Tickled Pink

So our adorable little son has found a new way to vocalize. It's so cute, he now makes little 'ma-ma-mama' and 'da-dadad-da-da' sounds. Adorable We talk back to him, and haave mini conversations in his new little babble language. What concerns me, however, is that what starts out as a cute little 'mamamama' conversation, quickly degenerates when i talk back to him, into 'blah blah blah blah'. I swear. I'm not making this up, folks. Eight and a half months old, and he's already sick of everything I have to say. I'm boring. Old news. He's been there, done that, puked on the t-shirt. (and my mouth, see this post)

I'm pretty bummed, because I really thought we could at the very least make it to the early teenage years before he would decide that nothing i say has any value or importance. Well, what can I say? he's advanced...

Posted by Me at 9:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Really, I swear. I know I probably lost all two readers I had because I started posting so infrequently, but I SWEAR, I really will be better from now on. Really. No empty promises. I just get so distracted, you know? with the baby?

Speak of the little devil, he can now climb stairs, which makes me wish we didn't live in a two-story house. It's so cute, and he's so proud of himself, but it means extra vigilance on top of the already constant vigilance, and it's exhausting.. Some things you just don't think about before you have a baby. Like, you don't realize how often you will have to clean because if you don't, there's a little inspector/person who will find and eat any tiny dust bunny/cheerio/percaset you leave casually on the floor. I mean, it's genious, the ability this kid has to sense where the dirt is and go right for it. finds the dirtiest little nooks in the house and then sticks his tiny little fingers in and plays with the dirt and slime until his fingers are black. Not that there are any places like that in our house. no. there is nothing remotely greasy or slimy or black, because I am a meticulous cleaner. Stop laughing, bryce. and you too, leah!

Posted by Me at 11:00 AM | Permalink

The baby wakes up crying

Husband: It's your turn to go check on him.
Wife: Ok, fine, but can you uncuff me first?

Definitely NOT something that has ever happened at our house. Ever.

Posted by Me at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

aahhh. what a lovely relaxing sunday in a three day holdiay weekend. What did you do to relax? me... I took a bath. It was quite nice. We have this new rainfall showerhead, and it's so relaxing, i had the tropical rain falling on me while i was in a nice warm bath. then, with my glasses off, i saw a little piece of what i thought was hair float by. but, on closer inpection, it proved to be a Giant, NASTY spider. In the bath. with me. swimming around. la-de-da. like it wasn't the grossest thing in the world that he was sharing my bath! all i can say is eeeeeeewwwww. I guess that's what you get for living in the woods. Whatever. I miss the city.

Speaking of porn...what? oh, we weren't talking about porn? well, we are now. Anyway, just thought you should all know that it's not my fault I'm weird, it's my family's fault. I have many examples, but in the interest of time, and the looming bedtime of my son, i'll only share a few.
1) my lovely, teddy bear-loving, crafty-as-hell aunt attends what she calls 'marital aid parties'. and has pictures from said parties in her family photo albums for all to see. Picture christmas dinner, a cousin showing his new girlfriend family photos, till he comes to a dead halt and others in the room hear the words: "double-ended!" and "oh my god, is that aunt ____?!?!" Said aunt replied for all to hear, "this may suprise you, but your aunt is a sexual being." You go, girl!
2) a certain other family member, who will remain unnamed, and no longer lives with his parents, recently got busted for downloading porn to his mom's computer. He claims that sometimes, 'you just don't know that that's what you're downloading.' which, i guess could be true, but i'm inclined to think this might not have been the case. whatever. let's just say that it might not be a great idea to dowload porn onto your mom's computer. let's just hope there weren't any home movies in there.
anyway, i figure by sharing these two stories, whatever crazy shit i do will at least be put into the perspective of where i came from.

it is SOOOOO not my fault.

