation and disaster, your most beautiful, prosperous, solidly organized projects and plans - on which you depend and bank - encounter setback: a drying up of resources (drought), a sudden ruination (hurricane, forest fire, volcanic eruption), a block (wall), or a parting of ways (abandoned village).

oh for pete's sake. i hope it's referring to the resources i already know about. because i don't have any other resources to dry up. i'm an empty shell. the IRS left me FOUR FUCKING DOLLARS AND SIXTY-ONE CENTS out of my paycheck today. dear internet friends, that is not enough to live on, is it?

Defeat and difficulty are regenerative, as are the earth's natural disasters. The earth's healthy new seeds symbolize this new life. For every storm, there is a rainbow. Take one step back - a strategic retreat - to go two steps forward through the newly open door of opportunity. As it is said, make lemonade out of lemons.

as long as there is a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow.

let's examine all the new possibilities that will come with my being poor. hmm.... ok. i admit it. i'm not coming up with much. but i'm not exactly ready to look at the silver lining yet. fucking IRS. give me a couple of days. i was getting better over the weekend, until i saw how much they left me. s'ok. i'm going to get that levy released before the next paycheck.

how fun is it that i just air my dirty financial laundry out in public like this? pretty fun, huh? maybe after all this financial stuff is settled, i'll discuss my intimacy issues.

*jodi looking dubious*

Posted by jodi at 10:48 AM | Comments (2)

This unit contains a non-receptive spark. Access denied.

the brain seems to be down. not sure why. email is coming in sporadically. i was trying to get into the account to clean out the spam folders. it's fun. but i can't get in there other. but all the uberblogs work.

the other day i was chatting with my little brother, and he mentioned that he hadn't been reading my blog, he should check it out. so josh... i just want you to know, if you ARE reading, i just thought of you. i ate a hot dog. but it was a hebrew national hotdog. that's the kind your mom used to buy. and you ate them all the time. that's right... you looooooved them. they take me right back to 3456 peachwillow. when i used to sit on the front lawn and BEG god, buddha, mohamed, krishna and various goddess to just let my life BEGIN already. when times were simpler, but miserabler.. and you ate meat.

that's a pretty reflective hot dog.

i'm listening to kate bush, and trying to file past tax returns left unfiled in protest. yeah... that's why i didn't file them. i'm PROTESTING!! i don't like our president and his policies. it's not because i let a big problem snowball into a bigger and bigger and then HUGE problem. it has nothing to do with my superior avoidance and denial skills.

i'm thinking i should retitle this blog. "... the adventures of a girl, her kitten, her mood disorders and her BATTLE AGAINST THE IRS!!"
but then, that would be giving way way too much importance to the irs. despite how badly i've messed up, it doesn't warrent the attention my kitten gets! or my mood disorders. god forbid.

i'm also working on my outline for my NaNoWriMo project. sorta. i'm brainstorming. it's just not coming out in outline format.

Posted by jodi at 05:21 PM | Comments (1)

question...

if the full moon was the night of the 10th, could all the crazy people i ran into on the 11th just be left over from that? or is it really only the night of the full moon that they come out.

i left a crazy out. that was the lotto stalker. i was standing at a lottery kiosk, checking all the tickets i had wadded in my purse, to see if i could at least score some more tickets with them. some guy stood close to me... very close. inside my dance space close, and watched over my shoulder. every time i put a ticket under the scanner, he'd have a comment.
"you have to hold it still a second... for it to read... yeah. that's it."
"doesn't read mega million tickets. nope."
"there's a trashcan right behind you."
"oh... it's a winner."
"oh, that happens to me all the time."

some people say that he was just trying to get me to hurry up, so he could check his tickets. but as soon as i was done, he walked away. i think he was ready to POUNCE should i have have won. which i did. two dollars.

he was creepy. and obviously had been up all night, dancing under the light of the full moon.

Posted by jodi at 05:48 PM | Comments (0)

kitty cat things that pru does not do...

