today’s entry, dear internet friends, is all about my friend – evildeb. mostly because i NEED to tell the bee story.
first of all, edeb talked me into doing something on monday, that may shock and surprise you. she talked me into signing up at the gym. we get a deal at Sound Mind and Body, through our employer. it’s a gym i could NEVER afford otherwise. but now, it’s $22 for 3 months. so she decided she needed a work out partner, and i’m it. but she’s very very serious. she’s scheduled work outs 3x’s a week for the next 8 weeks, in my corporate calendar. she’s volunteered to take my workout clothes home and wash them between workouts. [because i don’t have a w&d in my apartment.] so… on monday… it’s a work outing i shall go. it’s good for me. i know. but man… exercising is just so not a jodiferous thing.
now evildeb is listening to some subliminal tapes. about exercise and weight loss. only they aren’t all that subliminal, because they say the phrase aloud before they “suggest” it. so her speech is peppered with phrases like:

i drink plenty of fresh, clean water.
i can see and feel the inches melting away. [i asked her if it tickled, she said it feels slippery.]
i do and enjoy exercise that is safe for me.
I eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.
and when she says these things, her voice gets kinda empty and robotic. it’s truly frightening. i’m going to plant some subliminal messages in her subconscious that make more sense.

clean jodi’s house.
do jodi’s laundry.
wash jodi’s car.

and now… the bee story.
on saturday, i was taking deb and maggie back home, after going to denny’s super pet world. we hit a drive thru expresso booth, to feed her evil addiction. double short non fat extra hot latte. so she takes her first sip and i hear her say “there is a bee in my latte.” i turn to her and look for the bee. but it’s down on the floor of my car. dead and soggy. i’m thinking she took off the lid and saw it. but no… she found it because she SIPPED IT!! and then she spit it out on the floor of my car. she was traumatized! i was traumatized! maggie was crying, albeit was because she was tired and wanted french fries. but still! obviously, we are going to have to sue that little espresso stand. for mental anguish. ewwww…. can you imagine? a dead bee in your coffee and you drink it!! thank god she didn’t swallow.
so that’s the bee story. you know what’s funny? they made her another latte, but don’t you think they might have done something more. like give her her money back or something?

i hope that eddie izzard had as much fun friday night as i did. that’s all i’ve got to say about that!!
actually. it’s not. but as a stand alone statement, it sounds kinda naughty. i like naughty. eddie was fabulous! and he was wearing some killer stiletto boots. i think they were sort of a camel colored brown. pointy. the boot equivalent of the fuck me pump, for sure. now, i’ve thought about it, and i’ve decided not to describe his appearance any further, as to not spoil the effect for fee and kam. i’ll tell you more about it after we see him in LA. which also limits what i can say about the actual content of the show, as well. but fee gets all FREAKED OUT when it comes to spoilers. and as much as i like to freak her out… i’ll abstain.
after work on friday, evildeb decided she hated the shirt she was wearing with a white hot passionate hatred. so we went to buy her a new tshirt. we ended up in westlake center, downtown. which excited me greatly because that meant i was close to the only remaining HOT DOG ON A STICK that remains in western washington to the best of my knowledge. so… i immediately started doing the MEAT ON A STICK chant, along with the accompanying dance. it went a lot like this:
e.d.: i’m hungry
me: MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: i don’t like hot dog on a stick
me: i don’t care. MEAT ON A STICK!!
e.d.: but i’m hungry.
me: meat on a stick meat on a stick meat on a stick MEAT ON A STICK!!
so we got her a shirt with evil skull cherries on the pocket. and i got a slimey the worm tshirt. hello! it said slimey on it, and has a muppet worm. it was a no brainer. then i got my hot dog on a stick.
ed: that guy just gave you The Eye
me: no he didn’t. he gave my MEAT ON A STICK the eye.
ed: i don’t think so.
me: MEAT ONA STICK MEAT ON A STICK!!
then we went to happy hour at a restaurant called toi. not to be confused with the toi in LA, but it is a thai restaurant. all restaurants are thai, in seattle. it’s the new law. i had two little white russians. and evildeb had a big gulp worth of “gingertinis.” consequently, yes, we were very buzzed. you KNOW i am a lightweight. deb had wine at the theatre, before we sat down. so she was probably in the category of drunk. that’s what she said. and i believed it. because she was still buzzed on the ride home from the show. and we were discussing her frustration with the fact that she will be required to put forth EFFORT, in the 2004 elections, to assure that gw does not get re-elected. it’s not enough to vote against him. we are going to have to CAMPAIGN against him, and for someone else. neither deb nor i like putting forth a great deal of effort on things. me, because i’m lazy. and deb because it’s not distracting enough, unless she profits directly. [a new president, while a benefit, is not as satisfying immediately as, say, a new pair of shoes.]
where was i? oh yeah. evildeb, still buzzed after show. eddie – fucking BRILLIANT. i bought a program with lovely pictures. i could not decide whether or not i needed a “sexie” tshirt. but i have another chance, so i didn’t worry too much about it.
dammit… i can’t even really talk about the show, can i? without spoiling it for fee. damn fee!! i’ll tell you all the details after LA.
man… i hate monday.

