it’s too freakin’ hot here in seattle right now. i think my brain is stewing inside my head. we are not a people who deal well with weather in the 90’s. i’m not a person who deals well with weather over 74, actually.
so yesterday we took the afternoon to avoid work and take something called the Strength Deployment Inventory. S.D.I. it’s a personality test. i’m sorry, it’s actually “an inventory of your strengths when dealing with others.” it had two basic parts. your tendencies when things are “going well.” and what happens when you are engaged in conflict. there are three basic types, that are differentiated by colors; red, green and blue. you can also be an equal mix off all three, called a HUB, or rainbow. and you can also be a blend. like a red blue.
i am a blue. altruistic – nurturing. characteristics are trusting, loyal, helpful, modest, devoted, caring, supporting. i like helping people.
a red would be assertive – directive: self confident, ambitious, persuasive, forceful, quick to act, competitive, risk taker. a green would be analytic – autonomizing. cautious, reserved, methodical, analytical, principled, fair and preserving. and a hub would be flexible – cohering; flexible, open to change, socializer, experimenter, adaptable, tolerant, looking for options. blends would take qualities from the two colors. and of course, everyone has the qualities of all three colors, in actuality.
it was more interesting to find out about my conflict characteristics. i’m a [gb]r. which means i in green during stage one, blue during stage two, and red during stage three. because of my score, my blue and green are blended. briefly:
stage one: concerns include yourself, others, and the problem.
stage two: concerned about yourself and the problem.
stage three: yourself – self preservation and survival.
in a nutshell that means i will first step back and shut down, withdrawal. that does not mean i am giving up, it means i am getting my ducks in a row, gathering my facts, and evaluating whether or not the conflict is worth it. as i move into stage two, it because more emotional. i’m apt to say “whatever. do it your way, i don’t care.” but if you get me in stage three – you are gonna get it. i’m going to try to maintain peace, but keep a careful eye on the personal cost, if pushed to stage three i will fight for my rights, as a last resort and possibly EXPLOSIVELY!! that rules. it actually said that part.
stage three isn’t common, especially in the work place. but the trainer told us to think about times we’ve been pushed that far. if red was our third stage, did we remember it as being BAAAAD. and it’s true. it takes a LOT to get me there… but when you do, it’s the big guns. i’ve dropped people from my life because of stage three, with no warning and no discussion. and i’m pretty sure that that’s why brad told mom that i scared him… the two times he pushed me that far, since we’ve become adults.
so… don’t piss me off.
all in all, i give this personality test 3.25 brains out of five. it’s interesting, especially the conflict pieces. but i didn’t think it was as informative as the meyer briggs or anything.

oh just cut off my head already! enough with the pressure and the throbbing ear pain. i’m over it.
i have a dr’s appt. this afternoon to have my head removed, as it is infected. i will either have my head removed, or they will give me an antibiotic. one of the two.
my apartment is not finished, i still have a bit of the front hall, the bathroom and my bedroom left. my bedroom is the worst. but, while emailing fee, i came up with a plan that will help me deal with the laundry carpet, without actually doing all that laundry. i’ll shove it all to one side, vacuum, shove it all to the other side, vacuum. and then i will separate it into color piles. then i will set a basket full of CLEAN laundry, next to the piles. [i do intend on doing at least one load this afternoon] along with the soap, and the bottle of downy. then it will look like all those clothes are on the floor on purpose, because i am in THE MIDST of doing laundry. “what a good girl! doing all that laundry. her mother must be so proud. i bet some of that laundry belongs to little bald children with cancer, who can’t do their own laundry.”
i forgot that, at least for me, short hair requires more work than long hair. bleh.
7:13 pm
my brilliant laundry plan is more work than i thought it would be. who knew that stuff would live under all the clothes? i’m finding books and cd’s i haven’t seen in months. oh, and did i mention that every single piece of clothing i own is dirty. i think i’ve been washing the same tshirt, shorts and underwear over and over and over, and ignoring every other article of clothing. i’m trying to finish it up before i do the vacuum, because i don’t want to vacuum too late in the evening. i think the people below me have a baby. aren’t i considerate?
i napped after i came home from the dr [yes, my head is infected.] so, in theory, i could stay up and clean for hours and hours and hours. ha! the later it gets, the less i care what people think.
won’t you be happy when it’s tomorrow, and it will be too late to do anything else about it, so i’ll quit talking about it?

