this song goes out to fee. it’s called “digging my potato.” seriously. that’s what it’s called.

i’m so happy i decided to be a fan of The Rock.
there’s gonna be some goooood punchin’ and fightin’ and ‘splosions in this here film.

ok, i really do not mean for this to be a regular feature here. but, since i am in all kinds of bad moods… STILL… it would appear that i need to look on the sunny side of the fuckin’ street. AGAIN. whatever.

fifty more things i am grateful for
1. that i have a mac, and don’t have to worry about 99% of the asinine computer viruses sent out.
2. egg mcmuffins.
3. squishy’s airport extreme card.
4. the lovely flowers my dept sent me.
5. calendars with tabby cat pictures.
6. yoshimi, my japanese girl piggy bank.
7. caller ID
8. cowboy bebop
9. my franklin-coveyÆ brain
10. bubble baths
11. the sims.
12. potatoes
13. the soap
14. caffeine.
15. bereavement time off
16. the PetMate Litter Locker
17. the Yoga for Dummies DVD.
18. two button mice with scroll wheels.
19. the beanbag chair in my cube.
20. even numbers
21. the smell of oranges.
22. sneakers
23. anna using Net Send in the command line, yesterday in training, to make a message pop up on my screen that read “smiling’s my favorite”
24. netflix
25. that i have not killed anyone in a fit of rage and been sentenced to life in prison.
26. the human nervous system.
27. dictionaries.
28. chocolate.
29. my sage colored nalgene water bottle with sipping attachment.
30. the delete button.
31. brightly colored sticky pads.
32. lemons and lemon flavored things.
33. black extra fine sharpie pens.
34. purring
35. the smell of crayons.
36. lola, the sparkling gold princess comfort cruiser.
37. my mom
38. curse words.
39. clean underwear.
40. jamba juice, with a special shout out to the two enthusiastic gentlemen who served me my strawberry tsunami this afternoon.
41. pajamas. [thanks for the reminder, romy]
42. las vegas.
43. bubble baths
44. dolphins
45. the flip fold
46. the purple chair
47. my gender
48. electricity
49. naps
50. massages

i’d be more grateful for massages if i were actually getting one right now, tho…

one of my favorite things for dinner, that i will make myself is three or four cheese ravioli with butter and lemon pepper. and by “make myself” i mean i will by the ravioli in the refrigerated pasta section of the grocery store. cook it and then put butter and lemon pepper on it. lemon pepper rules. it makes everything that is savory taste better. anyway, this weekend i found raviolietti. i didn’t know they made such a thing! baby tiny ravioli! how cute is that? way cute. it’s what’s for dinner tonight!
blog correction: i am about to get my SIXTH boss. i’ve only had five since i started at my present place of employment who shall remain nameless for the sake of job security.

i’m in the mother of all bad moods. any number of things are contributing to it. all manner of things. anyway, i’m hiding out. i booked a small conference room for an hour and took squishy and my airport connection on the road. it’s almost like having an office. i wish i had an office. i’m losing my boss soon. we are hiring a new manager, and my current boss, who is currently doing the work of three people, will now only have to do the work of 1.5. in the process, one of the responsibilities she is shedding, is the responsibility for me. which, i am sure, is upsetting to her. i should ask her to get me an office before she relinquishes control over me. somehow, i doubt the rest of the team would like that. but i don’t really care about them, now, do i? no. the idea of getting a new boss is bothersome to me because it upsets the dynamic. i don’t like it when my personal or professional dynamics are upset. i don’t trust new people. even tho, it always turns out fine, at this stage in the game, i don’t like it. nope. not one bit. i don’t trust him. or her. i don’t know who it is because they are ENTIRELY NEW to me. they have not even been hired. they’ve only been NARROWED DOWN. therefore, they are ENTIRELY UNTRUSTWORTHY. you can see the logic. what if they have no sense of humor? what if they don’t get me? what if they are no fun? what if they wear too much perfume. or hate cats? WHAT IF THEY ARE VEGAN? the whole thing is very disturbing and i’m just not going to be able to cope with it.
despite all of that, the fact that i am getting a new boss is NOT what is putting me in the mother of all bad moods. that only came up because i want my own office instead of a cube. this is more feasible than you think. as past RIF’s have left us with a surplus of empty offices. they should just give me one. and re: the new boss, well i’m used to them. what with the curse and all. long story. basically, i have a boss curse. which, until i started here at this company, meant if you were my boss, you would quit or be fired within the year. happened to everyone. even people who had worked for the company for 20 years. i have 25+ bosses, i think, in the 8 years before i started here? anyway, when i started here, the good karma of the company changed to curse to be that you simply moved into a different positions, after being my boss. i’ve worked here almost five years and i’ve had 6 bosses. two of those were at the same time, tho. i’m about to receive my 7th. only 4 of them remain with the company. one left of her own accord. and one was laid off, but way way way after being my boss. it wasn’t my fault!!! she doesn’t blame me!! usually, you move on to a BETTER position than being my boss. so ti’s not a bad thing.
i have 4 hours of tedious, horrible, mandatory training this afternoon. it will probably suck out what remains of my soul. we should all be happy that i am taking bereavement off this week, in order to replenish.

