faster pussycat... type! type!

All that hate's gonna burn you up, kid.

I want to be friends with this woman from New Jersey. Everyday, I get more and more concerned about the direction our country is going, and what damage could be done between now and Nov. 2004. I cannot allow myself to think that Bush will not be removed from office. I shudder to think. It really sends a chill through me. Seriously. He cannot be allowed another term.

If he wins, I envision a band of rebels... people who value free speech, separation of church and state, a woman's right to choose what happens in her body... people who believe love is love, and any two humans of any mix of race, religion and gender should be allowed to get married. People who think the FCC is getting a little big for their britches, and want to take back the right to decide for themselves what they want to read, listen to, or watch. Pirate radio stations will sprout up. You'll see an increase of 'zines and websites about personal and political freedom. And we'll all wear bandanas around our heads, and army fatigues. It's going to be like Red Dawn!! YEAH!! And we'll have our own secret codes and signals. And we'll build an underground railroad with spoons, in order to smuggle out atheists and radio shock jocks to freedom. We'll get some of that free land in Kansas, build a compound, and hide them there.

And as fun as all that sounds, I think it's just best that we boot his scary ass out of office. I'm going to start getting nightmares soon, I just know it. It doesn't matter, as it turns out, Neil Gaiman is the next president of the United States. and I couldn't be more thrilled. Seriously. I couldn't.

Posted by jodi at 05:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

What is this, social hour? I'm supposed to be being a bitch.

Uh oh... there's another Jodi blog out there. Only, in this case, it's a Jodie blog. And you know, I came across her completely by accident. Looking for something for Movable Type. I was scared, you know what happened when I found that other Jody, the one I didn't like. Such a disappointment. But she seems fine, does the name proud. Even with that extra letter on the end.

Posted by jodi at 04:20 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

There is a pestilence upon this land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design shrubberies are under considerable economic stress in this period in history.

Holy global warming! It's 76 degrees outside. That is 2 degrees higher than my preferred temperature... 74. That's my preferred summer time weather. My preferred spring time temp is 70, with a breeze. Like it was this morning. I'm not ready for summer weather, I'm not getting my legs waxed until Saturday! Luckily, tomorrow will be 56 and rainy. Whew.

I was in javascript training this afternoon. The training was presented at a technical level I am comfortable with for about the first half hour. After that, I was lost. It was really designed for engineers and such. The training was 4 hours long, and it was eating away at my soul. Taking tiny bites out of my will to live, with razor sharp technical teeth. I made it until the end of the 3rd hour. And then I vamoosed.

My current Commuter's Literary Selection [aka: audio book] is "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman. It is a book that I read a couple of months ago. As soon as I finished it, I knew I'd want to listen to it. To get all the lovely bits and pieces I missed by being a selfish and sloppy reader. When I first started the book, with cd 1, I got the fright of my life, to hear the voice of the Narrator from Mirror Mirror. Noooooooo! Please... nooooooo! But it turns out, he was just introducing it. The real narrator is delightful, and does wonderful accents. And is quite good at giving characters different voices, without being clowny about it. Unless clowny is called for, of course. It's nineteen discs. NINETEEN! My longest audio book to date. I'm listening with the big boys now, kids.

There is a part of "American Gods" that talks about roadside attractions being the most sacred places in the country. How people are suddenly compelled, for no apparent reason, to construct the largest ball of twine, or sanctuary for black swans... something odd. And they don't know why. And, in turn, we are compelled to stop and look. It made me think... I think the Ivanhoe Inn, while not a roadside attraction, was about as "sacred" as my Moür Moür could make it. And I dare say no one could ever really explain to me why she constructed the Catacombs. So I thought that I would take some time, over the next few weeks or so, to try to illustrate to you, the "special uniqueness" that was the Ivanhoe Inn. And Moür Moür, of course. Maybe even with pictures!

Posted by jodi at 04:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

The power just went here at work. Of course, I have squishy. So I could still work, as long as I have battery power. That's hardly fair, tho. It's one of those days in which it's impossible to be at work anyway. It's a breezy spring day, supposed to get up to the 70's. In fact, it is currently 71 degrees. The general consensus is that someone has cut the power on purpose. And we are all trying to figure out how long the power has to be out, until we get to go home. I say 15 minutes. I imagine we'd get to go home when everyone started losing battery power. Those with laptops. But that's hours away!! I really think that 15 minutes is a more realistic time frame.

Oh, how sad. It came back on. It was out for about 30 minutes. Those were the best 30 minutes of the day, I'll tell you what.

Posted by jodi at 10:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I'm fairly sure that if they took all the porn off the Internet, there'd only be 1 website left, and it would be called "Bring Back The Porn".

Ok, this link for adults only, but I can't help but wonder why we have not seen this before. Especially since everyone knows the internet is for porn.

Plus, I can't help but notice that the keyboard in the picture is a mac. I'm just saying.... mac people are SEXY!!

Posted by jodi at 08:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I'm of legal age for whiskey, voting and loving. Now the next election is two years away, and my love life ain't getting much better, so how about some of that one-hundred-percent!

When I was in school, I worked in a movie theatre. This particular chain had a little game that they would play at election time. Presidential election time, that is. The Straw Poll. When you bought a drink at the concession stand, you got to chose either the Democratic Candidate straw, or Republican. Not at all interestingly, the results of the Straw Poll always predicted the results of the actual election. Back then, at least. Whatever. Them important part, in my mind, was that this particular movie theatre chain served Dr. Pepper*. But they are gone now. Or bought out.

Anyway, this poll is much much better. Even if it does pitch one of my favorite authors against one of my favorite drunken pirates. Haven't we already had a drunken pirate for a president, tho?

*right before we'd shut down the concession stand to clean it, the managers would lock up all the cups. as they were inventoried. technically, we were not allowed to drink pop for free, even out of our own cup. however, we'd all hide cups, the little cups we'd give people for free when they wanted water. and we'd drink as much soda pop as we could, after the mangers went upstairs, between shows and after the stand closed. one night, our cups had been thrown away, and i remember sticking we stuck heads under the soda pop fountain, hitting to the button, just to get free drinks. ahhhh.... the good old days.

Posted by jodi at 08:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Nobody told me I was supposed to bring a gift. I was out of the loop on gifts.

Yesterday, I spelled out my new theory regarding weddings and marriages to EvilDeb. I came up with a plan, to help thwart the Right Wing conservatives, who are so desperately trying to preserve the sanctity of marriage.

Now, I am 36, female, straight. Statistically speaking, I am way past the median age for my first marriage. Only 14.7% of women, in my age bracket, have never been married. In 1990, the average age of remarriage for divorced women, was 30.6. What does this all mean? What it means is, I should be well into my 2nd marriage by now. In fact, I am rapidly gaining of the average age for my 2nd divorce. I never used my first marriage, my first wedding. It's gone. Poof. What's more, I have no intention of getting married. I'd rather live in sin.