1. rub up against my legs, or weave in and out around my ankles.
2. lick anyone or anything other than herself.
3. that kneading bread thing kitties do when you are petting them.

things she does do, instead...

1. run in front of me as i leave one room for another and throw herself down in front of me, rolling on her back, putting her paws up in the air to "git me."
2. try to sleep draped across my neck. like a scarf. or a neck brace.
3. drink out of faucets only. unless it's hot, in which case she'll use a glass of water on the bathroom counter i leave for just such a purpose.
4. heard me into the bathroom when i get home from work. in order to turn on a faucet.
5. "talk" to me. have kitty cat conversations with me.
6. touch her nose to my nose, when she's sitting on the bathroom counter, and i'm getting ready in the morning.
7. sleep in the bathtub. summers only.

Posted by jodi at 05:39 PM | Comments (0)

We are so far beyond screwed that the light from screwed will take 1 billion years to reach the earth.

today is the 1st birthday of my brand new boobies!! their twelve month anniversary, if you will. hooray for boobies!! now some of you might say that since i had tissue taken away, and the new boobies were built out of remaining tissue, they are as old as i am. or as old as i am, minus the time before puberty. but you are wrong. besides, it's more about the breasts themselves, their identity, than the tissue within. i was just realizing it was their birthday yesterday, and if i had noticed it earlier, i would have made boobiecakes. which would be cupcakes with a single red m n'm on top. probably frosted white. but that would take effort. and planning. i don't even own cupcake pans. let alone those little paper cups they put in them. still... it's a happy day for them. i glad i made the decision.

boobieday is somewhat overshadowed by the deaths of johnny cash and john ritter. the death of john ritter eerily reminds me of the death of my father. except.. my dad was asleep. not the set of his show. but my dad was only 56. and he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. bamf.

ok. now boobieday has been overshadowed by the fact that the irs has levied my entire paycheck, save "a couple of dollars." shit. this is very very very bad. every single thing i have to pay is going to be delinquent. not that a lot of them aren't already. shit.

ugh.

Posted by jodi at 11:39 AM | Comments (1)

My job? Taking care of crazies like you. Making sure you don't go and hurt yourselves with your deviant powers. And cookies, I make cookies.

i'm wearing pants today. proud of me? i'm wearing pants, as opposed to shorts or capris. because it's that cool and rainy out. so i'm wearing levi's. and i was excited because i got to get out my winter sneakers. the suede converse, with the glow in the dark star. the navy blue ones. as opposed to the black.

ok. now that we know what i am wearing....

the crazies are out today. oddities are occurring. today, evildeb and i went a mall at lunch. northgate to be specific. she wanted to walk around and i wanted something to eat and it was raining. i was standing at taco time, waiting for my crispy beef burrito to be done crispying, when all of the sudden my bag started to vibrate. it was my cell phone. and i had a text message. it said "you are weird." so i answered back "takes one to know one." i have no idea who this is, it's a 206 number. but not one i know. so they answered back "ha ha ya ok freak." and before i could respond, they said "the vibrating felt weird in my pocket lol." still thinking i knew them somehow, i said something typical of me. "do not talk dirty to me, stranger."
"i'm so confused."
"that makes two of us."
"where's your phone?"
"in my hand. who are you?"
"wait... lol... who is this?"
"oh no no... i asked you first."

silence. evildeb says i should continuously msg them saying "who are you who are you who are you?" over and over. then tomorrow, i should start calling. my guess, it's a girl. only a girl would LOL so much.

so that was fun. but the most fun was when we were walking out of the mall. there was this guy, sort of a nondescript guy, in dark pants and a white business shirt. short brown hair, glasses. nice shoes. he had several shopping bags at his feet, one was nordstrom. he was holding a suit bag, and spraying the inside of it with some kind of aerosol. now, here is what i think happened, we walked out, as we were walking away, i sort kicked the top to the can. there was a lady coming toward us. near as i can figure, she picked up the top and threw it away, probably thinking it was garbage. she was a pretty mild mannered looking lady, in her 50's. all of the sudden, behind us, we heard the guy SCREAM [and i mean scream] "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!!" top of his lungs. we turned around and the woman was frantically trying to get through the door, away from him.

