Uncategorized

vasectomies gone bad and naughty babysitters

I’ve been using a demo of a stats service, that gives me a bit more information than what comes on my server. You know how addicted I am to webstats. In addition to providing valuable information for those looking for things in Nova Scotia [lottery numbers, sluts, food of various kinds, surgerical procedures] I get a lot of searches for people wanting to do things faster – for example – type. That’s how I found out there is a porno called “Faster Pussycat F*ck F*ck!” Of course there is… and the asterisks are to keep people looking for this fine film from being sidetracked by me. But my favorite two search referrals this week are:

how to write wedding vowels

how often should i feed my koi?

Normally, I would say I am the last person you want helping you write anything for a wedding, but when it comes to the vowels, I think I can help you out, just send me an email. But just the vowels! You are going to have to get the consonants from someone else. The number one search referral for jodiferous.com this week, and I am SUPER excited about this:

Hot Dog on a Stick!!!



I love hot dog on a stick! Mmmmmm…. meat on a stick.

Heads up: advance notification on tomorrow’s 50 fiction theme. The theme is: color.

Standard
work

Rational thought is a bit too limiting for my tastes

Something fun I got from Drink at Work.

You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

What is Your World View?

created with QuizFarm.com

I’m in color class all day, again. And I’ve got this annoying Disney song stuck in my head. The Spectrum Song. I know I have an mp3 of it somewhere… I’m not sure I should do that to you, tho. Y’all have been so good, you don’t deserve to be punished in that way… or do you?

Oh, you are safe. Wherever that mp3 may be, it’s not here on squishy. But next time you may not be so lucky. In case you want the lyrics…

Continue reading

Standard
Uncategorized

Scared of me

I’ve been meaning to tell you guys about the mayor of Spokane Washington for a couple of days now, since it’s been all over the news here. But last night I came home from work and went straight to sleep for the rest of the night. And today I was in another class all day. [More color science… let me know if you need calibrating.] And then I came home to find out my new boyfriend did a bang up job of writing about it, understandable as that is what he does for a living, and why not just point you over there.

The whole thing reminds me of a Great Debate I had with my stepmother 11 months after my father died. It was a very surreal Christmas for all of us, everything was cold and deciduous (as they were living in Pennsylvania). Just like earlier that year, when I was out for my father’s funeral. I was from somewhere a bit more evergreen, and I remember how very depressing I found it, everything being dead, no signs of life. [symbolism lacking in subtlety, I know. ] But I digress. This was 11+ years ago, Josh was 12 and a boy scout. My stepmother was a very active scout leader. I don’t know when scouting became something he did for her, instead of himself, but I imagine it was after my father died. Anyhoo, my brothers [older and younger], stepmother and I were sitting around the dining room table after Christmas dinner, talking, and the subject of the Boy Scout leader who was asked to leave the scouts came up. There had recently been an eagle scout kicked out B.S.’s because he admitted to being gay. And when a scout leader came out in support, he was kicked out as well. We were having a knock down drag out debate. In this corner, my staunch conservative Republican stepmother, with her “Impeach Clinton” bumperstickers on the refrigerator. (Probably put there by my father.) In the other corner, me. At the beginning of the debate, I stated that I understood the scouts were a private club, and could set any standard of membership rules they wanted, however, my point was not whether this was legal, but whether this was right, whether this was an appropriate lesson of tolerance to teach to other boys. I’ll spare you my finer points of debate brilliance get to the point of the story… my older brother jumped in somewhere around the middle and pointed out to me that the scouts were a private organization and could set any standard of membership they wanted to, it was not illegal. The debate had grown quite heated, because, well, the other point of view was moronic. So I turned to my brother and reminded him that I conceded that point earlier in the argument and if he was going to participate, he was going to have to do better than that. I guess I was somewhat snappish when I said it, I know I was ready to rip some heads off some necks at that point. Because when we came home [me to Seattle, him to San Francisco] he told my mom about the debate, and my reaction, admitting that he was a little scared of me.