And so, I am going to donate MY first marriage, MY first wedding, to a gay couple. They will receive MY legal rights to have that first marriage recognized by the government. It was my right, I didn't use it, I want someone to be able to benefit from that. Either way, it's just as sacramental, is it not? Either that blessed holy union is used by a gay couple, or it's lost and gone forever. I don't think God likes it when you ignore his Blessed Gifts®. Right? I'm pretty sure that he would appreciate the frugality of my plan, not letting any Blessed Gifts® go to waste. Waste not, want not!

Of course, EvilDeb had a problem with my plan. Instead of seeing the genius, she only saw what she was not getting out of the deal. She thought she should be able to donate her 2nd marriage. I told her no. You are not eligible for the right of Second Marriage, until you dissolve the First. By giving away my First, I automatically move into position of eligibility for Second Marriage. EvilDeb has not moved into that position, as she is still entrenched in First Marriage. That pissed her off. I told her it wasn't a punishment, she should be proud. I wouldn't exactly brag about it, tho. But she would not be satisfied until I explained, under my new rules, she would be eligible for a prize upon her 25th anniversary. I don't know, a big tax break or something. A new toaster? Trip to Las Vegas?

There you have it. I think I just have to call up my congressman and have him write up a lonely old bill, and let him sit on Capital Hill. Or, I shall just decree it so, and it shall be so. And gw bush can kiss my cat owning SWF ass!!

BRILLIANT!!

Posted by jodi at 05:13 PM | Comments (5)

Have you ever heard the expression, "kissed by a muse?" Well, that's what I am. I'm a muse.

Sorry, Romy... been running around all day, I don't feel like I've been at my desk all day. And I went to a comic book store at lunch, lost track of time. It was having big sale. I was looking for the first Lucifer book. But they only had #2. But I did buy Black Orchid. Which is a beautiful looking book. I like that Dave Mckean. Plus, he's a Mac user.

Anyhoo, writing group went fine. And sharing was easier than I thought it would be. Rebecca is a stickler about spelling and grammar, which I am not. So she read our stories with blue pen in hand. But she often just underlined things and wrote "hee!" next to them. Which is nice. All the feedback about the scene, and my entire book, was constructive and very helpful. Often pointing out things I did not consider. We are going to continue with the plan of bringing a bit for everyone to read. It does not have to be from our books. Or from anything specific. Just something. I imagine I will always share something of Lucy's story. Since that is what I want to work on. Maybe I'll start from the beginning, tho, this scene is in the middle of the book, with no background, they had to just take some things on faith. But then, maybe not. Whatever the muse wants, the muse gets. I'll write what it asks for.

Posted by jodi at 02:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

If I can't touch you, I can touch your shirt and dream.

Despite the fact that I chose to spill my guts in a blog/journal, I'm nervous about sharing my writing tonight. Because that's fiction. I seem to have no trouble with the way I recount my own adventures, but when I tell the tales of people who exist only in my head, that's different. But I have about 2 and a half pages to bring tonight. A little scene in a bakery, with Lucy and a new character who just showed up out of the blue, named Oliver. I should name him Tom. Oliver came to me because Tom of das überbrain posted a link to the blog of Margaret Cho, whom I love. On her website, I saw this t-shirt, which i really really like. I looked at the red one and thought, "Oliver would wear that." and then I thought, "Who is Oliver?" And that was it. A character was born because of a t-shirt, because of Margaret Cho, because of über Tom. And that is why I should have named him Tom, but did not. Sorry, Tom Smellybutt.

And there you have the secret to where characters come from, or at least my characters. From wherever they want. There is a character in my story, minor one, named Bertie. She came from the scratch lotto lady, Mary. Mary is an older lady who walks to my mini mart twice a day, to stand at the counter and drink coffee and scratch a few tickets. Rain or shine. She also likes to talk. And talk and talk and talk. However, Bertie is a bit wiser than Mary, I think. Edgar is a composite of all the guys who have ever worked as clerks at that mini mart. His name is Edgar because the first three consecutive clerks who worked there, since I moved to the neighborhood, were named Edgar. Or maybe there was only one name tag, a traditional name tag. And it was passed down from clerk to clerk.

Well, I just spent a few minutes telling Dr. Stevil to "shut up" and "fuck off" and "I don't like you" and "go away." And that was fun. And now I have to print out my wee little scene to share with writing group and be on my way. It occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, if I started to lie about my own life, here in the journal, I would be less hesitant about sharing my fictional stories with other people. Not to mention how much fun it is to make up stories and tell lies about yourself. hmmmm.....

Posted by jodi at 05:50 PM | Comments (2)

Once I stole a pair of red underwear from the department store. My mom wouldn't buy them for me--she said they were Satan's panties!

Tomorrow I have writer's group. We've decided that we need to bring some writing to discuss. Previously, we've treated it more like a NaNoWriMo write in, and what happens is we just chat. Nothing wrong with that, but it's supposed to be a writing group. So we are going to bring little things to share and discuss. Point being, I need to finish my little scene today. Because I am going to need some time away, so I can look at it fresh tomorrow morning and notice all my mistakes and such. Problem is, I still haven't figured out all the crayon colors. I'll probably just have to drop that from the scene, as it's probably just an excuse I am using to keep from saying it's done. Or done enough for writing group. I'm not used to sharing any fictional writing with other people. I'm sort of self conscious I guess.

Yesterday, I was just sitting around, thinking about Satanism. It's Liloo Multisuck's fault, as she posted a link yesterday, on the 'brain, about a Satanist's view on "The Passion." It had been a long time since I thought about those darn Satanists.

Several years ago, I was sitting around with friends, having theological discussions, as I am wont to do, and I remember saying to Mr. Moon "You know, I am not entirely sure what Satanists are really about." So he loaned me his copy of the Satanic Bible, by Anton Szandor La Vey. Mr. Moon is always good for stuff like that. And so I read it. Most of it. Eventually, I sort of got tired. And, what I found was had far more in common with Wicca or Paganism than Christianity, in my mind. You don't even have to believe in Satan, to be a Satanists. In fact, they consider him to be an archetype, more than anything else. They don't sacrifice animals or people, if they are truly following the Satanic ways, because they find power if life, not in death. There is no power in a dead animal, nor the blood of a dead goat. I suppose their could be power in the blood of a live goat or living human being, tho. One thing they are very PRO on is sex. And it seems to factor greatly in their rituals. I remember reading about how to use a naked woman as the alter in your rituals.

Now, the Wiccans and Pagans would probably not like me drawing comparisons between them and the Satanists. I do so only because they all seem to be very earth driven. And more accepting of man and his true nature. The difference being, Wicca teaches you that anything you put out there will come back to you threefold. So, you mess with people, something is going to mess with you even more. Checks and balances. Satanism believes that if someone messes with you, go ahead and fuck them over. The Satanists are very PRO revenge. They are accepting of all of man's inner dark bits.

