I think I have found my new profession, kids. I have lunch with people. That’s what I do. I lunch. I had lunch with my stepfather, on my way down from Canada yesterday. I had lunch with mom today. I am having lunch with some ex-coworkers on Thursday. Lunching is what I do.

My car was searched on my way into the states Monday. First time searched. I think of it more as a mini search. They didn’t pull me to the side for a full search, but the extremely nosey border guard went thru my back seat and trunk, opened up my suitcase. But the worst part is, he scared me into lying. No one has actually asked me what I do for a living since I quit my job, which is odd because border guards both ways love that question “who do you work for?” But this guy was so weird and so freaking suspicious that I panicked and said I was a freelance technical writer. Of course, lying to a government official freaked me out even more. I don’t even know why I did it. I could just say I was unemployed. But he acted like I was a surefire candidate for some kind of smuggling. I know it’s their job but every answer I gave to each question he returned with a look of “oh really?”

What I need is a good answer that is also honest. Any suggestions? Anyone willing to pay me a dollar for something I write so I can say I’m a writer? Stephen King says that’s all I need to say it.