my aunt vickie is throwing an engagement party for my mom and bob. it has a secret theme. i feel fairly confident in telling you this theme, as my family does not read this blog. because i havenít told them about it. except for josh. anyway, the theme is to come dressed as a member of the wedding party. bride, groom, best man, children of the bride… whatever. you are too be creative in your costuming. now, i figure, i can come as a child of the bride quite easily. i could pull that off better than anyone. except maybe my older brother. however, i bet its specific to a child of the bride attending the wedding. forget that. iím not going to get all dressed up to look like me all dressed up. so here is what i think i should wear…. iím going to be a bride. i want to find a big tulle skirt, even a ballet skirt would do, as long as itís white. then i am going to wear my doc martinís [black] and maybe my white and red striped witchy poo socks. then, i will wear a white baby doll shirt i have that says, in small black courier print ìmy cat hates you.î and then the ubiquitous veil. sound pretty? i think so.

hello dear internet friends. today, while i drink my chai tea at cafe ladro, i will share with you my recipe for a great day off. [i took yesterday off]
first, make sure its raining torrents of rain. this is important, because you are going to have a lot of driving to do, all over town, and you are going to want traffic to slow down to a crawl. make many many appointments, spanning the entire day. this is where the rain comes in, to interfere with the delicate dance that is your schedule for the day.
your first appointment is going to set the tone for the day, so do the most depressing and humbling task first. might i suggest meeting with a lawyer to discuss filing bankruptcy? if possible, pick chapter 13 bankruptcy. in a chapter 13, not all of your debt is wiped away. they go over your budget, and all the money you owe, and decide how much you can apply to your debts. they can force banks to give you a fair market interest rate on your car loan, if you donít have one. they can fix it so the IRS will not charge you any more fees or penalties. they can lower the interest rate on everything, and wipe out some kinds of debts. however, what they will also do is take HUGE chunks of your paychecks, to apply to the debts they believe you could pay. this continues on for a fix period of time, let us just say, hypothetically, 4 and a half years. they will leave you NO extra money for savings, saving is not an option. neither is fun. or luxury of any kind.
wait, did i mention that the lawyer should be located as far away as feasible, while still staying within your county? look for a lawyer in bum fuck egypt. miss your next appointment due to the length of the appointment with the lawyer. barely make the appointment after that.
go home for 40 minutes and fall on your bed. contemplate your total life suckage. figure out how old you will be when the bankruptcy is over. instantly start feeling your age. go ahead and get a splitting headache. you deserve it!
go to your third and final appointment with your general physician. make it for a check up. make sure it includes a pap smear. because without it, you will not suffer enough humiliation to truly make this the most special day off ever.
if you do it right, the above can take you pretty much the entire day. enjoy!!