I know that I appear to be a gal who has everything under control, who has a firm grasp on the situation. Who is on the ball. Who owns the fucking ball. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, “Jodi, yes… this is exactly what you seem to be, although I doubt I would refer to you as a ‘gal’ because that is somehow demeaning and does not coincide with someone of your composure.”

Sadly, it’s untrue. Even I have cracks in my facade.

I have things in my life now that I have not had in a very long time. And that makes me happy. But, I haven’t had them in a really long time for a reason. So it also scares me. And brings me annoying moments of self doubt. During these moments, I play my least productive game. It’s the game where I look at some random stranger, and deduce in a matter of moments, how much better she is at everything. Better than me. God I hate it when I play this game.

Take the girl who is parked next to me on the ferry right now. [The ferry that does not have electrical outlets, btw. In case you were wondering. ] Something tells me that she does not wait until the end of the day to make up her face, in the visor mirror, in the dark. She doesn’t go about her work day looking tired and shiny. Her little red Honda is spotless, and I bet her house is as well. I bet she doesn’t have dishes piled up. And I am sure she would clean the littler box before leaving for the weekend, instead of considering out of sight cat poop out of mind cat poop. I bet she is not going through a period of professional crisis, which continues to build upon itself until she doubts she’ll ever be able to do her job well again. Her cube is probably clean, everyone likes her and thinks she’s amazing. She’s probably employee of the month right now.

I see no split ends in her hair in her perfectly coifed hair, which probably never dares to snarl and rat. And that cell phone that is attached to her ear most likely holds an extensive list of friends who clamor for her time each and every weekend. When she flosses her teeth, which she does each and every evening before bed, she probably never rinses with dr pepper. Speaking of rinsing, I bet she’s never had to change into her yoga pants, and wash the only pair of pants she has with her in the sink of the washroom at the ferry terminal, because she’s spilled some incredibly unhealthy food on them and stained them. And now they sit, damp, spread out, in the back seat to dry. She probably never eats unhealthy food.

On the other hand…. when she left her car, she put on The Club. The anti-theft device that attaches to your steering wheel. While her car is parked, surrounded by dozens of cars. On a ferry. In the middle of the ocean. With no possible escape for would be thieves.

At least I’m not a moron. And so, in the end, I win the game. Ha!