I am not even sure I care about the exact plot of this Japanese movie, I am just upset that we don’t have it here in the US yet. It is rather visually stunning. Dr. Stevil probably sent out the link just to watch EvilDeb squirm. The nanosecond the trailer begun, I knew she’d be all over it. Like wasabi on sushi or something like that. It will probably eat away at her soul, daily, until this movie is available here. This is so her type of movie.

Monday’s suck. You know it’s true. And if it were not bad enough, it’s a sunny sky is totally blue lovely spring day. Nobody needs that crap on a Monday morning. It does not make things better. Standing up, looking over the walls of my cell, and out onto the shimmering water of Lake Union, does not make me want to revise/edit/tighten my report due at 3:00 today. If anything, it makes me want to print out my report, wad it up in a little ball and force someone to eat it, on my way out the door. I say “someone” because no one has, of yet, inspired me to shove a crumpled up spreadsheet down their throat. But the day is young, And people, when forced to exist within a corporate environment together, are predictable.
EvilDeb: there is something wrong with my [internal chat client]. Are you signed on?
Me: nope.
e.d.: I’ve been playing around with it, and now it’s not working. I can’t see you.
me: That could be because I’m not signed on.
e.d.: [thoughtfully] nooooo… I don’t think that’s it.

EvilDeb’s littlest spawn, my SweetPea, is finally potty trained. However, she seems to want further training. She wants to “pee like a boy.” Pee standing up. The only one naive enough to leave her unattended in the bathroom was her Poppa. Her grandfather. She asked him to leave her alone and he did, but he didn’t wait out in the hall, he left that part of the house. Soon, he was summoned back to find a tinkle soaked SweetPea, urine all over the bathroom. She was very happy with the results. She peed standing up. Like a boy.
Today, we were discussing her other pee issues she’s displayed. When she was still a baby, she liked to remove her diaper, run around naked, and pee on the floor. I think she just wants to be a free form tinkler. In her spawn’s defense, EvilDeb sent me here. Where I could learn the tried and true “Finger Method” that allows women to pee standing up. To use urinals. I was very impressed, actually. And I decided that learning how to pee standing up, as a woman, would be a great skill to have. Especially if you were out doors. No more squatting, no more looking for toilet paper. Admit it, girls, you want to know how to pee standing up. Oh sure, not every day, but in a pinch, and when the Women’s restroom is forming lines while the Men’s remains empty. In fact, I think if you combined this skill, with the Drinking Anyone Under the Table skill, you would, indeed, be a Action Hero.
For research purposes, I need to know the names of the crayon colors in a box of 64 crayons, and the order in which they are shipped, [left to right, top to bottom, left half of the box first, then the right.] AND using the colors we had in the mid 70’s. Anyone know? I can fake it for now, but it would be better to know. I could buy a box of crayons, to make note of the exact order, and then replace the newer colors with the original colors, following the timeline on Crayola’s chronology website. it would be tricky, but I could do it. But, I thought I’d put out the challenge first. It’s for my story. it’s for my book, actually, but I am just working on a scene, to bring to writer’s group. And send to Loon, because she’s let me read all of her writing class homework. It is terribly important to Lucy, that she be able to name all the crayons that appeared in her box, as a child, and the order in which they were placed.
It turns out, this is a day that will never end. I’m sure of it.

