i’ve officially been diagnosed with the inability to delay gratification. deep down, we all knew that about me, didn’t we, my internet friends?
partially-evilJacob, son of evildeb, says that he has been to my blog. this blog of which you are perusing. he says he enjoyed some video links that he followed from this blog. i have no idea what he’s talking about. partially-evilJacob is possibly spirally down into a deep dark pit of teenage tomfoolery, as his recent behavior suggests. he knows what i am talking about. and if he truly is reading this blog, he can comment and explain to us why he’s obviously smoking the pot, as i have no links to videos of TechTV posted on my blog. such a shame, he had such a bright future.
speaking of 3/4’s of the evil family. we were at the mall the other evening. turning 10 minutes of errands for me, into hours of time wasted. while standing around, waiting for Evildeb to choose her clinique shit, i was playing with the red lipsticks. it’s my goal to find a red lipstick that goes with my skin tone. i’ve seen people with skin more fair than i, wearing it. why can’t i? i had 8 different shades of red on, and about 4 layers of lipstick. did you know that red lipstick can stain your lips? they next morning, they were stained red, even tho the lipstick was long gone.
do you see why i have not written since the 18th? i really haven’t been doing very much. i haven’t been thinking deep or interesting thoughts. yesterday, i had impressions of my teeth made, so i can get a new night guard, so i won’t clench my teeth while i sleep and wake up with a headache. how’s that? that’s my life.
pru says hello.

hello april! we’ve got daylight savings time and easter to look forward to. daylight savings time does nothing for me. i have springing forward, hate losing my hour. a couple of times this week i stayed late, at work, until it was dark, and the overhead lights were off. had to do it before daylight savings time. not going to stick around until nine just to work in the dark, for pete’s sake. easter used to be one of my favorite holidays. but as we know, i’m not as pro-holiday as i once was. i wonder when i will get that back? now they just make me feel pressured.
this crazy program… i’m using InCopy to write this text. it’s different. it’s trying to screw with me. bastards. every time i save the file, i am actually saving a story. and then you can’t edit it until you chose to edit story. i saved after the first paragraph and then could type no more. i got scared. it’s ok now. the cool thing is i am typing in galley view, with a black background and violet text, and my display font is venis. none of this has anything to do with the actual text created, it’s just the display. i like that.
so what were we last talking about? the pho guys. i’m afraid i have witnessed no further crime since then. to the best of my knowledge. i got an email from my friend dee dee. dee dee is my fellow crime fighter. we once chased a bank robber. we’d been on our way to the grocery store, this was in san diego, and we came around the corner into this fog of pink smoke. all the sudden a women comes out of the building [aforementioned bank] and yells, “follow that man, he just robbed the bank!” the man was on foot and running. well, of course dee dee and i followed in hot pursuit. in her little honda civic. he was running through alleys and jumping fences, and we were doing an ok job of keeping up. suddenly, it occurred to us… what were we planning on doing with him, if we caught up? he could have a gun. we had no guns. and if he didn’t, how were we going to restrain him, exactly. [of course now i know, you sit on him.] not long after the reality of the situation kicked in, we lost him. so we went back to the bank and told them where we’d lost him. and our description. dee dee just emailed me to tell me a story of a lawsuit between her and her mother’s landlords. her mother passed away, and despite a court order, the landlords, who were suing the estate, would not let her in the apartment. so, with the aid of the sherrif’s dept, dee dee used a huge long ladder to break into it. you can’t keep a crime fighter/super hero down.
on april 1st, laurell k. hamilton’s new anita blake novel came out, i had preordered it from amazon.com, it arrived on the 1st, and not long after it turned into the 2nd of april, i had finished it. i read the whole thing that night. couldn’t help myself. i tried to read as slowly as possible. practically reading every word out loud in my head. but, dag nabbit, that jean claude is just so sexy!! i could not resist! and now it’s over. who knows how long i have to wait for the next one. i hope, when i become a best selling author, if i have a character series, i am very very fast. i wouldn’t want to do this to my fans. 🙂
let’s see if lisa would like to share her opinion of the book….