Posted by Me at 6:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

aahhh. what a lovely relaxing sunday in a three day holdiay weekend. What did you do to relax? me... I took a bath. It was quite nice. We have this new rainfall showerhead, and it's so relaxing, i had the tropical rain falling on me while i was in a nice warm bath. then, with my glasses off, i saw a little piece of what i thought was hair float by. but, on closer inpection, it proved to be a Giant, NASTY spider. In the bath. with me. swimming around. la-de-da. like it wasn't the grossest thing in the world that he was sharing my bath! all i can say is eeeeeeewwwww. I guess that's what you get for living in the woods. Whatever. I miss the city.

Speaking of porn...what? oh, we weren't talking about porn? well, we are now. Anyway, just thought you should all know that it's not my fault I'm weird, it's my family's fault. I have many examples, but in the interest of time, and the looming bedtime of my son, i'll only share a few.
1) my lovely, teddy bear-loving, crafty-as-hell aunt attends what she calls 'marital aid parties'. and has pictures from said parties in her family photo albums for all to see. Picture christmas dinner, a cousin showing his new girlfriend family photos, till he comes to a dead halt and others in the room hear the words: "double-ended!" and "oh my god, is that aunt ____?!?!" Said aunt replied for all to hear, "this may suprise you, but your aunt is a sexual being." You go, girl!
2) a certain other family member, who will remain unnamed, and no longer lives with his parents, recently got busted for downloading porn to his mom's computer. He claims that sometimes, 'you just don't know that that's what you're downloading.' which, i guess could be true, but i'm inclined to think this might not have been the case. whatever. let's just say that it might not be a great idea to dowload porn onto your mom's computer. let's just hope there weren't any home movies in there.
anyway, i figure by sharing these two stories, whatever crazy shit i do will at least be put into the perspective of where i came from.

it is SOOOOO not my fault.

Posted by Me at 6:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

and all i can say is THANK GOD!!! Our house is a mess, our son's sleep schedule is even more fucked up than normal, and it's going to take me a hundred million hours to convert all of our music so i can put it on MY BRAND NEW iPOD!!!! Yes, that's right folks, my husband (with help from my mom and grandmom) bought me not only the ipod, but the itrip car thingy so i can listen to all of our TONS of music in the car! which is good, since we live a million miles from everywhere and i drive said car a lot. So, it's safe to say it was a good christmas. but i'm glad it's over. It got a little hairy when i was trying to make presents for everyone. For some reason i thought i could sew even though i haven't seen my 40 year old sewing machine since i was twelve. Couldn't let that stop me, though. had to make baby quilts, pjs, and a bathrobe for my sweetie. Most of them turned out ok, except jodi's pj's might fit a bit funny (sorry jodi!) and the husband's pj's still had a pin in the crotch, ouch!

The little guy definitely enjoyed his christmas. he's already figuring out how to open presents, and he just loved scooting around on the floor in the pile of wrapping paper. He seems a bit bored with his toys now that the wrapping paper is gone. I think all that christmas fun might have raised his expectations for entertainment around this house a bit too high. I hope he doesn't expect that kind of fun all the time now! he got a ton of presents from his grandparents, great aunts and uncles, and super cool blocks from his cous-aunt and a whole box of musical instruments from his uncle. he already started beating himself up with the tambourine. it was sort of... musical. :P

Good times.
Gotta run before the little guy wakes up. Hope you all had a merry christmas/hannakuh/whatever you celebrate!

Posted by Me at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

So, the other day I was reading this post, and it really hit home for me. Well, sortof. It's not so much that our son kicks me in the balls, or even that he kicks his dad in the balls (which would make slightly more sense and require less explanations as to how I gave birth to him), but rather, it got me thinking about the damage our son seems intent upon inflicting on his own balls. And penis, for that matter. You see, about a week ago while he was in the bath, he discovered that he could grab his balls. And he does. RELIGIOUSLY. Every night. Oh, and his father gives him his nightly bath. Bathtime in this household has been renamed Fun With Scrotum Time. Fun for babies, maybe. But definitely NOT fun for dads. My poor husband sits in there watching the spectacle, trying to distract our son from yanking, squishing, and generally mangling his balls. All the while feeling the pain his son should be feeling. Doen't bother him, though. He smiles and giggles the whole time.

