Author Archives: Jodi

music, work

It was long ago and it was far away and it was so much better than it is today.

I have found myself constantly updating Dr. Stevil on the Monkee’s emotional state, throughout the day. As well as relaying some of my favorite anecdotes and colloquiums. So, for his sanity and mine, I put my headphones and set iTunes on shuffle.

Random tunes played while I attempted to regain my sanity:

Paradise By The Dashboard Light from the album “Bat Out Of Hell” by Meat Loaf

Wild Honey from the album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” by U2

I Miss You from the album “Post” by Bjork

The Interlocutor from the album “Hot” by Squirrel Nut Zippers

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow from the album “Blow In The Wind” by Me First And The Gimme Gimmes

Relax from the album “Welcome To The Pleasuredome” by Frankie Goes To Hollywood

I Never Loved A Man (The Way I Love You) from the album “The Best Of Aretha Franklin” by Aretha Franklin

Raiders Of The Lost Ark Main Theme by John Williams

jeff Buckley – Last Goodbye from the album “Vanilla Sky” by Jeff Buckley

Mozart – Larghetto (06.2 by Ambrosio String Quartet)

Make Mayan A Hawaiian from the album “Dirt Track Date” by Southern Culture on the Skids

Oh I do enjoy singing along with the nice Mr. Loaf.

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50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Friday Vol. II

When come back, bring pie.

He knew it was a bad idea, but after months of nagging, he gave in, he let them fix him up. Standing in her kitchen, uncomfortable, avoiding her gaze, he wondered if his friends knew about her more prurient insterests. It seemed like such a waste of a good pie.

Yes, I cheated. I bumped the post time up to a minute past midnight so I could go to bed. I’m going to be freaked out busy tomorrow, and I wanted to make sure I got a fifty word fiction up. Feel free to write one too, but don’t forget the challenge.

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books

Comment problems

Weird comment problems on all my blogs. You may receive “precondition failed” errors. That means you used a naughty word like “sexy.” I’m working on getting it fixed.

The first bookclub selection has been chosen, over at Satan’s Bookclub. I’ve also added two mail lists for bookclub info and review announcements. Check it!

If you would like to participate in tomorrow’s 50 word fiction, please do! A challenge has been issued, however. The story must use the word “prurient.”

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evildeb

There is normal, and then there is Evildeb

A comment from DrinkJack reminded me to tell you where EvilDeb is right now.

“>Secure facility, hummmm, there should be video of this. EvilDeb, can you get it?”

No, Jack, she cannot get video, she is not at work. She is at Disneyland, with AlmostCertainlyGoingToEndUpEvilMaggie and MoreThanSlightlyEvilJacob. A.C.G.T.E.U.EvilMaggie’s primary daycare providers, her grandparents, are in Africa. So Lloyd and Evildeb each took some time off, to take turns caring for her day. Lloyd took a week and two days off. He took Maggie to Enumclaw. Evildeb took three days off, she had to go to Disneyland.

Last week, we had a chat that when something like this:

Evildeb: I want to GO somewhere when I am at home with Maggie.

Jodi: Like where? The zoo? Orcas Island? The mall?

Evildeb: like disneyland.

Jodi: ha! well sure, but….

Jodi: besides, you were just there.

Evildeb: last september.

Jodi: yeah, exactly. and you went to vegas.

Evildeb: in january.

Jodi: yeah, exactly. I am sure there is lots of stuff you can find to do to keep you busy for three days.

<Evildeb: maybe 🙁

And I thought that was it, she would come up with a rational, less costly plan. But no. Our girl simply cannot be idle. And anywhere else is better than wherever she is. I suppose she also wanted sunshine. But the sun is shining here, right now. She flew M.T.S.EvilJacob out from college to join them, as well.

But I enjoy this trait in Evildeb. It makes me seem relatively sane, financially. I try to reciprocate by wigging out in different ways for her, that make her feel better about herself, as well.

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Uncategorized

Top 25 search keywords for jodiferous.com

I’m taking out the boring ones, like “i,” “a,” and “the.” I am also x’ing out some letters of a popular talk radio jock I hate, but shows up on the top search keywords every damn month.

  1. pussycat
  2. faster
  3. banana
  4. likxs
  5. tom
  6. type
  7. red
  8. rejected
  9. sex
  10. sexy
  11. porn
  12. girls
  13. squishy
  14. agent
  15. provocateur
  16. fuck
  17. pictures
  18. tape
  19. babysitter
  20. jodi
  21. mp3
  22. love
  23. make
  24. download
  25. baby

Sexy Banana! You’ve got to ask yourself, “what does that say about me?”

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work

Thanks for the koi, Fee

My goodness but I am sore today. My first meeting of the day was at 8am, on the other side of the building. I was late. I could not be made to move faster than a gentle stroll. I have another meeting in 23 minutes, which I am hoping I can participate in from the floor, where I will be lying. Jeez’m rice, how was I supposed to know that I was going to be doing pilates? I am looking forward to getting my ball next week, as I think I’d enjoy using it as a desk chair and bouncing up and down all day, bouncing is almost as fun as spinning, which is a close second to rocking back and forth, in terms of “things to do when sitting in an office chair that won’t get you fired and yet keep you from going out of your mind.”

I don’t even have anything interesting to say, today. I am too sore to be entertaining. I’m going to try some of that Arnica cream when I get home. But I can’t even reach all my sore places. I’m going to have to stop, on the way home for the vodka, Kailua and cream. Because I know that THAT will reach everywhere. Isn’t there an “h” in kailua somewhere?