today, evildeb decided to have a bit of a breakdown. her level of professional frustration and stress, combined with the financial concerns of sending her oldest spawn to college next year, has finally pushed her over the edge. it’s sad to see the mighty fall, but at least she does it with such panache, as to provide amusement for her coworkers. it’s exceedingly easy to get her worked up about things right now. you challenge her on something and she’s off. watch her go!! we had at least 42 arguments today, and each and every one of them was a pure delight. she always talks to herself, during the day. all day long. but today, i think she was answering back as well. at the end of the day today, she finally tipped over the edge. if you didn’t know her, you might have just thought she was a little hyper … but no. she’s lost it.
case in point, a few minutes before leaving for the day, she walked up behind me and grabbed my shoulders, giving them a shake and then asking me, “how are you doing jodi?” with a great deal of enthusiasm.
me: why does everyone feel the need to touch me today? [it’s true. they either pestered me or told someone else to pester me. i should not have said that outloud, however. big mistake, because then the Man came over and started to poke me in the arm.]
e.d.: do your shoulders hurt, do you want a massage? [starts massaging my neck]
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: uhhh… deb? what’s wrong with you? are you losing it.
e.d.: *laughing a slightly deranged laugh.* yes… i’m losing it. i’ve LOST it.
me: yes, it’s lost…it’s gone, isn’t it? because … you are touching me. and you don’t touch people.
theman: *poke poke poke*
me: THE MAN, stop it!!
e.d.: *more manic laughter* i know!! i don’t touch people!!
me: deb… do you have any xanex with you?
e.d.: YEEEESSSSSS!!!! i doooo! wanna see?
lloyd took her home. i told her she should drink a bottle of wine [the general consensus was that she might need “the big box” of wine], and maybe think about starting yoga class again. poor evildeb. at least we stopped her before she sent out any emails/rants/declarations of frustration with intent to criticize and main/career limiting communications. i’ve tried to install the lesson, upon both evildeb and dr. stevil, whenever they feel super strongly about something, and feel the need to send an email, ALWAYS let me read it first. they can’t be trusted with their feelings. someone mature has to look out for them.

i like books that tell you what font was used when it was printed. the majority of books do not do this. but since i am a big font geek, i like it. sometimes, they even give the characteristics of the font.
“the text in this book was set with adobe garamond pro. an elegant and readable old style font, adobe garamond is based on the original garamond created by claude garamond (1480-1561)”
i don’t think i will use garamond in my book. too overused. i’m very fond of adobe minion. there is something so cheery about the lower case j in that font. i like it. palatino used to be my favorite serif, my resume uses palatino. but i’ve experienced so much more, fontwise, since then. i’ve grown, in a typographic way. i also like of adobe electra for a variety of reasons. first, the name. second, it’s a serif, but just a little bit funky, you know. it takes chances. and i like the little flat top lower case f.
in a conference call on friday, evildeb told them babytechs that i was sending them naked pictures of myself. which resulted in shock, horror, trepidation, disgust, and confusion on their part. i turned to her and asked her why that was necessary. she said it was because i was sending them an email [true] and they jokingly asked if it was work appropriate [true, although they knew it was actually about page layout software] and the only thing that could be inappropriate was naked pictures and they had to be of me because i was talking. she is such a pain. like i needed that kind of humilation. and if it were not for the fact that i left immediately after that meeting, i would have done something to get her back.
but now it’s monday and i lack inspiration. that’s kind of sad.

well, i’m pretty much worth shit today! it’s great! a while back i had to adjust my dosage of my blood pressure medication. but once it ran out, i was supposed to start a different kind. it ran out on sunday, i filled the new prescription on sunday afternoon, and i started it today. and that, kids, is why i’m a freakin’ idiot. just increasing the other med made me all spacey and dizzy and stuff for the first two days. what do you think a new kind is going to do? don’t start a new medication on a monday, jodi. you stupid stupid girl. [i didn’t know!! it’s not my fault!]
why do i have high blood pressure? no one knows. i had low blood pressure all my life, and then suddenly, at 26, it shot up. and they did lots of tests, because that’s unusual. but they couldn’t come up with anything. personally, i think it has something to do with my gigantic brain. or maybe computers because that is roughly around the time i started working with them full time.
so again, i’m dizzy and lightheaded. and trembly. i was trying to write on a cd i burned for dr. stevil, and i had to write very very very slowly. it’s also making it hard to concentrate. probably because it’s making me a wee bit manic. which is fun. [no it’s not]. and that is why i am worthless today.
coincidentally, dr. stevil gave me a cd to listen to, it’s all the songs that he has purchased from the apple music store and the 2nd song was “hyperactive” by thomas dolby. of course, now it’s some incredibly hypnotic song about milkshakes. i don’t know who this is, but her milkshake brings all the boys to yard. and by hypnotic, i mean it puts you in a trance with it’s repetitive lyrics and synth sounds. and it’s lameness. further proof that i am not, nor have i ever been, hip and/or cool. The Man says it’s a big hit with the kids today. with their mtv, ms. pac-man, and dan fogleburg.
evildeb is down in oregon, visiting the babytechs. and her incredible evilness has knocked out the power in their power grid. it’s not the weather, the weather there is similar to the weather here, today. [it’s bright and clear and sunny here. 66 degrees! an absolutely beautiful spring day. the view of the snow capped olympic mountains this morning, when i was driving across the lake, was stunning] it’s evildeb. she did it. i think she was frustrated about something.. and she just KABOOM blew out all the power. and got to go back to her hotel early, which has a swimming pool. hmmm…..

