Monthly Archives: March 2005

books, evildeb, pru

Go to google, type in “vibrator cozy knitted”

and look who’s number one!



and I don’t even know how to knit! I’m so proud. How disappointed people will be, if they come looking for a pattern. I’m sorry knitters! I didn’t mean any harm!

Distracted I was from finishing up Satan’s Bookclub. Intending I am to get it up on April 1st. Thinking I was that it would be 12:01 am, but realizing I am that it will be later in the day. I’m still looking for something I want to put up there. Don’t know why I started talking like yoda. The first sentence just came out that way and I went with it.

Pru’s freaking out, I’m going to go chase her with q-tips. Before I go, an ironic quote from Evildeb today:

“I’m going to put my headphones on!! You guys are so annoying with your talking!”

Now everyone leave me happy, positive comments and explain to me why I feel the need to document every tiny insignificant piece of crap in my life online? And I mean crap in a good way, but sometimes I wonder about me. You know?

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I’m number one, Squishy. Beat that!

9:40:33 matt from dc: what?!

9:40:53 matt from dc: you have to put it back up

9:41:12 matt from dc: it was wonderful material and it got 7 comments!

9:41:17 matt from dc: and it featured ME!

9:41:20 matt from dc: you can’t take it down!

9:41:31 jodiferous: oh. now we find out what is really bothering you.

9:41:43 matt from dc: now i am nothing

9:41:49 jodiferous: hang on…

9:41:52 jodiferous: i can fix that.

9:41:54 matt from dc: just a guy who followed a link

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White stuff on my nose.

Every once in a while, I get this song stuck in my head, it’s something I remember from the very very early days of Mtv. Back when they played anything and anyone who made a video. Nobody ever knows what I am talking about, when I mention this song, no one ever sings along. Well, it’s stuck in my head this morning, and I thought, "Hey, you should check the internet, see if it’s out there!" So I did, and it is, and you can even download it from the band’s website.

So, please, sit back and enjoy Blotto’s "I want to be a lifeguard." Listen to it enough times and you can sing along with me, the next time it is stuck in my head.


MP3 File

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books

Satan loves April Fool’s Day

I move to another part of the building this weekend. That is, someone moves me. And if I don’t get my pack on, I’ll never make it out of here alive. Everyone else has made significant progress. So I am trying to work up the motivation to take all these empty water bottles and soda cans into central services and recycle them. It’s too much like cleaning.

Originally, it was my plan to have Satan’s Bookclub up by April 1st. Seemed like a good day. However, if I do that, two things will not be available. There is no way I will finish my book reviews by then. Louise and I were going to review “Down on Ponce” simultaneously. It’s not an easy book to find, so we thought we’d find another book for the bookclub aspect. However, if you are reading it, good for you. It’s an excellent book and hopefully you can help us recommend it. Then Louise and I were also going have one individual review ready to put up there. I don’t think Louise has even picked out her individual book. Do you see what I’m up against? When I say there is No Way I will finish a review by April first, I am exaggerating a bit. I know, it’s rare. I could probably do one for “Down on Ponce” by then, since I’ve read that book before. We’ll see.

The other thing that would not be available are the cute little buttons that I am trying to make, so you can pimp SBC gansta style if you want. On your site. Every little button I made turned out stupid. I hated them. Louise thought she might take a whack at some badges. I have not heard how her design attempts have worked out. Nonetheless, I’m thinking of going live anyway. Because we also want to post book type news items and such. And several have come up in the past few weeks that would have been excellent pieces.

So look for Satan’s bookclub on April 1st! Maybe. Or maybe not. Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure. Sometimes, I tell everyone that there is no way I can get something done, and then I turn around and get stuff down. I’m like that.

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Note to self…

do NOT try to podcast using the iSight mic, it will not work.

Today I ran into my oldest friend Julie, out on the intraweb. I was signed into an AIM ID I had not used for years, it was the only one she knew about, and she found me. Thank goodness. I met Julie when I moved from Grand Junction Colorado, to Tulsa Oklahoma. The day after my 13th birthday. Or, as I like to call it, “the worst day of my life so far at 13.” Except for Julie, of course. Union Jr. High was not a particularly welcoming place. And I was well known back in Colorado, had plenty of friends.

