ED: I’m hungry… what should I eat? What should I eat?

Me: *the sound of someone ignoring EvilDeb because she talks to herself all the time.*

ED: I know, I’ll eat this apple. This one sitting right here. It has my name all over it. Pippin. Ha!

Me: Pippin? Your name is Pippin now.

ED: Yes. Apparently it is.

Me: Well, I’m … ummm…. Golden Delicious.

ED: Is that your stripper name?

Me: Yes. No, wait… my stripper name is Tigger Tanglewood.

ED: Tigger… I’m going to call you Tigger Delicious from now on.

Me: That sounds like a Bond Girl name.

ED: Tigger Delicious!

Me: I will call you…. Pippin Silkstockings!

… 20 minutes later, on a walk to the People Communist Collective grocery store, EvilDeb’s Bond Girl name was changed to Pippin Pussywillow because it had a more pleasant alliteration.

Pippin Pussywillow is not here today, she is having more novocain shot into her head.

EvilDeb is going to get a Forensic Data Recovery certificate. She’s starting classes next month.She’ll be learning about trojans, backdoors and sniffers. I asked her what that was all about.

Me: sooo… do you get to get DNA samples, and use the violet light to look for sperm droppings?

ED: no, it’s on the COMPUTER.

Me: recovery of sperm off computers?

ED: no, more like… kiddie porn. I get to look for evidence of kiddie porn.

I should have known, she’s shown interest in these sick proclivities before.

Picture taken, obviously, by EvilDeb. Kiddies and Kitties… nekkid together. I guess it’s escalated from there.