Satanism's connection with Christianity seems tenuous at best. Christianity's Satan is always out to lead you astray. Satanism's Satan isn't a deity they worship. And they don't believe in a vengeful God who would kill his only son to wipe away the sins of the people he created. I don't think there is such a thing as sin in Satanism. Why, I almost think you could easily do a search and find in the Satanic bible and replace all the accounts of "satan" with something or someone more along the lines of Pan. Mind your own business and leave others in peace, is more their way. But if they mess with you, you mess with them. And Vice Versa. They are not terribly interested in recruiting, either. it's not an evangelistic faith. It's a shame that the media portrays such a warped and erroneous view of Satanism, but they kinda ask for it... by calling it SATANISM. Don't name your spirituality after the most evil figure in Christianity, people. The name is going to come with a great deal of baggage.

All in all, the Satanic Bible eventually made me laugh. As anything that takes itself too seriously would. I wish I knew a Satanist, so I could ask more questions about it. However, I am not interested in visiting a ritual or participating in a group or whatever. When I was reading the S.Bible, originally, I was visited by a born again Christian friend named Briar, who was shocked and upset to see it on my desk. Seriously upset. He was sure that the evil power of that book, would sway me, would take hold of me and ... I guess... pull me to the dark side. Which just goes to show how little he thought of my own strength of will, how misguided he was in his knowledge of Satanism, and how misguided he was in his opinion of me being on the "light side" to begin with. I would think that if you considered something to be sooo evil and powerful, you'd want to learn more about it. If i had been him, I would have immediately gone to the library to check it out, to find out exactly what he was dealing with, how to save my soul. But Christians are not usually like that, at least not the fundamental ones. It's easier to just take the Good Things and Evil Things spreadsheet you are handed every Sunday, and behave accordingly.

One humorous point the Satanist in the article above made, in a later interview by the same website in which he answered questions form "viewers" about his faith:

Q: Do you consider the bible to be 100% accurate?

A: Yes. In the sense that it is 100% wholly a work of fiction.

Amen, my brother!

Posted by jodi at 06:55 AM | Comments (6)

but i like toast

Furnulum pani nolo.
"I don't want a toaster."
Generally, things (like this quiz) tend to tick you
off. You have contemplated doing grievous
bodily harm to door-to-door salesmen.


Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

edited to say I got this quiz from Loon.

Posted by jodi at 09:15 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

We are men of action, lies do not become us.

I am not even sure I care about the exact plot of this Japanese movie, I am just upset that we don't have it here in the US yet. It is rather visually stunning. Dr. Stevil probably sent out the link just to watch EvilDeb squirm. The nanosecond the trailer begun, I knew she'd be all over it. Like wasabi on sushi or something like that. It will probably eat away at her soul, daily, until this movie is available here. This is so her type of movie.

Posted by jodi at 02:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

What's essential, is invisible to the eye.

Monday's suck. You know it's true. And if it were not bad enough, it's a sunny sky is totally blue lovely spring day. Nobody needs that crap on a Monday morning. It does not make things better. Standing up, looking over the walls of my cell, and out onto the shimmering water of Lake Union, does not make me want to revise/edit/tighten my report due at 3:00 today. If anything, it makes me want to print out my report, wad it up in a little ball and force someone to eat it, on my way out the door. I say "someone" because no one has, of yet, inspired me to shove a crumpled up spreadsheet down their throat. But the day is young, And people, when forced to exist within a corporate environment together, are predictable.

EvilDeb: there is something wrong with my [internal chat client]. Are you signed on?
Me: nope.
e.d.: I've been playing around with it, and now it's not working. I can't see you.
me: That could be because I'm not signed on.
e.d.: [thoughtfully] nooooo... I don't think that's it.

Posted by jodi at 10:38 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Bad is good, baby. Down with government.

In my "large, environmentally stunning nation" of Bedlamite "marijuana is legal in the privacy of your own home, and citizens can be frequently spotted going about their business stark naked." Additionally, "Crime is relatively low."

Do you think that is a coincidence? Because I don't.

Posted by jodi at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

C'malong, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids of dead Irishmen.

I've realized something rather disappointing. I'm a big fan of Laurel K. Hamilton's Anita Blake series. Of course I am.. a vampire hunter... please. And sexy Jean Claude and Asher? Anyway, I cannot resist those books. They are like candy. The other series, the Merry Gentry series I just like. I don't buy hard back, but I will buy paperback. This time, with the Merry Gentry book that was just released a few weeks, I am listening to the audio book. Smart like fox, I put my name on the hold list at the library, before they even had them in. Several people had already put the book on hold, it would take months for your turn to come around. But no one had put the audio book on hold. Foolish readers. So I've been listening to the book on my commute. In my car. And that is why, because I am listening, not reading, that I have learned something disappointing.

You can't skim when listening to an audio book, like I have a tendency to do. I suppose you could advance tracks, but that is not the same as skimming, and I don't do it. So, while listening, you hear every single word, every description, every conversation, you can't miss anything. In doing so, I have figured out the formula to write a Merry Gentry book. It's so repetitive and predictable, it's annoying. Perhaps the other books did not do this, the first two. And I have actually listened to one of the Anita Blake books, "Cerulean Sins" and it did not follow this formula. Or at least I didn't notice it. I have a hard time believing that I would not have.

First, take an object or event. You can combine them, for example Pru, walking into a room.

On delicate kitten feet, Prudence walked into the kitchen. She moved her head from side to side, her crystal green cat eyes taking in all that surrounded her. I watched her, from my kitchen chair.

Ok, good. Now I have to describe what I see.

She looked up at me. IT WAS AS IF[very important element] her green eyes were made of the brightest emeralds. A green to shame all other gemstones. Even the rarest of diamonds could not compare to the jewels of her eyes.

Now, is a good time to react to what I see.

I felt a shock all the way to the very core of my body. Her eyes held such power, such strength, I did not know if I could bare it. I wanted to look away, to break the hold she had upon me, but I could not. IT WAS AS IF she held my will in her paws, I had no choice but to obey her command. And I would be happy to do it, so strong was my devotion, at this moment, in her power, that I would move heaven itself to give her whatever she wanted. Her desires were mine, they were tied together with shining bands of titanium. Intertwined so completely that no mortal power could break them. Completely dependent upon each, I no longer saw them as separate entities. They were as one. A shiver ran down my spine, and my body trembled. I drew a shaky breath and waited to hear her request, her deepest wish would be my soul's command.

"Feed me" She said.