Julie and I have not been in touch for about 3 or so years. But at one point, she knew ALL my secrets. There are probably some new ones now, we’ll need to catch up. In high school, we used to talk on the phone all the time, we did our hated algebra homework on the phone, me putting her on hold while I went and asked my stepfather for help. We studied for tests on the phone, which is to say, we avoided studying tests on the phone. After high school, I left Oklahoma and she stayed. I used to write her long letters, full of absolute crap, not unlike what you read here every day. But longer! I was an excellent letter writer. Now she is married and has two kids, and I’m still emotionally the same age I was when I left Oklahoma.

Back then, there was one word I would say that would always make her laugh. It’s a perfectly ordinary word. I still, to this day, do not understand what is so funny about the way I say it. But I told her, I would record myself saying it and post it up here. Which proved to be more difficult than I anticipated. Audioblog hates this mp3 I managed to smash together with duct tape and spit. So we’ll do it the old fashion way. Oh, and for those of you who are experiencing my melodious voice for the first time, I swear, despite how it sounds, and despite my behavior, I am not 12 years old. i am an adult. Honest!

Click for sexy audioblog!

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evildeb, work

I’m sort of surprised that reality turned out as real as it is.

In attempting to present another fun filled episode of “what’s on Jodi’s t-shirt today” I realized, looking at the shirt in iPhoto, that I had put my shirt on backwards. The graphic is such that it shows both on the outside and inside of the shirt. That made me laugh, for a while. I haven’t done that in almost a year.

Friday afternoon, Evildeb and I went to an off-site work party. We were only marginally invited. But our PSM really wanted us to go. I spent my drink tickets on Dr. Pepper, while Evildeb spent hers on wine. We did a little mingling, and ended up talking to someone in Program Management, about some recent staff changes at the executive level, a vp was leaving. He asked me what I thought about that, and I said “Ummm… yeah, he was pretty good,” I had no clue if he was any good or not, “he used lots of corporate speak and anacronyms.” Everyone started laughing. I didn’t think it was that funny. He did… use a lot of both. I looked around at the group, and knew that I had done something dumb.

Evildeb: You said “anacroynm.”

Jodi: I did? [still not hearing what I had done wrong.]

PM: that’s good ANAC-cronym. That’s a great word!

Jodi still laughing with everyone else: well, you know me!! hahahahaa!

Evildeb: did you mean acronym?

Jodi – ashamed and not at all drunk: yeah. I did.

I’ve always screwed up that word. I have the hardest time saying it. But I looked into it, it’s a real word. anacronym. Sort of. People use it to describe acronym’s that are so old, nobody remembers what they stand for anymore. Like SCSI and ASCII. [Except for me, maybe. SCSI=Small Computer System Interface and ASCII=American Standard Code for Information Interchange] So playing it cool was the smart thing to do. When I got back to work, I found a website that explained the meaning of Anacronym, although I don’t think it’s in the dictionary. I mailed it to Evildeb and my PSM. Who forwarded it to the PM. Who still thinks it’s a great word and is willing to suspend disbelief that I meant to say it.

Louise is still intent upon teaching me to knit. She is actually making me knitting needles and found a pattern that is just crazy enough to make me learn. Only so I can answer when people ask me the inevitable.

“what are you knitting, Jodi?”

“Vibrator cozies” I’ll say, sweetly.

Evildeb is not down with this plan.

Evildeb: why would you want to make those?

Jodi: come on! it’s genius! we’ll make vibrator cozies and sell them at I heart rummage! They’ll sell like hotcakes! Sexy hotcakes!

Evildeb: I don’t think you should make that. What do I need with that?

Jodi: Well, it sounds like you should go right out and fill it! You’re a healthy girl, surely you have something that runs on batteries.

Evildeb: make iPod covers.

Jodi: NO! you can come shopping with us when we go buy the floor model vibrator for our sales booth. Nobody likes a chilly sex toy. [which may or may not be true, actually.]

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movies and tv

With you it’s all about cameras, conspiracies and alien girls from hooter planet!

