to clean my house.

Come on… you have no idea how much money I may have in my pocket!!

Did I ever tell you guys about my sixth birthday? That was the year I wanted a pie thrown in my face. Because I had learned, by watching the television, that a pie in the face was the ultimate in funny. That was the upper echelon of humor. Odd how I wanted the pie in my face, instead of doing the throwing of the pie at someone else. Maybe I understood, even then, to get humor, you had to occasionally be the but of it. Of course, my mom did it. She smacked me, gently, in the face with a portion of a banana cream pie. Some of it was set aside for eating, of course. And you know what? FUNNY! Totally and completely funny! And delicious.

I wish I had pictures of it.

Sung to the tune of “Nature Boy”

There was a boy

A strange and tragic boy

And in his hand, he held his pain

For all the world to see

How he’d been hurt, by those he loved

Above reproach was he

And then one day

A stormy day he passed my way

And while he spoke of all his pain

Tried to explain

This is what he heard from me

“The greatest gift you need to learn”

“Is to forgive, and be forgiven in return.”

I suppose it’s nicer than yelling “Get the fuck over it!!” in his face.

I’ve been using a demo of a stats service, that gives me a bit more information than what comes on my server. You know how addicted I am to webstats. In addition to providing valuable information for those looking for things in Nova Scotia [lottery numbers, sluts, food of various kinds, surgerical procedures] I get a lot of searches for people wanting to do things faster – for example – type. That’s how I found out there is a porno called “Faster Pussycat F*ck F*ck!” Of course there is… and the asterisks are to keep people looking for this fine film from being sidetracked by me. But my favorite two search referrals this week are:

how to write wedding vowels

how often should i feed my koi?

Normally, I would say I am the last person you want helping you write anything for a wedding, but when it comes to the vowels, I think I can help you out, just send me an email. But just the vowels! You are going to have to get the consonants from someone else. The number one search referral for jodiferous.com this week, and I am SUPER excited about this:

Hot Dog on a Stick!!!

I love hot dog on a stick! Mmmmmm…. meat on a stick.

Heads up: advance notification on tomorrow’s 50 fiction theme. The theme is: color.

I’ve been meaning to tell you guys about the mayor of Spokane Washington for a couple of days now, since it’s been all over the news here. But last night I came home from work and went straight to sleep for the rest of the night. And today I was in another class all day. [More color science… let me know if you need calibrating.] And then I came home to find out my new boyfriend did a bang up job of writing about it, understandable as that is what he does for a living, and why not just point you over there.

The whole thing reminds me of a Great Debate I had with my stepmother 11 months after my father died. It was a very surreal Christmas for all of us, everything was cold and deciduous (as they were living in Pennsylvania). Just like earlier that year, when I was out for my father’s funeral. I was from somewhere a bit more evergreen, and I remember how very depressing I found it, everything being dead, no signs of life. [symbolism lacking in subtlety, I know. ] But I digress. This was 11+ years ago, Josh was 12 and a boy scout. My stepmother was a very active scout leader. I don’t know when scouting became something he did for her, instead of himself, but I imagine it was after my father died. Anyhoo, my brothers [older and younger], stepmother and I were sitting around the dining room table after Christmas dinner, talking, and the subject of the Boy Scout leader who was asked to leave the scouts came up. There had recently been an eagle scout kicked out B.S.’s because he admitted to being gay. And when a scout leader came out in support, he was kicked out as well. We were having a knock down drag out debate. In this corner, my staunch conservative Republican stepmother, with her “Impeach Clinton” bumperstickers on the refrigerator. (Probably put there by my father.) In the other corner, me. At the beginning of the debate, I stated that I understood the scouts were a private club, and could set any standard of membership rules they wanted, however, my point was not whether this was legal, but whether this was right, whether this was an appropriate lesson of tolerance to teach to other boys. I’ll spare you my finer points of debate brilliance get to the point of the story… my older brother jumped in somewhere around the middle and pointed out to me that the scouts were a private organization and could set any standard of membership they wanted to, it was not illegal. The debate had grown quite heated, because, well, the other point of view was moronic. So I turned to my brother and reminded him that I conceded that point earlier in the argument and if he was going to participate, he was going to have to do better than that. I guess I was somewhat snappish when I said it, I know I was ready to rip some heads off some necks at that point. Because when we came home [me to Seattle, him to San Francisco] he told my mom about the debate, and my reaction, admitting that he was a little scared of me.