here is our theory... this guy is a: wound tight as a drum and b: crazy. he was spraying the inside of the suit bag with a disinfectant. because he's terrified of germs. the woman threw the top away, which means if he wanted it back, and you know he did, because the top belonged on the can, he'd have to reach into the garbage can and pull out the lid. but he can't do that, because of the germs. so he freaked.

i really really regret not asking him what was up... why he was yelling at a total stranger like that. i am so sorry i didn't do it. because i think the answer would have been hysterical. i bet the lady went and got security. i wish i had seen that too. bummer. periodically, on the drive home, i would turn to edeb and yell "WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!" and she'd laugh and laugh and laugh. proving to me i was not wrong. it was funny.

my cube is officially too messy. i've reached a threshold, and i can't take it. tomorrow... we are cleaning the cube.

Posted by jodi at 04:59 PM | Comments (2)

You try fighting the forces of evil when your blood sugar's low!

today's entry, dear internet friends, is all about my friend - evildeb. mostly because i NEED to tell the bee story.

first of all, edeb talked me into doing something on monday, that may shock and surprise you. she talked me into signing up at the gym. we get a deal at Sound Mind and Body, through our employer. it's a gym i could NEVER afford otherwise. but now, it's $22 for 3 months. so she decided she needed a work out partner, and i'm it. but she's very very serious. she's scheduled work outs 3x's a week for the next 8 weeks, in my corporate calendar. she's volunteered to take my workout clothes home and wash them between workouts. [because i don't have a w&d in my apartment.] so... on monday... it's a work outing i shall go. it's good for me. i know. but man... exercising is just so not a jodiferous thing.

now evildeb is listening to some subliminal tapes. about exercise and weight loss. only they aren't all that subliminal, because they say the phrase aloud before they "suggest" it. so her speech is peppered with phrases like:

i drink plenty of fresh, clean water.
i can see and feel the inches melting away. [i asked her if it tickled, she said it feels slippery.]
i do and enjoy exercise that is safe for me.
I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.

and when she says these things, her voice gets kinda empty and robotic. it's truly frightening. i'm going to plant some subliminal messages in her subconscious that make more sense.

clean jodi's house.
do jodi's laundry.
wash jodi's car.

and now... the bee story.
on saturday, i was taking deb and maggie back home, after going to denny's super pet world. we hit a drive thru expresso booth, to feed her evil addiction. double short non fat extra hot latte. so she takes her first sip and i hear her say "there is a bee in my latte." i turn to her and look for the bee. but it's down on the floor of my car. dead and soggy. i'm thinking she took off the lid and saw it. but no... she found it because she SIPPED IT!! and then she spit it out on the floor of my car. she was traumatized! i was traumatized! maggie was crying, albeit was because she was tired and wanted french fries. but still! obviously, we are going to have to sue that little espresso stand. for mental anguish. ewwww.... can you imagine? a dead bee in your coffee and you drink it!! thank god she didn't swallow.

so that's the bee story. you know what's funny? they made her another latte, but don't you think they might have done something more. like give her her money back or something?

Posted by jodi at 01:32 PM | Comments (4)

i'm only happy when it rains...

more fun links i found at loon's blog...

i had to post this one... i simply had to. and if you know me, you know why.
my result:

what warning label are you?

Posted by jodi at 09:07 PM | Comments (2)

Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

here is my voyager card of the day:

Stagnation.
" Stagnation is the emotional fatigue, indolence and flatness you feel when things have begun to run downhill, become sticky and swampy (stagnant waters), blocked (frozen waters), dry (mud flats), suffocating (drowned flowers, closed cup) and dead (fallen leaves, unusable cups)."

golly... THAT'S no fun!

"The oozing liquid floral abundance symbolizes the stagnation you experience as the result of overdoing, overindulging, overdosing and debauchery. Useless cups and dried up leaves and water represent stagnation from boredom and routine.

