Miss Kitty [Tessa], Boss, Ace Barracuda, and I, Miss Conduct, played poker out in the sunshine, in the courtyard at lunch today. I was on fire! Of course, for someone who was on fire, I was awfully cool. I went into a hand with pocket ace’s, and ended up with a full house. And I made everyone pay BIG TIME to play that hand.

We had an audience for bit, watching the game. Someone from the shipping dept. At one point, when I was dealing, I slapped down the river and said something like “POW!” or “BANG!” Shipping dept. guy deadpans, “whoa. that was a thunderous boom. that’s quite a voice you’ve got there. it echoed.” He wasn’t joking, he really thought it was a thunderous boom. It was just my outside voice. I was just having fun. But that brought Tessa and I to that stage of laughter where no sound is coming out, and you are clutching your stomach. Maybe my thunderous boom is one of my super powers.

I’m going to an my friend’s gallery opening tonight after work. I thought I’d try to be all classy and shit, so I wore a shirt with buttons and a collar. No text or graphics. And, unfortunately, it’s white. And sure enough, it’s got Wendy’s Frosty on it now. I don’t know why I even try. Yesterday I was telling the artist that I was going to be there.

“Louise and I are coming over after lunch… I mean after dinner… I mean after work! sheesh.”

At that point I laughed at myself, but I was also about to take a sip of water, I had the bottle to my lips, but didn’t notice how close to the rim it was filled, and ended up spraying water all over myself.

“That was perfect!”

“Thanks, I try”

It’s not that I am a spaz, it’s just that I have special skills.