evildeb brought a little utility to my attention. now my computer makes little typewriter noises as i type. with separate noises for space and return. it’s absolutly delightful. for now. i’m sure i’ll get over it soon. but right now, i’m having the best time. i love the little tippety tap typing noises. when i learned to type, in junior high, i learned to TYPE. not keyboard. i learned on an IBM selectric. all of my college papers were typed, i never used a word processor. i didn’t even know how. i was computer illiterate. so i’m having a little deja vu moment. although, i would like to point out, i hated my typing teacher, she only liked the popular girls. everyone else, including all boys, she did not feel she had to bother with… be nice to. i got a C in typing. totally brought down my grade point average. i did not get c’s in ANYTHING. ever. later, in college, i got a job doing medical transcription for a physical therapist. i used a little dictaphone machine with foot pedals. and an IBM selectric. that’s how i became the speedy typist i am today.
i’d point you to the utility, but it’s a Mac OS X utility. and the majority of people chose to use lesser OS’s.

today i was talking to evildeb, like i do everyday… no, we were chatting. even though our cubes are next to each other, we were chatting. i mentioned to her that i have not seen a crazy person in a very long time. and that makes me sad. i like to see crazy people every now and again, because it keeps life interesting. and i don’t feel so alone in the world. [i’m partially kidding] i also have had no reason to scold shoppers/consumers in any stores/mini marts/restaurants etc lately either. that really bums me out. i don’t appreciate rude retail people, but i dislike rude shoppers even more. i’ve worked retail. i’ve been called names because i wouldn’t let a woman through the gate and back into hallmark to buy easter grass, 20 minutes after we had closed and locked up all the money. i think i single handedly ruined easter for her. i like to think of myself as the champion of the retail worker, because i can say what they can’t. i can turn to that bitchy lady and tell her that if she would SHUT THE HELL UP, then the process will work smoothly and she will get her chance at the clerk. but lately, no one has needed my special brand of retail justice. no one has even cut in front of me in line at the shell station check out counter, allowing me to then inform them of the practice of WAITING YOUR TURN and STANDING IN LINE. evildeb told me i have not been hanging out in the CRAZY NEIGHBORHOODS. but that’s not true. i spent an entire day up on capital hill a couple of weeks ago. i was up and down broadway from one end to the other, and over to pike st. no crazies. and, in reality, the most significant personal interaction i have had with a crazy person was at a pf chang’s in pristine suburban bellevue. crazy people migrate.
you know, someday i’m going to tell some screamy customer to shut the hell up because i can’t hear myself buy shoes and they are going to punch me in the face. i wonder what my reaction would be. would i stand there, frozen in shock that someone would DARE invade my dance space and inflict harm upon my person? or would i instinctively punch back? i’d like to think i’d go all jerry springer guest on their ass. [oh TELL ME you did not just punch me, bitch. oh no you DON’T!!] i’d like to point out that i am an exceedingly polite customer/shopper, always appreciative, understanding, usually entertaining. i don’t want people thinking i run around yelling at people all the time.
by the way, evildeb has a new phrase that she is trying to implant into our corporate, or at least department, vernacular. because it’s so awful. “don’t be a cry baby… be a TRY baby.” she’s so cute.

