I used to be fierce.

I was funny. Entertaining. Smart. People enjoyed being around me. People sought my company. Wanted to spend time with me. I was definitely all three dimensions. I pretty much did whatever I wanted. I may not have always been happy, or healthy, but gol darnnit I was independent. I was an individual.

I’m not going to lie to you. For the past 3 months, life has been The Suck. And I decided, several weeks ago, to just stop doing things. I haven’t cooked a meal in a long time. What little interest I had in housekeeping has long since fled. I have developed a close friendship with my high definition tv.

I flattened.

When I was single and alone, I could tell you everything. If I wanted to. Life gets more complicated and sometimes I chose respect for others and privacy. This is what I am doing now. So I apologize if you sometimes get the “what” without me giving you the “why.”

I am not good at writing from a place of pain. I don’t write poetry. I’m not especially elegiac. I write in paragraphs, not short burst of emo. It’s not my shtick. When I write comfortably, I write from a place of humor.

But I’ve lost mine. I’m working on getting it back. But I can’t promise some anger, frustration, sadness and other ick doesn’t seep out.

I’ll do my best.

Because I used to be fierce and I can be that way again.

I am married.

I am a married woman. I have a husband. In some way, this factors into everything I do and every decision I make because it should. We are partners.

There are aspects of my life that have nothing do with him. When I had a job, for instance. But even then he was with me. In my heart and mind. Ok, I never wrote a bug report or technical document with his opinion in mind. But like the ring on my finger, this aspect of my life is always there. Even when I am on my own, doing my own thing, expressing my own views.

And I’m proud of that.

And I respect it.

Jodiferous.com will be going on a brief hiatus. I am not sure how long, maybe a couple of weeks?

It is easier for me to say I am going dark for a while, than to try to post right now. I don’t like ignoring my blog, so better just to go on a brief shutdown.

If you use RSS feeds, you’ll see me when I get back, I am sure. If you don’t, and you would like to be notified when I return, send an email to notify@jodiferous.com, and you’ll get a one time announcement of my return.

Love you guys!

Jodi

For the first time in … I can’t remember. I was trying to find a diet Pepsi commercial I saw the other day, which made me laugh out loud. I pronounced it genius and decided I needed to share it with all of you. But I can’t find it! Not even on youtube. Seriously, Internet… what’s up with that? Why you bumming me?

Its the one with the guy singing along to “Mony Mony” at a wedding reception. And the fact that, to me, it’s LOL funny shows you just how old I really am.

Telling you about it is not the same.

sigh.

Today is the 14th anniversary of my father’s death.

It was also a year ago, today, that my stepdad told me he had cancer.

Let’s just wait today out, ok?* Keep our eyes on tomorrow.

*unless it’s your birthday today, in which case happy birthday, I’m sorry if I bummed your day out. Births are good.

I know you are all probably curious about knitting class. Did I meet interesting people? Did I make any friends? Did I play well with others?

In a word: no.

First, to back up, I have a confession to make. I actually stood in front of the mirror, before I left, and contemplated which looked friendlier – extremely fluffy hair down or hair up in a less fluffy manner. Sad. (I went with hair up, more presentable)

I did not have my hopes pinned on making friends in knitting class. The truth is, I’m pretty shy around strangers unless there is someone who is more shy and uncomfortable than I am, then I might work to make them feel more comfortable. However, the value came in at least trying to get out and make friends. There is very little chance of making friends if I stay home in my tiny apartment, right?

So it was a dark and rainy night on Thursday, and I dragged my ass out of my warm and comfy home to go to class. Got myself a root beer along the way. I’m all ready to be charming and make a scarf. I arrive 5 minutes early. I browse a bit and then go to the class room. No one is there. I look at all the different classes available at this location. No one shows up. I sit in a chair. I get up and sit in a different chair. A try a third chair and decide this is the chair for me. No one shows up. This goes on for about 15 minutes, until I finally went out and talked to a manager.

We look in the class book and see I AM THE ONLY ONE SIGNED UP FOR THIS PARTICULAR CLASS. So much for making friends. Usually, when that happens, the teacher cancels it. But she didn’t bother this time. No one called me. Because I don’t have my actual receipt, I get a refund in the form of a gift card. And I head home.

FAIL!

So those of you who were worried that I would become a Knitter with a capital KNIT, you can rest easy. Not that you had much to worry about anyway.

It is De-lurking day! Chris says so, and I believe him.

So if you visit, but have never said, “hi!” now is the time to say it. Don’t be shy. Lord knows the only one who makes a fool of themselves on this blog is me. You can say “hi!” even if you have said “hi!” before as well.

I’m trying to update my blogroll to better reflect my RSS feeds, which is how I read my blogs. If you do not see your blog over there, please don’t think I don’t read you. I probably do, just in RSS feeds. Feel free to let me know and I will add you to the blogroll so everyone can find out how wonderful you are. Yes, I mean YOU.

saw this over on dooce.com this morning….

I found this tag thingy over at Derek’s website. Wil and I are very grateful to Derek, for it is on his website that we found out about Me n’ Ed’s pizza. Our new favorite pizza. Our old favorite pizza was in Victoria, so that doesn’t work on a day to day basis.

You have to answer these questions with one word, and one word only.

* Your last meal: toast

* Something on your desk/work area: mail

* Your New Year’s Eve plans: reading

* The smallest gift you received this year: watch

* The largest gift you received this year: tv

* Something you wish you hadn’t eaten so much of during the holidays: cookies

* On your feet: socks

* Your hair: colored

* How many other countries you’ve traveled to: three

* One country you dream of visiting: America

* A hobby you’d like to take up/revisit this year: swimming

* A hobby of yours that died (aww, buh-bye) this past year: friends

* A publication you subscribe to (print): none

* The most embarrassing subscription in your feed reader (if you have one): jodiferous.com

* One of your favorite stores to window shop dreamily in: apple

* One of your favorite online stores to window shop dreamily on: amazon.com

* A color you love to wear: green

* Your bed pillow: temperpedic

* The color of your kitchen counter: mess

* What you plan to do when you get up from the computer: dishes

There you go! Play along if you like. I would like to say that my friends didn’t die, but my ability to hang out with them did, for the most part. Unless they come visit me.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions. I thought about it this morning, and the resolutions I would make for this year are goals I have had since moving to Canada. And since quitting my job. Maybe a fresh calendar page, hell a fresh calendar for that matter, will help me strengthen my resolve towards these goals. But I would not hold my breath. I don’t know about you, but New Year’s Eve makes me more reflective on the past than the future.

It’s hard for me not to look back at last New Year’s and remember my stepdad was still alive and 16 days from learning he had cancer. Last New Year’s my stepdad was alive and not dying anytime soon. This New Year’s, he’s gone.

Last New Years I was unmarried, newly unemployed and spending a great deal of time driving back and forth between Canada and the US. Entirely too much time on the ferry to Vancouver Island. Now I’m married, still unemployed, living in Canada. But I don’t ride that damn ferry very often. Thank god.

It’s been quite a year, hasn’t it?

Happy New Year everyone!