wait. here’s something else i need to say today. today i just remembered that it is my ex-best friend tina’s birthday. i can’t remember how old she is. i don’t know why it came to me today. but it did.
tina was my best friend and sometimes roommate from summer ’88 to about summer ’98. ten years. she was a toxic friend to me. and i was in my 20’s. bad time for me. [i have a theory… your 20’s is a second puberty, and it’s much worse than the first, because this time you are grappling with the meaning of your entire life.] when we were friends, my entire existence seemed to be about keeping her in a good mood. somehow, that became the definition of friendship to me; keep tina happy and entertained. succeed at it, i would be a “good friend.” anyway, somewhere along the line, tina decided to dump me. don’t know why. she just quit answering my calls or e-mails, ignored my birthday. just disappeared. and even though it’s obvious that i needed to get away from that, it hurt me terribly. broke my heart, in a way. it took me a long long time to get over that.
but, as you guessed, it was the best thing she ever did for me, our entire friendship. i had turned 30, i was starting to figure things out, i was working on the depression. meeting people like lonnie and corie, sara and rae, jordan, curtis, etc. was the best thing that could have happened. it changed my life. i had friends who had similar interests. [i had often played down my interests in favor of tina’s.] and now, four years later, i have a great group of friends both near and far, and i never ever ever pretend to be something i am not. and i never will. [interesting note: i have friends that work with her, or at the same place at least. apparently she always complains that she has no friends. i wonder why?]
so happy birthday tina. i appreciate that you were a crappy friend, because you gave me the greatest gift ever. i hope you have a long and fruitful life, full of happiness. just nowhere near me, please.

i hate spammers. someone has hacked into the filmthreat.com yahoo group and now everyone is getting all of these emails. some offensive to those who do not want an invitation to suck cock. some just erroneous about the filmthreat web site and chris gore. these people make me angry. and i want to hurt them. i make a horrible pacifist. but they are just fucking insane and annoying!!! and there should be dire, and painful, consequences for being so.
i would just like to point out, to my little brother josh, that i comment on HIS live journal. he’s not commented on my blog. i bet he doesn’t even read it. here is his chance to prove otherwise.
i’m listening to christmas music. i have to. i am forcing myself into the christmas spirit. i am going to have more christmas spirit than i have had in years… since 1999, for sure. i’m doing it for my mommy. and my auntie vickie and uncle skip. this is our first christmas without mo¸r mo¸r, and i’ll be damned if i am going to let my lack of christmas spirit contribute additional sadness to the occasion. my mommy just lost her mommy. she needs me to be cheery, god dammit. and i’m going to do it. i used to love love love christmas. and that jolly christmas angel is in me somewhere. i need to put up lights, that’s what i need to do. and get my santa collection out. well, i suppose it would all look better if i actually cleaned the apartment. i’ve let it get really messy. bad jodi.
did you see that thing about michael jackson’s nose? it’s collapsing. the outlook is “grim.” he’s downright scary looking now. i hope his nose collapses entirely, and actually concaves into his face. like a bellybutton or something. an innie of course.