Sexual Discrepancy
Which Inner Demon ™ Possesses You?
brought to you by Quizilla
oooo… look at me. i’m a SEXY DEMON!! thanks loon!
Sexual Discrepancy
Which Inner Demon ™ Possesses You?
brought to you by Quizilla
oooo… look at me. i’m a SEXY DEMON!! thanks loon!
why my family rules. a: my mom got me an electronic merriam-webster dictionary/thesaurus for xmas. cuz i wanted one. b: when given a borders gift card, by me, my cousin pat said he knew just what he wanted to get with it… a big dictionary. he was just sorry it wasn’t all 9,782 volumes of the oxford dictionary.
ps: yes, i know it’s not the study of bugs.
give it a few days.. eventually, i’ll find my way back from the simsverse. you know what would help me? this:
but in a larger size. the size you would use to store a bunch of files. whatever size that is. a size of some significance, but not too large. and i need at least two of them. only i can’t find them anywhere. the largest size i can find would hold a few hanging files. maybe. it would sit on top of your desk. i need BOXES. but they need to be pretty like that. i’m tired of the stacks of ugly boxes i have storing all my books that won’t fit in the bookshelf. or anywhere else. i got some awesome stickers to decorate the boxes with… classy shit. i’m having a real queer eye for the straight guy gay man’s decorating tip moment here, people but i cannot find the MATERIALS. i hate that.
anyway, here at the lables/stickers i have. some of them. i have international [24 stickers] and americana [24 stickers]. how cool are they? can you see why i need pretty red boxes with black steel corners?
oh bother.
but i am playing the sims. which means this reality does not exist. and since my blog is in this reality…..
man, i love love love not working.
yesterday we had little xmas party, here at work. i was standing with evildeb, admiring the hors díouevres when the coworker who refers to himself as The Man walked up to ask us why were werenít eating the sauteed oysters. i wasnít eating them because they are nasty. but what about evildeb?
e.d.: they have stuff in them.
me: flesh. she doesnít eat meat. sheís a vegetarian again.
e.d.: i used to eat seafood, when i was a vegetarian before.
me: sheís been one before, you know.
e.d.: thatís right. iíve been one before, you know. itís my natural state.
the man: what? vegetative?
me: bwahahahaahaha!!
e.d.: thatís not funny.
me: oh yes it is.
occasionally, i like to answer the unasked questions that those of you who have not met evildeb have on your minds, whether you like to admit it, or not. why do i call her EVILdeb? what makes her evil. ladies and gentlemen of the internet, i give you … exhibit b. evildeb sent this out to a mail list we have here at work, called ìmr. snotty.î
anyone who would subject coworkers to this kind of thing has to be evil.
i took the netflix plunge. iíve put it off for a very long time. i havenít been watching or renting a lot of movies. iíve been doing more reading, than anything else. and then i was doing more writing. but lately iíve been missing movies. iíve watched almost every movie in my library in since nanowrimo ended. well, i used most of them to procrastinate during nano, actually. but basically, the thing that made me sign up is this. cute boys. i watched a movie on the sundance channel called ìparticles of truth.î it stars gale harold of queer as folk fame. i had showtime during seasons one and two of that series, but i have not seen season three. itís due out on februrary 24th. but after watching that movie, i had a dream with gale harold in it. sigh… thank you god or goddess of dreams. anyway, i missed brian kinney… i had not seen QAF since the end of season two. mmmmmm…. brian kinney. i decided i needed to watch seasons one and two again. and i simply cannot make myself go to blockbuster, because i HATE THEM. and i canít make myself go to hollywood video because i have a $20 late fee balance. plus, it just sounds easier to get them from netflix. i should have the first three discs by monday, they say. right in time for my xmas break. perhaps if start watching seasons one and two of QAF, i can have gale harold dreams EVERY NIGHT!!! *sigh* OH! bonus, spike showed up in my dreams as well.
i desperately need to go home and go back to bed. seriously.
here are the elements of my dreams last night. first of all, i dreamed that between eastern and western washington, there was a rest stop area off the hi-way that featured a group of people selling mattresses at a discount. you could see the mattress from the hi-way itself. piles of them, displayed upon a rock formation. [we are still in eastern/central washington at this point, so things are more dry and arid.] also, while you were there, you could watch this spinal tapesque rockband perform. they would perform outdoors, and sell their own albums, which were indeed vinyl. they were awesome and terribly funny, but i canít really remember the name. it started with an A. and i had this weird triangular bolt thing, that was part of their band logo, that i took from one of their shows. i ran into david bowie there. kam was with me, and she, too, loved them. later, we climbed the rock formations and pushed the mattresses off the cliff. it was fun.