Her is the important thing to notice. When describing things, you must use hyperbole of such exaggerated heights, it is as if your words could reach into the sky and touch the brightest star, not shrinking back form it's heat, but absorbing it, drinking it in, and returning all that shining glory to the page. Second thing to notice, use "it was as if" constantly. So much so that I have begun to cringe, when I hear it come out of the narrator's mouth. Sort of like when you notice a public speakers "umm's," their stalls, and then you cannot miss them. They distract you from the speech, and you swear if you hear him say "umm" one more time, your brain will split in two and a shriek of such ferocity will spill from your ruby red lips that they will shudder in hell, and they will write of this day. They day a woman's scream thundered through the barren souls in hell, shook it's foundation, and gave pause to the Devil himself.

Then you just take that formula and do it over and over. That way, the action can move very very slowly. Mix well, and bake at 666 degrees in preheated oven.

And yes, I feel a bit bad for the above. For I truly do enjoy her books, and I am very much caught up in the story of the thing. If I had been reading, instead of listening, I would have skimmed over a great deal of what I found annoying. But I can't. I'm trapped. It was as if i were held in a ......

Posted by jodi at 07:20 PM | Comments (5)

Soap Magic is not her only magic.

4:30 to 5:00 on a Friday afternoon is a very difficult time of day. If you've finished your current task, you don't want to start a new one. It's 4:30 on Friday! Best just to let it wait until Monday. Normally, I sign on to AIM, and Fee helps me through this difficult time. And I help her. But she's not here. She's been gone all afternoon, best as I can tell. Which means, not unexpectedly, that she sucks. I suppose I could spend the next... 26 minutes composing a list of ways she sucks. But, like I said, you don't really want to start any new projects at 4:30, too late to finish them by the end of the day. Best to wait until Monday to list off the ways she sucks, right?

My god, she's psychic. She could tell I was writing about her and her incredible suckage, and she emailed me. That is kind of skeevey.

Posted by jodi at 04:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Well I may be an outlaw, darlin', but you're the one stealing my heart.

Margaret Cho rocks. Truly she is better than the rest of us. How wonderful would it be to be as honest and open as she is.?

County Commissioner J.C. Fugate, of Rhea County Tennessee, is trying to outlaw homosexuality. "We've got to keep them out of here," he says. ha! The reason Margaret is blowing my mind today, is her response. I want Margaret Cho to be Empress if the United States. And when she is ready to hand out punishments to people like Commissioner Fugate, I want to be on the Punishment Advisory Committee.

Interesting note, Rhea County Courts hosted the ever infamous Scope's Monkey Trial. I think we are going to need to get Clarence Darrow back, to defend the gay public. Or at least Spencer Tracy.

Posted by jodi at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)

Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, death, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators.

I visited my plastic surgeon this morning. I have some very stubborn scars from my surgery a year and a half ago. Some of my scars are white and practically invisible. But some are raised and red. I have been using a type of steroid cream on them, and it's working on some of them, but very very slowly. On others, it's not working at all. So this morning, my doctor took a needle and injected the steroid directly into the scars. Now, if you picture a breast reduction in your head... well, don't picture the surgery itself, it's nasty, but the scars you are left with look like an anchor. The bottom part, the smile if you will, runs under the breast. Then there is a line straight up the middle of the underside of the breast. And on top of that line, there is a small circle. Guess what the small circle goes around? Essentially, what my surgeon did this morning was stick needles in my nipples!! Stop and think about that for a second. Really think about what I am saying.

Can you tell I am trying to convey the potential pain and horror of someone injecting something, via syringe into your nippular area? I am. But that's unfair of me. It didn't hurt a bit. I could have just left it, and not explained further. But the truth is, the needle goes into the scar, which has little to no feeling. And it's very very very tiny. The needle. I didn't even feel half of the injections. And the ones I did feel were not painful.

I'm too honest. I should have just left you with the image of getting shots in your boobies. Thinking about it, the idea of it, makes you cringe, doesn't it?

Posted by jodi at 11:28 AM | Comments (4)

Wonderful. I have to tinkle again. Don't do anything till I get back.

EvilDeb's littlest spawn, my SweetPea, is finally potty trained. However, she seems to want further training. She wants to "pee like a boy." Pee standing up. The only one naive enough to leave her unattended in the bathroom was her Poppa. Her grandfather. She asked him to leave her alone and he did, but he didn't wait out in the hall, he left that part of the house. Soon, he was summoned back to find a tinkle soaked SweetPea, urine all over the bathroom. She was very happy with the results. She peed standing up. Like a boy.

Today, we were discussing her other pee issues she's displayed. When she was still a baby, she liked to remove her diaper, run around naked, and pee on the floor. I think she just wants to be a free form tinkler. In her spawn's defense, EvilDeb sent me here. Where I could learn the tried and true "Finger Method" that allows women to pee standing up. To use urinals. I was very impressed, actually. And I decided that learning how to pee standing up, as a woman, would be a great skill to have. Especially if you were out doors. No more squatting, no more looking for toilet paper. Admit it, girls, you want to know how to pee standing up. Oh sure, not every day, but in a pinch, and when the Women's restroom is forming lines while the Men's remains empty. In fact, I think if you combined this skill, with the Drinking Anyone Under the Table skill, you would, indeed, be a Action Hero.

For research purposes, I need to know the names of the crayon colors in a box of 64 crayons, and the order in which they are shipped, [left to right, top to bottom, left half of the box first, then the right.] AND using the colors we had in the mid 70's. Anyone know? I can fake it for now, but it would be better to know. I could buy a box of crayons, to make note of the exact order, and then replace the newer colors with the original colors, following the timeline on Crayola's chronology website. it would be tricky, but I could do it. But, I thought I'd put out the challenge first. It's for my story. it's for my book, actually, but I am just working on a scene, to bring to writer's group. And send to Loon, because she's let me read all of her writing class homework. It is terribly important to Lucy, that she be able to name all the crayons that appeared in her box, as a child, and the order in which they were placed.

It turns out, this is a day that will never end. I'm sure of it.

Posted by jodi at 03:52 PM | Comments (4)

But do I surrender? No! I summon my highly trained killer instincts, and pounce! Hya! Chooy! Whaa! HAA!

The kitten and I have a new game. It's called peek - a - Pru. It works something like this, Pru crouches down behind something, the ottoman to the purple chair, a pillow on my bed, anything so she's just out of sight. Then I say "Where's Baby Kitty?" [I call her Baby Kitty a lot. I don't know why. But the nickname has stuck] After I say that, I have to lean forward, until I just barely see her, and then POP into her line of vision with a gasp. "There she is! There's Baby Kitty!" Then I lean back, out of her line of vision. She POPS her head up, eyes opened wide, then I gasp in surprise and say "Baby Kitty!" She hides again, and then the cycle starts over.

It may sound infantile, but it is the cutest thing, when her head pops up, and her eyes are practically round, and she's on alert, ready to pounce, if need be. Trust me.

Posted by jodi at 11:17 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Personally, I think I have too much bloom. Maybe that's the trouble with me.

