I mentioned, earlier, that I signed up for an online writing “intensive.” It’s kinda freaking me out, frankly. First of all, I’m expected to critique others? Seriously? I’m sure some part of my brain registered that fact before I signed up, but now that I am faced with the imminent fact, it’s daunting. Critique how? I don’t critique. I’m not a critiquer.

“Nice penmanship” doesn’t really work in an online environment.

I’m having flashbacks to 12th grade AP English class. That class caused no end of stress and anxiety related stomach pains. (In fact, so ingrained in my psyche was the fact that stomach pains were associated with anxiety and stress, I lived with gal stone attacks for a year before going to the doctor. I just figured I was REALLY stressed.) All we did in that class was write. The goal was to be able to sit down and write a standard 5 paragraph, approximately 500 word, essay about any topic at a drop of a hat. And to do so well enough, in a big expensive test, that you could clep out of college hours of English credit.

Which I did.

So I suppose, for that, I owe AP English a “thank you.” But I lived in constant fear of my teacher using my work as an example of what not to do. He seemed far more fond of examples of what not to do, in my memory. I never got any kind of extraordinary praise, so, therefore, it stood to reason that everything I did was crap. At best, mediocre crap. I never felt like I was up to the standards of that class.

And, ok, most of the time it was anonymous, but the peer critiques were merciless. Except for mine. They were non-existant. There was also the ultimate fear that he would put your paper on the overhead projector. God… even if it was anonymous, I think the blushing look of horror on my face would have given me away. Don’t get me started on the times it was not anonymous.

For some it was intellectually stimulating, I suppose. Not for me.

Every day I would quiz my friends Julie and Holly what had happened in their 3rd period AP class, so I would know if I would need to find a miraculous way to be somewhere other than 5th period AP English. Or, better yet, just learn to be invisible.

So yeah, I’m in an online writing intensive and I’m a bit freaked out. And – double ack – my homework is due tomorrow!