romy: i forgot to eat my lunch. i was so busy, and then i was in two consecutive meetings, during which i could not eat stinky lunch, and by the time i got out, it was sorta too late to eat it. then i went home and fell asleep, so i didn’t eat any pizza for dinner either. but TONIGHT i am eating stinky pizza for dinner.
fee: my dad took a bet which involved eating a large number of pizzas. he won the bet, but lost his taste for pizza, we’d have it for dinner whenever he was out of town or at a business dinner. however, my dad would eat things like sweetbreads and frog legs and stuff. he’d eat brains from monkeys i am sure, before he would have eaten a pizza. he was a freak.
liloo: lucy is the main character. she is named after mo¸r mo¸r, because, as it turns out, my relationship with mo¸r mo¸r is one of the main sources of inspiration for the story. that’s not the way it started, so it’s sort of a surprise to me. but i’ve given up fighting it. lucy mae teagan. that’s her full name. and that is all i am saying for now.

i always miss my father in august. his birthday was/is the 28th. plus, you know, i spent my summers at his house, when i was growing up. anyway, remember that pizza i mentioned on friday? the genius pizza? i’m having another one tonight. because i don’t have anything in the house that doesn’t need to be cooked in an oven, or at least microwaved. and it’s too hot. plus, this means i have a ready made lunch for tomorrow. ready made STINK BOMB BREATH lunch for tomorrow. doesn’t get better than that. ironically, my father HATED pizza.
i ate more this weekend then i normally eat in an entire week. i ate like a pig. it can mean only one thing, proof of my womanhood is eminent. yee-haw!! i’m not particularly grumpy. but i will eat your face off if you get too close.
i stayed home today with a migraine. it wasn’t a HUGE one. we pronounce those, the lesser migraine, MEE-GRAINES. so i had myself a meegraine. i knew it was coming sunday afternoon. i knew it was caused by the combination of my own fucked up life, and the immense amount of whelm i feel at work right now. the dread of it. 80% of all my migraines hit on a monday morning. since i’ve started taking beta blockers, 90% of the migraines are caused by stress i figure. the beta blockers help prevent the others. and they’ve done a great job. i get fewer of them, and the ones i get hurt less. this mornings was a particularly light sensitive one. i figure that was it’s evil meegraine sense of humor. because it was a bright and sunny and hot morning, and i have eastern exposure.
but i’m a professional, i know what to do, i took a shower, i called into work, i put a sleep mask over my eyes and took a pill that was guaranteed to knock me out. [always keep horse tranquilizers on hand. on of my many migraine treatment secrets.] i woke up at 1ish this after noon feeling groggy but better. i didn’t go to work because i had a 5:00 appt with ma petite mËre to have my mes petites dents cleaned. here at the east side. i would have had to leave work at 4ish anyway. plus, i was feeling groggy and weird. which is not uncommon at the end of a migraine.
i have some thoughts about this summer, i’m ready for it to end, despite my love of wearing as little clothing as possible. it’s been a hot one. and i don’t approve of it. but i can’t really talk about it. because my pizza is here. pizza makes me believe in the Creation Story, aka: adam and eve. because only God could create something so wonderful and perfect as pizza.
for those of you who commented that i was not crazy for having conversations iwth lucy in my head, thank you. that is her name, lucy. she IS named after mo¸r mo¸r. lucy, however, says i’m daft.

i was working on my character profile last night. for the main character in the story i am going to write in november, come NaNoWriMo. did i mention i have the last week of november off. i think i did. let me check the archives. no. ok. yes. i took the m-w before thanksgiving off. and the following monday, which is the first of dec. in case i need to recover. because, knowing me, i’ll be writing up until the last second.
but that wasn’t the point, the point was, i was writing a character profile. i read somewhere, and this makes sense, that the better you know your characters, the easier the story will flow. since my story isn’t about fee, i figured i had to get to know my character. i’ve never written a character profile before, so i started off with a sort of info sheet style. you know, name, age, DOB, parents… that sort of thing. which branched out into favorite color, hobbies,favorite beverage, least favorite holiday, favorite number. important things like that. then i just started having a conversation with her. on paper. just shooting the breeze, asking her some questions, answering some of her questions. now i am having conversations with her in my head. and i am wondering… is that a good thing or a bad ting?