The sweetest news I have ever received in my life, a life half lived on egg shells whenever walking around my temperamental brother, was that he was a little scared of me. So much of my childhood was spent worrying about getting beat up [more time, by far, than actually getting beat up.] that it seems only fair that he be a bit scared of me now. Fair, and more than a little appropriate.

Happy birthday, Smellie! I was going to try to say “Happy Birthday” in Inuktitut, but I was unable to find it online. And I kept looking and looking, and then decided, what the hell… I mean, despite your current location, I should just stick with our common heritage. Therefore…

Grattis på födelsedagen!!!

It’s raining cats, dogs, monkeys, turtles, bunnies and squirrels here. The sky is dark and closer to the ground. Don’t ask me how that works, because I don’t know. I went out to get some tea, with Tessa. We both used “courtesy” umbrellas and yet somehow I came back damp, and she looks like she never left the building. Pfft….

Hey kids, my advice to you is, don’t get sick. I am having the worst time shaking this. I start feeling better, and then I get all sick again. I either get a fever again, or I add some new symptom. Like last night and the throwing up. Hello? I don’t throw up! Especially not when I just have a cold. Today I just feel really … weak; very lightheaded and dizzy. I went out in the car to get something to eat, it took me until 2pm to work up to it, and that turned out to be a bad idea. Not the eating part, the operating heavy machinery part. So I came home. Even when typing my fingers are tripping over each other.

Enough already! Bored now. Time for health. Chop chop! You have until tomorrow to show up.

Nap time.

I’m playing a Five Questions Blog-a-thon with Thomas. Which means, he gets to asks me five questions, and I post my answers here, after agreeing to ask five questions of anyone who reads my blog. The rules are, you have to have a blog upon which to post your answers and you have to agree to ask questions of your readers who want to play. Okey-dokey? Here are my questions and answers.

1)Your favorite day of the week when you were 5? 15? 25?

That would be Friday, Friday and Friday. And my favorite day now? Ummm… Friday!

2) You’re driving to work where you’re going to be there in just enough time for an important meeting on a project you’re in charge of when you see a huge accident in your rear view mirror. It looks like a 20 car pile-up. Do you stop to offer assistance and make yourself late for your meeting?

If I could be of any type of assistance, I would stop without question. Meetings matter not when there are lives to be saved!

3) If you could pick and talk to the spirit of someone who died, who would it be and why?

My father. This is tough because I’d also like to talk to Moür Moür and see what’s up, if they have craft stores in the afterlife and such. And I admit, it would be kinda cool to speak to the victims of unsolved crimes. Especially a child, if it meant capturing some sicko and putting them behind bars before they could do more harm. And I wonder what Jung thinks of the collective unconscious now, that he may be part of it. But it would be my dad. I miss him. Plus, he has some ‘splaining to do

4) What song of Neil Diamond do you feel is his weakest? (You know, just outright sucks donkey balls.)

Does Neil have a weak song? I’m not sure that’s possible. I guess it would have to be “You don’t bring me flowers” because it’s a duet with Barbara Streisand, damn her black heart.

5) What was your favorite breakfast cereal when you were younger, and do you still eat it today?

Whatever it was, it had sugar in it, and I guarantee you I still eat it. I wasn’t allowed sugar cereal as a kid. So when cereal purchasing was in my control… every cereal was a sugar cereal!! it’s tapered down a lot, but I still buy a box every new box of cereal. I looooove cereal.

Ok, the spanish stuff stops at the end of cinco di mayo, don’t worry. It’s that Tiger [OS X 10.4] has this cute little translation widget….

hi!

i’m not dead. fever’s gone. things are looking up. thinking of introducing some vertical into my day.

happy cinco de mayo.

and I have proof! This is Lake Sammamish. See all the pretty little daisy type flowers?

Well, here is my shoe, next to some of those daisy type flowers. Photographic evidence.

And, just for fun, here is a picture of the lake if I turned to my left.

Gorgeous! It was too much beauty! So overwhelming I had to go to Target and look at things under fluorescent lighting.