Saturday night I went to Barnes and Noble, to see if I could lower the available balance on my B&N gift card. It was burning a hole in my pocket. Which was embarrassing. It was about 8:30 or 9, dark and pouring down rain. I parked in a section that had five parking spots in a row. On the left end spot, there was a car that was parked on the white line, on it’s right. So, dangerously close to being in the the second spot. On the far right end, there was a big fuck off SUV, parked in 1.5 parking spots. Leaving an approximate 2.5 remaining parking spots. To make things easier, I parked next to the car on the left, with just enough room to open doors. It probably put me over the white line, but since there was 1.5 parking spaces left, I figured the last car would be fine. I pulled, straightened out, and parked. I was in the store for about an hour and a half. When I came out, there was a piece of paper on my windshield. I went to remove it, but it just fell sort of … mooshed when I touched it. It had been raining the entire time, and the note had melted. I could barely read the writing. It said, “You are rude. Learn to park.” In suspiciously female handwriting.

This threw me into a state of extreme confusion. I looked at my car. The car to my left was still there, the fuck off SUV was still there, and another car was using the 1.5 parking spots I left. My car was not parked crooked. I was not parked too close to anyone’s door. What the hell did I do? You have to be pretty annoyed to go through the trouble of writing a note to leave on someone’s windshield. You’d think that they’d give it to the fuck off SUV. Or at the very least, the car on the left end of the row. But why leave it on my car?

I thought about it for awhile. Then I thought, “maybe I was rude somewhere else? maybe inside the store?” Let’s see, I went inside, browsed until I had a small armful of books, sat down in big chair and read, got up, returned books I didn’t want, got in line and paid for my books. Nope. Nothing rude. So, I scraped off the paper pulp from my windshield and said, “You want rude? Show your stupid note writing face and I’ll give you some rude, you silly bitch.” And left.

But I have to say, it bothered me for the rest of the evening. Until I started reading a piece in Time Magazine about the Science of Happiness. And I realized, the Confused Note Writing Bitch was not a happy person. And I doubt leaving that note made her any happier. And while it may have upset my lovely book buying high I had, when i walked out the store, I was comforted by the fact that I am not a Note Writing Coward like she. When I confront someone for being rude, I do it to their face. Did I ever tell you guys about the cell phone store? I don’t think I did. That’s one of my better confrontations of rudeness. Maybe tomorrow.