I think I have this blogging client working. I like it because it has spell check. I always typed my entries in Text Edit anyway, and pasted into MT, in order to take advantage of spell check. I am a somewhat dyslexic and phonetic typer. Oh, and I am trying to break my habit of typing all letters in lower case. It's become a bad habit, and it makes it hard to write properly when needed. In fact, as i try to do this, I keep forgetting to capitalize the first letter in the first word of a sentence, and rather seem to just randomly capitalize another word in the sentence. For no reason. [e.g.: I just typed lower case F, and cap N in the previous sentence.] So, hopefully, I'll be able to type like a grown up, and regain my previous typing speed.

Now that that dull business is out of the way, because you needed to know all of it so badly... did I tell you that all the trees have blossomed? They did, all at once. Last Sunday at approximately 2:37 pm, all the cherry blossom tress burst into bloom. I could swear that I heard a faint POP noise Sunday at approximately 2:37 pm, but that could have been my imagination. And soon, as spring progresses, it will be raining pink and white petals everywhere. At the UofW, in the Liberal Arts Quad, there are cherry blossom trees, planted so that, together, they make a letter W. Not that you'd be able to tell, unless you looked at them from above. When I would leave at the end of winter quarter, the trees would be beginning to bloom. When I came back, for spring quarter, it would be raining petals. I loved walking through the quad, with all flora in the air. Made it seem ethereal and faerie land like. Except for all the college students sprawled on the grass and throwing frisbees and just generally destroying the etherealness of it all.

Posted by jodi at 11:04 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

well that's not going to work.

there are no line breaks when i use that thing? i'm one big run on paragraph.

Posted by jodi at 08:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

I only come to this planet for the wine and the total eclipses, and I do love a nice old fashioned invasion.

hey there... this is just a test. i think i finally got this little mac os x blogging client working. s'cute! so i'm just trying it out. queer eye for the straight guy is playing on tivo. i can no longer give QEFTSG my total and complete attention, because after it's over, i feel crappy. i look around my house, and think of all the things they say when they walk into apartments... then i start to imagine what they'd say if they walked in mine. and i feel like crap. my casita is a mess, there is no organization, there are books everywhere, not even in stacks, my couture is non existant, my hair is in good health but it's currently a blah color. although, i do have good Product. Oh, looky, the QEFTSG food guy, Ted, has purchased a wine from chateau st. michelle. which is about 15 minutes from me. up in woodinville. earlier, he told a fish market guy he wanted to do the "seattle thing" and throw the fish at him. it lacked the spirit and talent of the pike place fish guys. oh -uh... queer guy jai bought the straight guy a lexmark printer. bad idea. crap printers, in my experience. i have no scientific proof of this, just my opinion.

Posted by jodi at 08:36 PM | Comments (0)

I came in here wearing a brand new pair of size ten sneakers. I'm not leaving in some green European freak boots.

Oh happy St. Patrick's Day! I am wearing green of course. It's hardly unusual, however, as it is my favorite color. Dr. Stevil is not wearing green, and I have promised to pinch him later.

St. Patrick's Day makes me think of Louise, as she always boycott's based on Scottish pride. She's ashamed of her Irish heritage. She prefers to think of herself as part Swedish. It's true. I have composed a St. Patrick's Day limerick for Louise.

I have a friend named Louise
Who's heritage it is fun to tease.
Tho Irish she's not,
In fact she's a Scot,
Who cares about such technicalities.

Ahhhh.... poetry.

Speaking of Louise, she has two cats, Fred and Muffy aka: Suki. Suki is a shy, sweet, fat cat. Fred is more outgoing, and very friendly, all black, part manx with no tail. But Fred has a slight piddle issue. That issue being he prefers the couch to the litterbox. Louise's bf's shoes and pants playing a close second. She's tried all manner of things to figure out how to deal with it, but nothing has worked yet. We were standing around the pod, discussing the issue the other day, and I told her she needed to contact the pet psychic. She was unfamiliar with the pet psychic, so i explained.

Louise: This must be some American thing... the British would never go for this type of foolishness.
Me: hmmm.... maybe. But you know, I could swear that she has a British accent.

So I tivo'd an episode of the Pet Psychic and guess what? British!! Fully and completely British, she is. As British as .... stuff from England. And while, yes, it is an American show, you can hardly blame us for that. That's tv. But the psychic herself is most definitely British. The show is great. In this episode, she talked to a huge, gigantic tortoise. As she spoke with him, he kept walking away... hmmmm. She also talked to a depressed dog, a rabbit with a princess complex, a senegal parrot who was suddenly fighting with his budgie buddy, a bunny audience member who said it liked going outside and then inside and then outside and then inside and a giant african parrot who said it liked one of it's new cat housemates, but not the other. Oh, and it knew that some of the names he was called, by his daddy, were quite rude, but said with love. She also talked with pets who had passed away. It's all very entertaining.

If I seem skeptical, it's because I am, most likely. However, if someone asked me if I wanted to take Pru on the show, and bring along a picture of the b, I'd do it in a heart beat. I'd love to know what's going on in that fuzzy little head of Pru's. And I'd love to know what Phoebe thought of her life. And me. I miss the b... and her fuzzy little bunny butt. I asked Pru if she was depressed, because the house was a mess and she had no room to run and frolic. She just gave me a look that said "Cat's do not frolic, we might, from time to time, have extra energy to dispel, across an entire room, but that is all." Such a lie, that kitten freaks out all the time. In a dignified cat way, of course.

Posted by jodi at 11:13 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

All you've done here is constructed a monument to your own insanity. WHAT KIND OF A PERSON DOES THAT?

today, evildeb decided to have a bit of a breakdown. her level of professional frustration and stress, combined with the financial concerns of sending her oldest spawn to college next year, has finally pushed her over the edge. it's sad to see the mighty fall, but at least she does it with such panache, as to provide amusement for her coworkers. it's exceedingly easy to get her worked up about things right now. you challenge her on something and she's off. watch her go!! we had at least 42 arguments today, and each and every one of them was a pure delight. she always talks to herself, during the day. all day long. but today, i think she was answering back as well. at the end of the day today, she finally tipped over the edge. if you didn't know her, you might have just thought she was a little hyper ... but no. she's lost it.

case in point, a few minutes before leaving for the day, she walked up behind me and grabbed my shoulders, giving them a shake and then asking me, "how are you doing jodi?" with a great deal of enthusiasm.

me: why does everyone feel the need to touch me today? [it's true. they either pestered me or told someone else to pester me. i should not have said that outloud, however. big mistake, because then the Man came over and started to poke me in the arm.]
e.d.: do your shoulders hurt, do you want a massage? [starts massaging my neck]
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: uhhh... deb? what's wrong with you? are you losing it.
e.d.: *laughing a slightly deranged laugh.* yes... i'm losing it. i've LOST it.
me: yes, it's lost...it's gone, isn't it? because ... you are touching me. and you don't touch people.
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: THE MAN, stop it!!
e.d.: *more manic laughter* i know!! i don't touch people!!
me: deb... do you have any xanex with you?
e.d.: YEEEESSSSSS!!!! i doooo! wanna see?

lloyd took her home. i told her she should drink a bottle of wine [the general consensus was that she might need "the big box" of wine], and maybe think about starting yoga class again. poor evildeb. at least we stopped her before she sent out any emails/rants/declarations of frustration with intent to criticize and main/career limiting communications. i've tried to install the lesson, upon both evildeb and dr. stevil, whenever they feel super strongly about something, and feel the need to send an email, ALWAYS let me read it first. they can't be trusted with their feelings. someone mature has to look out for them.

