Before I tell you the story of the First Crazy Person I’ve Talked to in Ages, I need a bit of sanity check.

Let’s say you ask a sales person at a local Best Buy if they will have any, oh, I don’t know, Nintendo Wiis anytime soon and the following conversation takes place:

BBguy: Yes, 6 am Friday Morning!

You: 6 am?

BBguy: Yup, we’ll have a whole bunch of them at 6 am on Friday.

You: So we’ll be back at 6 am on Friday, thanks.

Would you then assume that they are opening at 6 am for some big sale, and that if you show up at 6 am you’ll be able to enter the store and make purchases? Because we sure did. But maybe he just meant that he had to work at 6 am on Friday, and was scheduled to unpack the Wiis and place them on the shelves or something.

I’ve got half a mind to complain. If it weren’t the fact that I had not even gone to bed yet, so it’s not like I had to crawl out of a warm bed to come down to a dark shopping center at 6 am, I would. What we found were 3 other shoppers and two security guards. And a big huge sign on the building saying “Grand Opening Sale. Friday Nov. 30th and Sun. Dec. 2nd. Best Buy Presents Avril Lavine.” ( I don’t know how to spell her last name, and I don’t care enough, about her, to look it up.) So we assumed it was for the big Grand Opening that they were opening at 6. It was 5:52 and the security guards told all five of us how to line up and then went back inside where it was warm. That should have been our first clue.

Here comes crazy! Third in line, all decked out in Canucks gear, he seemed to be unaware of societal norms of personal space. Namely mine. Sometimes its a fine line between “crazy” and “just really drunk.” But something about this guy just screamed “perfectly sober.”

Crazy: Hello! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Me: to you too!

Crazy: are you with that guy? (points to Wil)

Me: Yeah, that’s my husband.

Crazy: Oh. I want to get married. Let me ask you something…

Me: What?

Crazy: Is he CRAZY?

He was referring to the fact that Wil was wearing a sweater and shorts, and it was very very cold out. But he had a cup of coffee in his hands and it was almost 6, so I’m sure he would have survived. I might be selling Crazy short, and he could have been referring to the fact that the sweater was striped but the shorts were plaid. Something I, too, thought was a bit odd when he put the ensemble together.

Crazy then went on to explain what he was there to buy, while the two people in front of us, and Wil, inched further away. He explained to me that his Xbox 360 was going to cost FOUR THOUSAND DOLLARS because XBOXES WERE THE BEST AND THE WII SUCKS. I did not mention we were Playstation people.

In addition to getting married, Crazy wants to have kids.

Crazy: guess how many?

Me: I couldn’t possibly…. how many.

Crazy: (holds up six fingers)

Me: Wow, six. That’s a lot of kids.

Crazy: Know what I’d do with them?

Me: Oh god…

Crazy: I’d send ’em to Toronto.

Me: Ok.

It was all very benign until he found out that I was American. Crazy HATES America. It is bad, and we are bad people. And Bush is the worst.

Me: (backing away): hey… I don’t like him either.

Crazy: I mean, why are we in that war anyway?

Me: oil?

Crazy: yeah, but why are WE, Canada in it? Hey man (pointing to Wil) why are we in it?

Wil: I don’t know man, I’m not in anything.

Crazy (to Wil): do you know anything about Tazers? You know, shocking people?

Me: Awww, jeez, it’s it after six? Excuse me? What time is the store going to open?

Security: 10

Me: WHAT? Not 6?

Wil: Let’s go eat breakfast.

I was certain that guy was going to play Tazer the American.

Which is so much more fun on the Xbox 360 than on the Wii.