it ain’t called “..adventures of a girl, her kitten, and her mood disorders” for nothing, kids. but i will try to sheild you from the darker sides of my moods. but.. i’m feeling rather bleak lately. sad but true. it’s obvious i had nothing to write about in my blog, so i had to become depressed.
not to worry! i am, as always, under careful medical supervision. there are a team of people, working on my bad mood. and, if i am going to be a writer, i guess i have to suffer for my art. what better way than to become depressed? and maybe just a little bit crazy. for that creative edge.
on the upside, tomorrow is eddie night. evildeb and i are sticking to the west side after work. we are going to go downtown, park the car and then proceed to run amuck. i’m fairly sure that there will be some Smart Cocktails Æ; involved there, somewhere. lord, let there be cocktails. and some food. some nosh! and loads of emotional denial.
today, when i went downstairs for a meeting, the entire first floor of my office building smelled like banana cream pie. or at least the east side of it did. wishful thinking, on my part, or clandestine pie eating contest? i do not know. once, up on the 2nd floor, we had an apple pie baking contest. i got to be a judge. it was awesome. so it’s possible they had a banana cream pie contest on the first floor.

ack!! the punchiness is setting in! you know… the part where you get all hyper and you can’t sit still and you can’t shut up. the punchiness that comes with lack of sleep. i am going a million miles a minute, man. whooooooosh! ok.. i exaggerated. not a million miles. i’m not having a manic moment. but i am a little hyper. , dear internet friends. and because i am not receiving replies on my emails fast enough, and there are no new posts on the ‘brain for me to respond to, and tony isn’t here for me to shoot rubber bands it, and evildeb is at drawing class all day….i have to take it out on you.
after the punchiness comes the crash. i HATE the crash.