So, I guess we should just resign ourselves to never having grandchildren. At least none sired by our firstborn. *sigh*

Posted by Me at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

so our little boy mastered sitting up yesterday! he's so excited, and now he can play even more with his favorite new schoolbus toy our friends gave him. He's a happy guy. Oh, and then his cous-aunt came over and rubbed her icky germs all over him under the guise of "playing." See if she's allowed over again. Even if she does bring sims. or pink m-n-m's. or both. well, maybe then she could come over...

P.S. Today, i was putting the little guy down for a nap, and he somehow managed to completely remove his pants while i wasn't looking. tricky. very boy-like. takes after his father, i think.

Posted by Me at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

This is the story of my yesterday.

Yesterday, I was all excited because I got to go shopping with my $50 birthday money i got from my Grandma. Since a friend from Montana had called wanting me to go to Forever 21, the best store on the planet when you're poor but want to be stylish, I figured I'd spend my money there. So in honor of said shopping trip, I took a shower. I even shaved my legs. Wait, it gets better: I combed my hair! (there's more) I STYLED my hair! Put on my sexy jeans, black boots, cute black sweater and that pink jacket that matches my glasses, natch. For all intents and purposes, I was looking !soooOOOooo GooooOOOoooOOOd
So, properly dressed and coiffed, off to the mall with me! While at said mall, everyone came up to check out the lad and comment on how cute/big he is. Of course! (the cuteness he gets from me. The bigness, I dunno...) All the while my mom and I keep commenting 'we need to change his diapers, he smells like pee." So we change him, and I swear, i still smell pee. By now, you can probably guess where I'm going with this...
So I'm trying to figure out, did i grab pants for him that weren't really clean? they were in the clean pile... hmm...

Not until i was giving him a bath did i realize, the smell was coming from ME! That's right, he had peed on my sexy jeans a few days ago, and I promptly put them in the laundry bin to be washed. But then yesterday, I though, where are my sexy jeans (having only one pair that look good post-pregnancy)? And i found them no place other than the laundry basket. Quick toss in the dryer to remove the wrinkles and I was set, right? WRONG!!! So, I stank like pee all day. Fun.

Best part of the story? Just as I'm figuring out the pee smell is coming from me, The Husband walks in and wearing his favorite sweater which the lad puked on last week. I asked if he had washed it before wearing it, which he hadn't. Thought I had. When I explained it was still dirty with baby puke, he replied, 'so that's why the guys thought i had cum on my shirt!

The End

Posted by Me at 8:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

You're a girl power mommy! You love to be girly,
but you're no pushover. Your kids are learning
that gender differences don't have to mean
gender inequality. You've taken back pink, and
you don't care who knows it!


What kind of a freaky mother are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Posted by Me at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

So... I'm all jazzed today (yes, i said jazzed- i really am turning into my mother) because I got the extreme pleasure of sleeping for almost three continuous hours last night. THREE!!! Yes that's right, my son is the sleep champion! All you losers out there whose babies sleep through the night can kiss my ass. Because unlike you, I can revel in the succes; bathe in the glory of the hard-fought victory that is 3 HOURS OF SLEEP people! (person?) I mean, if it only took three weeks to get this far, what's next? By the time he's three he might sleep for an entire night. And fighting the battle makes victory taste that much sweeter.

And now that i'm beginning to see that I can train him to sleep, there seem to be endless possibilities for other things I can train him to do. Mommy's ready for another cocktail, sweetie!

Posted by Me at 10:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

And so begins my new adventure into blogging. I'll begin with this excerpt from a conversation with my husband last night:

Me: "babe, I think I really might be pregnant again."
Husband of me: "then we should fuck more now. because we can."

And that, dear readers (reader?) is a summation of the most perfect marriage there ever was.

more to come later...

Posted by Me at 8:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)