hey. i kinda feel like freaking out about work right now. unfortunately, i can’t freak out specifically unless every single one of you dear internet friends agrees to sign an NDA. and that just seems like an administration nightmare. so i’ll just have to say I’M OVERWHELMED!!! but it’s not a kind of stress that fires me up, and gets me going. it’s the kind of stress that is making me tired and little bit bitter. oh woe is jodi. that’s way i’m blogging. because it’s easier than hunting down the people who keep piling on the work and PUNCHING THEM. you always have to have “the talk” with HR after you punch coworkers and i am so tired of “the talk.” i get it already … hitting is bad.
but if one more person says to me “yeah but THIS is important…” i cannot guarantee that i will not rock ’em sock ’em and then ROBOT them.
ok, i am trying – desperately – to find the song “red tape” by agent provocateur, which is played towards the end of the full length trailer for underworld. at least i know the name now. the only place i can find it is a cyrillicish web site. i *think* i am downloading a file? but i’m not sure. i get a page of code, and then a 4.7mb mp3 file tries to download, but times out eventually. it’s planning to take hours. i’m trying a different browser now, it’s a 77.4kb of 4.7mb, with over 4 hours to go. because it’s only getting 350 BYTES per/sec. it really is coming from russia or something. what’s the country code “md” stand for? anyway, i assume it’s legal, because it’s letting me do it. but it is in another language.
if you have a copy of the song, and you want to be my best friend, give it to meeeeee!! and believe me, you want to be my best friend because i am going to win the lottery tonight. 32 million. who wants to befriend a millionaire, baby? YOU DO!!!

i was just out running some errands. it’s very very grey, stormy grey. and while it LOOKS fall, it doesn’t have the nip in the air to FEEL it. it’s breezy and mild. it’s pretty dark, for 8:30, but the days are getting shorter and shorter, aren’t they?
anyway, i was out running errands and three things happened to me that made me think there is an odd vibe in the air tonight. ok, one thing made me think there was an odd vibe. one thing just annoyed me, and the other just disturbed me slightly. first, i stopped at the gas station. to get gas. duh. and i was inside, buying a soda pop. i was behind two people, in line, who only seemed to speak spanish. they were having a repetative conversation, about phone cards. this woman came up and got some gum and shoved her way in front of the couple in line to get her money on the counter. as she did that, the couple moved away, essentially putting her in front of me. she cut. she was a CUTTER. so i started giving her THAT LOOK. the one you can feel someone give you, even if you aren’t looking at them. she turned to look at me, and my LOOK. and i said as sweetly as possible, “because your gum purchase is more important than my soda pop purchase, why?”
i hate cutters.
as i was driving down the road from the gas station, i saw a guy walking down the street in jeans, a sweatshirt, and a full planet of the apes mask. covered his whole head. i kid you not. just ambling on down the sidewalk.
then i was coming out of a store, and i saw a truck with business info painted on it for “the mole guys.” had a little picture of a mole which said, “got moles?” underneath it. well this was an open bed truck and it was just full of nasty, rusty, sharp and deadly traps. i don’t know what i was thinking they’d do with the moles. i guess i didn’t really think they transplanted them to a mole reserve somewhere. but the sight of all those traps… there was something kinda … grody about it.
speaking of grody, the elevator in my apartment building smells like dirty diapers tonight. but, on a positive side, i did a load of a laundry so now i DO have clean underpants in many colors. as well as a clean sheets to put on the bed. hooray.
oh, and the current winner of the Cheapest Nekkid Dance is romy, at a thousand. since writing that question, i’ve come to realize that i, too, am a cheap nekkid dancer, and i’d have to say that for a thousand, you could probably have a choice between me and romy.

