books, evildeb

It’s nothing but an encyclopedia of perversions

I found the most wonderful piece of software this morning, it’s called Bookpedia. And it’s a Cocoa ap made for OS X… it’s gorgeous, and easy to use, it looks just like iTunes. You can catalog your books, create wish lists, search the Library of Congress, add to your list by scanning bar codes, and keep track of books and to whom you’ve loaned them out. That’s a real problem for me. It’s lovely, and for all of you who have tons of books, are geeky enough to want to catalog them, but use Windows… I’m sorry. I’m sure there are tons of shareware titles that do just that for pc users. I just don’t know what they are. And the screenshot of the features shows American Gods in their library, which is just evidence to me that they are people with exceptional taste. I’ll have to purchase this fine piece of software. Ooo… and it’s made in Spain!
I’m listening to Evildeb talk to Microsoft Tech Support. It’s fun! I can hear give the details to a very confusing issue, over and over. And I know she wants to critique their phone support technique, I can just bet…. “No, you shouldn’t ask me that now… you should be asking me if anything has changed, on my system, since the last time it worked as expected!!!” The problem is, it’s not happening to her, she’s trying to find out if they’ve heard of it. They could just say “no.” and get off the phone. We call that a “punt” in support. But Evildeb says “he’s trying to do his JOB!”
Well done, MS support phone technician.

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You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No… not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.

You know how you sometimes see certain images, and you say to yourself “my but that certainly is phallic!”? I had an experience like that this morning, here at work. But with a more feminine slant. There was an image on our intranet, a sort of internal design … and my first thought was to turn to Dr. Stevil and say, “Steve, what does that look like to you?” But then I realized… how would Dr. Stevil know what one of those looked like? [Dr. Stevil is gay, kids… in case that has not been made clear in the past.] However, Dr. Stevil said that his first thought, when he saw the design, was “wow… Georgia O’Keefe would be proud.” Once we became open about our feelings, re: the design on the front page of our internal website, Dr. Stevil, Evildeb and I enjoyed a prolonged gigglefest. Followed by a seriously inappropriate discussion.
And out of that discussion, Dr. Stevil told me this story. They now have, on his softball team, a GIRL!! I didn’t know they allowed girls on their team, but I guess they do. Anyway, they had a team fund raiser the other day, at some bar, and this girl donned a leather bustier and carried a paddle. She went around the bar and sold spankings! And she made $150!! BRILLIANT!! At a buck a spank, I’m guessing several people took more than one for the team. But that’s not the point… do you think I could wear a leather bustier and sell spankings in bars? That would be an awesome second job, doncha think? I wonder if it’s legal?

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pru

Dogs guard; cats watch… and judge.

According to my string cheese wrapper, it’s the trivia version, cats are indeed smarter than dogs. No surprise to me, I’ve lived with plenty of both. Cats, apparently, have an IQ that is surpassed only by the monkey, chimp, and humans. Something tells me that that the cats would say, if humans really do test at better than cats, it’s because we’ve done a poor and inadequate job designing the test. Which is probably true. If we were smarter than cats, then we’d have designed our daily lives to include as many naps as they manage to have in daily cat life. And no, I’m not saying this because Pru is atop the monitor, giving me threatening looks to set the record straight.
Nonetheless, smart as she may be, I didn’t see her dealing with a migraine this morning. And we have a family in my saying… no brains, no headache.

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a link to McSweeney’s

Real quick… because I have to answer someone’s technical questions, as it would appear that they are paralyzed from the eye brows down and the user guide is out of reach, otherwise, surely, they’d be embarrassed to be caught asking questions whose answers are so politely provided in the self help material…. this is very funny!

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Come share in the joy of our groove thang.