then, later, i went to my normal laundromat place, were i used to drop off my laundry to be done. [yes, laundry is on my mind.] and all of the sudden, the lights turned off and i was in the dark. a voice came over the pa system telling me they were closing their doors for good. i saw a light coming through a door on the far side of the laundromat that really wasnít like my laundromat at all, and followed it. i discovered that the laundromat was connected to a huge, modern house. that was built on hill, in seattle. whereas the actual laundromat is located in woodinville. i donít know…itís a dream. anyway, this place was under construction, it was beautiful with high cathedral ceilings and plate glass windows with a view of elliot bay. i was walking along planks that were suspended several feet in the air, above lower floors, and exploring the house. i walked through a door and suddenly i was in this crazy club. and it belonged to the crazy spinal tapesque band. i was so excited, i ran right into them. i apologized for being in their house, it was an accident, and then i told them how much i loved them, and showed them the little bolt i had stolen from their show, i wore it on my finger like a ring. they were terribly sorry to tell me that they were breaking up, but i should stay, and enjoy myself. bummer, i loved those guys. suddenly i was in this room, where tiny japanese children were performing in a dance recital for their parents. there were many non japanese parents with their non japanese children there, and the parents were explaining how they, the children, would be starting this dance class tomorrow. the non japanese children didnít look all that interested. i donít know why, because this was the most awesome dance class iíd ever seen. the floor upon which they were dancing was bouncy, like a trampoline. and there were different things strewn about the floor, to make noises. the dance itself consisted of the tiny japanese children jumping and running and yelling, making the different objects move and shake and make noises. they were doing an interpretive dance of weather. thunderstorms, and rain and wind…. i think this whole thing was inspired by those rain sticks, that you turn, and seeds fall to the other end – mimicking the sounds of rain. you know what iím talking about? these kids were doing a lot of jumping. it looked fun. and to get out of the room, i had to cross this floor, which was quite large, and divided into sections, to keep the noise making objects separate. i couldnít help bouncing to the other side. no one seemed to mind.
and then i was in seattle. with fee and howie and my paternal grandparents. who were in much better health than the truly are, but still rather frail. i had lost my car. we could not find it. i wondered the streets looking for it, hitting they remote on my keys to make it flash itís headlights and honk the horn. [something that it doesnít really do, in real life.] it made a lot of cars honk and light up, but none of them were mine. howie decided to go off and look for it, while we sat and had coffee. my grandparents were very tired. we were at this hotel that was called the flamingo. it had several really cool pools. so we decided to check them out. in order to get from one pool, to another, you had to go through a pool. there was no way to walk around them, really. thatís when i discovered that if i walked very quickly, i could basically walk on water. take THAT son of god!! we got to this beautiful hot springs pool that had plants all around, but left a little sky light above. you could feel a soft misty rain fall on your face, which was so delightful with the hot water. while she was walking across it, fee stopped to look up and feel the rain, she paused to long, and therefore fell into the water. you have to keep walking to stay on top of it. itís ok, tho. because for some reason, we were in bathing suits. now, my grandparents were standing at the edge of the first pool. they knew they couldnít walk fast enough to stay on top of the water. but some punk kid ran past and pushed my grandma into the pool. some little kid thought heíd save her, and dived in, but in saving her, he was doing a much better job of drowning her, so i dove in and got her. she was unhurt, but wet. so we took her to a beauty parlor and got her hair dried. howie came back and told us he found the car. now, in this dream, howie was often someone else. he was still feeís husband, but he was some guy i worked with, or someone i used to know, he kept changing. and he was stupid, because when he tried to take us to the car, he couldnít find it.
thatís when i woke up, thinking my car had been stolen. now please, go ahead and interpret that. and explain the tiny bouncy japanese children to me. [i apologize, as i meant to write this first thing this morning, when there were soooo many delightful details still fresh. but did not have time. now everything has faded and it sounds boring. still…. tiny bouncing japanese children?]
i have a ton of laundry to do. a huge freakiní ton. most people who know me, know that i have laundry issues, due to the fact that i have no washer and dryer in my apartment. i have to go to the basement. the basement is a busy busy place, and it stresses me out. getting a washer is just part of the problem. washer cycles last for under 30 minutes. dryer cycles last 60 minutes. can you see the problem? you donít just need a washer, but you need a dryer thatís going to be available in 30 minutes. and there are people out there that donít care if their laundry is done, and sitting in a washer and dryer. they have better things to do. these are the selfish people. the only thing worse than being caught dragging someoneís dry clothes out of a dryer, is being caught dumping their wet clothes on the folding table, in order to get into the washer. i donít want other people touching my clothes.. iím very conscientious about getting downstairs BEFORE the washer or dryer stops. iím in the minority. anyway, i find the whole thing stressful. iíve been known to stay up late in order to wash clothes at 1 am. because people who leave their clothes in the dryer at one am are probably not going to come back down that night to take them out. [those people are the worst people in my book. i donít even try to shake things out and lay them flat on the folding table, i just leave them wadded up in a clothing ball.] i used to drop my laundry off at a laundry place. itís more expensive than doing it yourself. but itís sooooo nice… getting all your laundry back clean and folded all pretty. and this guy is an ORIGAMI ARTIST when it comes to folding the fitted sheets. but the IRS stole that joy from my life as well. bastards.