last night i suffered from the Great Blackout 2003!! is that what they are calling it? what did they call it? i didn’t bother to really pay attention. i’ll call it The Extended Period of Time without Electricity 2003! because, it’s possible that the origin of the EPOTWE 2003, for me, was different. i, for one, think it was indeed terrorist activity. [ok, i know i said i didn’t pay attention to the blackout, but how come they can know FOR SURE that it’s not a terrorist attack, and yet not know what caused it? “oh, we don’t know why it happened, but we KNOW it wasn’t terrorists!!” just curious] anyway, the terrorist group responsible for the EPOTWE 2003 is known as the PSE. Puget Sound Electricity… i think. i was the victim of their GUERILLA WARFARE tactics because i FAILED TO COMPLY with their payment demands. they wanted my complete and abject loyalty and obedience. and anyone who knows me, knows i don’t hang with terrorists. i mean… look at me and the IRS… we are still at war. so basically, my way of thinking, i would respond to their demands when i was good and ready, or i remembered… whichever came last.
well, their EXTORTION METHODS are many, and they are painful, people. i came home to absolute silence. and darkness. except for the fact that the sun was still out. but OTHER THAN THAT. it was pretty dang dim. so i called them up and i said, “fine. here. take your measly $126 and stuff it up your power cord!” i was told that they worked until 9, and my power should be turned back on tonight.
never have felt so isolated. so cut off. why… it seemed like only moments ago i was in the car… with a/c… and music. and now i was plunged into a dark tunnel of loneliness. i flopped down on the bed, lying on my back, arms and legs stretched out.
“this is boring,” i said to pru.
“tell me something i don’t know,” she said, taking a moment to stretch herself out on the window sill,
“alright! did you know that there actually is no such animal as a panther, in so far as…”
“YES!! i do know. you told me all about it. panthera is a genus blah blah blah. i am a cat you know.”
“ooooooo-kay. i’m going to the movies.”
“fine. go. give me a kiss goodbye before you go.” *kiss* ” THANK YOU!”
so i spent $8.25 of my hardly earned money and went to see tomb raider. which i enjoyed very much because a: i like treasure hunt adventures, b: i like it when girls kick ass and c: i like angelina jolie, now that she’s not hooked up with billy bob. they were weird together. it creeped me out.
when i got home, after 10 pm my power was NOT on. so pru and i played with flashlights, and then i went to bed. i was certain i would not be able to sleep, as it was too quiet and the air was too still without the fans. in fact, i was giving myself 20 more minutes before i gave up and went to the 24 hour walgreens to wander about, when i fell asleep. woke up at 4:50 am. i was going to come into work at 6, but like i told evildeb, lying in bed and staring at the ceiling is infinitely more interesting in the early morning, than it is in the early evening. i came in at 7:30.
i’m still ashamed of giving in to the the PSE’s terrorist methods. but i hope my power is on when i get home. now i have to through away everything in my fridge. not an entirely bad idea anyway. i just hope my thomas kemper grape soda doesn’t spoil.

bonjour, mes amis digitaux minuscules. bienvenue au week-end ! !
romy and fee, i did not win the lottery. but neither did anyone else, so that’s just an extra million for us!! liloo… you’d better find a way to get on my good side by saturday evening. that’s when i’ll be winning my millions. just so you know, romy, fee, evildeb and co-worker molly will all be accompanying me to a spa for a few days when i win. molly and i have already made this agreement. we’ll be flying first class. you don’t want to miss out on that do you?
speaking of evildeb, they FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY hired a 3rd person for my team! they’ve offered the job to evildeb! after three freakin’ months, we finally have a new person for product team. just to differentiate from my entire team, which consists of people who support other products than i, and my entire dept which, as a whole, supports everything. anyway, she’ll officially be back on the team/team/dept at the end of the month. and then i shall make her life a living hell. but that’s what she’s expecting, so don’t feel sorry for her.
i have no real plans this weekend. except i have a lot of laundry to do. i may go over to the EvilHouse tomorrow evening. i want to wash my car. i have to work on tax paperwork. oh my life is so exciting i can barely stand it. and i have bookclub this sunday evening. and i haven’t started the book. i should do that now.
ok.. i go. but i have to tell you, i am eating the BEST PIZZA right now. it’s a pagliacci’s cheese pizza with the additional GENIUS toppings of garlic and feta cheese. that was my idea. i’m the GENIUS part. it’s soooo good and my breath is soooo stinky. i’m going to go breath on pru now.