The closed vase in the center means that this is the time for emotional rest. By shutting down all systems, going within yourself and conserving energy, you rejuvenate and revitalize - a process symbolized by the spring greenness of the vase. Remember, all life comes out of the swamp, so be patient and know that new life is germinating. "

ok, A: i don't like the idea of oozing liquid floral abundance. and 2: if i engaged in some debauchery, i missed it. and that pisses me off! a girl likes to be present during her debauchery. right?

dr. wanless is going to be here the first weekend of october. all it says about his friday thing is "reading and talk." i'm sure that doesn't mean free readings. but it doesn't say what the talk is about. nonetheless, evildeb and i will attend. it will be more difficult to show up drunk since stargazers bookstore,where the event is held, is in an industrial park. no nearby cocktails. and you know i don't drink and drive. sigh. so much for debauchery. unless we sit in the car before hand and get drunk!! hmmm....... it's ever so much easier to take the rabidly new agey, when you've had a little cocktail to smooth out the rough edges.

this morning, when i stopped for my breakfast [ie: dr. pepper] i parallel parked against the curb of the mini mart. and this guy, who was pumping gas, starts walking over to the door. and he's just staring at me... standing in front of my car staring at me, as he walks by, then he backtracks, comes back to the front of my car and stares some more. so i yelled "why the hell are you staring at me?" but i was in my car. and i had not yet turned off the radio. but i think he could read lips. when i got into the minimart, i noticed he was a bit drunk. and he was buy more booze. great. so happy he was getting back in his car.

Posted by jodi at 09:47 AM | Comments (0)

Shut up, you guys. She said she was young and needed the money.

i hope that eddie izzard had as much fun friday night as i did. that's all i've got to say about that!!

actually. it's not. but as a stand alone statement, it sounds kinda naughty. i like naughty. eddie was fabulous! and he was wearing some killer stiletto boots. i think they were sort of a camel colored brown. pointy. the boot equivalent of the fuck me pump, for sure. now, i've thought about it, and i've decided not to describe his appearance any further, as to not spoil the effect for fee and kam. i'll tell you more about it after we see him in LA. which also limits what i can say about the actual content of the show, as well. but fee gets all FREAKED OUT when it comes to spoilers. and as much as i like to freak her out... i'll abstain.

after work on friday, evildeb decided she hated the shirt she was wearing with a white hot passionate hatred. so we went to buy her a new tshirt. we ended up in westlake center, downtown. which excited me greatly because that meant i was close to the only remaining HOT DOG ON A STICK that remains in western washington to the best of my knowledge. so... i immediately started doing the MEAT ON A STICK chant, along with the accompanying dance. it went a lot like this:

e.d.: i'm hungry
me: MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: i don't like hot dog on a stick
me: i don't care. MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: but i'm hungry.
me: meat on a stick meat on a stick meat on a stick MEAT ON A STICK!!

so we got her a shirt with evil skull cherries on the pocket. and i got a slimey the worm tshirt. hello! it said slimey on it, and has a muppet worm. it was a no brainer. then i got my hot dog on a stick.

ed: that guy just gave you The Eye
me: no he didn't. he gave my MEAT ON A STICK the eye.
ed: i don't think so.
me: MEAT ONA STICK MEAT ON A STICK!!

then we went to happy hour at a restaurant called toi. not to be confused with the toi in LA, but it is a thai restaurant. all restaurants are thai, in seattle. it's the new law. i had two little white russians. and evildeb had a big gulp worth of "gingertinis." consequently, yes, we were very buzzed. you KNOW i am a lightweight. deb had wine at the theatre, before we sat down. so she was probably in the category of drunk. that's what she said. and i believed it. because she was still buzzed on the ride home from the show. and we were discussing her frustration with the fact that she will be required to put forth EFFORT, in the 2004 elections, to assure that gw does not get re-elected. it's not enough to vote against him. we are going to have to CAMPAIGN against him, and for someone else. neither deb nor i like putting forth a great deal of effort on things. me, because i'm lazy. and deb because it's not distracting enough, unless she profits directly. [a new president, while a benefit, is not as satisfying immediately as, say, a new pair of shoes.]

where was i? oh yeah. evildeb, still buzzed after show. eddie - fucking BRILLIANT. i bought a program with lovely pictures. i could not decide whether or not i needed a "sexie" tshirt. but i have another chance, so i didn't worry too much about it.

dammit... i can't even really talk about the show, can i? without spoiling it for fee. damn fee!! i'll tell you all the details after LA.

man... i hate monday.