the point is, pretty much everything i wear is dirty. two rooms and part of the hallway are now carpeted with dirty clothes. [itís kind of nice and cushiony. bouncy. the kitten likes it.] and thatís why iíve gone to target so many times this week. for clean underwear. and, like the optimistic dope i am, iíve only purchased one pair at a time. because certainly i will do laundry tomorrow. right? ha! the first pair of underpants i bought are a ìboy shortsî style, that ride low on the hips and extend lower on the leg. they are white with strawberries on them. loved them! iím basically ok with anything as long as it rides lower, on the hips. i hate underwear that rides on your waste. no matter how sexy they might seem in their entirety, they feel like granny pants. the next night, i went back. this time, i decided to replace one of my cheap $10 bras that was falling apart. buying bras for $10 at target is my absolute favorite thing to do. if the only last 3 months, they still do better than the $30 bras i used to have to buy before the surgery. plus, every single style comes in my size. every single one. once i became a c cup, i went right out and bought soft cottony bras that looked like they were made out of tshirts, and yet still had underwire. this was never an option for me with the old boobies. but this night, i decided to go for something different. i bought a pretty satin bra, with lace trim, in a color called ìmink.î and the matching boy short pants. the only problem is, the lace… itís itches. and the underpants do not ride lower enough, they are decidedly TOO close to the waste. but… they are satiny. and they give me a new sensation iíve never felt before… slinky butt. my butt feels all slinky in my pants. i like it. i still think that they could ride lower, tho. my ass is expansive enough to create the slinky butt sensation without the underpants going up to my waste. iíve never, in my life, had matching bra and panties. never. it just wasnít really an option for me before. i wonder if i can just cut the lace off that bra?
so yesterday, i decided to be smart, i bought three new pairs of underpants, bikinis. and low and behold, there was a matching soft cottony, sporty white bra with purple polka dots. so i had to have that too. iím all about the matching now. iím wearing it now. mmmm… cottony sport comfort, with matching cuteness. makes me feel all sassy.
i bought a christmas present today. yay me! it’s for my mom pattie. it’s not a very big one. but that makes…. ummm… two. i have purchased two presents so far. i suck. you know, i was all ready to have christmas spirit this year, i really was. it’s been a while. i first lost the christmas spirit in 94, the first christmas after my dad died. he died on jan. 16th, so it had been almost a year. but i went to pennsylvania to be with my stepmom and little brother. and i was so upset, because i was so poor. and there was no dad to buy her anything special. there was no anyone to buy her anything really nice. but like it or not, my most concrete christmas traditions come from my mom’s side of the family. and soon, it became a general missing of my father around his birthday, around january 16th, around any holiday. but i got my christmas spirit back.
i lost it again in ’99. and this time, i lost it for a long long time. in april of 99 my parents split. my mom pattie and my stepdad ron. my mom, dad, aunt vickie, uncle jim and myself were very very close. we are close to everyone in the family, but the five of use were a separate little core of closeness. my older brother wasn’t around enough to understand that closeness. it was really the five of use. we called ourselves the happy shiny “fill in the occasion” family. that came about when i was a junior in high school. jim and vickie were not yet married, but they were living together. mom, ron, vickie and i were driving from oklahoma to colorado, to be with the entire family in grand junction. the car was stuffed to the gills, the vickie and were packed into the back seats, surrounded by pillows and all her christmas craft projects and my books. and i said, “well look at us… aren’t we the happy shiny little christmas family?” i probably said it with a bit of teenage sarcasm in it, but the name stuck. and we became the happy shiny family. the happy shiny easter family. the happy shiny graduation party family. the happy shiny moving someone into a new home family. that was us.
but in 99, the happy shiny family broke up. some of us had very little choice in the matter. and it broke our hearts. ok, mine. i’m sure it broke my mom’s heart too. christmas of 99, my mom and i went to arizona, to be with mour mour and to just be away from the reminders. they were only separated, at that point, and not yet divorced. that became final at christmas of 2000. the decision to divorce came that fall, up until that moment, i still held onto hope. so it hit me really heard in 2000. every christmas, it hits me. i’m really sad. and i miss the way it used to be. and now i feel i am reliving my childhood, trying to work out times, during the holidays, to see family. family who cannot be around each other. last year, i faked christmas spirit. because that was our first christmas without mour mour. and i knew how sad it would be for my mom and vickie. so i faked it. when in reality, i was immersed in the worst depression of my life.
so, the whole point of this is… this year, i felt i could truly get my christmas spirit back. i looooved christmas. i was ready. i thought this was the year. but i don’t feel it. i feel nothing. which is different from previous years, in which i was overwhelmed by the season, and the sadness that came with it, for me. this year… no sadness. no overwhelmed. just… nothing. evildeb says she feels the same way. she keeps adding more decorations to her home, trying to get the spirit. so… maybe there is something wrong with the christmas spirit this year? this is the no fat version? or the vegan version?
or is it just me?
they won’t give me my life back. plus, dr. stevil told me that they WILL be converting Makin’ Magic to mac format, due for release late january. oh why can’t it be done in time for xmas break? that is the perfect expansion pack for me. superstar is ok, i like the new toys. but i just don’t care that much about fame.
however, you can get massages in studio city. and i DO care about massages.