I want to go on a vacation. Somewhere I’ve never been before. Somewhere that isn’t just visiting friends, or Las Vegas. Those are my two default types of vacations.

Where should I go?

I live in fear that someone in my family is going to try to get me on TLC’s What Not to Wear. I actually like the show, I enjoy Stacy and Clinton, and think they know what they are talking about, when it comes to making people look good. It would probably be pretty cool to get $5,000 to spend in NYC, and their advice to go along with it. That being said, I would never, in a million years, give them all of my clothes to mock and then throw away. As is the custom on that show. I’m sure I could be schooled in which paints would make my ass look smaller, my legs longer, and my IQ higher. But it’s not worth it to me. I’m not going to give up my beloved graphic tees. And I am not going to wear a shoe with a “little bit of a heel” to “elongate the leg.” It’s not going to happen. It would be handy to know how to dress my age on certain occasions, but it’s not worth giving up my personal identity to do it.

Seriously, I worry about this. I know my family would love to make me over. I know it. They’d love to see me in something besides jeans and sneakers. You can tell by the way they freak out with excitement when they see me in something other than jeans and sneakers. Unless it’s pajama pants. I don’t think they are impressed by my pajama pants. But the fact is, I’m a casual girl. It probably costs me, first impressionwise. But you know what happens when you try to be something you are not, and give in to the pressure of making a good girly first impression? Blisters! On the bottoms of your baby tender feet. That’s what.

I’m not sure if TLC’s What Not to Wear have ever encountered someone who refused their offer of $$$ in exchange for all their clothes, but I would refuse. Graciously. I would explain to Stacy and Clinton that I admire them, and respect their clothing advice, and would love to get their opinion on how to dress on the rare occasions I want to dress like an adult, it would be SOOPER cool to know how to do that, but then I would turn them down. I mean, if you were me, would you give up this shirt?

You would not. If you were me. Besides, I’m not completely stupid. I don’t wear pleated pants or anything.

Also… I don’t like to shop. For clothes. Books, dvds, cd’s… computer stuff… hell yeah. But not clothes.

Shoes don’t count as clothes in the above scenario, fyi. Shoes are different.

Note: Dear Family and Friends, this is, in no way, a reverse psychology plea for you to set me up with What Not to Wear. I would, in fact, be most displeased to find myself in that situation, especially with the secret filming and all. If you want to get me on a TLC show, please get me on Miami Ink. That really is much more my style.