i’m wearing pants today. proud of me? i’m wearing pants, as opposed to shorts or capris. because it’s that cool and rainy out. so i’m wearing levi’s. and i was excited because i got to get out my winter sneakers. the suede converse, with the glow in the dark star. the navy blue ones. as opposed to the black.
ok. now that we know what i am wearing….
the crazies are out today. oddities are occurring. today, evildeb and i went a mall at lunch. northgate to be specific. she wanted to walk around and i wanted something to eat and it was raining. i was standing at taco time, waiting for my crispy beef burrito to be done crispying, when all of the sudden my bag started to vibrate. it was my cell phone. and i had a text message. it said “you are weird.” so i answered back “takes one to know one.” i have no idea who this is, it’s a 206 number. but not one i know. so they answered back “ha ha ya ok freak.” and before i could respond, they said “the vibrating felt weird in my pocket lol.” still thinking i knew them somehow, i said something typical of me. “do not talk dirty to me, stranger.”
“i’m so confused.”
“that makes two of us.”
“where’s your phone?”
“in my hand. who are you?”
“wait… lol… who is this?”
“oh no no… i asked you first.”
silence. evildeb says i should continuously msg them saying “who are you who are you who are you?” over and over. then tomorrow, i should start calling. my guess, it’s a girl. only a girl would LOL so much.
so that was fun. but the most fun was when we were walking out of the mall. there was this guy, sort of a nondescript guy, in dark pants and a white business shirt. short brown hair, glasses. nice shoes. he had several shopping bags at his feet, one was nordstrom. he was holding a suit bag, and spraying the inside of it with some kind of aerosol. now, here is what i think happened, we walked out, as we were walking away, i sort kicked the top to the can. there was a lady coming toward us. near as i can figure, she picked up the top and threw it away, probably thinking it was garbage. she was a pretty mild mannered looking lady, in her 50’s. all of the sudden, behind us, we heard the guy SCREAM [and i mean scream] “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!!” top of his lungs. we turned around and the woman was frantically trying to get through the door, away from him.
here is our theory… this guy is a: wound tight as a drum and b: crazy. he was spraying the inside of the suit bag with a disinfectant. because he’s terrified of germs. the woman threw the top away, which means if he wanted it back, and you know he did, because the top belonged on the can, he’d have to reach into the garbage can and pull out the lid. but he can’t do that, because of the germs. so he freaked.
i really really regret not asking him what was up… why he was yelling at a total stranger like that. i am so sorry i didn’t do it. because i think the answer would have been hysterical. i bet the lady went and got security. i wish i had seen that too. bummer. periodically, on the drive home, i would turn to edeb and yell “WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I WAS USING THAT!! YOU BITCH!!” and she’d laugh and laugh and laugh. proving to me i was not wrong. it was funny.
my cube is officially too messy. i’ve reached a threshold, and i can’t take it. tomorrow… we are cleaning the cube.

today’s entry, dear internet friends, is all about my friend – evildeb. mostly because i NEED to tell the bee story.
first of all, edeb talked me into doing something on monday, that may shock and surprise you. she talked me into signing up at the gym. we get a deal at Sound Mind and Body, through our employer. it’s a gym i could NEVER afford otherwise. but now, it’s $22 for 3 months. so she decided she needed a work out partner, and i’m it. but she’s very very serious. she’s scheduled work outs 3x’s a week for the next 8 weeks, in my corporate calendar. she’s volunteered to take my workout clothes home and wash them between workouts. [because i don’t have a w&d in my apartment.] so… on monday… it’s a work outing i shall go. it’s good for me. i know. but man… exercising is just so not a jodiferous thing.
now evildeb is listening to some subliminal tapes. about exercise and weight loss. only they aren’t all that subliminal, because they say the phrase aloud before they “suggest” it. so her speech is peppered with phrases like:

i drink plenty of fresh, clean water.
i can see and feel the inches melting away. [i asked her if it tickled, she said it feels slippery.]
i do and enjoy exercise that is safe for me.
I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
and when she says these things, her voice gets kinda empty and robotic. it’s truly frightening. i’m going to plant some subliminal messages in her subconscious that make more sense.

clean jodi’s house.
do jodi’s laundry.
wash jodi’s car.

