Don’t even think about telling me what to do, tho.

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Stability results were moderately high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic.
Orderliness results were low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.
Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.
trait snapshot:
messy, disorganized, not rule conscious, rebellious, rash, weird, ambivalent about chaos, likes bizarre things, anti-authority, not good at saving money, not a perfectionist, leaves many things unfinished, low self control, strange, desires more attention, romantic daydreamer, abstract, impractical, unproductive, leisurely, likes the unknown.
GIVE ME MORE ATTENTION!!
also….


What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

"Razor Valentine" by Thea Gilmore

MP3 File

Since today was so exciting, as to give me very few stories to tell, I am going to give some music. I worked today. From home, mostly, but I am going into the office tomorrow. Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance, and so I am working on the weekend. It will be better soon.

When I stopped for my 44oz Dr Pepper, some guy walked into the am/pm, approached me at the ATM and said, "can I have the keys to the restroom?"

"Ummm… I don’t work here."

"Oh… I thought that was the cash register."

"Oy."

That’s it. See? So, I’m going to play Thea Gilmore’s "Pirate Moon" from her CD Avalanche for you. And you will be haunted by her voice and go out and buy it. If that doesn’t work, let me know, and I’ll play "Razor Valentine" for you. Then you will be powerless against her!!

MP3 File

I’m taking out the boring ones, like “i,” “a,” and “the.” I am also x’ing out some letters of a popular talk radio jock I hate, but shows up on the top search keywords every damn month.

1. pussycat
2. faster
3. banana
4. likxs
5. tom
6. type
7. red
8. rejected
9. sex
10. sexy
11. porn
12. girls
13. squishy
14. agent
15. provocateur
16. fuck
17. pictures
18. tape
19. babysitter
20. jodi
21. mp3
22. love
23. make
24. download
25. baby

Sexy Banana! You’ve got to ask yourself, “what does that say about me?”

See what amusement park ride you are.

From Judes.

My uncle and I are going to go on a roller coaster tour of the US, someday. Canada too. It’s going to be called the Big Ass Roller-coaster Fun Fest. AKA: BARFF. No barfers allowed. We are going to have t-shirts with the sign safety man, leaning over a garbage can, with the big red circle/slash thingy. We are going to rent a winnebego, and my aunt is allowed to come because she is going to cook for us. It’s going to be awesome!!

This man is my new boyfriend. Most likely that means he is married or gay. He knew where to buy the best dildo’s in SF. So…

Louise posted his wonderful article about Harry Potter critics on Satan’s Bookclub, from which that wonderful title came. Such genius that both of us almost gave up writing entirely. Because we felt we’d never reach that pinnacle. Almost.

I can’t sleep because I’m having vicious allergy attacks. I think the whole neighborhood mowed their lawns this weekend. Green grass is my very best allergy. I’ve worked very hard in my life to make it at least 7 x’s as bad as all the other allergies in my head. My head is full of cement, stuff is dripping out of my nose and down my throat and I’ve given up breathing. Which is making me very light headed and dizzy. But it’s worse when I lay down. Of course.

So I was standing there in the kitchen, breathing through my mouth, staring up at the halogen lights that I don’t really like. And I lowered my sights to the butcher block beside the fridge that held the diet coke my stepdad left behind when he headed back up north today. When I spied some cookbooks. Which I had not noticed in the six months I’ve been back in the house. One of them was called “Help, my Apartment has a Kitchen.” That sounded my speed. So I was browsing through it and, low and behold, the most craved food I never ever ever get to eat… Beef Stroganoff. It said it was an easy recipe. Maybe I’ll try it. It requires me handling food, however. And then preparing it. And I never feel like eating food, if I have to prepare it.

Then I saw a Pictorial Cookbook from Nova Scotia. And that made me laugh. Fucking Nova Scotia! You see, about six months after the divorce was final, my stepdad asked me to stop by the house and water his garden for him, while he went camping. I asked him where he was going and he said he was going to to go up to Canada… drive around… camp a little. At this point, he still had not admitted he was seeing someone. So he takes off, when he gets back, he gives me a cd that he bought for me. In Nova Scotia. He did not drive up to Canada and do a little camping. He went to FUCKING NOVA SCOTIA!! Look, here’s Seattle and ….. here is Nova Scotia. You’ve got Seattle, Venezuela, Beirut, Africa, Cincinnati, Hanging Gardens of Babylon… Nova Scotia.* In my family, it is tradition to tell someone when you are leaving the general area, especially if you are getting on a plane, so if it crashes, we know to drive to wherever and look for your body. You certainly do not go to the OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKING CONTINENT, leaving the Country, without maybe a little note. It was apparent that my mom used to take care of such things. Anyway, when I relayed the story to her, I was still rather stunned, so every time it came out “He flew to fucking NOVA SCOTIA!! Nova fucking Scotia!!”

So, it’s become a bit of a personal joke that whenever someone does something so stunningly different from what they told you they were going to do, because they didn’t want to tell you something. Like the fact that they are seeing the woman that maybe they were sort of seeing before the separation and she happens to be from Nova Scotia so you are both going there. I like to call that “Going to Fucking Nova Scotia.” I have absolutely nothing against Nova Scotia. It looks absolutely gorgeous! In fact, I’d like to go there some day. I’m going down on record to say that I would like to visit fucking Nova Scotia. As well as Montreal. And Nunavut! I’d like to go to Nunavut to visit Elle. Just not in the winter, as I don’t think I have the proper coat for the climate.