it’s the most wonderful time of the year, you know. it’s girl scout cookie time! my enthusiasm for the girl scout cookie can be a bit unnerving to the little girl scouts outside the grocery stores. luckily for them and me, here at work, parents bring in boxes of cookies and put them in central services, with an envelope for money. they work on the honor system. if i wanted to, i could rip a bunch of girl scouts off. or maybe just the one. anyway, i could take armloads of cookies and pretend to put a check in the envelope. i could. it would be soooo easy. and yet soooo evil. i asked evildeb if she could be that evil. to steal from a girl scout. here is her reply:
evildeb: That’s not my kind of evil. I wouldn’t be able to see the little baby girlscout cry about it so what would be the point. I would want to see the result of my evilness. I could knock a girlscout down, grab all of her cookies and then dare her to “TAKE THEM BACK YOU CRY BABY GIRL SCOUT. THESE AREN’T EVEN AS GOOD AS CAMPFIRE GIRL POO!” I think that’s what I’d do anyway.
and of course, once i thought about it, i saw her point. where’s the entertainment factor in stealing girl scout cookies, if you don’t get to see the reaction. i’m not sure i could be that evil tho.
surprisingly, i’ve only purchased one box of tagalongs. i’ll get more before the week is out. and i’ll freeze them. there is another tech here who loves them and buys a bunch to freeze every year. gotta make sure i get my cookie on before she comes back from vacation! because i can be that evil.
someone european just spammed my blog, trying to sell me zoloft. because i have not yet installed the anti-spam update to my moveable type. i complained to evildeb as i deleted them one by one. but she pointed out it is a blog about a girl, her kitten and her mood disorders. so i guess i’m just asking for europeans to sell me anti-depressants. that does not, however, explain all the viagra spam i get.

we have this new system here at work. doesn’t matter what it does, what’s important is that we have to use it periodically throughout the day. and it’s pc only. which is neither here nor there, except it sucks. transitioning to this new technology has been a BIG DEAL. for several months. it has caused a great deal of both CONCERN and FRUSTRATION. i ignored the whole thing until i absolutely had to get involved. aka: the last minute. in order to help us learn the New System, we decided to have these little lunch and learn sessions over the next few days. and we’d volunteer to take an aspect of the New System, and do a demo. that would mean we’d have to GET TO KNOW IT. the New System that is. so, my little piece was today. which meant i IMMERSED myself in the New System for most of yesterday and this morning. thusly, i came to the little lunch and learn thing with a minute and a half demonstration and 37 questions and concerns about the New System. all along we’ve been told that the New System is not intuitive, and not logical, and even though we are all technicians, we will not be able to just sit down and figure out. because if you do one thing while facing west, and do the same thing in a month ending with Y, you’ll get two different results. which begs the question, why didn’t we go with a Different New System. one with logic and reason. oh, mine is not to reason why, mine is just to do what i’m told. la lalala la la laaa la la. [happy song]
i’ve been listening to gregory macguire’s “mirror mirror” in the car lately. and it’s driving me absolutely freakin’ nuts. driving me nuts from two different directions. first, the style of the book itself. the language is very… ornate. and florid. [how’s THAT for a vocab word?]. so ornate that i am often left saying “what the fuck did he just say? that sentence lasted two and a half minutes!” this morning, it took 175 words, in my estimation, just to say that the hunter and his grandmother Primavera had nothing in common to facilitate conversation. and in that explanation, i swear to god, a description of the trees in florance came up, their military arrangement. and, i really think there was something about a squirrel running up your pant leg? i can’t even tell you all the crap that was said in that explanation. and every single description is like this. i don’t remember wicked being like this. i adored wicked. but maybe that’s because i read it, and didn’t listen to it. look, i read the classics, i can handle decorative prose, if it’s good. but…. secondly, the narration. there are four narrators. one, for the general telling of the story, which is in the third person. you hear him most. one for the dwarves, one for lucrezia [who is playing the part of the wicked stepmother in this story] and one for bianca [snow white.]. those three are in the first person. we’ve heard very little from first person bianca. she’s been a child, so far, in cd’s 1-4. of those narrators, 3 of them read in an overly theatrical manner, ala Masterpiece Theatre. the main narrator is the worst. he also pronounces all the italian words with an italian accent. which is very unnerving and sounds pretentious. and when he does the voice of little bianca? this man has a smokey voice. and he is an older gentleman, you can tell. it’s just wrong. very wrong. the story should have been read by a woman. one more thing, when little bianca calls her father, the narrator reads it as “paPA!” instead of plain old papa. oh it is so annoying.
evildeb pointed out that no one is making me listen to it. i want to borrow her book version and read the rest, so i can skim the wordy descriptions. so i can find out what happens in the end. maybe it’s because i just finished listening to “coraline” which was an absolutely delightful recording, read by the author. who managed to speak as a little girl and not sound like a two pack a day smoker speaking in in pretentious falsetto.
oh jodi… bitch bitch bitch.
ps: 4 out of 5 dentists agree, i get to punch lloyd the next time he get’s all cheery first thing on a monday morning. any morning, actually. no cheery until 11:30.