well it’s been a productive evening so far. i’ve changed 3 out of the five dead lightbulbs in my house. i would have done all five, but i am now officially out of new lightbulbs.
i think i’ll play some sims.
apparently i screwed up by going into work today. i coudl have played the sympathy card, as several people asked me why i came in in the first place. oh dopey me.

so… not much has been going on. that is to say, i haven’t been very observant of the world around me. which gives me very little to comment on, here. granddad passed away yesterday morning. i am still waiting to hear the details about the funeral, to know when i will be going to arizona. so i am at work today. however, my mind is not really on my job, i have to admit. i’m very sad. i’m sad that granddad is gone, and grandma is alone. i’m sad that granddad had to live so long, when the last few years have been nothing but debilitating and painful. i’m sad i don’t have my father around, last friday marked the 10 year anniversary of his death. i’m sad i had to call a sibling and inform him of his grandfather’s death, when in reality, that side of the family has basically severed ties with him. i’m sad the same sibling is no longer sober. i’m angry, actually, that he’s no longer sober. but that’s a story for another day.
so, i’m all wrapped up in my emotions. and since i don’t feel like spilling all my sadness all over everyone, i am just reading books.
but, tell me what you think of this. i’m halfway thinking of driving to phoenix. it’s a two day drive, basically. that’s four total days of driving. here’s why. i’m sick of the airport. it pisses me off. the amount of effort it takes to go anywhere is so frustrating and annoying and tiresome. the idea of having to go through it, just feels so draining. whereas, the idea of driving, well that appeals to me. i like to drive. it’s meditative. i like thinking. i like seeing things around me. i like singing along to the tunes. i like the idea of having my own car in phoenix, without having to rent one. i like the fact that you can bring whatever your trunk can hold. you don’t have to cram things into a suitcase. if you can’t decide what shoes to bring, bring a trunkload of ’em. i don’t know…. i just think it would be good for me. somehow. some people have looked at me funny when i’ve brought this up. i’m open to opinions either way. so tell me what you think.

this is where i started… move your mouse over the bears to play with them. but the real reason i’m posting this … you could explore this site for hours. i’m sure of it. click on the swirly down below the bears when you are ready to move on.

granddad has developed congestive heart failure. he is in a hospice where they can keep him comfortable. he’s doped up on massive amounts of morphine. he cannot swallow and hasn’t eaten since friday. they have not given him a feeding tube because, at this point, they are simply helping him pass on with the least amount of pain. his lungs are full of fluid, and it’s an effort to breath. the only liquid he takes is when my stepmom dribbles water in his mouth so he can talk. basically, we are looking at mere hours here.
so, you know, life is kinda no fun for me right now. i was talking to my mom last night, about her younger sister, who is having a hard time. and going through …. ummm… the change. anyway, she’s pretty massively unhappy and depressed. so my mom told her to make a list of 50 things she was grateful for. “fifty things?” i asked, “you are quite the task master.” and afterwards, my aunt felt better. she is my mo¸r mo¸r’s daughter, and therefor used to the life motto “there are people who have it worse off than me.” i’m sure this list of things to be grateful for is an oprah thing. but nonetheless, in the face of recent events, i am going to now list off 50 things i am grateful for, because i’m well too aware of the things i am not so happy about. so, in no specific order, here are 50 things i am grateful for.