Posted by jodi at 10:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

I never knew how many letters there were in the dolphin alphabet.

i like books that tell you what font was used when it was printed. the majority of books do not do this. but since i am a big font geek, i like it. sometimes, they even give the characteristics of the font.

"the text in this book was set with adobe garamond pro. an elegant and readable old style font, adobe garamond is based on the original garamond created by claude garamond (1480-1561)"

i don't think i will use garamond in my book. too overused. i'm very fond of adobe minion. there is something so cheery about the lower case j in that font. i like it. palatino used to be my favorite serif, my resume uses palatino. but i've experienced so much more, fontwise, since then. i've grown, in a typographic way. i also like of adobe electra for a variety of reasons. first, the name. second, it's a serif, but just a little bit funky, you know. it takes chances. and i like the little flat top lower case f.

in a conference call on friday, evildeb told them babytechs that i was sending them naked pictures of myself. which resulted in shock, horror, trepidation, disgust, and confusion on their part. i turned to her and asked her why that was necessary. she said it was because i was sending them an email [true] and they jokingly asked if it was work appropriate [true, although they knew it was actually about page layout software] and the only thing that could be inappropriate was naked pictures and they had to be of me because i was talking. she is such a pain. like i needed that kind of humilation. and if it were not for the fact that i left immediately after that meeting, i would have done something to get her back.

but now it's monday and i lack inspiration. that's kind of sad.

Posted by jodi at 04:07 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

the children of the most serene republic of bedlamite

"... and Bedlamite's children are widely acknowledged as the most foul-mouthed in the region."

i am so proud!!

Posted by jodi at 02:20 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

My client feels that it was a combination of liquor and jazz that led to the downfall.

shhhh... be very quiet. jodi's got a headache. s'better now. but shucks howdy did my head hurt today. it comes from having a gigantic brain. it also may come from me messing with this little piece of shareware i downloaded. it's so cute. and i desperately want it to work. but it crashes every time. don't know why. it's called ecto. and it's a blogging client for mac os x. it is supposed to work with MovableType. allowing me to write my entries locally, with extra special goodies like spell check and a drop down menu of html tags. but i cannot get it to work. i either get errors every time i attempt to set up the connection with my blog, lots and lots of errors i don't understand, or it just crashes. boom. i've tried over and over to make it work. nope. won't work. gave me a bad headache. too much thinking.

and that, kids, sums up what i did today. got up, messed with ecto, went to the library, got a dr. pepper, messed with ecto, allowed myself to get a bad headache and spent the rest of the day getting rid of it. sooooo..... i think my life is a little dull right now.

sigh. ennui.

Posted by jodi at 09:23 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

I'm sorry I had to fight in the middle of your Black Panther party.

i recently finished a book called "Jennifer Government" by Max Barry. and I enjoyed it very much. I saw this post, over at chicklit, in the forums, about an online game, created by the author. it's called Jennifer Government NationStates. which is, and i quote from the FAQ, "... is a nation simulation game. You create your own country, fashioned after your own ideals, and care for its people. Either that or you deliberately torture them. It's really up to you." When the author created it, he thought it would be kinda fun, it would let people know about his book, and a few people would play. turns out thousands and thousands play.

last night, fee and i created our own nations. i'll let fee tell you about hers, because i cannot remember the name. it's got some urdu in it. and i think she's quite the little pol pot? actually, that might be a bit harsh. she's a little dictator tho.

my nation is called The Most Serene Republic of Bedlamite . It took me forever to find a word that was not used. believe me. many many bad words were IM'd to fee in the process. i wanted to be the Most Serene Republic of Insouciance. i was thinking there was no way anyone would use that in their name. wrong. then i thought, ah-HA! said it out-loud as well. Surly no one would use the word Tatterdemalion. who even knows about that word? besides me. hands? raise your hands if you know this word? I first read it in Charles Di Lint"s "Moonheart" and since then, i live a daily search for a context in which to use it. It does not come up often. but nope, someone used it. i could not believe it.

so, by that time, i had decided that my government style was going to be "psychotic." i love the crazies. there were choices like evil, compassionate, and other boring things. but i wanted crazy. so i started looking for words that meant crazy or crazy people. Bedlamite means a madman, a crazy. you know, bedlam... plus.. ite. now, i should have called it The Most Serene Republic of Bedlamites. but i was too excited that i found a name i could use. and crazy people don't care about agreement or grammar... they can't be bothered with it. if worse had come to worse, i would have used jodiferous. i just wanted something that had a meaning. a meaning known to the rest of the nations.

After you name it, and pick you style, you chose your motto, your currency, and your national animal.
Motto: Well we are just one big frickin' ray of sunshine, aren't we?
Currency: The Phooey [phooey is one of my favorite all time words.]
National Animal*: The Kitten. specifically kittens. not cats. kittens.

after that, you take a short quiz, which i answered pretty much as i would normally. and bamf, you are created. If you'd like to see the particulars of my nation, you are welcome to. the whole game definitely has a humorous tone. you are sent an issue every day, that you have to decide on, decide on the action. what you chose affects your nation, of course. and if you join the UN, even more changes can happen. and i am officially tired of trying to explain the whole thing and will leave you to your exploration of the website and the game. should you so choose.

anyway, it's fun. check it out.

*originally, i wanted a Big Cat for my animal. dr. stevil suggested the black panther. and then i had to explain to him that there really was no such animal. per se. that "black panther" is a term applied to black Big Cats of many breeds. most frequently Jaguars. but they also use it for black leopards and the like. Panthera is the genus. which they share with the lion, tiger and leopard. which is funny, because there is a genus leopardus, but the leopard doesn't belong to it. [but ocelot's do.]
dr. stevil: [ignoring most of what i said] use it anyway.
me: i can't. it's wrong. i can't have a national animal that is not an actual animal. it's a description of an animal.
dr. stevil: it's cool.
me: i can't. it's just not right. science won't let me.
dr. stevil: i am not longer interested in this conversation. please desist from discussing it with me any further.

