Today’s title has absolutely nothing to do with my life right now, other than I wanted to share my favorite Dogma quote with Romy. I worship air conditioning. It is one of my favorite things in life. It’s right up there with Dr. Pepper from a fountain and my cat. And other things that are also “up there.” I have dreams about a/c. About the a/c we had in the house in Tulsa, the vent was right under my bedroom window. I had really tall windows that went down nearly to the floor, with long white curtains. When the a/c would come on, they’d billow out… sigh. I love the sound of air conditioning. The house in Grand Junction had a swamp cooler. It worked best when the back door was open a crack. I don’t know why, I don’t question the genius that is air conditioning. We don’t have a lot of a/c in homes around here. They say you don’t need it in the Pacific Northwest. But they are full of crap!
Speaking of crap, I had Easter Brunch with the family this morning. It was delicious [not crap!] When my mom got married last spring, she inherited a 9 year old granddaughter. This kid is, as they say, a pip. She learned right away not to believe a single word my uncle Jim says. She doesn’t believe I am as old as I am. Both by my looks and, mostly, by my behavior. Not having any kids, I have seen little reason to grow up. So we have about the same maturity level. Her birthday is a week, and I imagine she’ll start out growing me soon. We found out today that she was caught using a bad word. And you could tell she didn’t want her mom to tell us what it was. But I had to know, because I love bad words! Finally, her mom mouthed the word “crap.” Crap? Crap is a “bad word?” Really? That’s nothing! Crap is well…. it’s a pretty crap bad word, that’s for sure. I know for a fact that I developed a potty mouth early on. And I went far beyond “crap.” My mouth was washed out with soap once. That wasn’t really Pattie’s style, so maybe we were just giving a try for curiosity’s sake. When I was living in Tulsa, we went to church regularly, and my youth group [jr. high age] had a little cheer we used to yell, that I remember to this day. We learned this cheer at a regional youth retreat in Dallas. It went, and I quote:
bish bish bam bam!
son of a bitch, god damn!
highty tighty christ o’mighty
raw raw fuck!raw once, raw twice
holy jumpin’ jesus christ
awwwww.. SHIT!
Of course, I grew up a Unitarian, so we didn’t get in trouble until we started yelling it near the little kids. Unitarians can take the Lord’s name in vain all they want, if it’s part of their Spiritual Journey. Unitarians kick ass.
Pattie had put little plastic eggs near everyone’s plate, with questions inside. [That is so Pattie’s style] Usually, Uncle Jim, Pseudo-Aunt Pat, and I poo-poo any serious Sharing of Feelings at family gatherings. [so did my step-dad, back in the day]. We carry the “Irreverent” gene rather than the “sharing” gene. Mine was not bad this year, if I could have another life after this one, who or what would i chose to be. Duh… Wonder Woman. Or maybe Catwoman. [I admit, I have a dark side.] Pseudo-Aunt Pat got “would you consider e-harmony in your search for a new relationship.” I was shocked I did not get that one! [I would then have remarked “what search?” ] Then Pattie, disappointed, said “Bob wouldn’t let me give you that one.” Smart man, Bob… well played.