Posted by jodi at 02:08 PM | Comments (0)

You used to be into all this girl stuff. Stealing, boning, blowing shit up, and now you're like this little priss with a conscience. It's really a fucking drag.

yes! two posts in one day! i'm in that good of a mood.

you know, i can't always come up with clever shit on my own. and there is a lot of pressure on me to come up with clever shit, not just on my blog. so that's when i resort to stealing. today we stole something fun from a blog that belongs to someone i know only as staticloon. i like her because she listed off everything she ate yesterday, on her blog. that is such a freakin' uber thing to do! anyway, she had a linke to this fun little thing. a mini mizer. a place where you can make a little lego version of yourself. for example, here i am, in my true warrior digital princess identity.

i was disappointed that i could not have a tartan skirt AND boots. so i went with the boots and fishnet stockings. upon review, i think i am wearing the same outfit as staticloon, understandable since is, apparently, a intergalactic princess. steve says that i should be an intergalactic warrior princess, too. but i said i didn't want to step on anyone's toes. besides, i've been the digital princess for almost ten years now. it's what my mom thinks i do for a living. the warrior aspect, well that's just cuz people thought i was a fluffy figurehead princess. just not so.

anyway... hooray for stealing from other people's blogs! i should have saved this for monday, because i probably won't have anything good to say. but it was too much fun. plus i sent it out to mr. snotty.

Posted by jodi at 01:58 PM | Comments (1)

But, you're in denial, so you act out your gay persona with a homosexual puppet.

i'm in an excellent mood today. you know why? three reasons.

1. it's eddie night! i get to see eddie izzard tonight, and have smart cocktails and appetizers.

2. i slept like a freakin' baby last night. i was in bed by 9 and slept until 5:30 without waking up once.

3. i am in deep deep deep denial today. not just my every day denial. that's superficial low level denial. i am in a super saturated sense of denial. the kind of denial that can only last one day, i am sure. but i am going to run with it while i can. i'm wrapped up in a snugly, protective blanket of denial and it's softer than cashmere, kids! mmmm.... april fresh denial.

i'm wearing my sesame street t-shirt [it's my favorite] my light khaki cargo capri pants [old navy] and my flip floppiest slappy black mules. [platform]. my hair is extra curly, and so is my mood. let's all enjoy it, shall we?

**commence enjoying me**

oh, wait... did you know that september 19th is national talk like a pirate day? it is. this is such good news for lloyd, as he figures he can wear his fencing sword in public that day, and not look like a total tard. he's wrong of course. i will be flying down to LA on the 19th, so celebrate NTLAP day with fee and h'wee and kam. arrgh!!

Posted by jodi at 12:20 PM | Comments (1)

The dark side clouds everything. Impossible to see the future is.

it ain't called "..adventures of a girl, her kitten, and her mood disorders" for nothing, kids. but i will try to sheild you from the darker sides of my moods. but.. i'm feeling rather bleak lately. sad but true. it's obvious i had nothing to write about in my blog, so i had to become depressed.

not to worry! i am, as always, under careful medical supervision. there are a team of people, working on my bad mood. and, if i am going to be a writer, i guess i have to suffer for my art. what better way than to become depressed? and maybe just a little bit crazy. for that creative edge.

on the upside, tomorrow is eddie night. evildeb and i are sticking to the west side after work. we are going to go downtown, park the car and then proceed to run amuck. i'm fairly sure that there will be some Smart Cocktails ®; involved there, somewhere. lord, let there be cocktails. and some food. some nosh! and loads of emotional denial.

today, when i went downstairs for a meeting, the entire first floor of my office building smelled like banana cream pie. or at least the east side of it did. wishful thinking, on my part, or clandestine pie eating contest? i do not know. once, up on the 2nd floor, we had an apple pie baking contest. i got to be a judge. it was awesome. so it's possible they had a banana cream pie contest on the first floor.