last week, i was up on broadway with evildeb… it was lunch time. e.d. was still in hot topic and she was not moving fast enough for me. so i told her i was going to go down to retro viva and she could meet me there. and then two things happened. the first was crime! yes! on broadway. i was walking down the sidewalk and all of the sudden this guy comes out of a restaurant. i think it was a pho place, but it might just be an all around vietnamese restaurant. but we are going to go ahead and say it was pho. because that is what i think it was. so the guy comes out of the pho place, and he’s looking a little stoned. and shifty. yes, i could tell he was shifty before anything happened. because i have the super-hero crime fighting tendency in me. all of the sudden, one of the pho guys comes running out and shoves him, starts to confront him. and they start to fight and struggle. and then another bunch of pho guys come out to help, and then pretty soon this guy was covered in pho guys. he’s yelling all sorts of stuff, but his eyes still looked glassy and stoned. he probably could have gotten away if he was not so out of it. that is, before the large group of secondary backup pho guys entered the fray. then, the pho daddy came out. he was wearing the pho chef gear. you can tell he’s the leader of the pho gang. because he has the most cheffy outfit. and he confronts the stoner. turns out, the guy did a little dine and dash or something. the details are not clear. he had money and it did not belong to him. in some capacity, it belonged to the pho. more fighting, more confrontation, vietnemese shouted from one member of the pho to others, police being called. and a bunch of goth kids standing around laughing. also expressing their concern that citizen internment by other citizens was probably not legal. i don’t know if that is true or not. i imagine you can aprehend all you want, you just can’t detain. i turned around and walked back the other way, because the ruckus was blocking the sidewalk, and the alleged perp was still struggling and flaying, attempting to punch and kick whatever he could land a punch or kick upon. failing. but i didn’t want to get in the middle of it. i saw e.d. coming up the sidewalk and i took her over the the CRIME SCENE to see it. by that time they had him up against a wall. and i felt safe passing buy. evidleb did not, but being evil doesn’t mean you aren’t a fraidy cat.
it’s at this point the second thing happened, interrupting the first. we found out retro viva was gone! so disappointed! that’s where i got the famous yellow paul frank devo monkey bad! i’m recognized by that bag! the lady at the bank doesn’t need id any more because she recognizes me by that bag. and now it’s gone. so we had to turn, and walk back down the street from wist we came. e.d. wanted to cross and walk on the other side of broadway. see above fraidy cat comment. but i wouldn’t let her. see above crime fighter comment. besides, at that time they had pulled the alleged perp into the alcove and were sitting on him. it took like two point five skinny pho guys to hold him down. and he STILL looked stoned. his shirt was pulled up, as if they’d tried to pull it up over his head, like a hockey jersey. but failed. he had a green floppy hat on, and he was, as they say, couch potato soft. like i should talk, but that is not the point. i’m merely calling it like i saw it. as we passed, we here the sirens and i was sorry couldn’t stay and lookie-loo some more. i wanted to see the office arrest. actually, i really wanted to know if the pho guys got in trouble for the illegal use of force. to tell the truth, i hope they didn’t. you steal from someone, they chase you down and sit on you…. you got what’s coming to you. i think.

isn’t it nice of my little brother to leave us a recipe for vegan cookies? i didn’t know you needed a recipe to make vegan food. thought it was just dirt and twigs and stuff.
what was a talking about? oh yeah, portland. i forgot to say while i was drunk [after i had eaten a huge piece of cow flesh, josh] i accidentally called Lance “Lloyd.” i thought that was the funniest thing ever. and so henceforth, he is Lloyd to me. make it so. long story short, didn’t sleep that night either, ended up going home a day early because i was bored, i was glad to do so. got home, went to bed immediately.
from mr. snotty, here’s a link to a story about french food. those silly french. and there was somehow some tiny little slam against france in the show on friday. remember i went to see my fair lady? i don’t remember at what point, but colonel pickering sad something about never knowing whether or not the french were on your side. something not usually in the script. the theatre loved it. everyone clapped. i didn’t. what do you expect from them. as eddie izzard said, sometimes they are a little spiky and a little french. [eddie izzard likes the french. i don’t want to malign his good name. i may want to do other things with him, tho.] it doesn’t matter because in my little world, we are not going to war. i think, in my little world, sadam is going to get the killer flu. and bush will have to concentrate on something else. there’s a lot of peace and love, in my little world. unless you piss me off. and then you shall be punished. but most likely it’s going to be a time out. or you are sent to bed with no dessert.
if you did not read last week’s tard blog you really must. check out the story entitled #5: Tyrell has problems with referees. that story made me laugh out loud. and i laughed for about 10 minutes afterwards.
i was going to tell you a story about my mother. but i’m bored already. i’ll tell you the story tomorrow.