in all my infinite wisdom, i decided to find out exactly what this annual inspection is all about. for all i know, they could simply be checking to see if your front door opens properly. in which case, you wouldn’t have to pick up the carpeting of clothes on your bedroom floor. so i stopped by the management office to ask. but NO – they walk through the entire apartment, looking at carpeting and appliances. although they don’t touch anything. coughing in the assistant managers face, i yelled, “god dammit! do you HEAR that cough? can you sense how congested i am? my right ear is completely plugged up and throbbing in pain. does that sound healthy to you? does this sound like a girl who should be cleaning an apartment which going to get into the 90’s later? i ask you?!@!”
no i didn’t. i said, “umm. ok. can i have parking space two back? you accidentally gave it away and i’ve been parking in 1, and i like 2 better and that guy moved out.” so i got my old parking spot back.
it’s true about the ear though. i think there is something wrong with it. i’m going to clean the kitchen anyway.

1:55 pm
i had a short, itty bitty bit of motivation last night. about 1/20th the amount of motivation i need to clean the entire apartment. but it’s gone now. unfortunate.
so, i decided to cut my hair. i just had six inches cut off. six inches the shortest part. it’s now above my shoulders. take THAT messy apartment!!!
pictures may come later. we’ll see.
5:23 pm
when all else fails, and you cannot find inspiration within your home, it’s best to search for outside sources. that can only mean one thing. linen’s n’ things. i got a set of lime green jersey knit tshirt sheets for $19, on sale. lime green! summer freshness! they are groovy. it’s ok, tho. i needed a new set. my favorite sheets, the grey jersey, have holes. the laundry place that sometimes does my laundry accidentally put them in a load of whites with bleach. but they are the softest! nonetheless, they are dying. and that leaves me with only…. three sets of jersey knit sheets!! and two flannel. ok. i have a bedding issue. whatever. i also got a giant dark charcoal grey floor mat for the kitchen – $9. so i won’t have to clean the floor as carefully! ha! i’m kidding. everyone knows is the edges you miss, not the middle. a mat wouldn’t do any good. sheesh.
i think i’ve finally cleared the living room/ dining room/ office of “empties.”
7:55 pm
i accidentally took a nap. oops.
i’m too the point where i am making deals with myself to do a simple couple of minutes of cleaning. this does not make for fast progress. however…. i don’t have time to talk about it, as i told myself i could go to barnes and noble if i emptied the dishwasher. but i have to do a load of laundry when i get back.
10:14 pm
there are all levels of clean. think of it like maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we need to make sure the basics are met, before we even approach self actualization. this particular go around, we are going to be lucky not to be caught nekkid, looking for shelter, metaphorically speaking. my basic requirements? total and complete strangers need to be able to enter my apartment, while i am not there, for about two minutes, without tripping over anything while they walk. and at no time should the follow phrases be uttered “what’s the smell?” “oh her POOR MOTHER!” or “have you had a tetnus shot in the last five years?” that’s all i require for success.
you know what? i’m typing without spell check right now! living on the edge.

ok, here’s the deal. next week, the managers at my apartment complex are conducting their annual inspection. which, in the past, has happened every three years. however, last year we got new managers, and they apparently take the annual part seriously. my building will be inspected on tuesday.
you know what this means. yes. exactly. i have to clean. everyone loves it when i whine about cleaning. i think the last time i had to clean the apartment, it was for bookclub. and i got out of that. so god only knows when the last time the entire place has been clean. all of it. probably last year’s annual inspection. or when i was recovering from sugery last sept, because i remember my mom cleaning a lot while i took drugs.
anyway, what would a weekend of cleaning my fucked up apartment be if i didn’t cry about it online, while in the midst? you would be disppointed. you’d be let down. you’d think i’d forsaken you, dear internet friends. i haven’t.
Response to Peg: i checked the tardblog, and it’s still there. maybe it was down the day you last visited? or maybe the tards are just out to get you? can’t trust those tards.