Posted by jodi at 05:07 PM | Comments (8) | TrackBack

That's a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don't know if it's worth five dollars but it's pretty fucking good.

well, i'm pretty much worth shit today! it's great! a while back i had to adjust my dosage of my blood pressure medication. but once it ran out, i was supposed to start a different kind. it ran out on sunday, i filled the new prescription on sunday afternoon, and i started it today. and that, kids, is why i'm a freakin' idiot. just increasing the other med made me all spacey and dizzy and stuff for the first two days. what do you think a new kind is going to do? don't start a new medication on a monday, jodi. you stupid stupid girl. [i didn't know!! it's not my fault!]

why do i have high blood pressure? no one knows. i had low blood pressure all my life, and then suddenly, at 26, it shot up. and they did lots of tests, because that's unusual. but they couldn't come up with anything. personally, i think it has something to do with my gigantic brain. or maybe computers because that is roughly around the time i started working with them full time.

so again, i'm dizzy and lightheaded. and trembly. i was trying to write on a cd i burned for dr. stevil, and i had to write very very very slowly. it's also making it hard to concentrate. probably because it's making me a wee bit manic. which is fun. [no it's not]. and that is why i am worthless today.

coincidentally, dr. stevil gave me a cd to listen to, it's all the songs that he has purchased from the apple music store and the 2nd song was "hyperactive" by thomas dolby. of course, now it's some incredibly hypnotic song about milkshakes. i don't know who this is, but her milkshake brings all the boys to yard. and by hypnotic, i mean it puts you in a trance with it's repetitive lyrics and synth sounds. and it's lameness. further proof that i am not, nor have i ever been, hip and/or cool. The Man says it's a big hit with the kids today. with their mtv, ms. pac-man, and dan fogleburg.

evildeb is down in oregon, visiting the babytechs. and her incredible evilness has knocked out the power in their power grid. it's not the weather, the weather there is similar to the weather here, today. [it's bright and clear and sunny here. 66 degrees! an absolutely beautiful spring day. the view of the snow capped olympic mountains this morning, when i was driving across the lake, was stunning] it's evildeb. she did it. i think she was frustrated about something.. and she just KABOOM blew out all the power. and got to go back to her hotel early, which has a swimming pool. hmmm.....

Posted by jodi at 02:50 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

sometimes i just marvel at god's perfect design

i was on my way home from the library, with a pile of freshly unread books, when i stopped at my am/pm for my 44oz soda pop fountain drink filled with delicious dr. pepper, and what should i find inside that store? a girl scout, with a table fully stocked with the entire product line of girl scout cookies. like a small, exceedingly polite, miracle in a green vest covered in merit badges. and she was so kind as to point out the two new cookies: the double dutch and the lemon cooler. i purchased a box of the lemon cooler, as i am quite fond of lemon flavored things. and tagalongs too. of course.

god bless you, girl scouts!

Posted by jodi at 02:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

shucks howdy, kids..

guess what i finally got today? that's right, the mac os version of the Making Magic expansion pack for the sims.

so, it's been nice knowing you. i'll see ya when i see ya. don't wait up.

Posted by jodi at 06:24 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

Let's annihilate them, for justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and Christmas, right?

did you need a reason to help justify a girl scout cookie binge? have you already binged and feel guilty. well, let me help you out. thank god for texas, looking out for us the way they do.

personally, i was looking for a reason to buy more girl scout cookies. this is great news. because now i can eat cookies for justice, for sexual education, and for a girl scout's right to choose.

they didn't teach masterbation when i was in the troop. i feel cheated.

Posted by jodi at 04:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

I feel like a defective typewriter.

evildeb brought a little utility to my attention. now my computer makes little typewriter noises as i type. with separate noises for space and return. it's absolutly delightful. for now. i'm sure i'll get over it soon. but right now, i'm having the best time. i love the little tippety tap typing noises. when i learned to type, in junior high, i learned to TYPE. not keyboard. i learned on an IBM selectric. all of my college papers were typed, i never used a word processor. i didn't even know how. i was computer illiterate. so i'm having a little deja vu moment. although, i would like to point out, i hated my typing teacher, she only liked the popular girls. everyone else, including all boys, she did not feel she had to bother with... be nice to. i got a C in typing. totally brought down my grade point average. i did not get c's in ANYTHING. ever. later, in college, i got a job doing medical transcription for a physical therapist. i used a little dictaphone machine with foot pedals. and an IBM selectric. that's how i became the speedy typist i am today.

i'd point you to the utility, but it's a Mac OS X utility. and the majority of people chose to use lesser OS's.

Posted by jodi at 10:47 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay, 'cause I wanna go shoe shopping this weekend.

today i was talking to evildeb, like i do everyday... no, we were chatting. even though our cubes are next to each other, we were chatting. i mentioned to her that i have not seen a crazy person in a very long time. and that makes me sad. i like to see crazy people every now and again, because it keeps life interesting. and i don't feel so alone in the world. [i'm partially kidding] i also have had no reason to scold shoppers/consumers in any stores/mini marts/restaurants etc lately either. that really bums me out. i don't appreciate rude retail people, but i dislike rude shoppers even more. i've worked retail. i've been called names because i wouldn't let a woman through the gate and back into hallmark to buy easter grass, 20 minutes after we had closed and locked up all the money. i think i single handedly ruined easter for her. i like to think of myself as the champion of the retail worker, because i can say what they can't. i can turn to that bitchy lady and tell her that if she would SHUT THE HELL UP, then the process will work smoothly and she will get her chance at the clerk. but lately, no one has needed my special brand of retail justice. no one has even cut in front of me in line at the shell station check out counter, allowing me to then inform them of the practice of WAITING YOUR TURN and STANDING IN LINE. evildeb told me i have not been hanging out in the CRAZY NEIGHBORHOODS. but that's not true. i spent an entire day up on capital hill a couple of weeks ago. i was up and down broadway from one end to the other, and over to pike st. no crazies. and, in reality, the most significant personal interaction i have had with a crazy person was at a pf chang's in pristine suburban bellevue. crazy people migrate.

you know, someday i'm going to tell some screamy customer to shut the hell up because i can't hear myself buy shoes and they are going to punch me in the face. i wonder what my reaction would be. would i stand there, frozen in shock that someone would DARE invade my dance space and inflict harm upon my person? or would i instinctively punch back? i'd like to think i'd go all jerry springer guest on their ass. [oh TELL ME you did not just punch me, bitch. oh no you DON'T!!] i'd like to point out that i am an exceedingly polite customer/shopper, always appreciative, understanding, usually entertaining. i don't want people thinking i run around yelling at people all the time.

by the way, evildeb has a new phrase that she is trying to implant into our corporate, or at least department, vernacular. because it's so awful. "don't be a cry baby... be a TRY baby." she's so cute.