where was i? oh yeah, portland. my life is so exciting.
nice hotel, uberfirm bed. i don’t know why i don’t like firm beds. everyone else loves them. good for their backs, they say. but they hurt me. i think parts of me get too squished between other parts of me and the bed. i like to get on a bed and then gently float down to the mattress.
monday for some reason, lance decided to display a work ethic and made us show up at 6 am. i’d slept less than two hours. and when i met him in the lobby, i hated him. so i told him that. but, on the way, we stopped at mcdonald’s and it was a macdonald’s that served dr pepper instead of the insipid mr. pibb. so i got an egg mcmuffin AND a dr pepper from one place. NICE! it’s the little things, you know. and they had donuts when we arrived. the security guy gave us some key to some room we knew nothing about, but we took it anyway, because who knows what they store in that room? long story short, it took me 7 hours to get the laptop online and connected to our inner sanctum. so i could get work email and such. i talked to babytechs, had lunch with a senior tech. and they have dr. pepper in the fountain at their cafe. their little cafe is ten times better than ours.
i was bound and determined to eat dinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. i had heard it was good, but expensive. i’ve never been there. but you know there is nothing i like better than steak! since i had a food allowance, i wanted to use it to fulfill this dream. the restaurant was ten “portland” blocks from our hotel. [that’s what the desk clerk said. portland blocks.] which means tiny. i had a cocktail that included vodka and orange juice. but orange juice from blood oranges. it was called a blood drop or something. ewwww. i was extremely quenched when i got to the restaurant, drank two glasses of water before we even saw our waiter. the vodka in that drink was high quality shit, man. i didn’t even taste it. so i gulped that drink down like it was juice. on an empty stomach. BAMF! i’m more than a little buzzed. [yes, i’m a light weight. i’m a cheap date. except for the whole liking expensive steak part.] lance and evildeb had cocktails as well as wine. so the evening just became more and more delightful as it went on. before our meal was delivered, someone placed a creme bruile in front of me. i thought i had hit the jackpot. i told everyone to shush. but our waiter noticed and they took it away from me. i had the best damn ribeye steak i’ve ever had. they broil it in some kind of 1800 degree broiler and bring it to you on a plate heated to 500 degrees. everything was awesome, the drinks, the steak, the potatoes and the dessert. i ate more that night than i ate in the previous weekend, in its entirety. walked back to the hotel and i had two more drinks. i really wanted to sleep. i had more to drink than i normally do. i was ready to flop down on the bed and sleep. no go. damn it. why can’t i drink until i pass out?

as my hello kitty calendar so eloquently says.
i am back in seattle now. did you know i left? i did. i was in portland. i have been a naughty little blogger, however. so i will write about the last few days. i can only remember up to saturday night. and that’s because something of great significance happened.
marry freddy? HA! sorry. as i write this, i am listening to the broadway cast recording of My Fair Lady. i’m getting ready for this friday, as i am going to see it at the 5th Avenue. it’s one of my favorite musicals. i grew up listening to this album, i knew all the words before i ever knew anything about the story. i didn’t even see the movie until i was in my teens, and then i was shocked to see audrey hepburn. i have reconciled with it, and love the movie version. i picture her as Eliza, one might say i’ve grown accustom to her face [hahahahaaa! man i kill me sometimes] but it’s julie andrews i hear singing the songs. i’ve never seen it live, so i am very excited. i hope i don’t sing out loud.
Sat night: the event of significance? it’s girl scout cookie time!! a fact i yelled at the top of my lungs as ran up to the little card table set up in front of Larry’s Market. i think i scared the g.scout herself, as her mom conducted the sale, asking me what kind i wanted. “TAGALONGS!! TWO BOXES!!” it was impossible not to yell. those g.scouts are very clever. only let us have the cookies once a year, so that when get the opportunity have them again… we freak out. ok. i do. i was so happy that i leaned on my shopping cart, in the checkout lane, and gazed at those two boxes of cookies next to my purse…. and walked out of the store before they put the groceries in the cart. i figured it out at the car. and they were chasing after me. absolutely true, i do not make that up. did you know i got kicked out of the girl scouts? for beating up another brownie? ok. that’s not true. i was never even a brownie. at that age, i was a blue bird, a campire girl. because their outfits were better. when i moved to colorado, i tried girlscouting. but, alas, it’s not for me to sell door to door, or participate too enthusiastically in any kind of craft project.
Sunday so yes, i was in portland. i have been visiting the vendor and helping out with new babytechs. we transitioned one of my products there this week. i did not want to go. mostly because i knew i would miss my kitty and miss my bed. there is just no way a hotel bed, no matter how swanky, will have enough comforters. which is a shame, because it’s pretty much the only time i get to play with air conditioning. i’d love to turn it up it up, make the room all nippy, and then pile on the comforters. but no, all you get is little thin sheets and little thin blankets.
it was raining like mad on sunday night, and windy too. the worst possible weather for a road trip. we didn’t leave until almost 7, and that’s mostly because i drug my feet getting ready. evildeb and lance were excited, because it was a little mini break for them. i guess if you had a toddler and a teenager in the house, getting away for a few nights would be fun. lance was so happy, he was whistling non-stop. i thought i was going to have to punch him. but before long, we settled into a routine of complaining about our co-workers, and that soothed my mood considerably.
we got to the hotel about 10:30, and it is nice! the paramount. it was pretty damn swanky, and right smack in downtown. the valet parking was $20 a night, but it was going on the corporate card, so who cares? i love valet parking. i love it when people open doors for me and put my stuff away for me. the bed was nice, even had a comforter, duvet cover type thing. however, it was very very firm. and i’m a squishy girl.
this is just so exciting! i’ll just have to continue with the rest of my adventure tomorrow.