Doe-02 from the album Pod by The Breeders
I had no idea what that “iTunes” button did on Ecto, the software I use to write my blog updates, but apparently it tells you exactly what song I am listening to right now! That’s fascinating! BRILLIANT!! You have to know that I am going to be hitting that button a lot from now on. That is need to know information. I love technology.
Oh, good news abounds everywhere! First, it has been brought to my attention that the Moons have come to their senses and are moving back to me!! They are moving back to Capital Hill! I’m so excited. Maybe I will see them more than once a year now. The drive down to Tacoma just wasn’t as much fun as it was in our “youth.” So I didn’t see them much. Oh, and apparently they are bringing the baby with them! Nice! Can you blame them? She’s very talented, I’ve seen pictures and it appears she can stick her big toe in her mouth! And only 6 mos old! I’m sorry to say that she seems to have some pretty messy table manners with the solid food. Anyway, it’s nice they’ve come to their senses and are moving back. My inability to make it down to Tacoma was all a plot to get them to come to me. And it worked!!
Delicious Demon from the album Life’s Too Good by The SugarCubes
Additionally, fabulous friend, and fellow Denver Bronco fan, Kam is considering coming up to Seattle for the Seahawk vs. Broncos pre-season game in August. Wheeeeoooo! During which we’d don the orange and blue, and probably get into fights with smelly, drunken ‘hawk fans. But I’m not scared because Kammie has all that KUNG-FU knowledge. And I have a lot of unresolved anger. So I think we can take anyone who gives us grief. After we beat up drunken, mullet wearing dudes from Auburn, we’ll go out for sweet potato fries
I Sing The Body Electric from the album Are A Drag by Me First And The Gimme Gimmes.
I’m not getting much done today… productivity has been reduced due to the fact I have moved my dock from the bottom of my screen to the right side. It;s got me all discombobulated. It’s messed with my groove.
Sesame Street from the album Television’s Greatest Hits 70’s & 80’s by Stone, Hart And Raposo
Yeah…. I keep getting distracted from the post, and coming back when a new song comes on to hit the iTunes button. So I should just go post it. ok… one more song, only cuz I’m using the new Party Shuffle feature.
Bad Businessman from the album Hot by Squirrel Nut Zippers

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If he fell asleep in the park, someone would try to punt him.

Now that I have the iPod, one of the many ways I can overcome my guilt is to take it for walks outside. In the sunshine. Where the healthy people are. So I’m going to start walking around Greenlake. It’s one of my favorite places in Seattle. It’s got a walking path around the lake that’s 2.8 miles. Which is a nice amount of miles. It’s a good walk. Everyone will be so proud of me for going outside. And I can say “the iPod made me do it! The iPod changed my life!”

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books

.. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler…

Louise and I were talking earlier this evening, before I left work. We were discussing the grand opening of the New Seattle Public Library’s main branch, on May 23rd.
Me: we should go to that.
Louise: oh yes, we should. Because we are just that book geeky. [Louise breaks into her Milton impersonation] The ratio of books to Louises is too big.
Me: [bringing my hands up to hide my face and breaking into my impersonation of… well, me being a tard] yes, but i don’t like the people. i like the books!!
Louise, laughing: How come everyone I am friends with does a good fake tard impersonation?
Me: faux-tard?
Louise: yes, exactly.
Me: because you are a faux-tard magnet.
And then I realized I have just made up the best word ever!! Or at least the best word in quite some time. And, what’s even better is, it sounds like a photoshop filter. “Oh sure, that’s a good picture of him now, but look what happens when we run him through the faux-tard filter.”
And we were serious about going to the grand opening of the new main branch of the Seattle Public Library. Because we really are that book geeky. And library geeky, specifically.

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evildeb

I know. I’ve been really naughty, haven’t I? Perhaps a good spanking’s in order?

I told Evildeb that I would be performing a lot of penance for buying an iPod. A girl in my financial situation should not be buying luxury items. [even if they are an necessity like an iPod] I said many “whippings” shall occur.
Evildeb: oh really? who’s going to be doing the whipping?
Me: uh… it’ll be self-flagellation.
Evildeb: well… go easy on yourself.
Me: I always do!
Evildeb: YOU SEE!! that’s the trouble with you. you are too easy on yourself. We could bring in a third party.
Me: You know… I was talking about figurative whippings. [an example of what I was thinking of would be, say.. i don’t get to go blond again, as I was planning.]
Evildeb: mutter mutter mutter dominatrix mutter mutter .. here you go, [pointing to the website on her screen] a whole directory listing the local domanatrixes. I’m not going to open it here, tho. [indicating the workplace]
She’s so supportive. Other friends might come up with half hearted attempts to explain to me why it was necessary for me to have an iPod. Not Evildeb. Only two things concerned her, the fact that she doesn’t yet have one, and finding someone to spank me. Pretty much everything in the world is seen as something she has or does not have. Nothing drives her more crazy than people having what she doesn’t have. I think she was probably in favor of having me whipped, because I dared to have something she does not have. In her eyes, I deserve a good spanking.

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