I read, somewhere, that unexplained bruises and contusions can be signs of alien abduction. This has always concerned me, because I am constantly bruised or contused. Naturally, if I were abducted, it would be in the middle of the night, and I would not remember it. Perhaps this is the cause of my frequent insomnia? Anyway, last night the aliens must have picked me up by my left leg, and tried to detach it by shaking me violently to and fro. Because I am experiencing a strange pain in the hip/leg joint of my left leg. Like I did something yesterday to pull or strain it, and now I am paying for it. It’s a sharp pain when I move certain directions. All I did yesterday, that could POSSIBLY be called strenuous would be hunt for Easter eggs. And that would be an extremely generous assessment, to call it strenuous activity. And, since I don’t have an excuse like Romy’s, I can only assume that the alien’s tried to pull my leg off. Probably thought it would work just like a Barbie leg. [my Barbie’s legs were always falling off. My Barbie took part in MANY strenuous and questionable activities.]

My cable has been out for about a week. At first, I thought it was because of the wind storm. Then I thought maybe Pru disconnected something when she was spazing out. Turns out, it has been disconnected. I’ve never seen the bill, I guess my step dad takes them. I called him on Friday to find out, but he never returned my call. I’d worry more about it, except that it’s probably a good thing to have no tv. I am missing the Daily Show, I admit. I guess I will probably do something about it soon. If I did the whole lent thing, I’d give up tv. Of course, lent ended on Sunday, so I guess it’s too late for that. Oh well, you know where that road leads, the one paved with good intentions.

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No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air.

Today’s title has absolutely nothing to do with my life right now, other than I wanted to share my favorite Dogma quote with Romy. I worship air conditioning. It is one of my favorite things in life. It’s right up there with Dr. Pepper from a fountain and my cat. And other things that are also “up there.” I have dreams about a/c. About the a/c we had in the house in Tulsa, the vent was right under my bedroom window. I had really tall windows that went down nearly to the floor, with long white curtains. When the a/c would come on, they’d billow out… sigh. I love the sound of air conditioning. The house in Grand Junction had a swamp cooler. It worked best when the back door was open a crack. I don’t know why, I don’t question the genius that is air conditioning. We don’t have a lot of a/c in homes around here. They say you don’t need it in the Pacific Northwest. But they are full of crap!

Speaking of crap, I had Easter Brunch with the family this morning. It was delicious [not crap!] When my mom got married last spring, she inherited a 9 year old granddaughter. This kid is, as they say, a pip. She learned right away not to believe a single word my uncle Jim says. She doesn’t believe I am as old as I am. Both by my looks and, mostly, by my behavior. Not having any kids, I have seen little reason to grow up. So we have about the same maturity level. Her birthday is a week, and I imagine she’ll start out growing me soon. We found out today that she was caught using a bad word. And you could tell she didn’t want her mom to tell us what it was. But I had to know, because I love bad words! Finally, her mom mouthed the word “crap.” Crap? Crap is a “bad word?” Really? That’s nothing! Crap is well…. it’s a pretty crap bad word, that’s for sure. I know for a fact that I developed a potty mouth early on. And I went far beyond “crap.” My mouth was washed out with soap once. That wasn’t really Pattie’s style, so maybe we were just giving a try for curiosity’s sake. When I was living in Tulsa, we went to church regularly, and my youth group [jr. high age] had a little cheer we used to yell, that I remember to this day. We learned this cheer at a regional youth retreat in Dallas. It went, and I quote:

bish bish bam bam!

son of a bitch, god damn!

highty tighty christ o’mighty

raw raw fuck!

raw once, raw twice

holy jumpin’ jesus christ

awwwww.. SHIT!

Of course, I grew up a Unitarian, so we didn’t get in trouble until we started yelling it near the little kids. Unitarians can take the Lord’s name in vain all they want, if it’s part of their Spiritual Journey. Unitarians kick ass.

Pattie had put little plastic eggs near everyone’s plate, with questions inside. [That is so Pattie’s style] Usually, Uncle Jim, Pseudo-Aunt Pat, and I poo-poo any serious Sharing of Feelings at family gatherings. [so did my step-dad, back in the day]. We carry the “Irreverent” gene rather than the “sharing” gene. Mine was not bad this year, if I could have another life after this one, who or what would i chose to be. Duh… Wonder Woman. Or maybe Catwoman. [I admit, I have a dark side.] Pseudo-Aunt Pat got “would you consider e-harmony in your search for a new relationship.” I was shocked I did not get that one! [I would then have remarked “what search?” ] Then Pattie, disappointed, said “Bob wouldn’t let me give you that one.” Smart man, Bob… well played.

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