that’s my bond girl name. i am not all that excited about it. i wanted to be an evil slutty russian villainess. but i sound like that, that scientist girl with the glass. who ends up being hot hot hot when she takes them off. but is really just caught up in the spy game. probably because she “discovered something.” or she just “knows something she shouldn’t.” but like i told everyone here, at least i get to have sex with bond.
so about the seminar friday. we did an exercise that was supposed to help us answer a HOW question. we picked a card out of a deck of voyager tarot. it was more than one deck all mixed together. well, deb and i both picked the same card. sorrow. we had no idea where to go with that, for our questions. they weren’t so much questions as goals we wanted to achieve, we were supposed to use the card and our intuition to answer the question “how are we going to achieve this?” when asked what i thought it meant, i held up both of our cards and said it meant we were well matched as friends. i don’t think were terribly insightful that evening.

friday, after work, evildeb and i went to a seminar on intuition. i don’t know, we just felt it was the right thing to do. anyway, before it began, we had dinner. we chose a restaurant directly across the street from the seminar. consequently, we had many cocktails. no one had to drive until after the seminar, why not? i think we felt we could tap into the intuition more effectively if we were buzzed. and so we were. pretty dang buzzed.
the seminar was only two hours, and frankly, we didn’t even understand the first hour. not anyone’s fault but our own. i could tell we’d be trouble, if we weren’t careful, so we had to write back and forth to each other. at least that kept us quiet. but i am sure it’s still rude. if only the other people knew what a pain in the ass i am in class when i am giddy. and with evildeb there, i’d be super motivated. the only paper we had was my franklin covey brain. Æ. there are some pretty crazy free form notes in the first few days of january, days i didn’t use because i still had the cranium pages in. didn’t like those pages. too white and boring. so i replaced them with the new shoebox ones. they got rid of that damn old lady cartoon, and went back to every day looking different. i hate that old lady. so yes, i wasted money by buying two sets of 2003 pages, but what are you going to do? aesthetics are important. i gave the cranium pages to mary to use. so they didn’t go to waste and she got free pages. that’s nice, isn’t it?
basically, one thing i noticed is that while i have a lot of metaphysical and spiritual curiosity, i don’t always like the other people who attend these type of functions. some of them seem to just try to be very very smart and deep and philosophical. they come across pretentious. one girl asked a question that sounded something like this, “if thought is energy, and therefor matter, than doesn’t it stand to reason that blah blah blah blah, manifesting itself into something tangible and blah blah blah blah collective unconscious blah blah blah FOURTH DIMENSION, blah blah blah intuition?” seriously, she brought up the fourth dimension. what is the fourth dimension anyway? is it time? is it a software product? is it where you go when you dream? i don’t know, WHO CARES!! it was a ridiculously pedantic question to ask. and james answered perfectly:
“ok. yes. whatever you say.”
take THAT you pretentious girl in a pink knit hat despite the fact that the room was at least 80 degrees. i think that hat was cooking her brain. deb says that all the women in the room were in love with him. she’s probably right. we loooooove a sensitive and spiritual guru, don’t we girls. 🙂
so anyway, back to the people that bother me.i also don’t like the rabid “new agers.” i’m a very skeptical person. i think that is ok. i think skepticism is a philosophy that does not believe in absolute knowledge. correct? that’s good. THAT’S an open mind. so i’m skeptical. i like to look at things from all sides, and i like a little balance in my life. i like a little logic in my spirituality, and a little magic in my science. know what mean? i’ve discovered that people who have absolute blind faith make me uncomfortable. it’s like tossing away your brain. and your free will. have faith, that’s fine, but continue to make whatever it is you have faith in, earn your respect. don’t let your faith keep you from learning new things. so, when people seem to just glom on to whatever is being said, and ask questions that just affirm them to the side of the speaker, they appear needy to me. needy and a little dumb. and it’s not like intuition is even a mystical subject! it’s a brain thing.
i shy away from the touchy feelie stuff as well. i’m not into group therapy, nor am i into group meditation. it does not work for me. it’s a solitary journey. both meditation and therapy. that’s just the kind of girl i am. i don’t like it when people put cutsey angel faces on my spirituality. it cheapens it. i don’t need my theology mass marketed to me. so it’s fine if you want to hug strangers and share your golden light with them in a circle, while meditating on your angel guide. go for it. you may annoy me, but i will probably keep it to myself, as long as you don’t hug me.
short story long, some of the people in the seminar were those kind of people. they bugged me. but, i kept that to myself. well, myself and evildeb. all i want, is a little practicality balanced with my mysticism. is that so wrong? i think it’s very bhudda of me. the middle path.
and now this post is too long to tell you the actual experience of the workshop. so we’ll continue tomorrow. today, apparently, was all about me venting about the gentlemen who sat in the back, who thought a deep cleansing breath was all you needed to fight a mood disorder. for pete’s sake.