*I love you Eddie Izzard!

I just got back from picking up a 44ozer – Dr. Pepper. Edgar 16 – Sullen Weekend Edgar, was eating a soft serve ice cream cone from Dairy Queen, explaining to me how she never got off work in time to get one, I guess someone had brought her this one. Or maybe she picked it up on the way to work. Anyway, it reminded me of a story I was telling my coworkers earlier this week. Which I shall share with you now.

When I was in high school, my second job ever was at McDonald’s. I lasted from about the beginning of the school year, until just around Christmas. Shockingly, I did not get along with all my managers. Even as a innocent 16 year old, I seemed to expect to be treated with a modicum of respect. Scheduling someone’s shift to end at 9, but the making them ask permission to leave is bad enough. But when you then send them on 45 minutes of stupid tasks before letting them go, is just down right rude. I don’t have to ask permission to start my shift, I think, under normal circumstances, it should end fairly close to what’s written on the schedule. But I didn’t hold the power, did I? That was just one of my problems with my career at McDonalds. The polyester uniform itched. I smelled like french fries constantly, they never let me work drive thru, which honestly, was my best position. Probably because I wanted to work it. I had to work the birthday parties. oy.

Anyway one afternoon I was working with my arch enemy of mangers, an tough young woman who really should have just gone ahead and joined the military, she was a perfect fit. She did not find me delightful at all. It was really quiet and I was the only one behind the counter. A woman came up with two kids and ordered two soft serve ice cream cones. I made the first one, and up came the manager.

“that’s too big!” she hissed. I’ve not had many people actually hiss at me, but she did.

“what?” I asked, innocently, blue birds and woodland creatures gathering around me, to bask in my joie de la vie.

“THAT is not a regulation sized ice cream cone! Make a new one!”

I glanced over at the mother, who was only a few feet away with an apologetic look, and set the ice cream cone down. I made two other ice cream cones, of regulation size and shape, under my managers watchful eye and handed them to the mother. Who seemed sympathetic to the fact that it was not me, but rather that nazi manager.

At my McDonald’s when food needed to be thrown away, you would yell back to “the grill” and say “WASTE ONE WHATEVER!!” they would return the yell and mark it down on a sheet. One cheeseburger wasted. Seeing as tho there was nobody in the lobby, I walked the offensive ice cream cone over to the sheet, and standing next to a giant trash cone turned to look at my manager.

“WASTE ONE ICE CREAM CONE!!!” I yelled. and then brought the cone to my mouth and inhaled as much ice cream as I could in one mighty brain freezing suck. There was ice cream all over my face, I took one bite of the styrofoam cone and then tossed it the trash, marked it down on the sheet, and walked passed my manager, still looking her in the eye, as I took my place behind the counter, wiping my face with napkins.

It is, to this day, one of my proudest moments.

I am in class all day today and tomorrow. Learning to deal with my growth, professionally and personally. Learning to MANAGE it. Right now, we are doing various exercises to identify our top five values. Before the class, I was to have one person pick what she thought was most important and least important. I chose Evildeb. My manager also got a chance to talk about me. I haven’t seen what she wrote yet. We are encourage to find out “how others see us.” So I am giving you, my little internet friends, the chance to pick what you think my top five values are. The one who comes closest to matching the final five gets a prize. I don’t know what. What do you want? Music? I could make you a cd. Or I could draw you a picture with crayons. If someone in your life needs yelling at, I could do that. However, I won’t accept responsibility for the consequences. I could write a limerick, celebrating your brilliance and insight. I don’t know, you tell me.

ACHIEVEMENT (attaining goals, sense of accomplishment)

ADVANCEMENT (progress, promotion)

ADVENTURE (new and challenging experiences, risk)

AFFECTION (love, caring, fondness)

COMPETITIVENESS (striving to win, being the best)

COOPERATION (collaboration, teamwork)

CREATIVITY (being imaginative, inventive, original)

ECONOMIC SECURITY (steady, adequate income)

FAME (renown, distinction)

FAMILY HAPPINESS (close relationships with family members)

FREEDOM (independence, autonomy, liberty)

FRIENDSHIP (close relationships with others, rapport)

HEALTH (physical and mental well-being)

HELPFULNESS (assisting others, improving society)

INNER HARMONY (being at peace with yourself and others, tranquility)

INTEGRITY (honesty, sincerity, standing up for beliefs)

INVOLVEMENT (participating with and including others, belonging)

LOYALTY (commitment, dedication, dependability)

ORDER (organized, structured, systematic)

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT (learning, strengthening, realizing)

PLEASURE (fun, enjoyment, good times)

POWER (influence, importance, authority)

RECOGNITION (respect from others, acknowledgment, status)

RESPONSIBILITY (accountability, reliability)

SELF-RESPECT (belief in your own abilities, self-esteem)

SPIRITUALITY (faith, strong spiritual and/or religious beliefs)

WEALTH (abundance, getting rich)

WISDOM (discovering knowledge, insight, enlightenment)

Believe me, I am not stalling on Satan’s Bookclub. One piece is kicking my ass. I thought it would be no big deal, I thought I would just search around on the internet and find out how to make the sidebars extend all the way down to the bottom of the page. But NO!! It’s just never that easy, is it?

Sigh. So, don’t think I am just hanging out, chatting with Dr. Stevil while he drinks tequila and watches American Idol. That’s ridiculous!