Several years ago, a friend of mine moved to Canada from the UK for the same reason I moved here. Love. Awwwww. Anyway, when she found out that I was living in BC, she emailed me and told me if I ever felt like I needed to bitch, she was the number one source for Things That Are Wrong With Canada. I was a little confused because I was under the impression that all Things That Are Wrong in North America… in Western Countries… in fact, in the Entire World, come from the United States. If I were to start to criticize Canada, all they would have to say is “Well, you should talk… AMERICAN!” But Elle is from England, so she probably doesn’t have the same kind of burden of being responsible for all the evil in the world.

And yet, I must be honest. There are Things Wrong With Canada. There is “wrong” like the fact that Quaker Oats does not come in a cylindrical cardboard box, but rather a bag. There are things that are “Wrong” like the fact that you can’t get Red Vines or, except in one rare case, Milk Duds. That there is no Target. And a distinct shortage of Dr Pepper on tap, even in places like Burger King which have Dr Pepper in the states. And then there is Flat Out Wrong that my mind is still reeling from now, three days after the fact.

Scene: Wil and I are watching Corner Gas, a Canadian show I LOVE, it is one of the many Things That Are Oh So Right On in Canada. In this scene, Davis the cop is putting one of those stickers-that-shows-the-height-of-people-coming-through-the-door-and-robbing-you, by the door to Corner Gas. And Brett comments on the sticker. Brett runs the gas station. Davis replies, “Well, we call it a decal, but same thing.”

Me: What did he say? Did he say “deckle?” Does he mean decal [DE-cal]?

Wm: Yes, deckle. D-E-C-A-L. Deckle.

Me: He’s kidding, right? That’s a joke. Like when people use unnecessarily fancy words, and then pronounce them wrong, right?

Wm: What are you talking about.

– More people in the show use the word decal [deckle]

Me: No way… tell me you do NOT pronounce it deckle up here. That is so unbelievably WRONG.

Wm: What is your problem? It’s a deckle.

Me: It is not deckle! There is an “A” in there! It’s DE-cal, unless you are feeling fancy, in which case it’s de-CAL. This is a joke, right? You are putting me on.

Wm: Why would I do that?

Me: Because you can, you can make me believe all sorts of crazy foreign things, and lie in wait for me to say “deckle” in front of someone, which I can assure you will NEVER happen.

Wm: You are so weird.