1. prudence.
2. my job
3. the company i work for.
4. squishy
5. my oral health. [i have strong teeth.]
6. my green eyes.
7. my breast reduction
8. the uberbrain
9. the internet
10. the fact i don’t have to have roommates
11. my independence.
12. tivo
13. dr. pepper.
14. the free soda pop here at work.
15. soft core porn.
16. my cello
17. my computer [at home]
18. my family
19. my mom. she gets a special shout out.
20. movies
21. amazon.com
22. lola the sparkling gold princess comfort cruiser
23. my sense of humor
24. the ability to cross only one eye at a time.
25. my therapist
26. antidepressants.
27. barnes and noble
28. my love of reading, and books in general.
29. my friends.
30. living in the seattle area.
31. my ability to parallel park.
32. the fact that my older brother is scared of me.
33. prolab, for laying me off and getting me out of there.
34. rain
35. my skills in setting up my own home theatre system.
36. my skills at trivial pursuit.
37. my gigantic brain.
38. my blog.
39. anyone who reads my blog. [awwww… hugs!] [[that was sarcasm. i am grateful for you, but i probably won’t hug you.]]
40. good friends who read and recommend good books to me.
41. music.
42. the 5.5 years i had with the B.
43. my ability to live alone.
44. cheese.
45. baked lays.
46. those new little heaty pads you can attach to the front of your underwear when you get cramps.
47. the library.
48. the wind.
49. water.
50. getting out of oklahoma while i was still young.

there you go. way to focus on the positive aspects of life. right?

my stepmonster [and i say that with great affection] has sent me an update about my paternal grandparents. after my father died, 10 years ago last friday, my stepmother stayed in PA for a while, then moved to denver, and eventually phoenix. my grandparents are living in sun city, and she basically takes care of them. their only other child, my uncle jerry, lives in LA, and he is there frequently. but it’s basically my stepmom who watches over them. she’s been a saint, really. although i doubt she’d agree, because she’s so tired and frustrated. [saints don’t get tired and frustrated.] but to me she is. here is an clip of what’s up with granddad:
At Christmas, I didn’t think he was going to make it through the night a couple times but he rebounded. He’s pretty much lost what was left of his mind now, however.
Yesterday when I was up there, he was in his wheel chair, which he can actually push himself around in. He was out in the hall and kept telling me he had gotten a hair cut but had walked out and hadn’t paid for it so he needed to go pay the barber. (I’ll point out here that his hair hasn’t been cut in months and even though he’s bald on top, the sides were sticking out all over the place.) He wheeled himself down to some old ladies room and was sitting in the hall yelling at her “how much do you charge for haircuts?”
I pointed out that this was not the barber shop and he insisted it was. Then he says, “well, she’s not too busy today. There’s no one here. She must be a crappy barber or there’d be more people here.”
Later, we had gotten him back into bed and I was sitting in his wheel chair talking to him. He said he needed a new wheel chair because this one was too small. In making small talk, I said it fit me pretty good. He says, “well, okay. I guess I won’t call you fat ass anymore.”
Gee, thanks, Grandad!!
i wish i could go down and help her… it looks like he will be released to a care facility soon. i hope he and grandma can be together again, as she is not as loopy as he is. but still quite loopy. she talks to me about my “uncle don” who died 10 years ago all the time. reminding me who my stepmother is, my uncle don’s wife. stuff like that. plus, she apparently is also loopy enough to believe all the loopy things my granddad tells her. her called her from the hospital telling her that someone had left him at the dentist and he needed someone to come pick him up. sigh.
my stepmom asked me to shot her if she ever gets that senile. and i think i will agree to it. unless … maybe being senile is fun?