i had a pretty crappy week. a week that’s left me feeling pretty worthless and … for lack of a better word, ashamed. ashamed at the messes i create for myself time and time again. the same messes. ashamed of the obstacles i haven’t overcome. ashamed of my performance at work. my little domino row of self worth toppled down, with one little flick. it happens like that sometimes. my way of dealing with it is to crawl under the covers, but life rarely lets you do that. so i sat at work and made lists.
luckily, i’ve been in class the last two days. and i paid attention for as along as i could. but even on the best of circumstances, i have the attention span of a gnat. the class was on project management. and it got much deeper and much more technical than i would ever need. so i started to tune out. plus, every time we broke into groups, it was me and evildeb and two other guys. and they didn’t appreciate my sense of humor, so i could hardly be bothered with them, could i? also, i quickly realized i was not going to be a gold star a+ student, because i could only care so much. and there were people in there who were hoping to make project management THEIR LIFE. seriously. this class was at work, but there were people there who wanted to get Project Management Certification. there’s a whole consortium and a test and shit. so i wasn’t going to shine. so again… why should i bother.
i made lists after lists after list. all the while, i might add, still paying attention enough to do the exercises and crack the occasional wise comment. i have a rep to protect after all. i made a list of all the ways i suck contrary to popular belief i do not need lisa and arifa to help me with that list. 😛 and i made lists of all the bills, loans and taxes i was behind on. to be fair, i made a list of all the things i was caught up on. i made a list of all the material things i want in life. thing list varied from an iPod, to new sneakers, to a condo, all the way to a pet dolphin. basically, i was buying time until i came to my natural conclusion that everything was going to be OK.
i haven’t gotten there yet. i still feel crappy. i had to pay a tax attorney $650 to help me with my tax problems. and i still will have to deal with the IRS directly, because i can’t afford to hire representation. it would be about $2,000 more. andy, my attorney assured me i am not in that much trouble. but he doesn’t understand my entire financial crisis. nor are they his wages they are threatening to garnish. he also sad i make too much money for an offer in compromise. which i fail to see how is possible. but i guess the irs doesn’t give a shit if you have a $400 car payment. oh yeah, i also filled two notebook pages with the words “i hate the IRS” during class.
so i did the only thing i could do, i did something that required the use of a power tool. NO, get your filthy minds out of the gutter, dear internet friends. although that’s not a bad idea, now is it? i installed a new keyboard tray my stepdad gave me. it required the use of a power drill. nothing makes me feel more competent than doing some kind of installation or repair with a power tool all buy myself. the new tray does not fit the spit ergo keyboard i have, but it’s workable, if a bit precarious. better than the other one. i think it will be much more comfortable. it must be, look at how much i’ve written. i’ve not blogged at home in weeks, because the other tray made things so uncomfortable. hmmmm…. watch out world, a best selling novel might come out of me yet!!

so yesterday fee brought up the following discussion, on the brain: is homosexuality genetic, or is it environmental? you know… nature vs. nurture. i asked someone gay why he was gay. and he said that he didn’t know and he didn’t care. reading between the lines i believe he was also saying “i just thank god everyday that i am.” oh, and he was also saying “not that it’s any of your business.” but that’s never stopped me before. so it turned into a bit of a discussion. because it was after 4pm and no one really wanted to work anymore. somehow the discussion turned into “how much money would it take to get you to do a little dance – completely nekkid?” lloyd once did it for 20 bucks. but he was drunk and in college. who HASN’T done a nekkid dance for $20 when they were in college? we started at a million and worked our way down. but i haven’t found that magic number yet. i was still saying yes at 25k. but i’d probably say no for 10k. but i’m not sure. in that case, i’m not really sure. i could really use 10k. it also depends on who is there. i’m not proud – i need money. money could fix some of my problems right now. and it’s not like i’m hiding anything with the clothes i wear. what i mean by that is, i’m not going to do my little nekkid dance and hear people say “oh. wow. i thought she had a better body than that.”
so i pose the question to you – how much money would it take to get you to dance naked? and the dance only needs to last … a few seconds. one hippopotamus two hippopotamus three hippopotamus.
evildeb said that i would show my boobies for beads, and she’s probably right. now i would. with the new boobies. i used to think “no way! that’s dumb!” but i’ve been caught up in bead fever since then. however, there is that whole “college girls gone wild” contingent to deal with now. not that i’m in college. but i am rather immature. i wouldn’t want to end up on one of those videos. ewwwwww.

oh wait! here’s something i forgot. lisa gave this to me. it gives me hope for the future.