This morning, about 6:30 am, I was awoken from my sleep by the doorbell ringing. At least, I thought it might have rung. It was hard to determine whether it was real or part of the dream that I was having. Or both. I don’t wake up well, and I usually incorporate any interruptions into my dream, so as to avoid waking up at all.

So, naturally I ignored it and snuggled down in my covers and went back to sleep.

At about 6:45 it rang again, twice, followed by loud door knocking. This time, I knew it was real. And I knew who it was. Anyway in my family, who needed me in an emergency, would have called me from the driveway if I did not wake up to the doorbell. In fact, they’d probably call first. And they would have kept ringing and ringing and ringing. They know how I am in the morning. This was not family or friend. This was the door bell stylings of someone who has come to serve papers. I was familiar with the pattern.

Just last week I ignored several attempts to serve papers. Just for the fun of it. Several years back, someone stole my stepfather’s identity. They used the same last name, and a first name so close to his, it’s only one letter off. A police report was filed, my s-dad had an attorney, anyone trying to collect a debt is supposed to contact the police, blah blah blah. But they still send stuff in the mail. And they still try calling. And they come to the door. Asking if I am my mother. Who is divorced from my s-dad anyway.

So I ignored this guy. And I was pissed. When he started up at 7:00, I got angry enough to get up, get a robe, and open the door.

“Sorry to have woken you…” he said.

“YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T THINK YOU ARE!!!” I yelled.

“I’m persistent”

“YOU are RUDE! Are those papers for [name the fake used]?”

I was ready to tell him that no such person existed, laugh maniacally and slam the door. But it turns out the papers were for me.

“Oh, well, I’ll accept those”

Then I slammed the door.

I suppose I should be grateful. A: I was trying to find out who owned my delinquent debt so I could pay it off, and now I know. Also, I forgot to change my alarm back to my normal wake-up time and would have overslept. But I am not grateful. And he is very lucky I did not suck out his soul, put it in a mason jar and store it in the china hutch I inherited from my grandma, along with all the other souls of those who had dared to interrupt my sleep for no good reason.

I just didn’t have a jar handy.