some thing or someone was testing my patience last night. my INFINITE FUCKING PATIENCE, i might add. my apartment was too hot and airless [and too messy, actually] to be comfortable last night. so i thought i would go see a breezy and funny movie. i went to see “down with love.” when i first walked in, i was the only one there. i took one of three seats that have handrails, instead of seats, in front of them. because the seats in front of them are actually spaces for wheelchairs. i did that so i could put my feet up on the bars and be comfy. soon, another couple came in. and older couple, with a heavy accent of some kind. and they sat DIRECTLY BEHIND ME!! that’s just wrong. there was an entire empty theatre and they sat behind me. ok. whatever. technically, that was not part of my personal space. i suppose. but it is. it really is, you know. if the entire theatre is empty, sitting directly behind me is an invasion of my personal space. other people came in, but it certainly did not get full. it was a thursday night movie crowd. most people were probably out enjoying the weather. which is crazy.
so, anyway AFTER the movie started, the woman tapped me on the shoulder to tell me that she might, periodically, have to put her foot up on the arm rest next to me, as she just had surgery. i thought that meant she’d prop her foot up on the arm rest, like most people do, and said, “ok.” but what she meant was “i will be moving my ankle between the two seats, yours on the left, and the empty one on your right, and i will be resting my entire leg on the arm rest, with my foot encased in old lady pantyhose anklets. and yes, my foot will touch your arm, you will be unable to avoid it. this is why i chose to sit directly behind you, instead of in a row with no one in front of me. because i thought it would be more considerate.”
everyone knows i hate feet!! especially the feet of people i don’t know. i wanted to get up and move. but i had my perfect spot, man. so i decided to accept this as a test from god. a test of my ninja powers to ignore my environment. plus, when she took her foot down for a while, i leaned on that arm rest for a while. i claimed it. it was mine to begin with. she had a whole theatre of rows with no one in front of them!! bitch!!
and yes, that is a god damn simpson quote. because it summed it up nicely and i couldn’t think of a quote i wanted. i tried. i gave up. i’m using those same ninja powers to ignore the fact i’ve lowered myself to the point of using simpson quotes.
hey, but you know what? the movie was delightful! go see it.