Amelia: What are you doing?
Me: I am chatting … with all my many online boyfriends.
Amelia: Really? How many online boyfriends do you have?
Me: oh, about 7. or maybe 9.
Amelia: Uh-huh. And how many of these online boyfriends know they are your online boyfriends?
Me: oh, all of them. They adore me.
Amelia: Jodi… how many of these online boyfriends are real?
Me: uhh…. real?
Amelia: Yes, as in they exist outside of your imagination. You are chatting with Deb, aren’t you?
Me: Shut up!
Amelia: About case notes, you are chatting with Deb about case notes.
Me: You ruin everything!
Amelia: You know you have issues, don’t you?
Me: duh. I’m talking to a poster!
Amelia: Exhibit A for the prosecution.
Tonight Dr. Stevil has plans to go sock shopping with his friend. They are attending a brunch at the house of a friend who has recently redone his floors. Everyone has to take their shoes off. So they are going shopping for killer socks.
Me: That is so gay!
Dr. S: I know! Isn’t it great?
Me: Only gay men and girls would… no, you know what? Even women would not go shopping for special socks in this situation. They would think about their socks, make sure they are clean, don’t have holes and match what they are wearing. But they wouldn’t go shopping for special socks.
Dr. S: What about when you went to Vegas? For the Las Vegas Pajama Party. You shopped for special pajamas.
Me: That’s different. That’s an entire outfit. These are socks.
Special tights? Yes. Special socks? No. Special Pajamas? Well, that’s just ridiculous, of course you’d go shopping for those if you were going to something called the “Las Vegas Pajama Party”! Duh! All pajamas, all the time! =)
special tights, of course. but they are visible at all times. that’s different. and i agree, the comparison between special socks and special pajamas is ridiculous. if it has been the Las Vegas Special Sock Party – all socks, all the time; then it might have been different.
Online boyfriends, so how does that get consummated?
Well, if it’s imaginary, I simply invite him up to my Emerald Castle on top of Crystal Mountain and we consummate and then ride unicorns down to the Rainbow Waterfall. Or something like that.
If it’s a real online boyfriend, you first start slow… a few online coffees at online cafes, maybe an online movie. But if you are smart, you won’t put out until you get that date for the Online Prom. Every girl knows that that is when you lose your online virginity. Online prom night.
Victor never invited me to the online prom. Does that make me an online hussy…?
you are a little bit online slutty, yes. but that’s ok. aren’t we all?