Posted by jodi at 04:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

We're all on death's door repeatedly ringing the doorbell, like maniacal girl scouts trying to make quota.

it's the most wonderful time of the year, you know. it's girl scout cookie time! my enthusiasm for the girl scout cookie can be a bit unnerving to the little girl scouts outside the grocery stores. luckily for them and me, here at work, parents bring in boxes of cookies and put them in central services, with an envelope for money. they work on the honor system. if i wanted to, i could rip a bunch of girl scouts off. or maybe just the one. anyway, i could take armloads of cookies and pretend to put a check in the envelope. i could. it would be soooo easy. and yet soooo evil. i asked evildeb if she could be that evil. to steal from a girl scout. here is her reply:

evildeb: That's not my kind of evil. I wouldn't be able to see the little baby girlscout cry about it so what would be the point. I would want to see the result of my evilness. I could knock a girlscout down, grab all of her cookies and then dare her to "TAKE THEM BACK YOU CRY BABY GIRL SCOUT. THESE AREN'T EVEN AS GOOD AS CAMPFIRE GIRL POO!" I think that's what I'd do anyway.

and of course, once i thought about it, i saw her point. where's the entertainment factor in stealing girl scout cookies, if you don't get to see the reaction. i'm not sure i could be that evil tho.

surprisingly, i've only purchased one box of tagalongs. i'll get more before the week is out. and i'll freeze them. there is another tech here who loves them and buys a bunch to freeze every year. gotta make sure i get my cookie on before she comes back from vacation! because i can be that evil.

someone european just spammed my blog, trying to sell me zoloft. because i have not yet installed the anti-spam update to my moveable type. i complained to evildeb as i deleted them one by one. but she pointed out it is a blog about a girl, her kitten and her mood disorders. so i guess i'm just asking for europeans to sell me anti-depressants. that does not, however, explain all the viagra spam i get.

Posted by jodi at 03:01 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless, they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible...

yesterday, i felt all bad about the mean things i said re: the audio version of "mirror mirror" that's the kinda kid i am... it's ok to say something mean, IF you follow up with something positive. i'm messed up. i got in my car and started listening to the narrator, and decided i was unfair. an audio reading of a novel is more of a performance, it's not just straight reading. however, i will not bend on the subject of affecting an italian accent when saying italian names or locations. it reminds me of a saturday night live skit, with jimmy smits. he comes to town to attend a meeting, and everyone assumes he is in touch with all things latino, and they pronounce every spanish word with a theatrical spanish accent. eeen-cha-LA-DAAAAA! i also will not forgive the paPa thing. it's just unnerving.

doesn't sound all that apologetic, does it. well, it is. and i sat back, ready to enjoy the story. that is until the most horrifically disgusting disturbing account of a young girl's first period EVER! worse than CARRIE! carrie was humiliating. this... this was... i don't know. just wrong. i'm assuming that part of the grandiousnesssseses of the whole thing was due to her 4 year nap between the ages of 11 and 15 or so? that it had all been saved up for one übermenses? it was just ick. and i decided no, i don't have to listen to it. i don't. just because Wicked is on my list of all time favorite books does not mean that i have to like Mirror Mirror. does it? no. i enjoyed the two between, so i know it's not just a one book wonder kind of thing. so i popped out the cd and listened to Gary Jule's rendition of Mad World over and over until i got home.

Posted by jodi at 11:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

rejected aka: i am a banana!

i need you to go watch this. it's very important. i think it will draw us closer, and we'll be better friends than we've ever been before, my peu de poulets d'Internet.

Posted by jodi at 05:33 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Shut up, you pretentious kneecap! How'd you like a punch in the eye?

we have this new system here at work. doesn't matter what it does, what's important is that we have to use it periodically throughout the day. and it's pc only. which is neither here nor there, except it sucks. transitioning to this new technology has been a BIG DEAL. for several months. it has caused a great deal of both CONCERN and FRUSTRATION. i ignored the whole thing until i absolutely had to get involved. aka: the last minute. in order to help us learn the New System, we decided to have these little lunch and learn sessions over the next few days. and we'd volunteer to take an aspect of the New System, and do a demo. that would mean we'd have to GET TO KNOW IT. the New System that is. so, my little piece was today. which meant i IMMERSED myself in the New System for most of yesterday and this morning. thusly, i came to the little lunch and learn thing with a minute and a half demonstration and 37 questions and concerns about the New System. all along we've been told that the New System is not intuitive, and not logical, and even though we are all technicians, we will not be able to just sit down and figure out. because if you do one thing while facing west, and do the same thing in a month ending with Y, you'll get two different results. which begs the question, why didn't we go with a Different New System. one with logic and reason. oh, mine is not to reason why, mine is just to do what i'm told. la lalala la la laaa la la. [happy song]

i've been listening to gregory macguire's "mirror mirror" in the car lately. and it's driving me absolutely freakin' nuts. driving me nuts from two different directions. first, the style of the book itself. the language is very... ornate. and florid. [how's THAT for a vocab word?]. so ornate that i am often left saying "what the fuck did he just say? that sentence lasted two and a half minutes!" this morning, it took 175 words, in my estimation, just to say that the hunter and his grandmother Primavera had nothing in common to facilitate conversation. and in that explanation, i swear to god, a description of the trees in florance came up, their military arrangement. and, i really think there was something about a squirrel running up your pant leg? i can't even tell you all the crap that was said in that explanation. and every single description is like this. i don't remember wicked being like this. i adored wicked. but maybe that's because i read it, and didn't listen to it. look, i read the classics, i can handle decorative prose, if it's good. but.... secondly, the narration. there are four narrators. one, for the general telling of the story, which is in the third person. you hear him most. one for the dwarves, one for lucrezia [who is playing the part of the wicked stepmother in this story] and one for bianca [snow white.]. those three are in the first person. we've heard very little from first person bianca. she's been a child, so far, in cd's 1-4. of those narrators, 3 of them read in an overly theatrical manner, ala Masterpiece Theatre. the main narrator is the worst. he also pronounces all the italian words with an italian accent. which is very unnerving and sounds pretentious. and when he does the voice of little bianca? this man has a smokey voice. and he is an older gentleman, you can tell. it's just wrong. very wrong. the story should have been read by a woman. one more thing, when little bianca calls her father, the narrator reads it as "paPA!" instead of plain old papa. oh it is so annoying.

evildeb pointed out that no one is making me listen to it. i want to borrow her book version and read the rest, so i can skim the wordy descriptions. so i can find out what happens in the end. maybe it's because i just finished listening to "coraline" which was an absolutely delightful recording, read by the author. who managed to speak as a little girl and not sound like a two pack a day smoker speaking in in pretentious falsetto.

oh jodi... bitch bitch bitch.

ps: 4 out of 5 dentists agree, i get to punch lloyd the next time he get's all cheery first thing on a monday morning. any morning, actually. no cheery until 11:30.

Posted by jodi at 05:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.

let me ask you this... if am in the kitchen, fixing a bagel. and i've only been at work for two minutes, and it's monday, and someone comes in whistling a happy tune and says to me, in a boisterous voice "and how are YOU this fine monday morning?" ... i get to punch them in the face, right? that's what i thought.

llyod's going down.

Posted by jodi at 11:09 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack