Yesterday was a pretty good day. As a birthday present, my cousin Kirsten was given a gift certificate to the nekkid lady spa, by her husband. When we discussed this idea, I told him that I was concerned that Kirsten would be frightened, and disoriented, surrounded by all those naked ladies, at the spa for only the 2nd time in her life, all alone. And, if need be, I would sacrifice some of my time, and money, to accompany her. And so I did. Which is why I have babysoft skin right now. And toes that are painted “Double Decker Red.” I’m a giver.

The woman who did my scrub and moisturizing treatment was different than the other woman who have scrubbed and moisturized me. She had a different routine. Not better, just different. She seemed to go after my neck and décolletage area while I was lying on my side, bottom leg out stretched, top leg bent at the knee. Which means she’d lift my chin for me. Lying on my side like I was, I felt a bit like my cat, when I scratch her under her chin. I wondered if it would be appropriate to purr. I decided not. She was very vigorous with her scrubbing, and at times I wondered if the table legs, which were wooden, wouldn’t just snap and I would tumble naked to the wet, tiled floor, and wouldn’t that be hysterical because they’d probably feel really bad and give me some free treatments to make up for it. Probably massages – in case I was hurt.

For some reason I can’t fathom, I was very uncomfortable when she was working on my face. She did all these extra massagey, finger tappy things that none of the previous scrub technicians had performed. Every time she got near my eyes, it was all I could do not to flinch. When she started piling on the cold cucumber compress, I felt a bit panicky. Like I wasn’t going to be able to breath.[It reminded me of the time my Moür Moür wanted to make a plaster mask of my face. She wanted to put two straws in my nose, so I could breath, and then make a cast of the rest of my face. I wouldn’t let her, the idea just filled me with panic. She was annoyed with me, but annoyance has never swayed me once I have made up my mind.] And I was tempted to get up, and run out of the scrub area screaming “stay away from my eyes!!!” Don’t worry, I held it together. But she made me nervous somehow, I can’t describe it. It’s not like the cover your entire face with the stuff. And It’s not like I have not had it done before.

So it wasn’t my best trip to the nekkid lady spa. But, like sex and pizza, it’s pretty darn hard to have a bad one…. it’s still a trip to the spa, right?