Posted by jodi at 03:45 PM | Comments (0)

When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake.

ok. THAT'S an easy quote, internet friends. you know that one, right?

was it just last thursday morning i was talking about insomnia? i don't know. anyway, woke up at a frightening 1:52 this morning. never went back to sleep. it's reverse insomnia. no... reverse insomnia would be sleep. it's inverted insomnia. i can get to sleep, i just can't stay asleep. and let's face, i'm getting to sleep because of DRUGS!! whoooo-hooooo.

so... sleep. as i may have mentioned before, i have diagnosed myself with sleep apnea, but i've never done anything more than declare it so. but my blood pressure it back up. and it shouldn't be. i'm too young. but i was too young when it first become "high" blood pressure in the first place. i was reading about sleep apnea, and it can cause high blood pressure! yes! see? i knew it. i have sleep apnea. i was doing some research on sleep clinics, and my insurance coverage. it doesn't say it's NOT covered. but that doesn't mean anything. i'll probably have to call.

what this all means in that maybe, in the next few months, i will FINALLY go to a sleep clinic, like everyone has been telling me to do. it's just... i don't like people telling me what to do. why do you think it took me so long to get a breast reduction? it has to be MY idea. you think people would know that by now.

i didn't get up right away. i snuggled with pru, and i alternated between my favorite games. game 1: ok jodi... you've just won the lottery, now what? and game 2: jean claude/ranger/roarke is my boyfriend. [it depends on my mood as to which one is my boyfriend.] then i finally got up and came into work at 6.

now i have to go write a very professional sounding letter. this takes effort on my part. a great deal of concentration... so that i don't come off sounding like a kid.

Posted by jodi at 07:55 AM | Comments (1)

Take caution in your tone, Commander. I'm a fair guy, but this fucking heat is making me absolutely crazy.

lots of people look at me like i am crazy when i say this, but i am sooooo ready for summer to be over. and i don't mean that "labor day weekend is over so summer is over" over. i mean, OVER. i want fall. normally, i enjoy summer right up until the end. we have some pretty beautiful septembers around here. and i really do like wearing as little clothing as possible. however, it's been way way way too sunny and way way way too warm for my liking this summer. i live here so that i can avoid temperatures above 75 as much as humanly possible. and this week, it's supposed to be in the upper 80's. even into the 90's!! by societies traditional definitions of what makes a good summer, this has been an excellent summer. by jodi's definitions... no.

i want darkness and wind and tress changing color and cozy and cuddly and ... did i mention darkness? i get so much more done at night. i'm a night person. i'm tired of my stuffy little casita and have all those fans running all the time.

i wish i worked nights. mmmm.... darnkness.

Posted by jodi at 04:25 PM | Comments (0)

You forgot cute and FLUFFY!!

it's official. pru is not not fat. shmecky brought it to the table, judes second the motion, and after a vote, it's been determined that pru is actually FLUFFY, not fat. really people, pru was engineered in a lab, to have the xtra fluffiest tummy, a kind of fluffy that cannot occur in nature. that's why her vet was so confused. even though he is my uncle, i am not allowed to tell him of pru's top secret powers. xtra fluffiness being one of them.

exhibit a: i know you've seen it before, but .... she was such a cute kitten!!

and the tummy has only gotten fluffier since. she sleeps like that all the time. i've tried over and over to get a picture like that again. now that she's bigger and fluffier. but she's sneaky. and she flips over JUST as i take the shot.

she's feeling much better. for about 36 hours, i think those vaccinations made her feel crappy. she wasn't very snuggly, she didn't sleep with me, on the bed or even the window for two nights. which is odd. but yesterday she started feeling better. she hopped up on the couch with me and plopped down right on top of the book i was reading. that's my girl.

Posted by jodi at 04:11 PM | Comments (0)