i have found the perfect part time job. seriously, this is the best idea ever! i was looking through the part time listings in the online want ads. seeing nothing. then i came across this: “Participants for surveys and studies. Earn $17/hour. No exp nec. Flexible hrs.” i have no experience!! so i called the number, and there is this recording about what the studies are, and what to do if you want more info. it’s drug studies. for large drug companies. they aren’t preliminary studies or anything, but final studies. and they have to be done for the drug to be considered “safe.” and so the drug companies are willing to pay up to $4,000 a month to participants!! so naturally i asked for more information because i already take prescription medicine. i’m good at it. i’m going to sell my soul to science!! this will be awesome! after the initial one day visit or orientation or whatnot, you only have to go in 3-4 times a week for a half an hour. i can do that! i can take drugs for money! the way i i figure it, i’m perfect for an allergy medication study.
some of you might say, “now, jodi…. this is not a good idea. this is a bad idea! being a test subject for drug companies!” but some of you take all kinds of drugs that don’t come from a pharmacy, if you know what i mean. wink wink. so… ummm… don’t judge. besides, we all know what the side effects will be: dry mouth, headache, fatigue. that’s what they always are! and i’m already tired and headachey. so who cares? for $4,000 a month i wouldn’t’ care. you know how quickly i could pay off my tax debt with that? well, to know that, you’d have to know how enormous my tax debt is, and i am ashamed to tell you. so, no, you don’t. but it would be really really cool to even make a quarter of that a month. it would help a lot. come on!! let me test drugs!! please?
i’m not putting all of my eggs in the drug testing basket, however. i have another plan. Plan B. but we’ll discuss that later.