There are all different ways people can leave you. Some drift away slowly, you can feel yourself becoming more invisible to them, as whatever allure you used to hold for them fades. Some pass away after long lives lived fully. Some pass away suddenly, leaving great shock waves behind. And some just decide their ride with you ends here, this is where they are getting off and, oh, here is your heart, sorry if it’s a little torn.

This seems to be a prevailing theme of July for me this year, so I am putting you all on notice now, the fun stops Sunday July 31st. That is when the Get Out of Jodi’s Life Scott Free No Questions Asked card is revoked. After that, you try to leave without my say-so, I will hunt you down and pin you against the wall like a butterfly specimen in a bug box, playing Phil Collins music at you, at high volumes, over and over until you are able to see the error of your ways.

Do I make myself clear? Good.

EDITED TO ADD: Ok, perhaps I should point out that I was referring to Phil Collins’ solo work, particularly in the 90’s, which I find to be very grating. But some of you may like his later stuff. So the plan has been revised to use whatever music fits the situation. For example, if you wanted to break me, you’d play the Grateful Dead or Steely Dan at me. So now, the plan is, I will find your musical button, your musical achilles’ heel, and use it against you. If you leave, without my permission, that is. That makes more sense, doesn’t it?

Last week, I went into my am/pm for my usual 44 ounces of Dr. Pepper. I noticed that Loud Happy Edgar #14 had a small animal carrier behind the counter.

“What’s in the carrier?” asked I.

“AAIIYYY …..I SHOW YOU!”

She opened up the hatch to show me four tiny baby birds, not old enough to be on their own. But I knew what they were, because this was not the first time she had done this.

“Baby finches?”

“YES! THEIR MOMMA DIED.” She made the appropriate sad face, to show her sorrow. ‘BUT!! THEY ARE SO GOOD! TODAY, THEY DO THE WINGS!!” And she bent her arms and flapped her elbows, like stubby baby bird wings.

“Did you show them how to do that? You did, didn’t you?”

“OOOHHH …. MAYBE!” And she laughed.

One morning, I could not sleep, so I decided to go into work at 6am. I drove to my am/pm, only to find that it did not open until 6. I didn’t know you could have an am/pm that was not open 24/7! The horror. So I went down the street to a newly opened Chevron Em Stop thingy. I had checked them out previously, and knew they had what I needed. He who shall be known as Chatting Geek Edgar #17, looked at my shirt.

“You’re what? You’re doing what?”

“I’m blogging this.”

“Blogging… huh… I don’t what that means.”

“Really? That surprises me.”

“Do you have a card? A punch card?”

“What is this punch card of which you speak?”

“Buy four and get the fifth drink free.”

“MWAHAHAHHAAA!!!”

Suckers. I’ll put them out of business by the end of this year. They’ll rue the day they gave me a punch card for Dr. Pepper. However, they are weekend/backup Dr Pepper source only. Loud Happy Edgar #14 is worth a million punch cards. Easily.

I have a bruise on my left forearm. It’s lurid in color, and larger than a silver dollar. It’s a painful bruise, and underneath it, there is a lump. I have no idea how I got this bruise, but out of the corner of my eye, as I was writing tonight, I could not help think I had gotten a new tattoo. How very Popeye of me.

When a recipe says that you need strawberries “hulled,” that just means you cut out those stems, right? You don’t then go to cut the strawberries into piece? It’s not a difficult recipe I am following, but I’d hate to screw it up from the get go.

And I needed an excuse to use my Shag font. And my favorite color. Plus, I got tired of all the white.

I’m still tweaking it. I have all the comment and archive pages to sort out.

Bravo everyone on your 50 word fictions. They are my favorite thing about Fridays, other than the fact of Friday itself. Being what it is. Traditionally.

The theme is foreign places.

I miss you guys.

A week after my Grandma has died, we’ve had another death in the family. This time on my mother’s side. And this time a suicide.

I’m going to need a little break, ok? Be back soon.

Hey, I don’t know if you kids know this, but DrinkJack is documenting his road trip over on his blog. Day by day, complete with pictures. It is about to get exciting because he is about to meet me, face to face, for THE FIRST TIME EVER!! Unfortunately, there are few pictures of us together as I had lost my camera and Jack said he didn’t want hard evidence that could be used against him.

Smart boy, that Jack. No one can prove we did anything wrong.

Last night I got less than 3 hours of sleep, the night before I got just 3 hours. It happens, I do that sometimes. But it makes me punchy. I’m tired and I sort of think I look like someone punched me in both eyes. So I chatted up Mr. Moon and asked him for a blog subject, because I didn’t know what to write about. I was a drift in a sea of blank. The following is part of our chat, and an example of why I love Mr. Moon, and am so glad he is my friend.

Mr. Moon : i’ve been thinking about dualism a lot lately; one particular avenue of interest is man’s desire to organize and classify, which promotes a status quo philosophy, and also man’s desire for chaos, which promotes an anarchic philosophy

Jodi: that’s a lot of stuff.

Mr. Moon : but the chaos is also usually accomplished through creative endeavors

Jodi: too complicated.

Jodi: give me something simple.

Jodi:i’d have to think a lot for that one.

Mr. Moon : really? um….

Jodi: i don’t think i can manage that today.

Mr. Moon : alright….willie ames

Jodi: i was thinking i could explain women to all my male readers. they are probably curious.

Mr. Moon : i would love to have women explained

Jodi: i can do that

Jodi: does man have a desire for chaos?

Mr. Moon : yes, i believe so

Jodi: well, we need to sit down and discuss that.

Mr. Moon : too true

Jodi: then i can write about it

Jodi: cuz. i don’t see it. or i don’t know what you mean by it.

Mr. Moon : well, creativity, through artistic measures, has historically taken a non-status quo position. in fact, the art becomes celebrated by personalities that especially tend to appreciate the chaos

Mr. Moon : maybe i’m overgeneralizing

Jodi:: we need some fisher price people, some pipe cleaners, some duct tape, a half gallon of cherry kool-aid, five #2 pencils and a box of kleenix.

Jodi: then you can act out your theory for me with fisher price people

Mr. Moon :: alright, but i also need play-doh – don’t worry, i’ll supply it

Jodi: excellent

Jodi: will we need to be wearing bathing suits?

Mr. Moon : not you, but i might. because the dualism is excellently displayed with a mock synchronized swimming act

Jodi: if it’s sychronized, who are you in sync with? justin timberlake, perhaps

Mr. Moon : well, it does involve a suspension of disbelief on your part. you will have to ghost myself right next to me. don’t worry, i’ve got the glasses that allow you to do it

Jodi: you are so cool

Mr. Moon : i’ve been preparing for this very conversation

Mr. Moon :: but i had hoped that i would be presenting to the berkeley center of behaviorial sciences

Jodi: maybe i will just blog this conversation. 🙂

Every wednesday, over the last few weeks, a local radio station called The Mountain has played a song right after their”5:20 Funny.”; I listened to it every week and it just got funnier and funnier to me. I shared it with the people at work, and they all loved it. So when Evildeb said to me, "Hey Jodi… did you know it’s business time?" I replied, "Hell yeah, it’s Wednesday! I should probably blog that."
The song is not available on CD. I got it from Defective Yeti, who has it in mp3 format, if you want to download. But here, for your listening pleasure:
Flight of the Conchord’s It’s Business Time

You know who does not get the attention, respect and accolades they deserve? Three Dog Night. Seriously. Tell me that you don’t totally dig this song. I’ve loved this song since I was a little kid.
“… say the ladies are insane there, and they sure know how to use it.”
sing it with me, now.