this can’t be right. i’m a ray of fucking sunshine, god dammit!!

I am terrifyingly evil!

Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.

i’m a little behind on the word of the day.
kakistocracy • \kak-uh-STAH-kruh-see\ • (noun)
: government by the worst people
i’ve never heard this word. but i imagine that josh and mr. moon have. my little punk buddies. i’m not sure josh knows that i am planning to replace our older brother with mr. lj moon. who is, in fact, not older than i, but he is bigger. so i can still refer to him as my big brother. i am having some trouble with my mom agreeing to disown the current big brother. but i am sure that i will not have any trouble with josh’s mom. however, since she’s the stepmom of the current big brother, it’s up to mijn moeder, pattie. mrs. moon has already agreed to drop mr. moon’s family in favor of mine.
i’ve been looking at some blogs online, recently. i’ve noticed that some make daily postings with links to things, like news articles or such, and then comment on them. i don’t do that. maybe i am blogging incorrectly? it’s just… i hate it when people send me links without explaining what they are. emails with subject titles like “Oh my god!” and then a link pasted in the body of the email. that’s it. i mostly hate these emails at work. i get hundreds of emails at work. i don’t have time for that kind of crap, or to follow every link. or maybe i’m already on a website reading something of my own choosing. but the absolute worst is when i get that email, and then the sender comes over to my desk and stands over me to watch my reaction. drives me nuts. it only takes a second to indicate, within the body of the email, why this link might be of such interest to me. “you would not believe how cheap these shoes are!!” something like that.
you know, you should never admit what annoys you. now i’m going to get lots of unexplained links in the mail. phooey.

wait. here’s something else i need to say today. today i just remembered that it is my ex-best friend tina’s birthday. i can’t remember how old she is. i don’t know why it came to me today. but it did.
tina was my best friend and sometimes roommate from summer ’88 to about summer ’98. ten years. she was a toxic friend to me. and i was in my 20’s. bad time for me. [i have a theory… your 20’s is a second puberty, and it’s much worse than the first, because this time you are grappling with the meaning of your entire life.] when we were friends, my entire existence seemed to be about keeping her in a good mood. somehow, that became the definition of friendship to me; keep tina happy and entertained. succeed at it, i would be a “good friend.” anyway, somewhere along the line, tina decided to dump me. don’t know why. she just quit answering my calls or e-mails, ignored my birthday. just disappeared. and even though it’s obvious that i needed to get away from that, it hurt me terribly. broke my heart, in a way. it took me a long long time to get over that.
but, as you guessed, it was the best thing she ever did for me, our entire friendship. i had turned 30, i was starting to figure things out, i was working on the depression. meeting people like lonnie and corie, sara and rae, jordan, curtis, etc. was the best thing that could have happened. it changed my life. i had friends who had similar interests. [i had often played down my interests in favor of tina’s.] and now, four years later, i have a great group of friends both near and far, and i never ever ever pretend to be something i am not. and i never will. [interesting note: i have friends that work with her, or at the same place at least. apparently she always complains that she has no friends. i wonder why?]
so happy birthday tina. i appreciate that you were a crappy friend, because you gave me the greatest gift ever. i hope you have a long and fruitful life, full of happiness. just nowhere near me, please.

i hate spammers. someone has hacked into the filmthreat.com yahoo group and now everyone is getting all of these emails. some offensive to those who do not want an invitation to suck cock. some just erroneous about the filmthreat web site and chris gore. these people make me angry. and i want to hurt them. i make a horrible pacifist. but they are just fucking insane and annoying!!! and there should be dire, and painful, consequences for being so.
i would just like to point out, to my little brother josh, that i comment on HIS live journal. he’s not commented on my blog. i bet he doesn’t even read it. here is his chance to prove otherwise.
i’m listening to christmas music. i have to. i am forcing myself into the christmas spirit. i am going to have more christmas spirit than i have had in years… since 1999, for sure. i’m doing it for my mommy. and my auntie vickie and uncle skip. this is our first christmas without mo¸r mo¸r, and i’ll be damned if i am going to let my lack of christmas spirit contribute additional sadness to the occasion. my mommy just lost her mommy. she needs me to be cheery, god dammit. and i’m going to do it. i used to love love love christmas. and that jolly christmas angel is in me somewhere. i need to put up lights, that’s what i need to do. and get my santa collection out. well, i suppose it would all look better if i actually cleaned the apartment. i’ve let it get really messy. bad jodi.
did you see that thing about michael jackson’s nose? it’s collapsing. the outlook is “grim.” he’s downright scary looking now. i hope his nose collapses entirely, and actually concaves into his face. like a bellybutton or something. an innie of course.

