Daily Archives: September 19, 2006

Uncategorized

Lost your religion? Have some of ours!

Mr. Moon was telling me the story of a 17 year old member of his extended family who is pregnant, and the daughter of a fundamentalist Christian. He feels bad for the girl, and the parents, because they have a tough road ahead of them. So does the baby. Anyway, in the course of our discussion, we’ve decided to create our own religion.

Mr Moon: so far, i’m the only kid in like 4 generations that hasn’t had a kid out of wedlock, so i’ve got that going for me

me: which is good. and only confirms my thoughts on fundamentalist christianity. anytime you make a fundamentally human thing, like love and sex, taboo, and don’t talk about it, and the repercussions and such…

Mr Moon: yes – it confirms my thoughts, too – but i still feel badly.

me: you are asking for trouble.

Mr Moon: absolutely agree with you

me: of course you do, cuz we are the brilliant.

Mr Moon: the brilliant – that should be our new religion

me: EXCELLENT! or at least our band name.

Mr Moon: um…hi, we’re The Brilliant and we were wondering if you’ve let denial and tabooism destroy your life of efficacious communication? if so, can you read our pamphlet?

me: oh, we SO need to make our pamphlet

Mr Moon: i am soooooooooooooo down with it

me: i’m so excited by our pamphlet

Mr Moon: the practitioners could be called “SHURPA”s, ‘cuz the world view would be a combination of Sarcasm, Humanitarianism, Unitarianism, Realism, Pragmatism, Absurdism, and Situationism

me: NICE!!!! this, truly is THE BRILLIANT

Mr Moon: yea, i like that.

Mr Moon: so the pamphlet should have some symbology – i’m not sure why, but humans crave symbology with their religions – so we gotta work on that – something like a Universe collapsing into a singularity and then the singularity exploding into a mass and how can you graphically display consciousness being a fluke?!?

me: ummm… clip art?

Standard
William

Sir? May I recommend I load myself into the reverse-thrust tubes and you use my body as decoy-fodder? This will, of course leave me splattered across deep space and unable to complete today’s laundry, for which I apologize in advance.

Saturday, Wil and I took a bunch of his laundry down to the laundry mat, to get it all done at once. A lot of the clothes had not seen the light of day since summer began. Initially, Wil thought to instruct me on the proper way to do laundry, and that was just to stuff everything into washers, willy nilly, so that everything would come out a nice uniform color. A nice theory, but the one area of housework I come close to excelling at is laundry, and my shocked dismay at his laundry procedure had him admitting he did a sort of lightist/darkish separation thing.

We fit all the wet clothes into two big dryers, and we each took the contents of one to fold, when the clothes were dry. I then took every tshirt he folded and refolded it properly. That is to say, in such a manner that they are about the same size when folded and fit into a drawer nicely. (As long as it’s flat, I can fold it nicely. Fitted sheets? Forget about it, I try to make a nicely shaped, flattish wad out of ’em. )

When we got home, I started to hang up the buttoned shirts and some of pants on the hangers we had bought at Linens n’ Things. His new place had no hangers. Now, those of you who know me, who’ve been to my house, are probably starting to freak out a bit at this point of the story. So was I.

“Look… I’m currently giving you an impression of me that is entirely inaccurate. This is not me. I don’t do this. I do laundry, but my clothes live, nicely folded in the beginning, at the end of my couch because my dresser is broken. Don’t get used to this domestic shit. I’m just trying to be nice or helpful or something dumb like that.”

You’ll be happy to know that I did not put the nicely folded clothes away, but sorta stacked them on the top of the dresser, the floor, or the coffee table. I haven’t completely lost my mind.

Standard