Believe me, I am not stalling on Satan’s Bookclub. One piece is kicking my ass. I thought it would be no big deal, I thought I would just search around on the internet and find out how to make the sidebars extend all the way down to the bottom of the page. But NO!! It’s just never that easy, is it?
Sigh. So, don’t think I am just hanging out, chatting with Dr. Stevil while he drinks tequila and watches American Idol. That’s ridiculous!
Last night, Tessa, Dr. Stevil, KK , her b.f., Cheasy, and I went to see Sin City at the the Cinerama. But before we did, we went to Mama’s Mexican Kitchen, for food – yes, but mostly for margaritas. Now, I don’t drink often. I don’t like wine or beer. [technically I am allergic to beer.] And I never ever drink and drive. Since I’m always driving, I rarely drink. But I wasn’t driving last night. Steve drove us downtown, and we walked from the cinema to Mama’s. So I had a margarita. One is really all it takes with me. I’m a cheap date. One margarita for me, put me on par with those who had had at least two.
Consequently, everything was very very funny last night. Tessa, in particular thought I was hysterical. I thought I was hysterical. The concessions guy thought I was kinda funny, but I think he was enjoying Tessa’s reaction to me more.
Me: Stevil, go ahead and get us some seats, Tessa owes me a drink.
Dr. Stevil: where do you want to sit?
Me: uhhhhh…. I don’t care…. facing the screen!
Tessa: facing the screen! bwahahahaaa!
Me: well, what was I supposed to say? “Seat 209, please?”
So Tessa and I found the entire evening to be extremely funny. The seats in the Cinerama rock back and forth. In order to prevent anyone from sitting in front of her, or behind her, Tessa would rock back and forth spasmodically, whenever anyone approached. See? Funny! Even sober I would have laughed at that. The movie had extreme stylized violence and it was uproariously funny. Actually, the movie was very noir and full of dry wit, we would have enjoyed it without the alcohol.
But the best part of the evening came after the movie, with Tessa, in the women’s restroom. She walked up to the sink, hit the soap pump and squealed.
Me: what happened?
Tessa: I hit the soap and it shot me square in the face.
Me, laughing hysterically: And I didn’t even arrange to have that happen! It’s like a gift to me!
Tessa: I got a money shot! It gave me a money shot!
Me currently unable to speak coherently.
Tessa: I feel like a porn star.
Me: I’m so blogging you on this one.
I don’t know if you’ve had enough time to recover from the news that I worked outside this weekend. It might be too soon for me to tell you this, but… brace yourself. I’ve signed up for an exercise class. I know I know! It’s shocking. It’s only one day a week. Here at work. A stability ball class. I think you try to balance of big balls and maybe not fall off. As you can probably guess, I’m not going to be very skilled at it.
Crap! I have a meeting! Damn DLS time!!
I was just sitting in the living room, watching the Incredibles with my stepdad, I’m pretty sure there were spiders in there. I could hear them. The poison is creeping through my body.. I can feel it… I should probably lie still.
I regret to inform you that, therefore, I’m fairly certain I will not be able to go to work tomorrow.
*flop*
Remember the time I was freaking myself out, reading about poisonous snakes? Well, I just spent about twenty minutes reading about poisonous spiders. I’m not afraid of snakes, but I am afraid of spiders. I tried to convince myself I wasn’t, but it didn’t work. And now, it never will because I was reading about the Hobo Spider, which is also known as THE AGGRESSIVE HOUSE SPIDER!! [don’t look to that website for the truth about spiders, it’s one of those ZOO websites. They always take the side of the animal] You know, people used to laugh at me, when i told them that spiders would jump straight for your neck, if you got too close. But look at that! That spider is so aggressive, they named it aggressive!! It’s bite can rot your flesh. People used to blame it’s evil demonic bite on the brown recluse spider. Guess where the hobo spider lives, when it’s here in the United States. Go on… guess! That’s right, Seattle. There is probably an aggressive house spider living at the foot of my bed right now. it’s going to eat my toes.
Arifa says they only live in the houses of bad people. That’s probably true, right? Uff da.
Serious bonus points for today’s title.
Not that I am planning on moving or anything.
Gov. Rod Blagojevich approved an emergency rule Friday requiring pharmacies to fill birth control prescriptions quickly after a Chicago pharmacist refused to fill an order because of moral opposition to the drug.
Link from This is Not Over.
Cost of postcard postage to Canada – 50 cents. Entertainment derived from anonymously sending a complete stranger a postcard pretending to be a squirrel? Priceless. I have no idea why I do some of the things I do, believe me. But given the fact that I’ve done it, how weird is it that DrinkJack sent me a picture of a squirrel?