so, are you wondering how my luck is going, now that i have nekkid middle fingers? let me tell you.
a: the job at love pantry is not going to work out. they are hiring part time for days, during the week. plus, the lady was mean. maybe she was having a bad day, but she didn’t sound very nice. my application to the bon marche has yielded no results, as of yet. so i am still part time jobless.
b: i got a speeding ticket this weekend. there are two ways to look at this. it was very unfortunate to receive a speeding ticket. i have not received one in many many years. it could be coincidental that i should receive a speeding ticket after removing the ring from my middle finger. however, the cop was very very nice and very cute. he did not give me a ticket for a lack of proof of insurance in my car. which is a $480 ticket. he also knocked the ticket down to the cheapest ticket he could give me. he could have just let me off with a warning, however. so… glass could be either half full or half empty, i don’t know.
does anyone find it ironic that i spent a great deal of time working on a xmas present for ron’s girlfriend’s daughter this weekend, when i have not yet received my xmas present from him from last year? ron and his girlfriend bought my ibook for the daughter. i’ve never met her. but he had me take it out for upgrades and such. they told the daughter, and i guess she called him every day asking when she could have it. so he’d call me. it’s just kind of funny that i should be working on this, when i haven’t received my bookshelves. which ron was supposed to build for me. not funny ha-ha, but funny hey-wait-a-minute, this-isn’t-funny-at-all! oh well. i gots some moneys. i’m not complaining about that. i just wish i had those bookshelves as well. as he left yesterday, ron asked me what i wanted for xmas. now that is funny!
last night, the kitten declared war on my hands. it looks like i’ve been playing with barbed wire! evil kitten. i think i am going to have all her claws and teeth removed. all of them. she’ll just eat really soft food. really really soft. [can you imagine how weird a toothless cat would look? ] awwww… poor toofless prudence.

this is, by far, the best email i’ve ever received. i’m pretty sure that it’s going to change my life. i’m sure it can help you too. i don’t know why i received it. it came to my junk mail address. the email address i use when i sign up for things. no personal mail ever comes to this address. Here is the emai:
Dear Jodi,
My name is Burton, and I am contacting all of the California Astrology
Association’s clients with an important message. A recent development has
come to our attention that we wish all of our clients to know about.
Please, Jodi, read this note from one of our friends:
__________
A few weeks ago, I was in Las Vegas, [[which automatically alerts me to the fact that whatever he is about to say is true. because he heard it in VEGAS. only good things come from vegas. good and shiny things.]] visiting a friend and his new girlfriend. She’s a massage therapist, with a strong background in the metaphysical healing arts. She noticed that I was wearing a ring on my middle finger (the finger next to my pointer finger). She pointed out that it’s bad to wear a ring on that finger–apparently it disrupts the energy flows in the body. [[ok, i have been wearing my dead father’s wedding ring from his first marriage, to my mother, on the middle finger of my left hand for about 20 years. so i’m starting to get worried now.]] I thanked her, and immediately moved the ring to my pointer finger.[[commonly referred to as the Index Finger, by grown-ups.]]
Within just a couple of weeks, quite a few things have happened: I’m
buying a new home that I love (I have been looking for the right place for
almost a year), I got a tremendous bonus from my employer and a hefty
raise, and my business is growing. And today my loan broker called to tell
me that she got me a loan at 1/2% less than I had anticipated.
Everything seems to be falling into place!
___________
Jodi, my friend is absolutely correct. Wearing a ring on the middle
finger–of either hand–does indeed disrupt the proper energy flow and can
impact various elements of your life. In fact, it may lead to fatigue, a
sense of doubt, depression, or a general malaise. Simply removing a ring
from your middle finger may make a huge difference in your life, just as it
did for our friend who wrote to me.
I encourage all of my clients to take any rings off their middle fingers
immediately!
Blessings,
Burton
Holy cow!! this explains everything!! it’s not my fault. i can change everything by moving my rings to my index finger. which i did immediately! now, my dear internet friends, i am compelled to instruct you to do the same. but jodi, you might say, this seems like utter and complete crap! perhaps. but is it worth the risk of doubt, depression and bad luck? i think not. nonetheless, i realize such startling metaphysical breakthroughs, such as this, can be alarming, and it’s a big step to take. so i, jodi, will share my findings with you, my dear internet friends, now that i have moved my rings from my middle finger to my index finger. i expect great things are in store for me. luck, faith, riches. maybe even weight loss! who knows? i’ll keep you apprised of every new development.

