Monthly Archives: September 2006

50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 50

You guys did such a great job last week! I think I am mucho rusty at this. I could not come up with a theme to save my life. I kept trying to use lines from the tv shows I was watching. Contenders?

  • Don’t be mad, monkey.
  • Everyone was happy, especially the truckers in sweatpants.
  • Look, will you ladies take your tea party outside? I’m trying to calm my nerves.

In the end, i chose a single word – chance.

The Dating/Crying Game

“You’re not what I expected.”

“Neither are you, actually”

“Well, I guess you take a chance when you answer the ads, huh.”

“True.”

“Look, there’s been a mistake. I’m sure you are nice enough, but I’m not gay.”

“I see. Well…. I’m not a man.”

Standard
sims

I’ve been a bad god(dess)

I bought the new expansion pack, Open for Business, but I have not actually played any sims since then. I think it was because I was so disappointed that the Win players would soon have pets, and I would not. However… Dr. Stevil delivered the good news today! The mac version will be out two weeks after the win version. That’s the fastest turnaround yet! Wheeee! I love you Aspyr!

I’ll try to be a better Sims2 goddess from now on.

Standard
Uncategorized

Questions and Answers

Were you born before the end of the first Gulf war?

Of course I was, I was born before the start. If you are referring to Desert Storm. I don’t know… I am sure there were other wars in the gulf.

Childhood nickname?

depends on who was talking to me. my friends often called me jo-jo or jo.

Historical person you have the biggest crush on?

George Washington, 6’8″ weights a fucking ton. [he’s saves children, but not the British children]

How about admire?

C.G.Jung… I’m not sure it’s admire so much as I find him interesting.

Favorite type of candy?

peanut butter twix

Favorite foreign country(ies)?

Canada. Of course, I’ve only been to Canada and Mexico. Sorry Tijuana… Canada wins.

Fish or chicken?

Chicken

Do you have your own perfume line?

nope.

Have you ever written a children’s book?

No, but when I was in college, I used to doodle this little girl I called Bethann, and her best friend Frank, and I wanted to write stories about them.

Have you been in a movie based on a book?

Hey, I let that crazy question about perfume pass, even tho it was a non-sequitor… but now you are getting random.

Ever posed nude for a photo?

yes. I was three.

Guiltiest pleasure?

sleeping in.

Your best nonguilty pleasure, then?

reading

What are you allergic to?

grass and mold

Worst pickup line you’ve heard?

Shut up, Slave. Ok? U like to finish?

Were you bar mitzvahed?

Nope, I’m a Unitarian

Have you ever cried during a TV interview?

Not that I recall.

If they made a movie of your life, who would play you?

Ah, that’s a tuff one. At what age is this movie set? I mean, that makes a difference. I don’t know, I’m open to suggestions.

Pet peeve?

Whistling.

If you weren’t doing what you do, what job would you like to have?

Either a writer or a dolphin psychologist.

Place you will never be found?

The gym.

Why did you participate in this tagging?

Normally, I don’t. But Blair asked me specifically, and nicely, and also I found I had no blog topic. I’ve been pretty dull the last few days, working, going home and straight into pajamas, chatting with Wil, going to bed, not a lot of material for blog. Oh sure, I could write all about cleaning, but really, cleaning is pretty dull. Although I should rub it in all of ya’lls faces… I did so clean! Ask Mrs. Moon. We even went to the dump!

Standard
evildeb

After my meeting, some words and phrases you will not hear me use in coversation

1. infastructure
2. core operating plan
3. strategic operating plan
4. execute
5. ops plan
6. deliverables
7. engagement level
8. actionable
9. margin analysis
10. aggressive timeline.
Most of them have no meaning for me. However, someone answered Evildeb’s question today, wanted to make sure she was “aligned with reality” and I can see that coming in handy now and then.

Standard
Uncategorized

I am not playing the sims…

I am cleaning. I just wanted all of you who doubted me to know that. I’ve been cleaning for about an hour. It sucks. I hate it. Mrs. Moon will be here in about an hour and when she gets here, she’s not going to let me have any fun. She’ll make me keep cleaning.

She’s so mean.

Standard
Canada

I home this weekend

Yay. I’m Home. Not on my way to Victoria. Yippee. Who woulda thunk I’d miss the ferry wait line. But, I needed a little break, as it’s a bit of a journey each weekend. Last weekend, I got a horrible headache on Sunday, wasn’t feeling well and didn’t even make it home until Monday morning. No, I’m serious, I really did have a headache. Anyway, I leave about 5pm on Friday, get to Tsawwassen, wait for the 9pm ferry, and get to Victoria about 11. It’s a long day. So, this weekend I stayed home.

To compensate for this, I have many important plans this weekend. Chief among them are my shopping/dinner with the Girls Who Eat Meat Adventure Club. We are finally going to eat at what can only be considered THE consummate restaurant for our little club, the Buenos Aries Grill. It’s all about the meat meat meat there, I’ll let you know how it goes.

And second amongst these plans… cleaning. Shut up. I’m serious. I’m cleaning. I’ve arranged for Mrs. Moon to come and help me. I’m paying her, don’t worry. She is showing up Sunday morning, and keeping me on task. And, in this way, I expect that some surfaces will be cleaned. It’s a pretty genius plan. She’s a cleaning/organizing savant.