in my vast new york city experience, times square is highly overrated. in fact, a little times square goes a long long way. at first you area all, “gee! new york, man! broadway!!” but if you spend a few days in times square, if you stay there, you’ll get sick of it fast. it’s not indicative of new york in general. and it smells. and after a couple of days, i found myself becoming violently polite, in order to illicit some manners from people. i also found myself become less polite in some situations.
case in point, the cheezy souvenir store. i had a dr. pepper in my hand, because it was a bazillion degrees with 1027% humidity… of course i have a bev. anyway, i start to walk into a cheezy souvenir store, with the tshirts that are obviously made by tiny pre-pubescent fingers, in some third-world sweatshop somewhere, and there is a man guarding the door. and as i walk through, he says, “no drink. No Drink! NO DRINK!” because i might damage the fine merchandise by ripping the lid off my soda pop and spilling it all over the racks of tshirts. and i thought, who the hell are YOU to make me choose between shopping – and surviving the summer heat? no one, that’s who. you are NO ONE of import or authority in MY life to dictate my drinking habits. so i simply said back to him, “fine, then. no purchase. No Purchase. NO PURCHASE!”
my other problem? the people who did not acknowledge you were purchasing anything from them. somehow, they maintained a sense of denial that they were helping the public, by not interacting with them at all. by friday i was getting in their faces and saying “THANK YOU!!” just to see them flinch.
but you know what i like? greenwich village. that place RULES!! in fact, i like every other single place i went in new york. well, with the exception of chinatown. chinatown can KISS MY ASS! but that’s another story for another day.

the best thing about my trip to new york? i volunteered to take a bump on the way there. ended up, they didn’t need us. so louise and i flew non-stop first class all the way to new york. it is pretty damn obvious that i belong in first class. we weren’t even cool about being upgraded. i mean, we didn’t sit there nonchalantly, in first class, accepting our hot towel with knowing looks. we totally spazzed out, “hot towel? heck YEAH i want one. what’s it for?” i figure we were either refreshing and amusing; or… we were really really annoying.
the hotel was so fuckin’ trendy i can just barely stand it. i know i wasn’t trendy enough to stay there. they play house music in the lobby, which they prefer to call the “living room.” upstairs, where the rooms are, the hallways are painted entirely black. there is a mosaic of faces on the wall, in the center of which lays a small tv screen which plays mtv 24 hours a day. it’s the TRL of hotels. that gets really old really fast. you have to be exceptionally good looking to work there, as well. i encountered two really sunny happy friendly people there. the rest were cool, professional and friendly. you know what i mean? there’s a difference. again. i don’t belong there.
more on nyc later….

i’m back! did you miss me? i would have updated from new york, except… well… i couldn’t be bothered! sorry. getting online was sometimes tricky. and the powerbook i was using was rilly rilly slow. and… like i said, i couldn’t be bothered. and then i got sick!! yes!
so.. so much to say. right now, all i want to do is bitch about the fact that i left my mouse at home, and i am forced to use a single button mouse, with no scroll wheel on my mac, here at work. i can’t be expected to work like this, can i? these work environments are not up to standards. its a sad fact that i had to buy that mouse in the first place. [actually, to be honest, i probably could have had one purchased for me, i just didn’t bother, i bought it myself.]
on saturday, louise and i checked our luggage, after we checked out of our rooms, so we could wander around until it was time to leave. the bellboy said to me, after hearing my name, that it sounded like i was either a “best selling novelist or an actor.” and i said to him, “darling boy… aren’t you precious? i am currently an unpublished best selling author! you are so psychic!” no i didn’t… i laughed and said, “yeah, either that, or a girl in tech support. one of those three.” but i’m telling to truth, he really said that thing about the best selling novelist. i refuse to believe that he says flattering things to everyone about their names. i think it’s an OMEN. and i don’t mean that in a gregory peck way, either. or maybe he just wanted a tip.

ummm… the only meaning behind that title is, i think i trashed Toast, trying to burn a cd. no, not trashed, crashed. yes. i think toast is toast, and so is that cd. and that is why we have floors, people, so we have somewhere to toss the dodgy discs.
all of you use windows. and you are saying to yourselves, Jodi – what the fuck are you talking about? toast what? crashing who? i guess i just live in a macworld all by myself. toast is the software i use to burn cd’s. ok?
and, speaking of my macworld, i leave tomorrow morning, at 8:20 for NYC. and here is where i am staying… the W in Times Square trendy and posh, we’ve decided it is. i’m very certain i’m not trendy enough to stay there, but since the anonymous corporate machine is paying for it, i guess the hotel probably won’t kick my geek ass out.
if all goes according to plan, i’ll be able to update from nyc. if it does not go according to plan, i guess i’ll just get drunk instead.