ok, liloo, this made me laugh:
The many way Jodi falls down” seems to glow with inner life.
because it’s true. i tried to explain that to my therapist once. i told her about the time i was standing on the sidewalk, at the curb, waiting for the cross walk, and i just spontaneously tripped. even thought i was standing still. and because i had my good camera around my neck, i fell all the way over, because i was using my hands to protect it, and didn’t catch my fall. and i think it made her sort of sad. but i’ve come to terms with it, for the most part.
also, regarding the clean underpants. that is where you are WRONG! i have ZERO clean underpants. i need to do laundry soooo bad. right now, i am wearing the “only when i need to do laundry” underpants. the kind that make you drive carefully because you don’t want to get in a car wreck with these particular underpants on. i do have two more pair, they are days of the week kitty cat thong underpants. i don’t know what days are left. but for some outfits, that’s just not appropriate.
don’t worry, internet friends, i’m obligated to feel better. first, fee reminded me, in less than a month, i will be seeing my boyfriend, eddie izzard here in seattle. and in a little more than a month, i’ll see him again, in LA. with fee and h’wee and kam! wheeeee! and, in fact, when i was in class with evildeb, i showed her the tickets for the seattle show, tucked safely away in my franklin covey Æ brain. just to keep our spirits up.
secondly, i must have seemed pretty down, because deb took me to the spa yesterday and got me a massage. she got herself a massage too. i told her not to be ridiculous, that she didn’t need to take me to the spa. but i only said that about 2.3 times, and not with my most resolute voice. so… off to the spa we went! this spa is called sanctuary. it’s wonderful. they those showers. you know? the steam showers with all the shower heads coming at you from all directions. they have you take one before, and then i took another after. they had the best hair products in there too. those showers might be better than sex. depends on if you are getting any, i suppose. god i love those showers. in fact, in my list of material possessions i want, i had one of those showers.
the massage therapist beat the shit out of me too. which i like. what’s the point of getting a massage, unless you get the hurt out? but my arms are major sore!! she did things to my arms no massage therapist has ever done before. i feel bruised, but she didn’t leave any marks. ninja massage therapist.
so, as you can see, i’m obligated to snap out of it. because i have all these fucking BLESSINGS. you know? yeah… i’m working on it. don’t worry.

i took my s.dad out for dinner and movie last night, for father’s day. we were talking about winning the lottery, because i am so done with working for a living. he said if he wan the mega million lottery [jackpot currently =’s $140 million] he’d give my mom some money to retire with. half a mill, i believe he said. that was, of course, after he mentioned taking care of his girlfriend and her kids. but it’s not a bad sentiment, is it? i would have to say that the number of times the conversation was switched to the g.f., or one of her kids, without any real context is 16% than it used to be.
please take note of my maturity, as i am not referring to the g.f. as her previous nickname. i think i’ve grown.
i’m going to see the matrix tonight. i don’t really know if i care about it. but i am baby sitting evildeb. her baby is visiting grandma, and lloyd is going to his interpretive sword dancing class. she’s all alone. if i were her, i’d kick eviljacob out of the house and run around yelling MINE MINE MINE ALL MINE!! i’d turn the tv off, and the music ON, and kick back and enjoy it. but that’s me. and i do that every night. she offered me the choice of shopping, but i have to avoid that particular temptation right now. too broke. but mood is too shoppy.
anyway, the matrix. yes, i’ve heard a lot of opinions about this movie, this sequel. but, luckily, all these opinions have had nothing to do with me, so i have not had to pay attention. i go in there with no preconceptions. except that kam liked it. i remember that. and lisa didn’t. and coworker devon told me to keep in mind that this is the first half of a longer movie, the second half coming later this year, and if i do that, it will be ok. so i have a few preconceptions. but they are baby preconceptions.

according to my peach iced tea snapple bottle cap, frogs never drink. they are printing useful facts on the bottle caps. however shocking that sounded, i realized it’s not all that shocking. they are amphibians. they get all their moisture through their skin or something.
today is going far too slowly. i brought my computer in and steve installed my processor upgrade. we tested it with the sims and it sure did the trick!! now i want to go home and play sims. sims sims sims sims sims!! but i am still here. plugging away at crap.
i don’t have a lot of interesting things to say. the other day, someone here at worked parked so close to my car, i could not get my car. that was the most exciting thing that happened. because i had to tell security and then they had to see if they could find the parking sticker on the car and track the bastard down. now every time i see that car in the parking lot, i scowl at it. very fiercely. but i don’t know who drives it. yet.
OH! OH! i forgot!! i have eddie izzard tickets. i have eddie izzard tickets for TWO SHOWS!! on in Seattle, with evildeb, and the other in LA! that’s right. i’m going down to LA to see him again. because i need to see him with fee. and kam. and howie. and aaiysha. even though i’ve never met her. it’s a little four day mini break.
i’ll let you all go now, internet friends. the after market performance of our stock is making me blue. i hate money. i plan on winning the mega million lottery tomorrow. it’s up to something like $115 million. i’d look good with that much money, don’t you think?