Ok, I did something today that I think may shock some of you. I apologize in advance. I don’t want to upset you. But, after I came back from running an errand this afternoon, I… well… you see…. I WORKED OUTSIDE IN THE YARD! shhhh… don’t be scared. It was freaky for me too. Actually, it was not so much the yard as the driveway. Over the past week we’ve had a lot of rain and wind storms. My driveway was covered in twigs, branches, needles and pine cones. Today was really the first day without rain, so I swept the driveway. It’s not a huge driveway, but it does curve to the side so it’s larger than one of those regular driveways. Normally, Ron uses a leaf blower to clean off the driveway. But it needs servicing. It’s got no blow, right now. Only Ron is patient enough to use it. I just wanted to clear off the driveway, not eat off it. So I used a large broom. I did it by hand!
Afterwards I was totally done in, so I had to come inside and read books. Speaking of which, I got a package in the mail today, well, yesterday actually, from England. Yes! How exotic. Elle sent me a book about Lord Byron. Except, in this book, Lord Byron is Vampire!! Oooooo… she knows how I love a good vampire story. Why shouldn’t Lord Byron be a vampire? It fits. And the book has the price in pounds on it! Trés European.
Stupid daylight savings time starts tonight. I hate losing an hour. Anything that deprives me of precious weekend time or sleeping time is not okay.
hey kids. Just spoke to my little brother, he’s doing great! I can’t believe how well he’s doing. What a lucky boy. First, for having me as a sister. And then second for that whole doing great after having a truck smash into his fragile vegan bones and knock him out of the crosswalk, down the street and through the door of a 7-11. But mostly for having me as his sister. Speaking of 7-11… a slurpee sounds good right about now.
So, I’m just working on Marie’s blog redesign and SBC and listening to Shake the Shack on KEXP. I wish I wish I wish that their stream fed the title and artist to iTunes. So I could hit the little iTunes button in Ecto and let you know I am listening to Girls On Dope by Sonoramic Commando. Man, I love Shake the Shack.
Anyway, yes, working on websites. So feel free to come bug me online if you are around. If you hurry, you can head over to KEXP and listen to Little Ramona (Gone Hillbilly Nuts) by BR5-49. Or just go listen to one of the archived shows.
Now send me funny things. I need funny things.
Intruder by the Surfcoasters
Today was a different kind of day for me. I feel like my emotions have been turned up high the last week. And today was a veritable potpourri of feelings. Most of which I shall keep to myself. But some of them you are going to have to hear about, mes pommes de terre d’Internet. But first, I want to clarify a few things.
Oh, and Matt from DC is totally in love with me. I discovered that chatting with him last night. it’s not surprising, really. We have some shockingly similar traits. We are both funny, we both like macs and hate pc’s, we both prefer bookstores to smokey bars. But it’s not meant to be. He’s east coast Washington, I’m west coast. He’s got a bird, I’ve got a cat. He’s mountain dew and I’m Dr Pepper. He likes to be active and exercise, I like to take naps. He wants children, and I still behave as tho I were a child myself. Not to mention he is young and studying to be a lawyer and I’m old enough to be his babysitter! It’s probably pretty natural to have a crush on your babysitter. Do little boys grow up thinking fondly of their babysitters? Not me, they didn’t.
“Ok, maggots, it’s time to go to bed.”
“But mommy says that we don’t have to go to bed until the clock on the microwave says eight, three, oh. See, it doesn’t say that. That’s a seven and that’s a five…”
“I know I know! But see, the microwave is messed up. Yeah, I messed it up when I was heating up the pizza. Here, I’ll fix it. See? eight, three, oh.”
“But we don’t want to go to bed yet, we want to stay up and watch movies with you!”
“I know, sweetie, and as much as I’d like to watch Jungle Book for the 4th time tonight, I have to study. Believe me, I don’t want to study. I would rather watch movies with you.”
“What is that you are studying?”
“Errrr… history. I have to read this book tonight and find out if this guy here, he’s Rafe Sterling, the King of the … Pi-RA-tes. Yes, King of the Pirates. I need to find out if he ever wins the battle against this woman here, the cold and icy Princess Melody. Currently a resident of Prudytown on the Virgin Islands. But not for long. Now come on… head upstairs before I break out my Mad Babysitter voice!”
and look who’s number one!
and I don’t even know how to knit! I’m so proud. How disappointed people will be, if they come looking for a pattern. I’m sorry knitters! I didn’t mean any harm!
Distracted I was from finishing up Satan’s Bookclub. Intending I am to get it up on April 1st. Thinking I was that it would be 12:01 am, but realizing I am that it will be later in the day. I’m still looking for something I want to put up there. Don’t know why I started talking like yoda. The first sentence just came out that way and I went with it.
Pru’s freaking out, I’m going to go chase her with q-tips. Before I go, an ironic quote from Evildeb today:
“I’m going to put my headphones on!! You guys are so annoying with your talking!”
Now everyone leave me happy, positive comments and explain to me why I feel the need to document every tiny insignificant piece of crap in my life online? And I mean crap in a good way, but sometimes I wonder about me. You know?