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books, movies and tv, pru, work

Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great….

Mark Morford’s article this morning depressed me. I mean, he’s still my new boyfriend and all, but it was still a downer. I came home from work, read it, and immediately had to go hide under my covers and hum softly to myself. Eventually, Pru came and sat on me, and I felt better. So I got up, took a nice long bath, got something to eat, and then watched Revelations. Which is about, naturally, the End of Days. So I can’t type long, because I’m going to have to go back under my covers in a minute. It’s a good thing I’m not diagnosed with depression or anything. Or have a bookclub in Satan’s name. ummm…

Today was my first Stability Ball class, the exercise class I signed up for, which so shocked the world. Turns out, I’m not very stable, kids. I already knew that. I spent some time on the floor…. it’s hard to not just roll right off that so-called “stability” ball. The teacher said things like “Now for you, let’s just concentrate on staying on the ball, we’ll work on form later,” to me. Tessa was on the ball next to me, but Louise was across the room, and she was struggling as much as I was. The teacher would demonstrate the next exercise, Louise, slightly behind her, would make a horrible “you are fucking joking, right?” face, Tessa and I would start to giggle, and the teacher asked if she was going to have to separate us. I think we’ve talked one of my favorite ex-managers to sign up as well. We need a fourth for when we partner up. The worst part was, for warm ups today, we did squat thrusts. SQUAT THRUSTS!! I haven’t done that since 8th grade PE class when the coach decided it would be fun to pretend we were all in boot camp, and had us do hundreds upon hundreds of calisthenics like squat thrusts, push ups, sit-up and chin ups. And then made us run. Fun. But eventually, he was caught cheating on his wife, the cheerleading coach over at the high school, with a girl from her soccer team, a student. So I guess he got his karmic payback for that.

Aaaanyway, I’m already feeling “it” in some muscles. Oh yeah, you really feel “it” after one of these ball workouts. No, you do. I’m not kidding. I’m already sore. Leave me alone, I’m headed back under my covers now.

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work

Iron, sugar or wood would be appropriate. All three would be fine.

Today was my 6th anniversary at my P.O.E. Six years I’ve worked in the same building, same secure parking garage. This morning I pull up to the security gate, lower my power window and fish my badge out from its cubby hole in the dash, thrust out my hand and THWACK! I hit glass. I furrowed my brow and thought, that can’t be, I pressed the window button, I heard it go down, I hear the outside right now! And looking at the window I thrust my hand out again and hit glass. Once wasn’t enough to make me believe that I had rolled down the rear driver’s side window. So, rectified that, reached out, held my badge up to the security box – nothing. I did it again, and again. I swiped two or three more times, and someone pulled up behind me, my co-worker M-roo. I made the international waving gesture of “I don’t know! It no working!” Wagging my card back and forth. She got out of her car, with her badge, and said, “let me try mine.”

She held hers up against the scanner, and the gate opened. Like magic. Or, actually, just like it always does when you swipe your badge across the scanner. Instead of the intercom speaker, like I had just done. About seven times. “I don’t understand!! Why isn’t it working! What’s wrong!”

guh.

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Uncategorized

Please keep your hands outside the car at all times, baby!



See what amusement park ride you are.

From Judes.

My uncle and I are going to go on a roller coaster tour of the US, someday. Canada too. It’s going to be called the Big Ass Roller-coaster Fun Fest. AKA: BARFF. No barfers allowed. We are going to have t-shirts with the sign safety man, leaning over a garbage can, with the big red circle/slash thingy. We are going to rent a winnebego, and my aunt is allowed to come because she is going to cook for us. It’s going to be awesome!!

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Amelia, work

You also learned that I have twice your upper body strength, so shut your pie hole.

I’m in a baaaaad mood. Really wrath of god type bad, you know what I’m saying? Sure you do. In my new location, at my Place Of Employment, my dept. butts up against another department now. And right behind my little pod is someone notorious for the volume of his phone voice. and he is on the phone ALL DAY LONG. We shall call him Monkee. The people in Monkee’s dept. have relegated him to his current position because it is as far away from them as possible. The problem is, that current position is near me. Management, on my side, is unsure they can do anything about this. I am totally sure I can do something about it. If given permission. Right now, I’m going all laissez faire about it. It’s not my place. But, if there is nothing we can do about it, I don’t think it is out of line to go over there and tell him to STICK IT IN HIS PIE HOLE if I can still hear him above the music playing in my headphones. Is there? No. Politely of course. The whole reason we sit in cubes, instead of offices is because “we” [and by we I mean not actually us] consider the interaction valuable, a certain kind of knowledge gained by osmosis. Which may have been true, back in the day, when we were all phone techs and needed immediate reaction/help. But now, not so much. And if one has to wear headphones all day to block out Monkees, well then, the point is moot, is it not? Not that there are enough offices for us. It’s kinda too late for that. And I am really disappointed and sulky about that. Because I wanted really tall walls, up to the ceiling. And a door. More than anything else. Instead, I get Monkee.

No, seriously, I should be able to go over and request he lower his phone voice. Right? Seriously. [stickitinhispiehole]

On the positive side, I currently have this poster in my cube. We had a collection of them lining the walls in our old space. No one really knew where they came from, or who they belonged to. So we sort, quietly, appropriated the ones we wanted for our cubes when we moved. She’s not in mint condition, but she sells for $250 on the web. So it’s pretty cool. I’m digging Amelia.

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