the old animated tick series is the best source for quotes ever.
i doubt i’m going crazy, but i am pretty damn screwed up in the mood department right now. if i do have a crazy breakdown, i will try to post to the blog before they lock me up, ok? maybe i’ll have internet access in the asylum.
thank god i see my shrink on weds. and double thank god i have a holiday break coming up. if i can make it through friday, at least i won’t have to come to work until the 2nd of jan. so i can be good an crazy for about 12 full days.
saturday i went downtown with the evil family, to have dinner and xmas shop. trouble is, we got a late start and barely had any time to shop before things were closing. but that’s ok. because the minute i got there i knew it was a mistake for me to be there. i just started stressing out about chirstmas presents. and i was annoyed by all the people. and i dressed too warmly. and i wanted to be home. i tried my best to keep most of that whining too myself. i didn’t see many xmas lights, or decorations. i did see some. i drove, so i couldn’t have cocktails. having cocktails and then shopping downtown is awesome. you should always drink alcohol when you are xmas shopping, as long as you are of legal age and aren’t driving. it makes everything so much more fun. i’m not talking drunk. just a little buzz. [[pattie would not like hearing me say that! oy!]]
i’m sorry i am so down right now. i’m sure that my updates are depressing. i don’t really know what to say. i don’t want to pour the darkest dregs of my soul out into this blog, because no one needs that. but it’s hard to not acknowledge that my depression is as bad as it’s been in about 5 years. i’m trying to do something about it, tho. hopefully it will improve.
want to see my all time favorite picture of myself? it’s from christmas morning, i think 1970 or so… i’m about 3. the night before, “santa” had come to our house in person, he gave me the yellow teddy bear shown in the picture. which i named teeny bear, and i still have him today and occaisionally sleep with him. anyway, i think this pictures sums up a great deal about my personality, even today.

evildeb, you are definitely NOT my sweet pea. and no matter how often you comment, and you are welcome to comment as often as you chose, this will not become your blog because your comments do not show up on the main page. so HA! however, since you bought me that pin-up girl book, i will let your snarky comments pass. this time.
As a community service, here are the lyrics to Adeste Fideles, in latin. Which is more fun than O Come All Ye Faithfull. Less obviously jesusy.
Adeste fideles,
laeti triumphantes,
Venite, venite
in Bethlehem!
Natum videte,
Regem angelorum,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus
Dominum. ———
Cantet nunc Io!
chorus angelorum;
Cantet nunc
aula caelestium:
Gloria, gloria,
in excelsis Deo:
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus,
Venite adoremus
Dominum. ———