So… yeah, I’m in country this weekend. Yay.

Standard
50 Word Fictions

50 Word Fiction Fridays Vol. 49

jodi: i’m gong to bring ’em back. gimme a topic. i need a topic.

wil: i dont know, why i love you the best

jodi: i don’t think why you love me best is a topic that everyone can write about. but you are free to write about it. 🙂

wil: well they should learn

jodi i can’t write about it.

wil: well you need to learn too

jodi: fine. that will be your topic. why you love me best. but, maybe everyone else will just have to do “love”

Lord, I am rusty at this. It’s been a while. But here goes. You remember the rules? Play along if you like, 50 words – no more, no less. Must include the theme or topic in order to get the extra special chicken fried bonus points, with gravy and cheese on top.

True Love



He looked over at her, at her dopey smile, her fingers that caressed the smooth surface, her eyes wide with desire.

His jealousy was embarrassing, but he couldn’t help it. He snatched the MacBook Pro away.

“Jeez… you love it so much, why don’t you just marry it!”

Standard
William

On gal’s trivia is another gal’s chance to KICK YOUR ASS!

I can be slightly competitive about certain things. Events requiring physical prowess or coordination, like sports, not so much. I’m quite sure you can run faster and farther than I. All of you… any one of you… you won’t have much competition from me. I’m a competitive parker of cars. Not in skill, but in proximity to destination. I will sometimes not want to give up a parking place, because it’s so prime, even if there are other parking spaces available. (This is why I could never again live in San Francisco, the stress of parking would make me insane. It’s bad enough in Seattle) I hate to admit it, because you won’t believe me when I tell you that I don’t crave the spotlight – honestly, but I really do have a need to be the most entertaining. Sometimes. I work on that one, constantly. I want to be the most entertaining, and yet, I don’t want to always be entertaining. Explain that one, will you? Love me the most, but don’t put too much pressure on me, because I may not always have the energy to live up to your needs. Christ, what a mess.

But! I did not start this post to talk about my occasional insecurities and need for validation of my worth! Dag nabbit, no! I came to speak of the most sacred of all competitions … Trivial Pursuit.

I don’t know what it is about my brain that collects the random crap, but I’m full of useless facts. Hence, I love the Trivial Pursuit. Not all the pie colors. I hate the blue (geography) and I am not crazy about yellow (history). The pink (entertainment) is my best pie color by far.

The last couple of weekends, I have played Trivial Pursuit with Wil and his friends. One thing I noticed right off, as the only American in the group, I am expected to know all American History or Political questions. And it’s far more humiliating when I don’t, when surrounded by Canadians. Canadians who kept helping each other with the questions! Like.. helping the other team! They said it was because they were Canadian, polite and helpful. I told them they’d get their asses kicked if they played TP like that, in the States. And Wil! He’s the worst! If he were on my team, I would keep my hand over his mouth and he’d only be allowed to speak when given permission.

My team won, the first week. We would have won the second week, as well, but there were more people playing and more children running around and it was too distracting. We’d be lucky if we made it all the way around the table once without interruption. My heart wasn’t in it.

Wil can’t let go of the fact that he answered one question correctly… a question he claims no one else could have answered. I don’t even remember the question itself, but the answer is a tv show M.A.N.T.I.S. It hardly matters, we are done with Trivial Pursuit. We are moving on to strip mah jong medley,.. now that he has a mac. He’s in for it, tho. I’m a mah jong master. He shouldn’t even bother putting pants on.

Standard
Uncategorized

Lost your religion? Have some of ours!

Mr. Moon was telling me the story of a 17 year old member of his extended family who is pregnant, and the daughter of a fundamentalist Christian. He feels bad for the girl, and the parents, because they have a tough road ahead of them. So does the baby. Anyway, in the course of our discussion, we’ve decided to create our own religion.

Mr Moon: so far, i’m the only kid in like 4 generations that hasn’t had a kid out of wedlock, so i’ve got that going for me

me: which is good. and only confirms my thoughts on fundamentalist christianity. anytime you make a fundamentally human thing, like love and sex, taboo, and don’t talk about it, and the repercussions and such…

Mr Moon: yes – it confirms my thoughts, too – but i still feel badly.

me: you are asking for trouble.

Mr Moon: absolutely agree with you

me: of course you do, cuz we are the brilliant.

Mr Moon: the brilliant – that should be our new religion

me: EXCELLENT! or at least our band name.

Mr Moon: um…hi, we’re The Brilliant and we were wondering if you’ve let denial and tabooism destroy your life of efficacious communication? if so, can you read our pamphlet?

me: oh, we SO need to make our pamphlet

Mr Moon: i am soooooooooooooo down with it

me: i’m so excited by our pamphlet

Mr Moon: the practitioners could be called “SHURPA”s, ‘cuz the world view would be a combination of Sarcasm, Humanitarianism, Unitarianism, Realism, Pragmatism, Absurdism, and Situationism

me: NICE!!!! this, truly is THE BRILLIANT

Mr Moon: yea, i like that.

Mr Moon: so the pamphlet should have some symbology – i’m not sure why, but humans crave symbology with their religions – so we gotta work on that – something like a Universe collapsing into a singularity and then the singularity exploding into a mass and how can you graphically display consciousness being a fluke?!?

me: ummm… clip art?

Standard