i don’t want to be a trader to my gender, but n.o.w. does not necessarily represent me. i know they do some good work. but, they need to change their name to n.o.s.w. the national organization of some women. or the national organization of some women, part of the time, when we don’t act like idiots and release our tv ratings report. what’s that… the n.o.s.w.,p.o.t.t.,w.w.d.a.k.i.a.r.o.t.r.r. go ahead and try to make a catchy acronym out of that. so they will probably stick with n.o.w.
if you don’t know what i am talking about, the national organization of women released their Watch Out, Listen up!! 2002 Feminist Primetime Report. it’s a big old pdf of their opinions on tv. i hate it when people tell me what i am supposed to like or not like, support or not support. because i am a women. now i ask, honestly, how can i respect a primetime report that gives dawson’s fucking creek a b minus, but buffy the vampire slayer a c minus. i imagine it’s the violence that hurt buffy. but when you know why joss whedon wanted to create buffy, it’s kind of funny. he created the character because he was tired of the little blond girl, in scary movies, who always walked down the alley alone and got killed. or had sex and got killed. just once, he wanted the little blond girl to kick the bad thing’s ass.
but, by all means, give dawson’s creek a higher rating. because who doesn’t love a show about beautiful, privileged teenagers, who swap partners constantly, and have totally unrealistic and surprisingly adult relationships, while still in high school. did i mention they were all unbelievably good looking? where is the value in that show? in what capacity does it set a good example for teen age girls? granted, i’ve had limited exposure to it. but please! give me a fucking break. it’s a walking advertisement for eating disorders.
this report is a joke. some of the shows that got a’s, are totally crap shows. but that wasn’t part of the scoring process. quality of shows. you definitely got bonus points for lesbians. in fact, on their list of characters they wanted to see more of, they listed willow, the lesbian wiccan from buffy the vampire slayer. good choice, she’s an awesome powerful character. of course, last year she went evil, beat up her friends, flayed that warren guy, and almost destroyed the entire world. but hey, warren did deserve it, he killed her lesbian lover, and his own ex girlfriend.

i love it when a plan comes together. my stepdad is buying my iBook for his girlfriend’s daughter. and i am getting a $100 more than i expected. of course, i am throwing in my usb cd burner. but i don’t need it. i’ve firewire one now, and a burner at work. i’m getting rid of some of the computer equipment and software i don’t use, more room in the house for me. someone is getting a laptop she’s really excited about [they already told her] and i get money!! wait, that’s two things for me. oh well… more for me!! and i was working on a for sale sign today too. deleting that.
one of the places i applied to, the candle store, just called and left me a message. but, they called from the downtown seattle store. i was hoping to work at the store by my house.AND they want to schedule a group interview. that sounds like bullshit to me. or, to be more precise, it sounds annoying. but maybe this karen girl does the hiring for all the stores. but man, i don’t want to be in a group interview with a bunch of high school kids! cuz you know that’s what it is. at least no one over 20. i suppose that could make me look more desirable, as a part time holiday employment candidate. but isn’t this whole thing humiliating enough for me, as it is? yes. but… money. what harm is there in a group interview. if it’s crap, so what. ok. i’ll call back. hang on…. ok. they are dumb. i applied for bellevue, she was calling for seattle. she said that if i wanted to work in bellevue, i should apply there. but… i did. it also explains, on the application that i work during the day. she wanted me to come in friday at 2. i don’t know how she got my application. i suppose i could call the manager at the bellevue store, and see if there are openings there. but ….they are dumb.
you know, i never talk about anything serious in my journal, do i? i never talk about society, or politics, or economics, or philosophy. i only talk about myself.
HOLD ON A TICK!! i was about to explain my internally focused outlook on life, and why i never think outside my environment lately, when i decided to look in the want ads for part time work. the love pantry has another ad!! they are hiring again!! forget the serious stuff, here comes my job experience in the sex industry!!! whooooo-hoooo. they are closed now. but i am so going in tomorrow afternoon to apply! no stupid mall, no damn xmas shoppers. oh man, that would rule! i’m so excited. they’d better love me. i’m damn lovable. and i could probably sell a dildo like no one’s business.
funny note: there is an ad for something like “secret shoppers” for jack in the box. eat free food, write reports about the restaurant, get paid $12 an hour. i’d do it, but i don’t know how much jack in the box i could take.
this is such a good evening for me. sold the iBook, and the love pantry is hiring again.
actually… i do sort of have a rant. but i will post that separately.

so, the wondrous kam has agreed to go down to the virgin megasuperuber store, in west hollywood, on nov. 26th to see eddie izzard for me. bless her heart. she has not yet watched dress to kill, so at this point, she’s agreeing out of the kindness of that very heart. [she’s going to watch it this weekend, then she’ll want to go for herself!] i don’t know what it is i want her to do when she does go down there. get something signed? take a picture? ask him to marry me? i don’t know. i guess if i can’t go to the dvd signing, someone i know has to go for me. that’s the next best thing. so hooray for kam. now go visit her website.
so you maybe wondering how my trip to the porn store went. well, mr. moon and i did not get a chance to go until last night. after disappointing returns on the items sold to half price books, i’m even more eager to get that second job. mr. moon was trying, fervently , to get me to pick up an application. but i had to see how it felt, once i was inside, before i agreed to that. the nanosecond i walked in, i knew i couldn’t work there. i just started laughing. it’s a very nice place, but the pictures on the tape boxes and the titles were just killing me. women, fondling male members to their cheeks, with secretions of said member running down their faces. i’m sorry, but if some guy walked up to rent “down the hatch” i’d just start laughing. and we saw no women working there either. so no, it’s a no go. so said. i think i’d be more comfortable around toys, at say love pantry or toys in babe land than i would be around the videos and magazines. cuz see, vibrators… i understand that.