granddad has developed congestive heart failure. he is in a hospice where they can keep him comfortable. he’s doped up on massive amounts of morphine. he cannot swallow and hasn’t eaten since friday. they have not given him a feeding tube because, at this point, they are simply helping him pass on with the least amount of pain. his lungs are full of fluid, and it’s an effort to breath. the only liquid he takes is when my stepmom dribbles water in his mouth so he can talk. basically, we are looking at mere hours here.
so, you know, life is kinda no fun for me right now. i was talking to my mom last night, about her younger sister, who is having a hard time. and going through …. ummm… the change. anyway, she’s pretty massively unhappy and depressed. so my mom told her to make a list of 50 things she was grateful for. “fifty things?” i asked, “you are quite the task master.” and afterwards, my aunt felt better. she is my mo¸r mo¸r’s daughter, and therefor used to the life motto “there are people who have it worse off than me.” i’m sure this list of things to be grateful for is an oprah thing. but nonetheless, in the face of recent events, i am going to now list off 50 things i am grateful for, because i’m well too aware of the things i am not so happy about. so, in no specific order, here are 50 things i am grateful for.

1. prudence.
2. my job
3. the company i work for.
4. squishy
5. my oral health. [i have strong teeth.]
6. my green eyes.
7. my breast reduction
8. the uberbrain
9. the internet
10. the fact i don’t have to have roommates
11. my independence.
12. tivo
13. dr. pepper.
14. the free soda pop here at work.
15. soft core porn.
16. my cello
17. my computer [at home]
18. my family
19. my mom. she gets a special shout out.
20. movies
21. amazon.com
22. lola the sparkling gold princess comfort cruiser
23. my sense of humor
24. the ability to cross only one eye at a time.
25. my therapist
26. antidepressants.
27. barnes and noble
28. my love of reading, and books in general.
29. my friends.
30. living in the seattle area.
31. my ability to parallel park.
32. the fact that my older brother is scared of me.
33. prolab, for laying me off and getting me out of there.
34. rain
35. my skills in setting up my own home theatre system.
36. my skills at trivial pursuit.
37. my gigantic brain.
38. my blog.
39. anyone who reads my blog. [awwww… hugs!] [[that was sarcasm. i am grateful for you, but i probably won’t hug you.]]
40. good friends who read and recommend good books to me.
41. music.
42. the 5.5 years i had with the B.
43. my ability to live alone.
44. cheese.
45. baked lays.
46. those new little heaty pads you can attach to the front of your underwear when you get cramps.
47. the library.
48. the wind.
49. water.
50. getting out of oklahoma while i was still young.

there you go. way to focus on the positive aspects of life. right?