This morning, about 6:30 am, I was awoken from my sleep by the doorbell ringing. At least, I thought it might have rung. It was hard to determine whether it was real or part of the dream that I was having. Or both. I don’t wake up well, and I usually incorporate any interruptions into my dream, so as to avoid waking up at all.
So, naturally I ignored it and snuggled down in my covers and went back to sleep.
At about 6:45 it rang again, twice, followed by loud door knocking. This time, I knew it was real. And I knew who it was. Anyway in my family, who needed me in an emergency, would have called me from the driveway if I did not wake up to the doorbell. In fact, they’d probably call first. And they would have kept ringing and ringing and ringing. They know how I am in the morning. This was not family or friend. This was the door bell stylings of someone who has come to serve papers. I was familiar with the pattern.
Just last week I ignored several attempts to serve papers. Just for the fun of it. Several years back, someone stole my stepfather’s identity. They used the same last name, and a first name so close to his, it’s only one letter off. A police report was filed, my s-dad had an attorney, anyone trying to collect a debt is supposed to contact the police, blah blah blah. But they still send stuff in the mail. And they still try calling. And they come to the door. Asking if I am my mother. Who is divorced from my s-dad anyway.
So I ignored this guy. And I was pissed. When he started up at 7:00, I got angry enough to get up, get a robe, and open the door.
“Sorry to have woken you…” he said.
“YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON’T THINK YOU ARE!!!” I yelled.
“I’m persistent”
“YOU are RUDE! Are those papers for [name the fake used]?”
I was ready to tell him that no such person existed, laugh maniacally and slam the door. But it turns out the papers were for me.
“Oh, well, I’ll accept those”
Then I slammed the door.
I suppose I should be grateful. A: I was trying to find out who owned my delinquent debt so I could pay it off, and now I know. Also, I forgot to change my alarm back to my normal wake-up time and would have overslept. But I am not grateful. And he is very lucky I did not suck out his soul, put it in a mason jar and store it in the china hutch I inherited from my grandma, along with all the other souls of those who had dared to interrupt my sleep for no good reason.
I just didn’t have a jar handy.
What do you nose when you don’t have any water or another beverage to shoot out of your nose? Because whatever the substance, or lack thereof, I nosed some upon reading your last sentence. Thank god for that guy you were jarless.
Bloody Hell! Any notions I had of knocking on your door have beat a hasty retreat. Sheesh, even Buffy is less aggressive with the demons that come calling. I suspect you will forever more be typecast as scary spice.
The basic rule of avoiding clutter is that when you bring something new into the collection, you must let something else go to make room for the new one.
Do you really want to let the soul of the Amway guy go? No, of course you don’t. His little Dutch fanny is as good as a free pass into heaven!
Bwahahahahahaha! I love you, Thomas!
Those people come to your DOOR? Don’t they know that they’re supposed to call your house every 5 minutes, and leave msg after msg for you to ignore? Sheesh, what is the world of collections coming to?
Well, this isn’t a collections guy, he was serving LEGAL papers. Meaning, an attorney is handling this. And wants me to appear in court. What is so funny about this is, I have the money for them, I couldn’t figure out where to send it! Who held the debt!
Now I know. Hopefully my Money Man will tell me I don’t actually have to go to the courthouse. We’ll see. I’m not worried. I’d worry if I didn’t have the money.
So continues my rocky journey from financially fucked up to fiscally responsible.
Well, what I can’t figure is when you got all fiscally responsible, I’ve hunted through the archives and can’t find any mention of a sugar daddy.
you know…. you only NEED one kidney.
perry-you didn’t hear about all the little jodi’s running around??
egg donation=cash cow
hahahahhaha
OK, now I am really worried as I just got back from Drink Jack’s place and he is boasting about having two kidneys.
This is either a bad case of synchronicity or you did it, didn’t you jodi? Did you tell Drink Jack where and how that kidney’s been used? I hope so and I hope you were honest, you can’t really afford to add fraud to your legal run-ins.
LOL – Jodi and I are on some kind of cosmic kidney bus.