The sweetest news I have ever received in my life, a life half lived on egg shells whenever walking around my temperamental brother, was that he was a little scared of me. So much of my childhood was spent worrying about getting beat up [more time, by far, than actually getting beat up.] that it seems only fair that he be a bit scared of me now. Fair, and more than a little appropriate.

Standard
Amelia

Amelia’s Writing Tips for Corporate America*

Amelia says:

Don’t use a noun as the predicate, when a perfectly good verb already exists. Verbs describe action. People want to know what’s happening. When you use words like "matrix" as a verb, it makes Jodi bang her head against the wall.

"People do not matrix to other organizations! I can only assume that you mean move or transition, but perhaps you mean skip or dance. Or perhaps he will kung-fu over to another organization… I don’t know!!"

Have we learned nothing from Schoolhouse Rock?

"When I use my imagination (Verb!)

I think, I plot, I plan, I dream…

Turning in towards creation (Verb!)

I make, I write, I dance, I sing…"

*and other countries as well.

MP3 File


MP3 File

Standard
Uncategorized

I also need to say happy birthday to Elle!

Happy birthday, Smellie! I was going to try to say “Happy Birthday” in Inuktitut, but I was unable to find it online. And I kept looking and looking, and then decided, what the hell… I mean, despite your current location, I should just stick with our common heritage. Therefore…

Grattis på födelsedagen!!!

It’s raining cats, dogs, monkeys, turtles, bunnies and squirrels here. The sky is dark and closer to the ground. Don’t ask me how that works, because I don’t know. I went out to get some tea, with Tessa. We both used “courtesy” umbrellas and yet somehow I came back damp, and she looks like she never left the building. Pfft….

Standard
Amelia, evildeb, macs

Three things for a Monday

– It’s Loon’s birthday! Happy birthday Loon,

– Saturday was Evildeb’s Evil Birthday! Happy Evilday, Deb! She was in Victoria BC, and I was under quarantine, so I have not celebrated an evil birth ritual with her yet. Any ideas?

– I just ordered my Mac Mini, using the discount given unto my P.O.E. by Apple. Hooray! My home system needed an upgrade. My G4 will become the delegated MP3 server.

– Due to a physical injury, the monkee is rumored to be a bit more subdued and “quiet,” currently. But I don’t notice a difference.

– Also, I just pre-ordered the Sims2 for the Mac. It comes out on June 13th. [birthday of Liloo and my uncle Jim.] So the blog may go, as they say in the theatre world, dark for a bit. Dark, with strong possibilities for sim stories.

– I got a Mother’s Day card in the mail from my cat.

I said three things and that is six… sorry. I’m still not quite myself, truthfully.

Amelia says “hi!”

Standard
Uncategorized

Patient #286-JSH

Hey kids, my advice to you is, don’t get sick. I am having the worst time shaking this. I start feeling better, and then I get all sick again. I either get a fever again, or I add some new symptom. Like last night and the throwing up. Hello? I don’t throw up! Especially not when I just have a cold. Today I just feel really … weak; very lightheaded and dizzy. I went out in the car to get something to eat, it took me until 2pm to work up to it, and that turned out to be a bad idea. Not the eating part, the operating heavy machinery part. So I came home. Even when typing my fingers are tripping over each other.

Enough already! Bored now. Time for health. Chop chop! You have until tomorrow to show up.

Nap time.

Standard
50 Word Fictions

Fifty Word Fiction Friday Vol. V

Hello and welcome to Volume Cinco. Because it’s Friday in some parts of the world, if not mine, I present you with my phlegm inspried 50 word fiction based on this weeks theme… hollow head. Or was it hallow? Or haunted, if you want to go that way with it. Six of one, half dozen of another… I went with what felt true to me.

The Last 48 hours

Sludgey cement, slime and sticky ooze… muck, mire, and mucilage… green gunk, grime, glop and pellucid crud… with great effort she raised another sand paper rough tissue to her nose and wished for a hollow head. Whump.. her wish granted, the viral effluvium dropped into her lungs. Oh, *cough* perfect.

Standard