and now… the bee story.
on saturday, i was taking deb and maggie back home, after going to denny’s super pet world. we hit a drive thru expresso booth, to feed her evil addiction. double short non fat extra hot latte. so she takes her first sip and i hear her say “there is a bee in my latte.” i turn to her and look for the bee. but it’s down on the floor of my car. dead and soggy. i’m thinking she took off the lid and saw it. but no… she found it because she SIPPED IT!! and then she spit it out on the floor of my car. she was traumatized! i was traumatized! maggie was crying, albeit was because she was tired and wanted french fries. but still! obviously, we are going to have to sue that little espresso stand. for mental anguish. ewwww…. can you imagine? a dead bee in your coffee and you drink it!! thank god she didn’t swallow.
so that’s the bee story. you know what’s funny? they made her another latte, but don’t you think they might have done something more. like give her her money back or something?

i hope that eddie izzard had as much fun friday night as i did. that’s all i’ve got to say about that!!
actually. it’s not. but as a stand alone statement, it sounds kinda naughty. i like naughty. eddie was fabulous! and he was wearing some killer stiletto boots. i think they were sort of a camel colored brown. pointy. the boot equivalent of the fuck me pump, for sure. now, i’ve thought about it, and i’ve decided not to describe his appearance any further, as to not spoil the effect for fee and kam. i’ll tell you more about it after we see him in LA. which also limits what i can say about the actual content of the show, as well. but fee gets all FREAKED OUT when it comes to spoilers. and as much as i like to freak her out… i’ll abstain.
after work on friday, evildeb decided she hated the shirt she was wearing with a white hot passionate hatred. so we went to buy her a new tshirt. we ended up in westlake center, downtown. which excited me greatly because that meant i was close to the only remaining HOT DOG ON A STICK that remains in western washington to the best of my knowledge. so… i immediately started doing the MEAT ON A STICK chant, along with the accompanying dance. it went a lot like this:
e.d.: i’m hungry
me: MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: i don’t like hot dog on a stick
me: i don’t care. MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: but i’m hungry.
me: meat on a stick meat on a stick meat on a stick MEAT ON A STICK!!
so we got her a shirt with evil skull cherries on the pocket. and i got a slimey the worm tshirt. hello! it said slimey on it, and has a muppet worm. it was a no brainer. then i got my hot dog on a stick.
ed: that guy just gave you The Eye
me: no he didn’t. he gave my MEAT ON A STICK the eye.
ed: i don’t think so.
me: MEAT ONA STICK MEAT ON A STICK!!
then we went to happy hour at a restaurant called toi. not to be confused with the toi in LA, but it is a thai restaurant. all restaurants are thai, in seattle. it’s the new law. i had two little white russians. and evildeb had a big gulp worth of “gingertinis.” consequently, yes, we were very buzzed. you KNOW i am a lightweight. deb had wine at the theatre, before we sat down. so she was probably in the category of drunk. that’s what she said. and i believed it. because she was still buzzed on the ride home from the show. and we were discussing her frustration with the fact that she will be required to put forth EFFORT, in the 2004 elections, to assure that gw does not get re-elected. it’s not enough to vote against him. we are going to have to CAMPAIGN against him, and for someone else. neither deb nor i like putting forth a great deal of effort on things. me, because i’m lazy. and deb because it’s not distracting enough, unless she profits directly. [a new president, while a benefit, is not as satisfying immediately as, say, a new pair of shoes.]
where was i? oh yeah. evildeb, still buzzed after show. eddie – fucking BRILLIANT. i bought a program with lovely pictures. i could not decide whether or not i needed a “sexie” tshirt. but i have another chance, so i didn’t worry too much about it.
dammit… i can’t even really talk about the show, can i? without spoiling it for fee. damn fee!! i’ll tell you all the details after LA.
man… i hate monday.

it ain’t called “..adventures of a girl, her kitten, and her mood disorders” for nothing, kids. but i will try to sheild you from the darker sides of my moods. but.. i’m feeling rather bleak lately. sad but true. it’s obvious i had nothing to write about in my blog, so i had to become depressed.
not to worry! i am, as always, under careful medical supervision. there are a team of people, working on my bad mood. and, if i am going to be a writer, i guess i have to suffer for my art. what better way than to become depressed? and maybe just a little bit crazy. for that creative edge.
on the upside, tomorrow is eddie night. evildeb and i are sticking to the west side after work. we are going to go downtown, park the car and then proceed to run amuck. i’m fairly sure that there will be some Smart Cocktails Æ; involved there, somewhere. lord, let there be cocktails. and some food. some nosh! and loads of emotional denial.
today, when i went downstairs for a meeting, the entire first floor of my office building smelled like banana cream pie. or at least the east side of it did. wishful thinking, on my part, or clandestine pie eating contest? i do not know. once, up on the 2nd floor, we had an apple pie baking contest. i got to be a judge. it was awesome. so it’s possible they had a banana cream pie contest on the first floor.